Meghan Markle is pretty good at under-the-radar vacations—take, for example, her and Harry’s success at keeping their honeymoon location under wraps or even her recent baby shower in New York City, which no one knew was happening until the star-studded festivities were already underway. But apparently, that’s not all the secret travel the Duchess of Sussex has been doing. According to British tabloid The Sun, Markle and Prince Harry have been making trips back to L.A. for the sweetest reason: to hang out with Markle’s mom, Doria Ragland.
Last we heard, Ragland is reportedly planning to move to the U.K. but while she’s still in the States, the Sussexes have apparently been her houseguests. According to an unnamed source, who reportedly lives a few doors down from Ragland’s bungalow, “Meghan is a mommy’s girl—their special mother-daughter bond hasn’t disappeared just because she’s moved to England. Meghan will always come back to Doria, this will always be her home,” she told The Sun. “They are forever in touch, and Meghan has been here to stay on more than one occasion since going public with Harry,” she said, adding she’d even spotted the Prince on one occasion.
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Of course, there’s no official comment from the palace on rumored trips—they’re quite busy at the moment making a rare statement, that Meghan and Harry will not raise their baby gender-neutrally—so take it with a grain of salt. Still, the idea that Markle’s been getting some quality time with her mom before she has her own royal baby is a lovely one.
Meghan Markle hasn’t even given birth yet, but Prince Harry is already making dad jokes. His latest one happened on the couple’s current trip to Morocco. The Duke and Duchess of Sussex were visiting a school in the town of Asni when someone congratulated Markle on her pregnancy. Prince Harry quickly swooped in with some dad humor. “What, you’re pregnant?” he said, pretending to be shocked at what the well-wisher said.
Markle played along, quipping, “Surprise!” as she held back her laughter. And that’s when Prince Harry jumped in with the ultimate corny joke: “Is it mine?” he said.
It’s official: Prince Harry is going to be one of those dads, the ones who wear chunky white sneakers, fanny packs, and Hawaiian T-shirts to Disney World. On Halloween, he’ll put on a costume to bring his child to school—even when they’re 16. And he’ll have plenty more jokes where this one came from.
Watch Prince Harry and Markle have this exchange for yourself, below:
Meghan Markle has been having quite the exciting month. Just last week she had her baby shower in New York City, which several of her famous friends, including Gayle King, Serena Williams, and Amal Clooney, attended. “She’s very kind. She’s very generous and a really, really sweet person. I think her friends just wanted to celebrate her,” King said about the shower. “A good time was had by all.”
Now she and Prince Harry are in Morocco, where she received a henna tattoo to celebrate her baby. “It’s for when we have a big party. Now she is pregnant we do the henna to keep her happy with the baby,” Khadeja Oukattou, an Education for All housemother, told People about the ink. “For good luck.”
Markle is reportedly due in late April-slash-early May. Let the royal baby countdown begin.
You’d think making the first move would come easy to Serena Williams, one of the most successful athletes of all time. But even with all her accomplishments, the tennis legend admits that advocating for herself is sometimes difficult.
“I mean, 80 percent [to] 90 percent of the time, I feel insecure about making the first move,” Williams tells Glamour in an interview for her new campaign with Bumble, “The Ball Is in Her Court,” which encourages women to do just that: make the first move. “[Women have] kind of been trained to feel like we shouldn’t make the first move, whether it’s in love or whether it’s asking for a promotion or asking to be in the forefront. But now we’re retraining our minds and saying it’s OK to make the first move.”
Bumble will run a 30-second spot for “The Ball Is in Her Court” during the first quarter of the Super Bowl on Sunday night. It focuses on Williams’ tennis career, which started because she put herself in the game. “If I waited to be invited in, I never would’ve stood out,” she says in the spot over a montage of her tennis clips . “If I waited for change to happen, I never would’ve made a difference.”
This partnership is a dream come true for Bumble founder and CEO Whitney Wolfe Herd, who tells us an early vision board for the company included Williams. “At the beginning of Bumble, everyone said, ‘Women don’t make the first move. Why would you ever start a company that would encourage women to speak first? That’s not how nature works,'” Wolfe Herd tells Glamour. “And so, in an effort to try to normalize that, I went to the tennis court, and I texted our very early team and said, ‘If we work really, really hard and prove that the ball is always in our court on Bumble, maybe one day Serena would want to attach herself and be a partner with us.'”
