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The Brutal Reality of Getting an Abortion During a Pandemic


Many states, such as Texas, require women to make two trips to a clinic to access medication abortion. “These restrictions are medically unnecessary all the time, but now put patients and providers at risk unnecessarily through additional and medically unnecessary face-to-face contact,” says Smith. That’s become another claim states are using in their fight to restrict abortions. “It is clear that Texas is using the COVID-19 pandemic as cover to further its goal of prohibiting abortion.”

There are glimmers of hope: federal judges in Alabama and Ohio recently blocked orders banning nonessential medical procedures from limiting abortion access during the coronavirus outbreak. However, these blocks are only temporary, with Ohio’s order lasting until April 13, giving women only a short timeframe to get the access they need. In the case of Texas, federal judges also tried blocking orders limiting abortion, but their efforts had been overturned by an appeals court as of March 31st.

Even for women who can access abortion care during the coronavirus outbreak, the procedure can be expensive. Like many health insurance providers, mine does not cover abortion, which forced me to shell out $550 of my paycheck. I’m privileged to be able to work from home during this time, but millions of women have lost their jobs, making the financial burden of an abortion too much to shoulder.

By many accounts, I faced the “best” possible situation: abortion clinics in my state were still operational, I was able to access a clinic while following social distancing guidelines, there were no mandatory waiting periods that forced me to visit more than once, and I remain employed with a steady stream of income.

Still, I can’t ignore the trauma I faced in order to get an abortion in the middle of a pandemic.

Like many women during the best of times, I had to call gynecologist after gynecologist to find someone who took my health insurance (a form of Medicaid that isn’t accepted by many doctors) and could squeeze me into their schedule as soon as possible. And when I finally found one who would see me, the whole process was put into hyper-speed since no one knew if the federal government would force clinics nationwide to shut down. There was no time to process what was going on. Some nurses seemed to treat me more as a walking germ to be cautiously handled than a patient. One turned to me and said, “I really wouldn’t want to be you right now.”

The comment stung, but in a way she was right: I really didn’t want to be me at that moment.

I wanted to opt for a dilation and curettage procedure, also known as a D&C or “surgical abortion.” But with the future of access to care in the age of COVID-19 so uncertain, the clinic suggested I have a medication abortion so I could have same-day access, rather than taking a risk and scheduling a future appointment for the procedure. I was lucky to even have an option—I was still in the early stages of my pregnancy, so either method was feasible, but I preferred the D&C procedure because the abortion pill can have more side effects and a somewhat lower success rate.

The abortion pill was not easy on my body: I spent days throwing up, heavily bleeding and experiencing “labor-like” cramps, all possible side effects of the medication. At one point I fainted in my bathroom from the pain. This isn’t necessarily common, but in my case, the cramps and nausea proved too much for my body to handle all at once. [Editor’s note: Experience of side effects may vary but if you experience nausea, vomiting or a fever for more than 24 hours, you should call your doctor, according to Planned Parenthood.] The physical complications mixed with the emotional toll and burden of trying to keep my abortion a secret as I quarantined with my family felt like mental torture. I felt so alone, and while I had a small group of friends as close as a click of a button on my phone, I wish I was able to have someone physically hold my hand during this time.

It’s been almost two weeks since I had my abortion, and even with the trauma I’m left to live with, I don’t regret a single step I took. Yes, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through, and having to navigate this journey while the world—and me—is in a state of valid paranoia made it that much harder. To have gotten the procedure I needed, when so many women cannot, and to be able to sit still and take this time to heal in the comfort of my childhood home is the only silver lining in this situation. After going through all of this, I’m a little more hopeful that everything will, eventually, be okay. Maybe not soon, but one day I’ll be able to fully heal from the trauma of my abortion, and the world will heal from this pandemic.

But for now, all we can do is take it one day—and one Lysol wipe—at a time.

At the author’s request, we’ve omitted her last name to protect her privacy.



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These Are the Lawyers Fighting for Your Abortion Rights


Despite her gold statement necklace, cat-eye glasses, corner office, and date with the Supreme Court, Northrup says she is “fundamentally a shy person.” The fact that there is a direct line between her and millions of women’s abilities to control their own bodies is stressful, she acknowledges: “100%.” How does she handle it? “It’s actually a churchy concept, which is that we are stewards for an institution,” she says. “I take very seriously, and with great gratitude, the fact that I am able to be in this role as a steward for this institution at this time, and someday it will be someone else who will take the mantle from there.”

