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Is Face-Sitting the Most Empowering Way to Try Oral Sex?


When it comes to receiving oral sex, many women’s default position is to get on their backs. And there’s a lot to be said for that: You can relax and let your partner worry about what to do. But there’s also a lot to be said for receiving oral on top, AKA face-sitting.

For one thing, it puts you in complete control, and some women find that it also provides a better angle. “It gives your partner full access to what is the most erogenous zone and most essential area to be stimulated for orgasm to occur: your external vulva, including your clitoris,” explains Laurie Mintz, sex therapist and author of Becoming Cliterate. “Many find this a totally empowering position, since the focus is all, 100 percent on your pleasure.”

If straddling your partner’s face sounds intimidating, we get it. If you’ve never tried face-sitting, it can feel incredibly vulnerable. Here’s how to try it without feeling totally out of your comfort zone.

Ask your partner

If the idea of receiving oral sex on top intrigues you, Mintz recommends telling your partner something straightforward like, “I love when you go down on me and I’d like to try this in a new position—with me sitting on your face. Are you game for trying?” If your partner hasn’t gone down on you before, you could tell them that you’d like to try both positions, says Mintz.

Put your weight on your knees

Now that you’re both in, time for the logistics. The first hurdle is figuring out how to get into position. Mintz recommends the following process: First, straddle your partner’s chest with your knees on the bed, scooting forward until their head is between your thighs, and spreading them until your partner’s mouth can reach you.

“It’s called face ‘sitting,’ but you’re really kneeling,” says sex therapist Vanessa Marin, creator of the online orgasm course Finishing School. It’s actually pretty comfortable once you get the hang of it. “You want to hold your weight in your knees rather than resting your weight on your partner’s face,” Marin says.

Support yourself

To make balancing easier, Marin recommends having your partner lay down near the head of the bed and putting your hands on the headboard or wall for more support. That way, you won’t be worrying about keeping your balance and can instead focus all of your attention on your pleasure.

Change up the pressure

The nice thing about receiving oral sex on top is that, much like any position that puts you on top, you can control the pressure by moving closer or further away from your partner, says Marin. Lower or raise your body when you want to experience more or less sensation.

Try having your partner hold still

If you want complete control, you can ask your partner to stay still with their tongue out while you experiment with different motions. Marin recommends slowly grinding your hips back and forth or around in circles over their face.

Try holding still yourself

Alternatively, if you want the feeling of being in control while still having your partner do all the work, you can just sit there and relax, says Jess O’Reilly, Astroglide’s resident sexologist. “The seated partner can stay still and allow the supine partner to use their lips, tongue, face, fingertips, and hands to kiss, fondle, lick, slide, and rub,” she says.

Consider a partially seated position

If full-on face-sitting freaks you out, you can try one of these intermediate positions, says O’Reilly: Have your partner lie down near the edge of the bed and put one foot on the bed and one on the ground, or get on all fours with your crotch near their mouth and face away from them. “You can slowly lower yourself into their face and enjoy the sensation without fully sitting,” she says.

Create a signal

One worry some people have about face-sitting is that they could squish their partner’s face, says Mintz. This is pretty unlikely to happen, since you can hold yourself up with your thighs. But if you’re concerned about it, you can create a signal for your partner to communicate when they need a break, like tapping your thigh or butt. A signal like this can be useful to communicate in general since your partner’s mouth may be, er, busy.

Experiment with different positions

Just as there is more than one way to receive oral sex, there’s more than one way to face-sit. Mintz recommends experimenting with facing away from your partner as well as facing toward them and seeing which you like best.

Know your partner is loving it too

The idea of being on display in this way might make some people uneasy, but chances are your partner is enjoying it. “Know that this is an extremely sexy position that your partner is bound to love,” says Marin. “But you can ease into it by dimming the lights or lighting candles. Or try blindfolding your partner and moving your body closer to or away from their mouth.” But, as with any sexual encounter, don’t assume—communicate with your partner regularly and openly to ensure you’re both enjoying yourselves.

All that said, if getting oral sex on top does not appeal to you—or you try it and aren’t a fan—no need to do it. “Most sex therapists recommend that one try new things and stretch one’s sexual boundaries—but never do anything that is aversive,” says Mintz. “If the idea sounds completely aversive, then don’t do it. If it sounds a bit scary but doable, give it a try. You might love it.”



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Buying My First Vibrator Was The Most Empowering Thing I’ve Ever Done


Until recently I was among the percentage of individuals who believed that, to experience a mind-blowing orgasm, one needed a partner. Then I bought my first vibrator.

