Tag: Vibrator

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How to Use A Vibrator, According to a Neuroscientist


No matter how often you use your vibrator, or on what setting, you aren’t going to permanently desensitize your genitals. That is a myth. What is more likely to happen is that you will find it easier over time to experience sexual pleasure.

Experiment with different parts of your body

The key to good sex, even with yourself, is savoring sensations rather than chasing the orgasm. Start slow. Set the scene. Make sure you will have privacy. Use the vibrator to stimulate various parts of the body and tune into the sensations.

The famous sexologists, Masters and Johnson, developed a simple, yet powerful exercise for couples called sensate focus to help them get out of their heads and into satisfying sexual experience by mutually exploring all body regions, not just genitals. Basically, it’s a set of instructions for one hell of a date night.

You don’t need to have a partner to do this kind of pleasurable exploring. I encourage clients to take a vibrator and literally to go from head to toe, applying vibration, or sensual touch, all over. Start with the scalp and work your way down, exploring under your arms, your upper and inner thighs, your lower belly, all the way down to the souls of your feet. Our “primary erogenous” zones—the genitals, lips, nipples—have tons of nerve endings which make them super sensitive, but we forget that our beautiful bodies come equipped with many other parts capable of giving us erotic delights. When you find out what works for you, you can create your own body “pleasure map” which can be shared with a partner to expand your erotic territory, exploring all areas of the body. Be adventurous—you never know where your own erogenous map may lie.

And don’t forget that the brain is the most powerful, sex organ of all. Here’s a great example from my lab: I published a study showing that using your mind to think about pleasurable genital stimulation (i.e. imagining being stimulated by a dildo) can powerfully activate pleasure places in the brain. Translation: When using a vibrator, focus on the sensations you are experiencing and ground them in your mind by staying present.

How to use a vibrator with a partner

If the idea of introducing your partner to your vibrator seems awkward, you’re certainly not alone. But take heart! Studies show that couples who communicate openly about their sex lives are generally happier than those who don’t.

Another recent study showed that women who use vibrators reported not only enhanced self-esteem but greater relationship satisfaction—providing that their partners were on board. A great way to do that is to include them in the selection of the vibrator and find a toy that’s fun for you both—there are vibrators specially designed for use with couples that can be worn during sex, or you can use your current vibrator to jump-start desire during foreplay, or apply your vibe to your clitoris during partnered sex.

The bottom line is that our willingness to take risks beyond our comfort zones to explore pleasure is key to creating ongoing sexual potential with our partners.

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Nan Wise, Ph.D. is AASECT certified sex therapist, neuroscientist, certified relationship expert, and author of Why Good Sex Matters: Understanding the Neuroscience of Pleasure for a Smarter, Happier, and More Purpose-Filled Life. Follow her @AskDoctorNan.





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This Vibrator Is the Ultimate Way to Destress


Okay, back to business. The vibe fits perfectly in the palm of my hand, not too big, not too small. Very ergonomic. (I’m using my fancy words now!)

When I turned it on, I could immediately tell that it was pretty strong, yet still quiet—no one wants to sound like they are getting jackhammered in the spasm chasm. Some vibrators I have owned sounded like that scene from Men in Tights where the Sheriff of Rottingham is trying to break into Maid Marian’s chastity belt. Before kids that’s not a huge issue but now, it’s definitely a no-go.

I quickly discovered that most of the power in this little baby is concentrated in the tip, which allows you to be precise with exactly where you want the pressure and vibration to hit the most. It’s shape and length allow it to press against pretty much your entire inner labia if you desire full coverage vibration, not just clit action.

This worked well with and without lube. I usually don’t use lube, but I’m doing this for science so I tried it both ways. Even when wet, it doesn’t slip much from your grip. (Which can happen with the non-silicone hard surface toys I’ve tried and is a real pain in the ass.)

Simplicity is definitely Maude’s best feature. With just three settings and one button, it’s not hard to switch it up quickly if you need to give your business a break so you can drag out an orgasm, or to ramp things up to hurry it along.

Its also fantastic to use with a partner. So many places you can stimulate! Along the shaft, the balls, nipples. Your head, shoulders knees and toes, knees and toes. (I don’t recommend eyes and ears and mouth and nose, however.)



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The Best Vibrator Is So Good One Amazon Reviewer Nearly Passed Out


Allow us to state the obvious: orgasms are amazing. They’re empowering, good for your brain, and deliver the kind of deep satisfaction that can only be found following a flood of feel-good hormones—with or without a partner. It’s no wonder the internet is perpetually in search of the best vibrator. And according to the most enthusiastic Amazon review you’ll ever read, one woman may have found it.

