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This 'SNL' Parody of Arie Luyendyk Jr. From 'The Bachelor' Is Spot On


There are a few things we know after three weeks of watching this season of The Bachelor. First, Arie Luyendyk Jr. has been on a ~ journey ~ when it comes to love: He was on The Bachelorette five years ago, when he got his heart shattered by Emily Maynard. He’s also friends with former Bachelor Sean Lowe and Catherine Giudici, who are happily married with a baby. And he races cars. Otherwise, the guy is still kind of a mystery, even after hours of watching him watch a dozen women wrestle and crash into each other like bumper cars. Luckily, the season has given SNL plenty of material for its tradition of Bachelor parodies—giving us an almost too realistic impression of Arie and the women competing for his heart along the way.

Arie (played by Alex Moffat) is introduced as “Car Hunk,” who, “depending on the light, is handsome.” He meets all of the female contestants during a cocktail party before a rose ceremony and tries to get to know them. Of course, they each interrupt the conversations, asking, “Sorry, can I steal him for a sec?” The girls rotate in and out of the frame, sitting next to Arie and saying, “Mmm, I like this”—never really bonding with the Bachelor at all. Melissa Villasenor’s impression of short-haired Bekah is also dead-on brilliant.

SNL has done some pretty amazing parody sketches of past Bachelors, including Chris Soles as “Farm Hunk”, Ben Higgins as “Bland Man”, and Nick Viall as “Beard Hunk”. You might as well pull up a chair now, because they’re all gold.

Watch the full skit here:

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Related Stories:
–Arie Luyendyk Jr. Is Your Next ‘Bachelor,’ and Honestly Who Asked for This?
–‘The Bachelor’ Contestants Revealed: Here Are 29 Women Who Are Too Good for Arie Luyendyk Jr.
–Meet Chelsea Roy, Our New Favorite ‘Villain’ on Arie Luyendyk Jr’s Season of ‘The Bachelor’



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'The Big Bang Theory' Season 11 Episode 14 Recap: Raj's Love Life Takes a Turn


In the universe of The Big Bang Theory, the biggest hot spot isn’t the local bar, the gym, or even Stuart’s comic book store. Lately—especially if you ask Raj—it’s the local planetarium, where he’s pretty much batting a thousand when it comes to meeting women. As for the long-term potential…well, the outlook isn’t great, but, hey, it’s a start.

In tonight’s episode—titled “The Separation Triangulation”—a woman named Nell (played by 2 Broke Girls‘ Beth Behrs) approaches Raj after his presentation to ask for a picture and gush over his work. We later find out that even though that was the extent of their encounter, they somehow met back up, went on a date, and started sleeping together. Things seem to be getting off to a promising start, until Nell admits she recently (as in less than two weeks ago) separated from her husband. Raj immediately realizes the odds of this turning into anything serious aren’t looking too good.

To make matters more complicated, Nell’s ex, Oliver (guest star Walton Goggins), shows up at the planetarium and demands that Raj tell him the extent of his new relationship with Nell. Oh, and he wants her back. Raj tries to stay out of the drama, but he can’t. (This is a sitcom, after all.) He tries to keep things going with Nell, but every time he’s with her he can’t seem to stop thinking about Oliver. Eventually, the whole thing gets to be too much for Raj, who ends things with Nell but continues a friendship with Oliver (insert eye roll here). By the end of the episode, Oliver and Nell seem to be back on the road of reconciliation and Raj’s single status remains in tact.

The episode as a whole felt redundant, but the Raj/Nell/Oliver story was relatable for anyone who’s ever been on a date. Whether you swipe, click, or get set-up, we’ve all encountered someone who seems available in theory—but really isn’t. In this situation, there was nothing Raj could have done to know Nell’s history upfront. I mean, perhaps he could have handled things a bit better once he did, but then we’d have no show. For once, it was refreshing to see another honest portrayal of how shitty dating can be in the 21st century.

That brings me to my next point, which is Raj’s love life in general. As Big Bang prepares to possibly end after season 12, it’s nice that the writers aren’t rushing to find Raj’s forever love. In the last few seasons, he’s had dates or relationships with Emily, Claire, Lucy, Ruchi, to name a few. But instead of making a gimmick out of his rotating list of women, each relationship has been handled authentically to the character. What’s unusual—especially with a well-known actress like Beth Behrs playing a potential love interest—is that often means the character will stick around for a story arc. But for the moment, that’s not the case. Instead, we’re seeing these women come into Raj’s life and sometimes—as with Nell, or Isabella the cleaning lady—leave as quickly as they entered. While it’s a bummer for Raj, or anyone who wants to see him find a long-term partner, it’s nice to see that his love life isn’t being rushed just for the sake of coupling him up.