The idea of purchasing a sex toy occurred to me when I began brainstorming methods to spice up my three-year relationship with my boyfriend at the time. Our sex life had been fulfilling, but lately it felt as if we had entered into an alternate sexless universe void of any creativity or zest. I wanted to breathe new life into our bedroom and return to a state of mutual passion and excitement.

As a sex-toy virgin, I wasn’t sure where to begin; I was overwhelmed by the sheer variety of vibrators on the market. A plethora of shapes, sizes, and colors awaited me online, all promising swift transportation to a magical realm of pleasure. Eventually, after hours of rigorous analysis, I settled on the Ina 2 Rabbit from Lelo. I chose it primarily because of the rave reviews, but also because of the clitoral and G-spot stimulation it promised. The moment I finalized my purchase, I got an instant rush of excitement. This small purple silicone device was going to be the ammo that sparked animation back into our sex life. I was certain of it.

Unfortunately, three days before my new vibrator arrived in the mail, my boyfriend and I got into an explosive argument and called our relationship quits. I guess some problems are so big even the promise of really good sex can’t fix them. When the package finally arrived on my doorstep, I wasn’t excited. I was angry, frustrated, hurt, and sad—the emotions washed over me like a wave.

But the crying eventually subsided, and in its place, a new feeling: curiosity.

My new vibrator was patiently waiting inside its matte black box. When I opened it, I was met with a surge of hope—and another familiar feeling further south. At first I was nervous. All I really knew was penile penetration. How would the soft purple nubs of the Rabbit compare? Would it feel the same? Would I be able to achieve an actual orgasm? Would I turn into Charlotte York, becoming insatiably addicted to the toy and locking myself in my apartment for days?

There was only one way to find out. So I took the plunge.

I’m not going to lie, using a vibrator for the first time took a bit of getting used to. But after playing with the settings and figuring out which vibration mode I preferred, I was able to find that sweet spot. When I had my first orgasm with the vibrator, it was one of the most gratifying sensations: Suddenly gone were the crappy one-night stands and wondering when my next orgasm would occur. Not only was I able to reach an earth-shattering climax that lasted for what felt like an hour, but I was able to engineer that orgasm without the assistance of a man. There is something deliciously satisfying in taking control of my own pleasure and being able to experience a toe-curling orgasm whenever I want.

I realize a sex toy can’t replace the intimacy you experience with another person in the room. But enjoying partnered sex doesn’t mean sacrificing pleasure merely because you’re alone—I enjoy masturbating with my vibrator and sex with an actual partner. Sometimes it’s healthy to step back and explore what real pleasure means to you.

Since purchasing my vibrator, I’ve never felt more empowered. In the beginning of this breakup, I honestly felt lost. I thought it would take a while before I experienced genuine, heart-racing pleasure. But thanks to a little battery-operated device, I’m able to have incredible sex with someone I truly love, respect, and admire. How many individuals can say the same?

Sandra Rose Salathe is a writer and die-hard feminist residing in Washington, D.C.



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Ariana Grande's 'God Is a Woman' Video Is an Incredible Manifesto for Empowering Female Sexuality


There are going to be plenty of people who don’t understand Ariana Grande‘s just-dropped “God Is a Woman” video—and not because they don’t know what to make of those screaming animatronic marmots that pop up halfway through.

They won’t understand it because they don’t understand Ariana Grande, or anyone else who doesn’t fit neatly into their antiquated mold of what a woman should be. They give us two options—virgin or whore—and that dichotomy can be an especially difficult one to defy when you laid the groundwork for your career at a super-young age. But Grande, who has always been an outspoken feminist and refused to be defined by her sexuality, rejects the notion that women can only be one thing, that feminine sensuality and divinity can’t go hand in hand.

When she posted a lengthy statement rejecting double standards and gender discrimination in 2015, she closed it with a Gloria Steinem quote that feels particularly relevant to “God Is a Woman”: “Any woman who chooses to behave like a full human being should be warned that the armies of the status quo will treat her as something of a dirty joke… She will need her sisterhood.”

On its own, “God Is a Woman” is ultimately a song about sex. Its central concept is a straightforward and empowering one: “You love it how I move you/you love it how I touch you/My one, when all is said and done/You’ll believe God is a woman.” Grande also advocates for equality in the bedroom—something that shouldn’t feel radical in the year 2018, but still is in a culture that continues to shame women for enjoying sex and discourages them from speaking about their desires. Case in point: the Sweetener track, with lines like, “And I can tell that you know I know how I want it/Ain’t nobody else can relate/Boy, I like that you ain’t afraid/Baby, lay me down and let’s pray/I’m tellin’ you the way I like it, how I want it.”

