If I found myself cringing every time some shirtless and bikini-clad contestant on Too Hot to Handle kissed, it wasn’t because of their awkward “banter” or even the fact that they were throwing away thousands of dollars for the privilege. It was undoubtedly because I watched the Netflixreality dating series deep into quarantine, where even the idea of shaking someone’s hand was already out of the question.
Despite the almost other-worldly effect this had on my viewing experience, there’s something inherently now and inevitable about this show. Centered around a group of 20-something hots, the Too Hot to Handle retreat is governed by an A.I. cone named LANA who puts the contestants through various challenges, sends them on dates, and punishes them if they fail to remain chaste: that means no kissing, no sex, and no masturbating if they want to win $100,000 at the end of the retreat. When any of the contestants breaks the rules (and yes, they do…a lot) she calls them out in front of everyone and brings the pot down based on the infraction.
“[A.I.] is literally everywhere around us. It’s kind of governing us, it’s taking over,” showrunner and executive producer Viki Kolar tells me over the phone on a group call with Jonno Richards, the show’s executive producer and managing director of Talkback, the production company behind Too Hot To Handle.
“You’re used to hearing A.I. in terms of algorithms and research and listening and advice,” Richards agrees. “It just sort of all kind of fitted together.”
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However, despite the LANA of it all, there’s actually not a lot of proven psychology behind the Too Hot to Handle method of building stronger, healthier relationships by abstaining from sex…but that was never really the main point of the series. In fact, the idea for this social experiment, as Richards repeatedly calls it, started from an episode of Seinfeld called “The Bet,” where each character competes to see if they can avoid masturbating. Spoiler alert: They all fail, not unlike some of Too Hot to Handle’s contestants.
“We wanted to do something that was funny while it was a reality show,” Richards says. “You put obstacles in people’s way and push their buttons in a way that could be comedic, but at the same time are trying to help them come together through that. A sort of romantic comedy, I guess, is what we’re trying to get to.” They definitely got the comedy part down. Aside from the relationships and friendships that form between this group of players—and there is at least one couple that becomes genuinely ship-worthy—this show is just damn funny.
I don’t know if it’s the number of times the word horny was said within each episode, the blinking, judgmental robot, or the socially stunted contestants that make the show so gleefully addictive. Every single confessional with Francesca, Harry, Haley, Matthew, Sharron, Rhonda, Chloe, Kelz, Nicole, and David borders on parody, making it clear they’re at least somewhat in on the joke and it’s okay to laugh. For example, Kolar tells me that Sharron wore a brace on his leg on the flight over to Mexico just to get through security faster. “He’s that type of person that comes up with insane kind of ways of just getting through life,” she says. “I was like, ‘I love him even more.’” Shockingly, you might find yourself rooting for these people too.
Still, maybe it’s narrator Desiree Burch that sets the show apart from similar reality TV series on Netflix and beyond. The voice-over non-host who seems to serve as the audience, chatting throughout the series as if she’s next to you on the couch, is honestly a great perk in the time of social distancing. She’s not always nice about the singles, but she’s always on point.
All I can truly say with conviction is that if Netflix has been using its own algorithm and data to build the most hilarious, binge-able reality dating show, they’ve succeeded with Too Hot to Handle and should probably stop now before they truly go off the rails.
For months, I lusted after the Marais USA jardin heel in cherry. The vintage-inspired suede sandals have the perfect pop of color that would zhuzh up an outfit. There was just one catch: the not-so-casual price of $310. But after about six months of wrestling with whether I should treat myself, I received an unexpected email, with the subject line in attention-getting all caps: “BUY NOW, PAY LATER.” The text was short and sweet: “Introducing Afterpay. Pay in four easy installments at no extra cost, simply select Afterpay at checkout.” Suddenly my dream shoes only cost an ever-so-tempting $77.50, in four interest-free payments.
I’d vaguely heard of Afterpay. Urban Outfitters had suggested it as an option at checkout when I was buying SZA’s “Ctrl” on vinyl, and I’d seen Kylie Cosmetics tweeting about it. Soon I was noticing it on other sites I browse, like Re/Done, Everlane, Cynthia Rowley, Free People—the list goes on.
You might also recognize the buy-now-pay-later idea by another name: layaway. Layaway programs actually became common in the 1930s, then faded away with the rise of credit cards, even though big chain stores like Sears or T.J. Maxx still offer installment payment plans. But with many of these services, a store reserved the goods for you; once the bill was paid you could finally take your purchase home.