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You Don't Become Lisa Vanderpump by Accident: Inside the World of 'The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' MVP


Lisa Vanderpump is freezing. Sitting on a bench in New York’s West Village, her alopecia-stricken Pomeranian Giggy in one arm and a Pantone purple Chanel in the other, she grits her teeth against the elements. “My nose is about to fall off,” she insists to no one in particular. Then, more quietly, “Too. Cold.” Though it’s nearly 40 degrees Fahrenheit—practically tropical after the maddening chill of the past week’s #BombCyclone—London-born Vanderpump, 57, isn’t used to begrudging the annual slog of winter.

Once she and her crew are ushered inside brunch-all-day bistro Café Cluny, shed their jackets, and toss two low energy Pomeranians into a banquette (Giggy is joined by Puffy, a rescue Pomeranian who also suffers from hair loss), the chill thaws considerably. “Let’s have some lunch,” Vanderpump crows to the group, which includes husband Ken Todd, a compact car of a man in cashmere, daughter Pandora, 31, a publicist, and two other well-turned-out Brits. “I’m the eating housewife!” Everyone laughs politely, the way you might if the queen made a joke.

For the past eight years, Lisa Vanderpump has served as something of a pop culture anomaly: In a franchise that rewards immaturity and instability, she peddles neither. While other Real Housewives have found themselves wading through divorce, substance abuse, even jail time—some going as far blaming a “Housewife curse”—Vanderpump, 57, has steadily if not smugly thrived. Like a fine Vanderpump Rosé, she only gets better with age.

In person, Lisa Vanderpump looks like a flattering caricature of Lisa Vanderpump. Her hair, which I can best describe as Kate Middleton-esque, perfectly complements her pert nose, which nicely offsets her heavily-lashed eyes. (“Individuals,” she tells me. “I can sleep in them and you just take your makeup off around them. Kyle Richards taught me that trick.”) Her purse matches her blouse which matches Giggy’s jacket. The whole thing looks exhausting, but Vanderpump insists she can pull herself together in ten minutes flat. “Some of the girls take a glam squad with them when we go on trips. I don’t do that,” she says. “I have to be made up and put together every day for the restaurants, so it wouldn’t make sense for me.”

It’s a velvet-covered dart, sure, but the point is this: Unlike other reality stars, even her co-stars, Vanderpump has more important stuff to do than get ready all day. A fundamental part of the Lisa Vanderpump brand, in fact, is that she never wanted to be a “reality TV star” in the first place. “They asked me twice to audition and I said, ‘Not for me, thanks,” she says. It was only after her friend Jennifer Stallone—”Sly Stallone’s wife,” she notes—made her watch The Real Housewives of New York that she reconsidered. Her friend, news anchor Robert Kovacik, drove her to the audition.

PHOTO: Bravo

Lisa Vanderpump on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

“I didn’t realize how life changing it would be. I don’t think anybody did,” she says over an omelet (see: Housewife, Eating). “I never intended to make my career from it, but I was smart, and I used the show to draw attention to my businesses.”

No kidding. The restaurateur’s résumé now boasts a reported 26 eateries (including PUMP and SUR, which stands for “Sexy Unique Restaurant”), a spinoff series, Vanderpump Rules, now in its sixth season, a canine rescue center, a documentary about the Chinese dog meat trade, and a gig as Editor-in-Chief of Beverly Hills magazine. Her net worth is reported at $65 million, which arguably makes her the most powerful Housewife of them all.

“When people say, ‘The Housewives belittle women,’ I disagree,” she says. “Look what Kyle Richards is doing right now. She’s producing her own TV show. Look at what Erika [Jayne]’s doing. She’s 45 or 46 years old and doing what she wants to. Look at me, going to congress and speaking to the United Nations and building a brand. I think that’s empowering for women.”