The video takes these themes and adds some religious iconography to drive home the point that there is power in female sexuality. It opens with Grande at the center of the universe—literally and figuratively—as some sort of enormous godlike figure, hula-hooping the galaxy that surrounds her. Later, she’s naked and partially submerged in a pool of pink and purple paint that looks suspiciously like a giant vulva. She dances inside the flame of a candle and is worshipped by a choir dressed in all-white robes. At one point, she sits on top of the world, fingering the eye of a hurricane.

Some of it is not at all subtle, like the all-female recreation of Michelangelo’s “The Creation of Adam” that closes the video and replaces Adam with Eve and God with Grande, or the Mother Earth imagery when Grande descends a mountain and strokes her growing, animated belly like some sort of fertility goddess (which has, of course, led to feverish speculation online that she’s pregnant—sigh). Some of it is more open to interpretation: Is the three-headed dog behind her supposed to be Cerberus, the ravenous creature who guards the underworld in Greek mythology? Or is it Fluffy, the character who guards the Sorcerer’s Stone in Harry Potter (of which Grande is a noted superfan)?

At first glance, it may seem like the tiny men below her in one shot are propping her up—blasphemy!—but look closer, and it’s apparent that she’s nursing them, a nod to Romulus and Remus of Roman mythology, often depicted as suckling at the teat of the she-wolf that raised them. When she walks a tightrope against an all-pink backdrop, it’s easy to assume she’s carrying balloons as she toes whatever fine lines society has laid out for her, but watch carefully and you’ll see she’s actually holding a cluster of planets. Our girl’s got the universe in her hands.

The video’s most striking image, however, features a spoken-word assist from none other than Madonna (who better to help dismantle the madonna-whore complex than the woman behind “Like a Prayer”?). It comes as Grande—dressed for battle in gloves that read “POWER” and a helmet with her trademark ears—mouths the pop icon’s reading of Ezekiel 25:17, the verse made famous by Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction, replacing “brothers” with “sisters”: “And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my sisters. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you.”

She then flings an oversized gavel (justice!) and shatters a literal glass ceiling, revealing an enormous pair of outstretched female legs. She poses in front of the heavenly rays beaming from the giant, shimmering crotch. Grande tweeted a clip of the scene yesterday, writing, “To my fellow goddesses who work their asses off every day to ‘break the glass ceiling,’ this is for you. I respect u and am endlessly inspired by u. pls continue to fuck it up, to be yourself unapologetically & always know how celebrated u are. hope this can be ya anthem.”

“God Is a Woman” is an anthem: for female sexuality, for knowing what you want and not being afraid to ask for it, for knowing your own worth, for recognizing that women can be powerful and spiritual and horny and whatever the hell else they want to be, all at once. Grande knows that there will be people who don’t get it, and she’s not particularly concerned with them. At one point in the video, she sits unbothered as small men hurl words like “bitch,” “fake” and “annoying” at her. They bounce right off of her, and she doesn’t even look at them. And that alone is enough to make “God Is a Woman” an anthem worth worshipping.

Watch it below:

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Millie Bobby Brown's Take on Shaving Her Head for 'Stranger Things' Is Incredibly Empowering


For most of us, a new job might mean a new wardrobe and first-day haircut; however, actors are often signing on for much bigger changes. Case in point: Millie Bobby Brown, who plays Stranger Things‘ Eleven. Back on the first season of the show, she introduced herself to the audience with a totally shaved head—a bold look, especially for a then-12-year-old. As it turns out, the change marked a big moment for her as well: Brown recently shared a video of getting her head shaved at the start of filming with a caption explaining just what it meant to her.

In the clip, we see her looking a little wary at first—and then incredibly excited once she glimpses the final result. It’s clear the excitement stuck: Brown captioned the video with a message about how shaving her head was actually really empowering—an incredibly self-assured stance for a preteen to have after drastically changing what so many people consider to be an integral part of their identity.

“The day I shaved my head was the most empowering moment of my whole life,” she wrote. “The last strand of hair cut off was the moment my whole face was on show and I couldn’t hide behind my hair like I used to. The only image I had in my head about what I could possibly look like is Charlize Theron in Madmax. As I looked at myself and couldn’t see my old self, I realized that now; I have a job to do and that is to inspire other girls that your image or exterior part is not what I think is important. What I find important is caring, loving and inspiring other girls. Thought to share my thoughts during this life changing moment. ?”