Back in April, an anonymous review of a friendly-looking bright purple vibrator was posted on Amazon. At under $50, the Tracy’s Dog Clitoral Sucking Vibrator was a bargain with some big claims: “revolutionary” suction technology, multiple vibration patterns to please the most sensitive nerve endings, a “slightly phallic tip.” Still, reviewer Express7976 wasn’t prepared. “Having read everyone’s reviews, I had high expectations, but with the price being under 50 dollars, I wasn’t exactly going to be shocked if it was mediocre,” she wrote. “A few friends of mine bought it recently, and told me of its power. I was warned to take the day off, hydrate, and above all do some stretches. I thought they were being such drama queens.”

Two days after ordering, the little purple vibrator arrived. “Opening the very discreet box, instructions say 2.5 hour charge time. Not too bad, I plug this lil bad boy in. While the kids are at school waiting for it to charge, killing time reading some erotica my friend and fellow queenie recommended because I don’t have time to screw around waiting to get into ‘the mood,'” the reviewer wrote. “I have to get the kids in a few hours and I need to be ready to go when this thing is done charging. Tik tok b!tch, tik tok. Welcome to motherhood.”

Anticipation building, she checked the little pink charging light every 10 minutes “like a crackhead waiting for his dealer” to see if the best vibrator on Amazon really lived up to it’s reputation. “After only and hour and a half [of charging], solid pink light. Game on.”

Here’s what happened next:

“I played with the settings on my hand to test this fine machinery out. The vibration for the g spot part is quite strong, I was impressed with with that even before use,” the review continues. “Next was suction. So many levels it was interesting to see the different patterns and strength. There are 10 levels for clitoral and 10 patterns for g spot. I’ve never used a clit suction type stimulator, so I have nothing to compare it to, but looked forward to it nonetheless. Time to solo party.

I found placement for the clit a bit low for my body shape, it took me a few min to get everything where it needed to be. That was a bit time consuming and slightly frustrating. But as with any new toy, it’s trial and error. I started the clit one on low, which I barely even felt. Unbeknownst to me it wasn’t lined up 100 percent. So, me being me, I decide to go from zero to 60 in 3.5. I hit the suction button setting to level 5 or 6 and hit the g spot button as well. And made a minor adjustment on suction placement.

At least I think that’s what happened, Because I’m pretty sure I blacked out.

My legs went straight out like those goats who faint when scared.

I never came so fast and so hard in my life. I squirted, I have NEVER DONE THAT. (Luckily I put a towel down cause I hate wet spots)

I frantically tried to turn it off, but ended up hitting the buttons like a maniac, sending to even stronger suction and now variant pulses from the g spot vibrator. And came, again. Im pretty sure I levitated. It was an unending orgasm. This time, my soul left me, and god himself said: “Child, it is not your time, go back to the lil pink light.” (Mind you, I’m agnostic.) I’m brought back into my earthly body after managing to pull it off me throwing it across my bed, it falls to the floor, still buzzing happily away.



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Buying My First Vibrator Was The Most Empowering Thing I’ve Ever Done


Until recently I was among the percentage of individuals who believed that, to experience a mind-blowing orgasm, one needed a partner. Then I bought my first vibrator.

The idea of purchasing a sex toy occurred to me when I began brainstorming methods to spice up my three-year relationship with my boyfriend at the time. Our sex life had been fulfilling, but lately it felt as if we had entered into an alternate sexless universe void of any creativity or zest. I wanted to breathe new life into our bedroom and return to a state of mutual passion and excitement.

As a sex-toy virgin, I wasn’t sure where to begin; I was overwhelmed by the sheer variety of vibrators on the market. A plethora of shapes, sizes, and colors awaited me online, all promising swift transportation to a magical realm of pleasure. Eventually, after hours of rigorous analysis, I settled on the Ina 2 Rabbit from Lelo. I chose it primarily because of the rave reviews, but also because of the clitoral and G-spot stimulation it promised. The moment I finalized my purchase, I got an instant rush of excitement. This small purple silicone device was going to be the ammo that sparked animation back into our sex life. I was certain of it.