But with great visibility comes great responsibility, something Vanderpump, a fierce advocate for LBGTQ rights, understands. “I am a heterosexual woman who can be a conduit to people who might not listen otherwise. I take that very seriously,” she says. “Even the word ‘tolerance.’ I’ve always said, ‘I don’t understand this word.’ We’re going to ‘tolerate’ someone because they’re gay? Fuck off. That’s not what life’s about. It’s about embracing. It’s about understanding.”

When I ask about President Trump, whom she’s never publicly condoned or condemned, she grows serious. “I can’t vote, so I’ve never really had to make a statement, but there are aspects of both parties I do totally understand and would vote for,” she says diplomatically. “I think a lot of people know where my allegiance lies, and what I believe in.”

Regarding the #MeToo movement—and the recent sartorial demonstration at the Golden Globes—she is less opaque. “I didn’t really agree with the need for everybody to wear black to show solidarity. For me, there’s got to be a little bit of a divide, an ability to say, ‘OK, this is about entertainment. Let’s drop it and enjoy the moment,'” she says. “I think the one good thing that’s really going to come out of this is that women aren’t going to be as afraid to speak up. Have I been sexually harassed? Of course. I think most women have at some point. It’s just to what degree. I think we’ve got to judge each [accused person] individually.”

Lisa Vanderpump on Watch What Happens Live

It’s one of those admissions that feels personal at the moment, but when you go back to review the tape, you realize almost nothing has been revealed. And that’s another thing about the Lisa Vanderpump brand: It’s careful. Vanderpump is warm, but with boundaries. Endearing, but rarely vulnerable. She is, in so many ways, unimpeachable. And if her on-screen persona is to be believed, few get much closer. There’s Ken, of course, whom she married 35 years ago after a six-week-long courtship, their two children, Max and Pandora, and a fairytale-like coterie of pets, which includes a swan named Panky. And, for now, she and Kyle Richards, with whom she’s had a notoriously rocky relationship, have reached an accord. “There’s a very authentic friendship there,” she says. “I don’t have a sister, but she’s someone who’s so close to me. If she’s hurting, I’m hurting.”

After eight seasons on the show together, the veterans seem to have established a code of conduct. “I’m sensitive to the other women. If there’s something that isn’t for public consumption, I’ll think to myself, ‘This isn’t for now.’ Kyle’s the same as well,” she says. So what constitutes a breach? “The year that Brandi [Glanville] exposed Adrienne [Malouf’s surrogate pregnancy] was devastating to her,” she says. “It’s not something any of us would have done.” It’s firm, but vague. It’s also the end of that topic.

With our plates cleared—and an appointment with the New York Times waiting uptown—Vanderpump and her team begin to mobilize. A driver is alerted. Pandora drains her white wine. Ken helps Giggy and Puffy into their outerwear. I’m not ready to leave. Maybe it’s the hairless dog in the jester costume still nibbling hand-torn bits of chicken, the midday Sancerre, or Vanderpump’s walnut-size diamond directing sunlight into my eyes, but I feel like I’ve entered a more-decadent, colorful, fragrant, downright reasonable realm. I tell her as much, and she doesn’t seem surprised. “It’s my job to do that,” she says. “People feel more comfortable when everything about their ambiance is just right. And no one does it better than I do. I know if the music’s at the right volume. I know if the lighting is right. I know—and maybe other people wouldn’t notice—but when it’s right, people feel better.”

She’s talking about her restaurants of course, but it’s as close to a brand ethos as you’ll get. “Make your environment as beautiful as you can because you’ll feel so much better,” she says. “I want to feel that I’m immersed in things of beauty. Authenticity and beauty combined make for a fabulous combination.” After all, the rest is just unfortunate weather…or bad lighting. “I liken it to this: You know when you’re in a beautiful bar and then you get in the elevator and it’s that bright light and you’re like, ‘Ugh’? It’s a culture shock. I don’t ever want to feel like that.” And so she never will.



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Why Are We Still Watching 'The Bachelor'?


The first Monday of January comes equipped with many promises—those of eating better, those of course-correcting however you believe you went wrong in the previous year, and the fantastical promise of televised love in the sustaining form of The Bachelor. This year, on January 1—a symbolic a date as any—Bachelor Nation tuned into watch 29 women vie for the likely-ephemeral love of Arie Luyendek Jr., a 36-year-old sentient potato (albeit, a race car-driving one) with alleged pillows for lips who is excited by “excitement.”