She also alluded to this back in July 2016—right after Stranger Things first premiered. When it came to the decision of whether or not to shave her head, she told Glamour.com, “I thought to help and inspire people that it’s OK to have short hair, and it’s cool. Society tells us nowadays that it’s not cool to have short hair [because] boys have short hair, and girls have long hair—and, you know, I thought, ‘Why not be different and not have the blue eyes, the long blond hair?’… I wanted to also show my dedication to this project because I loved the script. I love my character. Hearing that Winona [Ryder] and such a great cast was involved with this, I thought, ‘I have to do it.'”

For women especially, hair is an external signifier that traditionally reflects both social and cultural norms, as well as even more personal parts of our identity. But going without it seemed to prove one thing for Brown: It’s what’s inside Eleven—and all of us—that empowers us the most.

Related Stories:
–These Photos Prove the ‘Stranger Things’ Cast Had the Best Time at the Golden Globes
–Here’s Everything We Know (So Far) About ‘Stranger Things’ Season 3
–Millie Bobby Brown and Khloé Kardashian Just Had a Love-Fest on Twitter



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Oprah Winfrey Accepts Cecil B. DeMille Award at 2018 Golden Globe Awards With Empowering Speech


During a night full of inspiring moments at the Golden Globes—nearly every star wore black and made statements in support of the Time’s Up and #MeToo movements—Oprah Winfrey stole the show with perhaps the most empowering speech of the night. Winfrey was the first black woman to be given the Cecil B. DeMille Award, which honors “outstanding contributions to the world of entertainment,” in its 66-year history.

Before Winfrey accepted the award, her A Wrinkle in Time costar Reese Witherspoon celebrated her many (many) achievements. Besides being a giver of life-changing hugs, which Witherspoon called “the best thing ever,” Winfrey, 63, was nominated for Golden Globe and Academy Awards for her role in 1985’s The Color Purple, won more than a dozen Daytime Emmy and NAACP Image Awards for her long-running talk show, and was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom by President Barack Obama in 2013. She’s also donated hundreds of millions of dollars to education-related charities, including her own Oprah’s Angel Network, and the Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy for Girls, the school she opened in Johannesburg, South Africa, in 2007.

Read Oprah’s goosebumps-inducing speech—which left many in the audience in tears and received several standing ovations—in full:

“In 1964, I was a little girl sitting on the linoleum floor of my mother’s house in Milwaukee watching Anne Bancroft present the Oscar for Best Actor at the 36th Academy Awards. She opened the envelope and said five words that literally made history: “The winner is Sidney Poitier.” Up to the stage came the most elegant man I ever remembered. His tie was white, his skin was black—and he was being celebrated. I’d never seen a black man being celebrated like that. I tried many, many times to explain what a moment like that means to a little girl, a kid watching from the cheap seats, as my mom came through the door, bone tired from cleaning other people’s houses. But all I can do is quote and say that the explanation in Sidney’s performance in Lilies of the Field: ‘Amen, amen. Amen, amen.’ In 1982, Sidney received the Cecil B. DeMille Award right here at the Golden Globes, and it is not lost on me that at this moment, there are some little girls watching as I become the first black woman to be given this same award.

“It is an honor—it is an honor and it is a privilege to share the evening with all of them, and also with the incredible men and women who have inspired me, who challenged me, who sustained me and made my journey to this stage possible. Dennis Swanson who took a chance on me for A.M. Chicago, saw me on the show and said to Steven Spielberg, she’s Sophia in The Color Purple. Gayle, who’s been a friend, and Stedman, who’s been my rock. I want to thank the Hollywood Foreign Press Association. We know the press is under siege these days. We also know it’s the insatiable dedication to uncovering the absolute truth that keeps us from turning a blind eye to corruption and to injustice. To tyrants and victims, and secrets and lies. I want to say that I value the press more than ever before, as we try to navigate these complicated times, which brings me to this.