Unfortunately, three days before my new vibrator arrived in the mail, my boyfriend and I got into an explosive argument and called our relationship quits. I guess some problems are so big even the promise of really good sex can’t fix them. When the package finally arrived on my doorstep, I wasn’t excited. I was angry, frustrated, hurt, and sad—the emotions washed over me like a wave.

But the crying eventually subsided, and in its place, a new feeling: curiosity.

My new vibrator was patiently waiting inside its matte black box. When I opened it, I was met with a surge of hope—and another familiar feeling further south. At first I was nervous. All I really knew was penile penetration. How would the soft purple nubs of the Rabbit compare? Would it feel the same? Would I be able to achieve an actual orgasm? Would I turn into Charlotte York, becoming insatiably addicted to the toy and locking myself in my apartment for days?

There was only one way to find out. So I took the plunge.

I’m not going to lie, using a vibrator for the first time took a bit of getting used to. But after playing with the settings and figuring out which vibration mode I preferred, I was able to find that sweet spot. When I had my first orgasm with the vibrator, it was one of the most gratifying sensations: Suddenly gone were the crappy one-night stands and wondering when my next orgasm would occur. Not only was I able to reach an earth-shattering climax that lasted for what felt like an hour, but I was able to engineer that orgasm without the assistance of a man. There is something deliciously satisfying in taking control of my own pleasure and being able to experience a toe-curling orgasm whenever I want.

I realize a sex toy can’t replace the intimacy you experience with another person in the room. But enjoying partnered sex doesn’t mean sacrificing pleasure merely because you’re alone—I enjoy masturbating with my vibrator and sex with an actual partner. Sometimes it’s healthy to step back and explore what real pleasure means to you.

Since purchasing my vibrator, I’ve never felt more empowered. In the beginning of this breakup, I honestly felt lost. I thought it would take a while before I experienced genuine, heart-racing pleasure. But thanks to a little battery-operated device, I’m able to have incredible sex with someone I truly love, respect, and admire. How many individuals can say the same?

Sandra Rose Salathe is a writer and die-hard feminist residing in Washington, D.C.



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We Tried That Wearable Vibrator You've Heard About—and It's Worth the Hype


If you read about sex toys at all, there’s a good chance you’ve at least seen the Vesper by Crave. It’s been around for a few years, and as a popular wearable vibrator, it’s long been admired for the fact that it’s pretty enough to hide its double-life as a sex toy. But why is it so recommended? Turns out, the answer has more to do with the “vibrator” aspect than the “wearable” one.

Sure, all orgasms are awesome, but let’s be real: Not all orgasms are glamorous. Getting off with a hookup in a bar bathroom might be fun, but it isn’t glamorous. The Vesper is (Fergie voice) G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S. Like, orgasming on an island while wearing eyelash extensions and fur-level glamorous. Available in silver, gold, and rose gold, the Vesper dangles around your neck as a beautiful, long necklace. Snuggled on its stem is a small, round button that turns the vibrator on. It’s surprisingly subtle, which means that, yes, you really can have it around your neck in public and the only people who will understand its true purpose are those in the know.

Is it appropriate for every occasion? That’s your call, since wearing a vibrating necklace to a family function would probably be a bold move. Still, orgasms provide stress relief, so you could sneak into the bathroom and quickly vibrate one out at your next anxiety-provoking social obligation, as opposed to drinking a bit too much champagne. (Or do both, no judgment.)

If wearing a vibrator out in public—even if only you know it’s a vibrator—makes you uncomfortable, simply wear it at home to feel fab, or keep it on during sex. But remember, if you are going to wear it as jewelry in public, now more than ever you should remember to clean your sex toys. It’s the considerate thing to do (in addition to being the safe thing).

PHOTO: Crave

See? Subtle.

Personally, one of my favorite ways to wear and use the Vesper is during partnered sex. Making love wearing nothing but a necklace is ultra-glam. Wearing a necklace that also gets you off? Even better. It vibrates at four speeds and two modes (pulsing and constant). It’s very small and thin, so it works best for focused clitoral contact or teasing someone. So many people with vaginas require clitoral stimulation to get off during penetrative sex (although, vaginas are not required, and I know people with penises who adore this sex toy), so adding a vibrator to partnered sex is never a bad idea. But sometimes you’re in the moment and might not want to get up and pull out your favorite toy from your underwear drawer, and positioning can often be the most difficult aspect of adding a toy to the mix when you’re in the Bone Zone. But the Vesper is too delicate to ever be awkward. If your vibrator is already around your neck, you’re good to go. And it’s just so pretty. Did I mention that the company will evenpersonally engrave it for you?