History dictates this will not work. In The Bachelor’s 21 previous seasons and nearly 16 years on the air, there has only been one “successful” couple (if “success” is defined as “married,” which is problematic in of itself—objectively speaking, breaking up with a piece of cardboard is a success to be celebrated). Discounting Jason Mesnick, who unceremoniously dumped Melissa Rycroft and is married to runner-up Molly Malaney, the only still-married Bachelor is Sean Lowe, who has come to endure the fate of dispensing hackneyed “advice” to every mumbling, horny, jawline of a new bachelor at the beginning of every season. What he does not say is that the odds are not in their favor; Lowe has even admitted he and his wife, Catherine Giudici are “not the typical Bachelor couple.”

The thinly-veiled premise of “falling in love” has been shattered so many times that I wonder: Why are we still watching it in 2018? And by we, I literally mean we, the collective Bachelor Nation; I am glued to my television and consider this a truly philosophical question. Really: Why? It’s not to fill my brain with fairy tale myths about how love works. It’s not to sneer at the women; I’m not interested in rejoicing in other women’s mistakes or cruelty towards each other, that feels mean. I have better things to turn my attention to, we all do, and yet my year cannot be started correctly without fixating upon multiple hot tub makeout sessions and cursing the gods that women are convincing themselves that these rigid boys, who I imagine only wore Abercrombie & Fitch in the 2000s, are the best the universe has to offer them.

It’s now impossible to watch the show without asking, “Did the
producer make her say that?”

The other facts surrounding the series makes it all the more mind-boggling. All Bachelor fans are familiar with its cheesecloth of a narrative: When you know, you know! Some travel porn, some kisses with heavy tongue, and a few Tough Conversations are enough to confirm if someone is “the one”—and if not “the one,” then the perfect partner for a press tour. I suppose this twisted fantasy is alluring for some given how far removed from actual reality it is, but at this point in the show’s teenaged lifespan, I refuse to believe that the female contestants buy into that. By now, it’s so very clear that many on the show are disinterested in looking for marriage, regardless of whatever platitudes about “settling down” they utter to the camera. And, in recent years, it’s been harder to avoid questioning the ingenuity of those statements. The dramatic process has been somewhat elucidated (if exaggerated for drama) by the brilliant UnREAL, a series about the puppet master producers behind the ironically named Everlasting, co-created by former Bachelor producer Sarah Gertrude Shapiro. Even more revealing? We have the internet, and enough contestants have gone the author route, penning tell-alls that enlighten us all the more.

It’s now impossible to watch the show without asking, “Did the producer make her say that?” Beyond that, the women who execute bad behavior seem to do so with a witting grin—they know this will make them the villain, or maybe give them fleeting celebrity. They, like we, know the narrative well enough to know what will secure them a rose. If anything, we’re watching a competition to see who will be become Instagram influencers and pose for #ads—a natural, lucrative path for these telegenic contestants.

Even stranger, it’s now a cyclical parody of itself. In Higgins’ seasons, twins Emily and Haley Ferguson’s listed occupations were “twins.” One woman in the premiere that year was labeled a chicken enthusiast. Many women are dental hygienists, much to the dismay of an actual dental hygienist who claimed the show “[marginalized]” women in that trade. This year, the series seems to have checked itself—everyone wants to be Taken Seriously Like An Adult for 36-Year-Old Real Estate Man Arie—or the producers just caught that it’s a little silly to minimize women to whatever occupation will be the most viral. Or that hat trick got old.

But despite all the warped, recurrent behaviors on this show that, honestly, are starting to feel like they belong in a Black Mirror episode, one of my favorite facts about The Bachelor is purely a statistic. Even if just by a margin, Bachelorettes have had greater success than Bachelors in selecting partners who can last beyond the press cycle. (Theory: Most men are terrible.) I wonder if part of the allure in 2018 is not seeing who will end up with Arie—the salt and pepper potato pillow is not the ultimate catch!—but who will be the real winner by not “winning,” only to be featured on The Bachelorette, only to call out inappropriate behavior of the men in their season, only to emerge the hero in this bullshit cycle. The best thing we got from Nick Viall’s season was Rachel Lindsay, a woman who made literal history by being the first black Bachelorette…14 years after Trista Sutter’s premiere season.

“Women ultimately emerge the heroes of a story that was originally
about a man looking for love.”