Afterpay has given this old-school system a shiny, sexy, millennial rebrand with instant-gratification results. You pay for your purchases over four equal installments due every two weeks, and you get your items immediately. (The fine print: To be eligible for Afterpay, you have to be at least 18 years old, and own a debit or credit card. According to the company, first-time customers are typically given a $500 spending limit, and you can’t spend more than $1,500 through the service). While the payments are interest free, if you miss one installment, you’re charged $8. Don’t pony up by the following week, they tack on another $8, etc.
There’s a bevy of installment plans out there now, including QuadPay, Affirm, Uplift, and Klarna, but Afterpay is quickly becoming the most popular. The company says that they have more than 1,000 American retail partners and approximately 500,000 U.S. customers—mostly women—who have used the service. Those numbers are likely to climb: In Australia, where the company launched just four years ago, more than 25 percent of all online fashion and beauty purchases are now processed with Afterpay, according to Nick Molnar, Afterpay’s CEO and co-founder. Molnar told Glamour that the company decided to expand into the U.S. because they saw similar potential in the States and that, as a millennial himself, he knew people were searching for new payment options—without credit cards. “We need mechanisms [like Afterpay] to budget using our own money and to take control of our financial situation,” he says.
Millennials have already been trying to take control of their finances. Only one out of three of them has a credit card, and they use debit cards for purchases more than other forms of payment. Experts say this could be a reaction to the 2008 recession—this age group is wary about getting in financial trouble—and overwhelming student loans. “There’s an overall shift in millennials’ attitudes toward credit cards because of student debt [which 41 percent of them carry],” says Rebecca Liebman, co-founder and CEO of LearnLux, a digital platform which helps young adults make better financial decisions. “A lot of people don’t want to get into even more debt, and that’s exactly what they associate credit cards with.”
Several young women told Glamour they are suspicious of using credit cards, and many said they’d never had one. “I only use my debit card,” says Naila, a 21-year-old student in Lincoln, Nebraska. “I just don’t trust myself to have a credit card.” Instead of charging her purchases and then paying them off over time on credit with interest, Naila has used Afterpay to buy a light red Fjällräven backpack ($80 over four payments of $20), and new snakeskin mules from Anthropologie ($108, paid in four installments of $27).
Most of the women I spoke to didn’t go out seeking a payment plan. They were just aimlessly online shopping when they stumbled upon this new option they’d never heard of before. And for many, in that instant the clothes and products that seemed out of reach suddenly felt affordable. Christina, a 29-year-old mom of two and aspiring beauty blogger living in New York, first learned about the service from Kylie Jenner. “I remember when she announced on social that Kylie Cosmetics would have Afterpay I was so excited because I was like, ‘Wow, Kylie’s products are so expensive!’ And I’m like, I want a palette but I don’t feel like dropping $60 on something I never use,” she says. But Afterpay gave her a way—and since then she’s used it to score a Jaclyn Hill kit from Morphe and other luxe lipsticks.
That’s why payment models are appealing to stores, too. “For a lot of our customers, spending $300 on a pair of shoes is a splurge,” says Haley Boyd, the founder of Marais USA shoes. Afterpay, she says, “really eases their purchasing power.” Many retailers report a significant uptick in orders with Afterpay, though Boyd says she has yet to see a significant boost.
Alejandra, 23, a student in Salem, Oregon, admits she’s “super bad” with credit cards. “I would just rack up purchases, then max out [my card], and at the end of the day I got myself into a hole.” But when Revolve introduced Afterpay, Alejandra still signed up, bought a leopard print jacket, and has been using the service ever since. In two months she’s spent about $700 on things like, “an Urban Outfitters record player for my boyfriend, along with some records, and a few NASA t-shirts, then Gisou hair oil for myself,” she says.
While all of the women I spoke with are happy with their new loot, they realize that that without Afterpay, they probably wouldn’t have been able to afford their purchases. Simone, an avid Australian Afterpay user since 2016—who provides it as an option for her own clothing company, Simone Tylee, and attributes a third of her sales to the service—acknowledges that having the option to pay in installments has made her hit “buy now” on some things she wouldn’t normally. “I’ve used Afterpay for $2,610 worth of purchases. But if I hadn’t looked that up, I probably would’ve guessed I’d spent only $1,000,” she says. “In most of those cases I would’ve been more conscious about my choices if it weren’t for Afterpay. As a self-employed adult paying for a car loan, rent, fuel, groceries, and other bills each week, I don’t believe I would’ve been able to afford these things upfront.”