But for now, the mantle is heavy around her shoulders—and Tu’s and Rikelman’s. Two weeks before their Supreme Court date, the three of them sat in a conference room at the center for a press conference. An all-women camera crew collected footage for a documentary on the center. Northup introduces everyone, and then invites the Hope Medical Group administrator, Kathaleen Pittman, to speak from Shreveport via conference call. “With the increase in the anti-abortion rhetoric, we’ve seen an increase in protest activity,” she says in a buttery Louisiana accent. “Our concern for our patients, our staff, our physicians, it’s very real…. There is very little we can do to protect ourselves.”

For women in Louisiana, access is nearly impossible. And for physicians, providing abortion access is dangerous. “I get to go to work every day in the relative comfort of an office here in New York,” Tu says. “I know they have to go into a building where they’ve had to brick up all the windows because they’ve been the subject of Molotov cocktails, bomb threats, acid attacks. A man wielding a sledgehammer once came into the clinic.” Rikelman isn’t afraid for her own or her family’s lives, she says, but she’s afraid for the Louisiana workers. “People are protesting at their children’s school or outside their house,” she says. “They really have to feel for their children’s safety.” But providers continue on out of concern for their patients—Pittman told journalists gathered for the press briefing that once, the clinic suffered an acid attack and tried to close for the day because of acid fumes. Even though poison hung in the air, “not a single woman wanted to reschedule,” she says.

The Hope doctors, who serve as plaintiffs in the case, are labeled in the court filings as John Does for their protection. If the Supreme Court rules against the center, all but one of the providers will be out of work. The Hope clinic will likely close, and abortion will be out of reach for over one million women. “Roe becomes meaningless if there is no access to abortion,” Pittman said at the briefing. “These women that we work with now do not have the means to travel, to fly out of state…they have every right to receive their care here in Louisiana.”

Rikelman and Tu have Supreme Court precedent on their side. They have put years of work into this case. They have given their lives to it. They are ready. But the thing is, even an abortion-rights win in the Supreme Court this spring doesn’t assure a happy ending. Even though the Texas admitting-privileges law was struck down by the Supreme Court in Whole Woman’s Health, by that time half the clinics in the state had already closed. Years after that victory, the majority of the Texas clinics that closed haven’t reopened. Even when abortion rights win, anti-abortion lawmakers get consolation prizes. “We believe that we should win this case,” Northup says. “But we’re not folks that say, ‘Well if we lose the case, it’s game over.’”

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“We are not going back,” Northup frequently says when she discusses abortion law. She means that no matter what happens with Hope, or with the Women’s Health Protection Act, or even with Roe, “We’re not going to go back to women not being able to control their own reproductive health care.”

But it’s hard not to feel—with the waiting periods, the threat of the shifting Supreme Court, and the seeming infinity of new TRAP laws—that we haven’t lost ground already. Women around the country will have to put their hopes on Julie Rikelman, on T.J. Tu, on Nancy Northup, and on the anonymous, endangered physicians testifying in their case. “I care,” they will remind themselves, as arguments begin. “I have expertise,” they will think, as they set the course for the health and well-being of millions of women.

And as Northrup says, they will remind themselves, “Women are not going back.”

Jenny Singer is a staff writer for Glamour.



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After Abortion Ban in Alabama, State Representative Rolanda Hollis Introduces Bill Requiring Vasectomies for Men at Age 50


In May 2019, lawmakers in Alabama passed a wide-ranging abortion ban that would, among other things, punish doctors who performed the procedure on women at any stage of pregnancy with up to 99 years in prison. (A federal judge blocked the ban from taking effect in October 2019 until the matter is settled in the courts.)

Now, in response, a Democratic state representative in Alabama has introduced a bill that would require men to get vasectomies within a month of turning 50, or after their third child is born—whichever happens first. Per HuffPost, Rep. Rolanda Hollis acknowledges the bill is not a serious proposal, but rather a symbol meant to “send a message that men should not be legislating what women do with their bodies”—either through a straightforward abortion ban or through smaller incursions into women’s reproductive freedom.

“Year after year the majority party continues to introduce new legislation that tries to dictate [rules for] a woman’s body and her reproductive rights. We should view this as the same outrageous overstep in authority,” she said in a statement.

Senator Ted Cruz (R-Texas) responded to the proposed legislation on Twitter—and was then summarily mocked for his hypocrisy, given his support of limiting women’s reproductive rights. “Yikes. A government big enough to give you everything is big enough to take everything…literally!” he wrote. “Alabama Democrat proposes bill mandating all men have vasectomy at age 50 or after third child.”