The bizarre, but now familiar, formula is so predictable that it’s somewhat comforting in a time rocked by instability and insecurity—but it’s also satisfying when it catches us off guard when the women it didn’t want to succeed subvert the narrative. When unlikely heroines like Corinne Olympios who blatantly give zero fucks become internet heroes. Or when the Ferguson sisters coming out the other end with their own damn TV show. These paths are predictable for reality TV stars—viral fame or another spinoff show or, you know, #ads—but women ultimately emerge the heroes of a story that was originally about a man looking for love. Maybe it’s about women looking to fuck up the predictable story of a dude…or women realizing that the narrative ABC is selling—that the ultimate happy ending is being chosen by a man—is completely fallacious.

Of course, there’s got to be a better way to let women be the stars of their own stories outside of a tired “true love” narrative that barely anybody believes, but ABC likely sees no reason: We’re watching. And when Twitter reliably fires up its #bachelor tweets on Monday nights, there’s a camaraderie of women banding together, which is appealing in of itself. In part, we keep watching because we’re all asking the same questions (why), and rejoicing together when the women ultimately succeed.



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'The Bachelor' Season 22 Episode 3 Recap: Arie Is Not Here to Waste Time


With 18 women left—or, as Chris Harrison says so bluntly at the top of the episode, “Bad news is: There’s a lot of you”—there’s a lot to discuss this week. We (meaning me and these 18 future Instagram models) must use our time wisely, so let’s get right to the recap, shall we?

We start right away with the first group date: wrestling. Every season, The Bachelor organizes an activity that exploits the whole “girl fight” narrative with literal girl fights. It’s super gross—and the fetishized wrestling costumes certainly don’t help—but then again, here I am watching this show so I can’t get too far up on my feminist high horse. On the bright side, maybe this will encourage Bachelor fans to go check out GLOW on Netflix. It’s wonderful.

What’s not wonderful, though, is the acronym they use for the show: G.L.O.B., which stands for Gorgeous Ladies of Bachelor. Get outta here with that, Chris Harrison.

“I want to make a good impression on Arie, but I’m getting my ass beat
today.” – To be honest, I’m not completely sure who said this.

Arie comes out masked as the kissing bandit to introduce two original G.L.O.W. women: Ursula, who wrestled as ‘The Farmer’s Daughter,’ and Angelina, who was known as ‘Little Egypt.’ They’re here to teach the women some moves, and Bekah M. is here for it. Lauren B., however, can’t stop nervous laughing. “The whole acting part, that’s where my struggle is,” she says. Um, I don’t know about that. You’ve done a great job pretending to be into Arie so far.

Ursula and Angelina are brutal with the women. At one point, Angelina goes off on Bibiana and makes fun of the spelling of her name which is incredibly rude and problematic, even if it’s all just an act. Angelina attacks Tia, too. When Angelina threatens to beat her up, Tia says, “I would let you.” LOL. Upset, Tia leaves the ring to go cry in a corner with Bibiana, where they bond over their mutual hatred of Angelina and women’s wrestling.

“I get you’re trying to be tough, but like, you’re a f-cking old
wrestler.” – Bibiana

Tia does not appreciate the “bad vibes” Angelina and Ursula have brought to the group date. As she says, “I don’t want to sit on the sidelines, but I also don’t want to look that rude ass woman in the face.” She doesn’t get much of a choice, though, as it’s time to create their alter egos and perform in front of a live audience.

And there’s a surprise twist: Kenny is here to wrestle Arie!!!! Kenny, if you win do you get to come in and take Arie’s place this season? Please, please, please say it’s so. Kenny wastes no team beating Arie up, making this officially my favorite scene of the season. But it’s a bittersweet moment, because it makes me miss Kenny and what could have been. Sadly, he must go so the women can wrestle and my heart breaks.

First up is Bekah as a sex kitten against Maquel as a lunch lady. Maquel, who did you piss off? That costume is rough stuff. The next match is Krystal as a cougar vs. Jacqueline as, I think, a beauty queen? Krystal goes full-on into this because she’s secretly a scary person.

“I had so much fun.” – Krystal about nearly murdering a woman.

The match between Marikh and Lauren B. gets…kinda sexual. I hope this was not producer-coerced and rather the spark of something new. They clearly have more chemistry with each other than either do with Arie. They should run away together, IMO.