Hefzi, 20, a lunch supervisor at an Elton, Illinois, elementary school says using Afterpay to shop, “makes me feel a bit less guilty [about spending], because I’m not paying in full [right away],” she says. This is something Terrence Shulman, the founder of The Shulman Center for Compulsive Theft, Spending and Hoarding, has seen with shoppers (even those who don’t have addictive spending habits). “Gimmicks like Afterpay make you think, ‘Ok, I’m not just whipping out a credit card and paying for this all at once.’ The psychology is similar to things like flash sales or offers to make a purchase without interest for a year,” he says. “But that still doesn’t mean you can actually afford it. You feel like you’re getting a deal and that’s very seductive—but it doesn’t mean you’re not spending above your means.”
While financial experts I spoke to said that Afterpay could be better than a credit card because there’s no interest, they were all very wary of the service. For one, those late fees still add up. Afterpay made $28.4 million, or one-quarter of their overall earnings, off those fees last year. And in Australia, users of buy-now-pay-later companies owe more than a whopping $900 million. The Australian Securities & Investments Commission also found that, “one in six buy now pay later users (16 percent) believed they had experienced at least one type of negative impact due to a buy now pay later arrangement. This included becoming overdrawn, delaying bill payments, and borrowing additional money from family, friends or another loan provider.” (Afterpay is too new the U.S. to have similar data here.)
But most of all, financial experts worry that Afterpay and its cousins only teach us to live outside our means. “When it comes to discretionary spending on things like makeup, clothes, jewelry and other non-essentials, I don’t recommend using any form of payment plan. Even a credit card,” says Stefanie O’Connell, a millennial personal finance author. “Afterpay is disturbing because it gets you into the habit of spending money you don’t have. There’s nothing wrong with the occasional luxury splurge, but if you can’t afford it—meaning you can’t afford to fund the entire purchase when you make it—it’s not worth the tradeoff of putting yourself in a position where you might have to incur additional debt or leave yourself vulnerable if an unexpected expense or emergency arises.” We need to get real about our spending: If there’s not enough in your account for the cult classic Mansur Gavriel bucket bag, empty your cart, log off the Afterpay app, and step away from the computer—no matter how alluring those four small payments look. Your savings, and your future self, will thank you.
I haven’t taken the plunge and purchased the Marais heels. Not just because it’s winter here in New York, but because I know that my bank statement at the end of says I can’t afford them. But I did recently get a call from my 20-year-old little sister who was giddy to tell me that she finally bought the out-of-her-price-range $150 KKW Beauty Glam Bible Bundle—thanks to Afterpay. And another user is born.
Before the days of Millennial pink packaging, free sticker sheets, and models embracing a “glowy, simple girl” aesthetic, there was another fail-safe way to bait shoppers into buying beauty: sex. The old Mad Men adage of “sex sells” might finally be waning from car commercials and cigarette ads, but if you look around makeup shelves, it’s—almost shockingly—still prevalent.
Brands like Nars and Too Faced have long made practice of naming their products something tantalizingly provocative. Desire, Deep Throat, Afterglow—at a certain point, you’d think it’d make a girl want a refractory period. But seeing the success of calling a pinky-peach blush “Orgasm” or claiming that a mascara is actually Better Than Sex, brands are continually trying to bank on the hope that a racy name will grab our eyes.
And yet, all the naming innuendos are comically thirsty right now. It’s transcended lipstick and blush, where sexy naming conventions got their start. Now, highlighter, eyeshadow, and even setting spray are bringing the conversation to the bedroom. Mascara names especially wouldn’t sound out of place in an erotic novel. Bad Gal Bang? Maneater? Climax? I haven’t had sex in months, but my makeup bag is raunchy AF.
On the flip side, the argument could be made that there’s nothing wrong about wanting to feel yourself. If having Orgasm on your cheeks puts you in damn good mood, why shouldn’t you partake in that pleasure? So for one week, I put all the sex-themed makeup to work with one question in mind: Does sexy makeup actually make you feel more sexy? Or is it all just a ridiculous marketing ploy to get you to buy more stuff?