The first time I used the Vesper (I have the gold one) was during partnered sex, and I came like a goddess. I tried it again later while masturbating to porn. It was still beautiful and it still made me orgasm, but I almost felt bad that my teeny, chic gold necklace had to bear witness to pop-up ads. To me, the Vesper totally gives off a “light candles and fantasize about the one you love,” so I think I prefer bigger and clunkier vibrators for masturbation and the Vesper for romantic sex with bae. Fortunately, it’s small and subtle enough that you could slip it off your neck and press it against your clit during passionate sex with another person, or use it to celebrate being single after you just bought yourself roses. Gotta love versatility.

Vesper by Crave is available starting at $69 here.

More:
—The 2017 Glamour Sex Toy Awards

—The Best Sex Toy Gifts for the Women You Love

—This Flexible Sex Toy Will Give You an Orgasm in Lots of Different Ways



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This Cute Wearable Vibrator Is Great for BDSM Beginners


The most difficult part of adding a clitoral vibrator to penetrative sex is the positioning. Sure, the addition of a sex toy is dope and can make it easier to orgasm, but you lose a hand. That’s like running an obstacle course with your shoelaces tied! So I was excited when I heard about the Desire Luxury Butterfly Hands-Free Vibrator, ($100 from Lovehoney), which aims to solve this problem by attaching a cute purple, vibrating butterfly to a sexy black harness you can wear while boning. And after trying it, I can say that Lovehoney succeeded in creating an awesome product—just not in the way they necessarily intended.

Here’s the bad news first: The adjustable harness is indeed sexy, but it doesn’t really stay in place. I loved how mine looked, but the butterfly-shaped vibrator hovered about half an inch away from my clitoris no matter how tight I adjusted the straps. It’s not like a latex bodysuit that sticks to your body as a second skin. Even with those black straps, additional pressure is required to hit the right spot.

PHOTO: Lovehoney

Here’s how the vibe fits over your waist.

I wore it with my partner while on my tummy (the easiest position to use a vibrator during penetrative sex, IMO) and still needed to take my right hand and push the butterfly against me. So no matter how hot it is, don’t expect the harness to make your added-stimulation sex “hands-free.” Even when I was on top, the butterfly didn’t fly close enough to my clit to vibrate me to instant-orgasm. Added pressure was still necessary.

Now for the good news! If you’re using this with a partner, the hands-free feature is great if you want to put them in charge. The butterfly has a remote control which allows it to move in eight different vibration patterns at 12 different speeds (like a massage chair you’d sit in while getting a pedicure). Relax with the harness on and use your hand to push the vibrator closer to your body if you need to, but give your partner the remote. Do you like the rolling hill sensation? Sorry! Time to change the channel to rapid-fire pulsations. Are you getting close to coming? Bam! Throw in some orgasm denial and slow that thing down.

By the way, “orgasm denial” is a part of dominant and submissive play and is exactly what it sounds like. When done to penises, it’s usually referred to as “edging,” but the cruel build-up is hot for people with vaginas, too. After some solid rounds of orgasm denial, when you finally do orgasm, it can be out of this world.

Unfortunately, you can only turn the butterfly on and off by pressing a button on the vibrator itself; the remote just changes speeds and vibrations. (Unless I was totally using it wrong, but I couldn’t find an on/off button on the remove for the life of me). The famed couples toy line made by We-Vibe also allows your partner to control the vibrator as you wear it, and in a far more advanced manner. With We-Vibe, you can set the vibrators to the beat of your favorite song with their We-Connect app (and you can control it from anywhere in the world). Consider the butterfly a slightly less technological method of doing the same thing. Old school, baby!

PHOTO: Lovehoney

Cute!

In the end, I ripped the harness off my body and just held the butterfly against my clit like any old vibrator. I orgasmed, but I think I could have done that with my hand or a clitoral vibrator for a quarter of the price tag. Invest in this sex toy if you really like grinding against legs, love orgasm denial, or can just afford to collect all the sex toys in the world. If you’re just looking to increase orgasms, you might want to stick with a classic clitoral vibrator.

You can get the Lovehoney Desire Luxury Butterfly Hands-Free Vibrator for $100 here.

More Sex Toy Reviews:

—This Might Be the Best Vibrator I’ve Ever Used

—With This Warming Wand, Winter Won’t Be the Only Thing Coming

—This Flexible Vibrator Gives You Orgasms in Lots of Ways



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