PHOTO: Paul Hebert

The final match is Tia as a southern bell against Bibiana as Bridezilla. They have fun with it, prompting Tia to declare that she “surprisingly liked” wrestling after all.

At the after party, Krystal immediately steals Arie away using her sexy baby voice. Annoyed, Bibiana feels she must voice her concerns about Krystal with Arie, which is the WORST idea. Seriously, when in the history of Bachelor Nation has that ever worked out for a contestant? Rule number one: Never, ever, ever tattle tale or you will be the one to go home.

Once she’s back with the group, Krystal asks the others if they’ve talked to Arie and she’s met with complete silence. But Krystal seems unconcerned about their attitude because she’s 100% certain she and Arie have the strongest relationship—based on pretty much no evidence, but I still admire her confidence.

Tia and Arie discuss why she was upset during the date and he confesses he was turned on by how helpless she was and that he could save her. Man, do they love traditional gender roles on The Bachelor. Still, Tia’s into it, so you do you.

Later, Bekah snuggles into Arie while wearing a very cute oversized jean jacket. They make out, and he does a lot of face touching and oh wow this is quickly escalating because now she is straddling and grinding him. So, not surprisingly, the date rose goes to Bekah. Naturally, Krystal is very confused about this development. She takes this to mean she should “step up her game,” so everyone watch the hell out.

The next day, for their solo date, Lauren S. heads to Napa with Arie. The idea of spending hours alone with Arie is unappealing to me, but at least there’s wine.

“This is a very Lauren S. date.” – Lauren S.

On the date, they toast grapes, sip wine, and talk about how much they love going to bed early. This launches a very long, very boring conversation about sleeping and you know what’s hard to stay awake during to recap? A long, boring conversation about sleeping. However, Lauren S. decides this means they’re compatible….because they both like going to a winery and sleeping. Uh, yeah, everyone likes those things.

Over dinner, Lauren S. talks non-stop. She even knows she’s messing up and yet still can’t stop. Girl, SHHHHHH. It’s so bad that Arie tells Lauren S. he can’t give her the rose. He doesn’t want to waste her time because he’s not feeling it—and this might be the first time I’m actually on Arie’s side. That date was super awkward. I’m just sad Lauren S. hasn’t had more time to build up her social media fanbase for the inevitable #sponcon career she launches after this. After she leaves, Aries listens to a string quartet by himself and walks around holding the rose dramatically. Back at the mansion, a man comes in for the Dramatic Suitcase Exit. Krystal gives a sinister grin but then says this bullshit line: “She’s really such a beautiful soul.” She also uses this opportunity to give the women her “advice” about how to win over Arie. Naturally, this does not go over well.

“Stop being so condescending because, like, you met his dog.” –
Caroline

The next day, the women partake in another costumed competition group date. But this one is way, way better because they get to play with puppies who can do tricks! Most of the women have the expected reaction to cute puppies (excitement), with one exception: Annaliese, the woman who had that traumatic bumper car experience, says she also had a “traumatic experience” with a dog (that was literally named Sunshine) as a kid. Meanwhile, Tia and Bibiana take a moment to pray because “Jesus needs to take the wheel.”

“Dear God, thank you for this beautiful day. Thank you for my friend
Tia. And let one of those girls get bitten by a puppy.” – Bibiana

The competition portion of the date does not go smoothly. Everything is cringe-worthy: The dogs are not behaving and are pooping everywhere. A random child literally wanders up onto the stage mid-performance. Fred Willard, who is there to guest judge, makes horrible “doggy style” jokes. Children in the audience scream and cry. It’s all very bizarre. Honestly, these dogs deserve better. And yet, at the after party, Chelsea tells Arie the date was “amazing” and “symbolic of my own life.” (What does that even mean?)

The rest of this group date is just as strange. At one point in the evening, Arie claims he dated people he knew weren’t ready for marriage after Emily’s season because it was a defense mechanism. Or…you could just be a horny dude who was capitalizing on his fame from the series by hooking up with fans? I don’t know, just a theory.

“Today was really fun. I love today.” – a sentient potato

The rose goes to Chelsea, which sends everyone else on a spiral about where they stand with Arie. This, of course, creates a chaotic environment for the cocktail pre-rose ceremony party. Driven by her hatred of Krystal, Bibiana makes a “little romantic set up” (some pillows and a telescope) to show Arie how much she cares. But, hilariously, Arie stumbles onto the scene with Lauren B. before Bibiana gets a chance to show him. Oopsie. He likes it so much, in fact, that he takes it over and brings more women there. When Bibiana tries to get her time with him—at the date spot she set up herself, no less—he asks her to wait five minutes.