“Yes, the government shouldn’t be involved in private reproductive health choices, yes, that’s a great point you made, yes,” historian and author Kevin Kruse replied to his tweet. The actor Patricia Arquette wrote, “Thought you wanted to stop unwanted pregnancies.”

“Wow how awful that the government is trying to interfere with bodily autonomy! What’s that feel like?” another Twitter user said.

And just in case the irony was lost on Cruz, one person laid it out super clearly for him. “This bill was not meant to pass; it was introduced to demonstrate how wrong it is to restrict people’s reproductive rights. In other words, the argument you’re applying to this bill shows how your own views on women’s reproductive rights are indefensible!” he wrote.

Cruz, unsurprisingly, has not responded to those calling out his double standard. Meanwhile, the assault on women’s reproductive rights continues.



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12 Men Share Their Abortion Stories


One of the little things that starts to get to you is all the thoughts of what could have been with the baby. In your brain, you know this isn’t the right time. In your heart, you start imagining and dreaming about what could have been.

Cazembe Jackson, 39, Atlanta

I was a junior in college. It was the week before finals, and I was walking home from the library, at probably like one o’clock in the morning. These guys were riding by in a truck and saying that one of their friends had just gotten out of jail and was looking for a good time. I always have been a trans masculine person, so I was dressed in “boy” clothes. The conversation ended up being like, “We need to show you how to be a real woman.” I got raped by four men and kind of left there, outside. They call it corrective rape, when they’re raping you to make you straight.

I found out I was pregnant. I was on financial aid and basically already hustling trying to graduate, and did not want to be pregnant, did not want to have a kid. I was very suicidal and depressed. I stopped school for a little bit and went home. There was a Planned Parenthood around the corner from where I grew up, and I just went there. When I told them the story of what had happened, they set me up with a rape crisis center. That was my first time ever going to therapy. I don’t know what I would do had I not started therapy.

My abortion cost $300. I was a struggling college student. I ended up having to take out a payday loan, which cost way more than $300 and took way longer to pay back.

Women are not the only people who get abortions and who need them. There are also trans men, there are also other nonbinary or gender-nonconforming folk who don’t identify as women who also need access. It’s important that our voices are heard around abortion access.

Michael, 23, Colorado

I was on team abortion pretty much the whole time, and she was trying to think it out. I just made my case. Like, “Hey, we both really can’t afford to have this kid at all.” She was 19. I was 22 at the time.

It was so scary through the whole process. Getting the sonogram and seeing that she was actually pregnant, [I was] more sentimental than I thought I would get about it. Seeing that life that’s there, it doesn’t make it any easier than we thought it was going to be. A lot of old-school tropes really came into play, like, Are we killing this kid?

Diego, 27, Rockland County, NY

I had a serious girlfriend for a time. [Then at one point] she started acting kind of weird, distant. And looking back, I was kind of oblivious to the signs. You know, her breasts were getting bigger and she was getting nauseous and stuff like that. And then one night she just came out and said, “Hey, I had an abortion this week.” And I’m like, “Wait, what?” She thought that I just wouldn’t want to deal with it, which was not the case at all. I was pretty devastated. And I was just thinking, like, “Oh, my God. I lost my child.”

Before that moment, as a Christian, I had always had the standpoint of, like, “Yeah, abortion is wrong.” But it’s not really an issue that I was, like, clamoring for or hardcore on either way. Since then, I’ve become more knowledgeable and active in why I believe abortion is wrong, as far as what the Bible says, the arguments for pro-life and for pro-choice, and how we talk about the issue.

I’m hurt that that baby never had a chance. I’m hurt that my girlfriend thought that was the right decision to make, especially without consulting with me. Because even though America says this is a women’s issue, it’s as much a man’s issue because it takes a man and a woman to make a baby. And that’s something that we’re both going to carry the rest of our lives, the memory of what could have happened. I think about that baby—not like every day or every week—but I think about that baby a lot.

Dashiel Hitzfelder, 38, Durham, North Carolina

I felt really stupid. We know how the birds and the bees work, right? You have unprotected sex, there are consequences, and this is what happened. You put a seatbelt on when you get in a car, and if you don’t and you get in a car wreck and you get your face smashed in, those are the consequences that you live with when something really simple could have prevented it. I was just furious at myself.



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No One Asked About Abortion at the Third Democratic Debate. With Kirsten Gillibrand Out of the Race, No One Brought It Up, Either


It has become an almost tragic joke. Another marathon television event with hours of talk about healthcare, but no mention of abortion, birth control, Title X, or President Donald Trump’s crusade against Planned Parenthood. Last night, ABC News held the third 2020 debate Houston. It was also the third presidential debate ever to include more than one token “woman” on stage, which was good and historic, but you might not have known it from the conversation.