At times, underwear can be a practical purchase, like when you finally bite the bullet and shell out $60 for a ho-hum but necessary nude strapless bra, or stock up on half a dozen of your favorite everyday thongs on sale. Other times, though, it can be something special you buy for yourself—or someone else—just ’cause, and it’s not hard to guess which of the two we’re most partial to. So, now that we’re in the thick of gift-shopping season, why not add your own name to your list and pick up a lace-and-satin bralette to wear under all those layers, or a pair of high-waisted velvet undies to lounge around in at home? We can’t promise it’ll completely make up for the less festive aspects of the season (like, say, weather that requires all those layers in the first place), but it’s certainly a start. As for what to look for, we’re currently partial to boudoir-ish sheer pieces, like Mimi Holliday’s Art Deco-inspired unlined bra (available up to a J cup) and ASOS’ sweet polka-dotted set, or clean, minimal styles like Baserange’s luxe neutral briefs and Missguided’s satin-y scoop-neck bralette. Shop these—along with other irresistible finds for all sizes and tastes—below.
I am a 23-year-old lesbian, and my dating pool seems more like a puddle. I’m shy, so walking up to a woman in a bar isn’t really my thing. Conversely, I’m very feminine and have been told that women can’t easily tell that I’m gay, making me unapproachable for women who are too scared to ask. Last but not least, I’ve noticed that I’m attracted to older women and find myself being intimidated by them because I’m not very sexually experienced.
Basically, I need suggestions on where to meet women and how to be more confident and put myself out there.
Please help!
Cassie, 23, Kentucky
Hi Cassie,
While it might seem like there are a lot of factors working against you when it comes to finding a girlfriend, know that you aren’t alone. The dating world—no matter what your sexual preference—can be scary for pretty much anyone. I do, however, have a few ways to conquer your fearfulness:
Get Out
If there are gay bars in your town, make a beeline for those rather than the traditional bar scene. Most of the women will be there to meet other women, and it’ll be safe for them to assume that’s what you’re there to do also.
Bring the Positive Vibes
Putting out an approachable vibe, even if you aren’t 100-percent feeling it yet—is the best way to show other women you’re single and ready to mingle. Smile and make eye contact from across the room, and be aware of your posture. Do you look closed off and uncomfortable? If so, relax! Non-verbal cues like this are an invitation that lets everyone know it’s totally cool to come talk to you.
Face Your Fears
Being shy is totally normal, but don’t let fear of rejection keep you from meeting someone potentially awesome. If you see a woman who strikes your fancy, take a deep breath and introduce yourself. Confidence is extremely attractive. Even if it doesn’t work out, the more you put yourself out there, the more confident you’ll become.
Swipe Right (Or Left) Dating apps definitely have their pros and cons, but the best thing they have going for them is selection. And, because you’ll certainly be approached by potential partners on them, your shyness won’t stand in the way of an initial interaction. Once you connect, the apps also offer a great, low-pressure way to practice flirting with potential partners.
Schedule a Masturdate
Worrying about your lack of experience is totally normal. One of the easiest ways to overcome this is self-exploration. The more you know about your body and how you liked to be touched not only raises your sexual confidence in the bedroom, it can seriously make up for what little experience you may have with a partner. But I promise you, your partners are going to be way more accepting than you think.
While the dating scene is never an easy one, these tips can get you on your way to meeting Miss Right—or at least Miss Right Now.
When Cate Blanchett accepted the Style Icon Award at Monday night’s InStyle Awards, she made sure to thank the fashion titans she’s worked with throughout her career—like Nicolas Ghesquière, Stella McCartney, Sarah Burton, and Giorgio Armani—before praising women who are bold and commanding in their own personal styles.
“For me, the true icons of style, and I think there’s a bit of a theme emerging here tonight, it’s that for me it’s always those women who’ve been utterly themselves without apology—whose physical presence and their aesthetic is really integrated in a non-self-conscious way,” the actress said. “Women who know how they look, it’s not all of who they are but just an extension of that, and it’s about women who feel free to wear what they want when they want and how they want to wear it.”
But beyond commending fashion risk takers, Blanchett had some forceful words for anyone (cough men cough) who feels like they have a place to comment on a woman’s appearance in any sort of sexual way—remarks that seemed especially pertinent considering the onslaught of reports chronicling how pervasive sexual harassment and misconduct is across numerous industries.
“Women like looking sexy, but it doesn’t mean we want to f-ck you,” Blanchett said, before a brief political pivot. “No one says to Steve Bannon, ‘You look like a bag of trash. Do you want me to throw you out?’”
She continued, “But the comments that get said about what women wear on the red carpet—I mean. If you troll through those trolls on the Internet, just don’t.”
Sound advice on all fronts: Everyone should own their style; men, just because women dress sexy doesn’t mean they want to f-ck you; and you should never, ever look at what Internet trolls have to say. If we all took Cate Blanchett’s advice, world the would be a better place? Probably.