During his conversation with Bekah, she completely calls Arie out and tells him he’s scared of her because he wants a woman who’s dependent on him. To his credit, Arie’s impressed that she can see through his bullshit so clearly.

“I think you know that I don’t need you.” – Bekah to Arie. Respect.

While Bekah is charming Arie (and me, honestly), Annaliese is freaking out because she hasn’t kissed Arie yet. She decided tonight’s the night and smears goopy gloss all over lips. Annaliese, have you ever kissed with that stuff on? I promise you, it’s not the way to go. Once she gets alone time with him, Annaliese awkwardly declares she’s ready to kiss. But…he’s not into it. “I just don’t think we’re there yet,” he tells her. I respect that. (Side note: What is happening? Why am I agreeing with Arie so much this episode?) Sorry, Annaliese, but I think it’s time to start packing your bags. After he leaves, Chelsea comes into the room to comfort Annaliese and give her horrible advice: to go talk to him again and find out why he doesn’t want to kiss.

While Annaliese cries to Chelsea, the show cuts to a tipsy-seeming Jenna straddling Arie. I am dead. Which is good, because I don’t want to be alive to watch Annaliese talk to Arie again.

“I literally can’t watch.” – Bekah is me.

Once confronted by Annaliese, Arie confesses that there isn’t a future for them. She’s sad to leave, but at least she doesn’t have to suffer through a Traumatic Experience Rose Ceremony.

Quick update: Bibiana has yet to bring Arie to her special date spot.

The rose ceremony is quick and uneventful: Caroline, Kendall, Ashley, Lauren B., Brittany, Becca K., Sienne, Krystal, Tia, Maquel, Jenna, Jacqueline, and Marikh all get roses. That means Bibiana is going home. In her exit interview, she wants “everyone to know” that she’s tried. At what, I’m not sure, but I wish her all the luck! We close on Annaliese describing in great detail all of her traumatic dog experiences, including the time she had to wear Uggs to take out the trash so her neighbor’s dog couldn’t get to her ankles. Another time, her friend’s dog had puppies and they came into the room while she was sleeping. Seriously.

Next week: “We’re in Tahoe!”



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The First Trailer for 'The Handmaid's Tale' Season 2 Is Downright Haunting


Ever since The Handmaid’s Tale was renewed for a second season, we’ve been keeping our (very sharp) eyes out for more details. After all, we don’t precisely know what’s coming next: Although the series is based on Margaret Atwood’s 1985 novel, there were so many twists and turns in the first season—not to mention tweaks and outright deviations from the plot—that the second season is a mystery. Wherever things are going, though, we’re definitely on board.

We do have some clues about what’s to come: According to a press release from Hulu, the second season will center on Offred’s pregnancy as she fights to save her future child from “the horrors” of Gilead. And earlier this week, the first photos were revealed…including a glimpse of what a handmaid’s funeral looks like. The biggest clue yet, though, came today when Hulu dropped the season’s first full trailer.

Set to a very haunting version of Buffalo Springfield’s “For What It’s Worth,” the trailer proves this season will just as necessary viewing. Watch, below:

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The second season feels more timely than ever, given the power dynamics and sexual politics of Gilead, the dystopian, post-U.S. world The Handmaid’s Tale is set in: The first season debuted four months after President Donald Trump—an alleged sexual assaulter in a position of governmental power—was elected; the new season will come on the heels of the #MeToo movement, a campaign that’s chronicled tens of thousands of women’s stories about sexual assault and coercion at the hands of powerful men.

Gildead, however fictional it might be, sometimes doesn’t seem so far away—apt, considering that Atwood drew upon real events past and present to spin her chilling narrative. Watching the series feels at once spell-binding, horrifying, and voyeuristic, as if we’re glimpsing our own worst-case scenario play out in front of us. Even still, it’s also utterly compelling and unmissable. Count us in for round two.

Related Stories:

–Praise Be: The Handmaid’s Tale Was Just Renewed for a Second Season

–Well, Season Two of ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ Looks Straight-Up Horrifying

–Please, Just Watch The Handmaid’s Tale



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