“What I know for sure is that speaking your truth is the most powerful tool we all have. And I’m especially proud and inspired by all the women who have felt strong enough and empowered enough to speak up and share their personal stories. Each of us in this room are celebrated because of the stories that we tell, and this year we became the story. But it’s not just a story affecting the entertainment industry. It’s one that transcends any culture, geography, race, religion, politics, or workplace. So, I want tonight to express gratitude to all the women who have endured years of abuse and assault because they, like my mother, had children to feed and bills to pay and dreams to pursue. They’re the women whose names we’ll never know. They are domestic workers and farm workers. They are working in factories and they work in restaurants and they’re in academia, engineering, medicine, and science. They’re part of the world of tech and politics and business. They’re our athletes in the Olympics and they’re our soldiers in the military.

“There’s someone else: Recy Taylor. A name I know and I think you should know, too. In 1944, Recy Taylor was a young wife and mother walking home from a church service she’d attended in Abbeville, Alabama, when she was abducted by six armed white men, raped, and left blindfolded by the side of the road coming home from church. They threatened to kill her if she ever told anyone, but her story was reported to the NAACP, where a young worker by the name of Rosa Parks became the lead investigator on her case, and together they sought justice. But justice wasn’t an option in the era of Jim Crow. The men who tried to destroy her were never persecuted. Recy Taylor died ten days ago, just shy of her 98th birthday. She lived as we all have lived, too many years in a culture broken by brutally powerful men.

“For too long, women have not been heard or believed if they dare speak the truth to the power of those men. But their time is up. Their time is up. Their time is up. And I just hope—I just hope that Recy Taylor died knowing that her truth, like the truth of so many other women who were tormented in those years, and even now tormented, goes marching on. It was somewhere in Rosa Parks’s heart almost 11 years later, when she made the decision to stay seated on that bus in Montgomery, and it’s here with every woman who chooses to say, ‘Me too.’ And every man—every man who chooses to listen. In my career, what I’ve always tried my best to do, whether on television or through film, is to say something about how men and women really behave. To say how we experience shame, how we love and how we rage, how we fail, how we retreat, persevere, and how we overcome. I’ve interviewed and portrayed people who’ve withstood some of the ugliest things life can throw at you, but the one quality all of them seem to share is an ability to maintain hope for a brighter morning, even during our darkest nights.

“So I want all the girls watching here, now, to know that a new day is on the horizon! And when that new day finally dawns, it will be because of a lot of magnificent women, many of whom are right here in this room tonight, and some pretty phenomenal men, fighting hard to make sure that they become the leaders who take us to the time when nobody ever has to say ‘me too’ again. Thank you.”

Related: Nicole Kidman’s Golden Globes Speech Was All About the ‘Power of Women’





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Gina Rodriguez Is Producing a New Show About an Empowering, Secret Women's Social Media Group


Jane the Virgin star Gina Rodriguez is a fierce advocate for women: among other efforts, she’s spoken out against the pay gap and and encouraged women to own their sexuality. And as a dynamic leader in a male-dominated entertainment world, she’s using her power to bring a new female-driven drama to television—and to be honest, it sounds amazing.

The series, potentially titled Femme, “follows four millennial women from different walks of life who become unlikely friends and fierce allies after meeting online in a secret feminist social media group,” according to Variety. “They form a sisterhood army in the real world to support each other through both serious and humorous crises and to help other women in need.”

Sisterhood army? We can get behind that. It’s timely, too, considering women have been using social media more than ever as a platform to speak out about feminist issues, like the fight against sexual harassment and assault.

Rodriguez and her production company will executive-produce the show for the CW as part of Rodriguez’s deal with CBS. To make the news even better, two writers from the smart, hilarious show Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, will write and produce the show. (Their other credits include Cougar Town and One Tree Hill, so yeah, this is set up to be SO good.)

Lest we think that’s Rodriguez’s only project, she currently has two other shows in the works with CBS and the CW: She’s producing a drama called Have Mercy, which follows a Latina doctor who immigrates to Miami and can no longer practice, so she opens clinic in her apartment to help the community. The other is a dramedy called Illegal, based on the life of co-executive producer and writer Rafael Agustin. The show is about an American high school student who finds out he is undocumented. And, in April, Rodriguez was also confirmed to be working with Netflix to voice the title character of the 1990s classic reboot of Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego?.

It looks like we’re about to see a whole lot coming from Rodriguez as she works to give more opportunities to female writers, producers, and actresses—and we are so here for all of it.

Related Stories:
–‘Crazy Ex-Girlfriend’ Nails What It’s Like to Be a Woman in This World
–‘The Good Fight’ Review: These Are the Kind of Strong, Real-World Female Characters We Need Right Now
–Michelle Rodriguez Doubles Down on Her Comments About ‘Fast and Furious’ Needing Better Female Characters



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