At the end of what felt like four thousand hours of discussion about guns, war, Medicare For All, and immigration, I counted zero questions about not just abortion, but paid leave, child care, or the lethal misogyny that has become its own national crisis in America. The moderators did ask (more than once) about health care, but no candidates used those opportunities to talk about abortion, such a common procedure that more than one in four women have one at some point in their lifetimes.

Instead, we had health care debates that focus on prescription drugs, but didn’t mention a prescription drug that millions of women take daily—the pill. While the candidates made their disdain for our current president clear, none mentioned the fact that he once suggested women should be punished for having abortions, has been accused of sexual assault over a dozen times, or cheated on his third wife with an adult film star whom he then disparaged and paid off. In short, to claim that the President of the United States is a misogynist seems almost unfair to misogynists. He’s at war with 51 percent of the population, some of whom, sure, vote for him. But his relentless crusade against women’s rights is treated as basically a political ploy and not an actual ideology with deadly consequences.

Or at least, that’s how it’s treated now that Senator Kirsten Gillibrand (D-N.Y.) is out of the race. In her campaign and at debates, Gillibrand repeatedly raised “women’s issues.” But she dropped out of the race a few weeks ago, because she couldn’t qualify for last night’s debate and also because a lot of people still blame her for kneecapping former Senator Al Franken for (of course!) his alleged mistreatment of women.

To be honest, I was never a Gillibrand fan. From the start, there were other candidates I liked better. But I also can admit I found her “grating” and even a little “unlikable,” which, sure, could be the internalized sexism talking. Regardless, last night, it occurred to me that the only person who had even tried to center Me Too, women’s healthcare, sexual assault, paid leave, and those other denigrated “women’s issues” in their campaign was Kirsten Gillibrand. Gillibrand was for women what Washington Governor Jay Inslee was for climate, taking an under-discussed, but urgent issue and making it the center of her campaign. She and he have both since dropped out of the race (even as lesser candidates like Marianne Williamson and Mayor Bill De Blasio remain). But while Inslee’s proposals on climate have been praised across the board and Elizabeth Warren liked them so much she adopted his entire plan, Gillibrand’s platform has been more or less erased. It’s as if what candidates learned from Gillibrand’s run is…not to talk about women at all.



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Tiffany Haddish Has Postponed Her Atlanta Show Over Georgia's Abortion Ban


In light of the recent wave of state-by-state attempts to block women’s access to safe and legal abortions, many high-profile women have been speaking out about their own experiences with abortion in order to draw awareness to the critical issue—and to serve as calls to action. Jameela Jamil spoke out in May about the pregnancy she terminated, and Ashley Judd also recently spoke about her own experiences securing an abortion in Georgia after she was raped. After the state’s extreme abortion ban passed in May, celebrities and studios have also been threatening to boycott working in Georgia, which would hit the state where it hurts: The film industry had a total economic impact of $9.5 billion there during the 2018 fiscal year, according to the state. Now, Tiffany Haddish has escalated the conversation by postponing her Atlanta show in protest over the abortion ban.

“After much deliberation, I am postponing my upcoming show in Atlanta. I love the state of Georgia, but I need to stand with women, and until they withdraw Measure HB481, I cannot in good faith perform there,” Haddish said in a statement on Saturday, according to CNN—making her the first celebrity to effectively cancel a performance over the ban. As Jezebel points out, it’s unlikely that Georgia will voluntarily strike down the law before it takes effect. (Ticket-holders will be refunded by the theater.)

Georgia’s law, set to take effect Jan. 1, 2020, will ban abortions after six weeks (before many women realize they’re pregnant) and criminalize them as well. Residents there won’t even be allowed to travel out of state to receive a legal abortion, or they could be charged with conspiracy to commit murder. The law only makes exceptions in cases of incest, medical danger to the pregnant person, and rape—though, for the latter, that’s only if there’s a police report filed.

So far, it seems like many are waiting to follow through until the law actually takes effect—it could be struck down by courts before Jan. 1. Among them, Netflix: “We have many women working on productions in Georgia, whose rights, along with millions of others, will be severely restricted by this law,” the company’s chief content officer said in a May statement to Glamour. “It’s why we will work with the ACLU and others to fight it in court. Given the legislation has not yet been implemented, we’ll continue to film there—while also supporting partners and artists who choose not to. Should it ever come into effect, we’d rethink our entire investment in Georgia.”

Now that Haddish has postponed her performance, it remains to be seen if other celebrities, studios, and companies follow her lead.



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