Wolfe Herd’s and Williams’ successes didn’t come without setbacks, though. In fact, that’s a key takeaway from this campaign: Women shouldn’t be afraid of the outcome when making the first move. Just do it. Both Wolfe Herd and Williams embrace this mind-set.
“Failure’s great,” Williams says. “I don’t like the word failure because I feel like it should mean try. It just didn’t work out this time, but it’ll work out next time. When I first started my fashion brand—I’ve been doing it for years—and the first times it wasn’t successful. And now we’re making big moves.”
Adds Wolfe Herd, “There’s so much power in having the opportunity to fail. I think [failure] has a really bad rap sometimes, because the fact that you got out there and tried something and did something—that’s better than never doing anything at all, right?”
So how does Williams bounce back? Or even just motivate herself on an off day, the kind of morning when it’s hard to get out of bed? She remembers why she stepped out on a tennis court in the first place. “In my career, in particular, the thing that drives me is my desire to be the best and my desire to win,” she says. “And I know I’m not gonna do it in bed.”
Williams also hopes to impart this “make the first move” mentality on her daughter, Alexis Olympia Ohanian, Jr. “Everything Bumble is doing is not only good for me, but it’s just good for women in general and the population,” she says. “It’s teaching a new generation of women. It’s retraining a new generation, and my daughter is a part of that. So I’m excited to show her this campaign one day, to show her the messaging, to show her the app, and show her how she can do so many different things. And she can tell her friends. It’s literally retraining the new generation. It’s literally what we’re doing here—and it’s huge.”
For months, I lusted after the Marais USA jardin heel in cherry. The vintage-inspired suede sandals have the perfect pop of color that would zhuzh up an outfit. There was just one catch: the not-so-casual price of $310. But after about six months of wrestling with whether I should treat myself, I received an unexpected email, with the subject line in attention-getting all caps: “BUY NOW, PAY LATER.” The text was short and sweet: “Introducing Afterpay. Pay in four easy installments at no extra cost, simply select Afterpay at checkout.” Suddenly my dream shoes only cost an ever-so-tempting $77.50, in four interest-free payments.
I’d vaguely heard of Afterpay. Urban Outfitters had suggested it as an option at checkout when I was buying SZA’s “Ctrl” on vinyl, and I’d seen Kylie Cosmetics tweeting about it. Soon I was noticing it on other sites I browse, like Re/Done, Everlane, Cynthia Rowley, Free People—the list goes on.
You might also recognize the buy-now-pay-later idea by another name: layaway. Layaway programs actually became common in the 1930s, then faded away with the rise of credit cards, even though big chain stores like Sears or T.J. Maxx still offer installment payment plans. But with many of these services, a store reserved the goods for you; once the bill was paid you could finally take your purchase home.
Afterpay has given this old-school system a shiny, sexy, millennial rebrand with instant-gratification results. You pay for your purchases over four equal installments due every two weeks, and you get your items immediately. (The fine print: To be eligible for Afterpay, you have to be at least 18 years old, and own a debit or credit card. According to the company, first-time customers are typically given a $500 spending limit, and you can’t spend more than $1,500 through the service). While the payments are interest free, if you miss one installment, you’re charged $8. Don’t pony up by the following week, they tack on another $8, etc.
There’s a bevy of installment plans out there now, including QuadPay, Affirm, Uplift, and Klarna, but Afterpay is quickly becoming the most popular. The company says that they have more than 1,000 American retail partners and approximately 500,000 U.S. customers—mostly women—who have used the service. Those numbers are likely to climb: In Australia, where the company launched just four years ago, more than 25 percent of all online fashion and beauty purchases are now processed with Afterpay, according to Nick Molnar, Afterpay’s CEO and co-founder. Molnar told Glamour that the company decided to expand into the U.S. because they saw similar potential in the States and that, as a millennial himself, he knew people were searching for new payment options—without credit cards. “We need mechanisms [like Afterpay] to budget using our own money and to take control of our financial situation,” he says.
Millennials have already been trying to take control of their finances. Only one out of three of them has a credit card, and they use debit cards for purchases more than other forms of payment. Experts say this could be a reaction to the 2008 recession—this age group is wary about getting in financial trouble—and overwhelming student loans. “There’s an overall shift in millennials’ attitudes toward credit cards because of student debt [which 41 percent of them carry],” says Rebecca Liebman, co-founder and CEO of LearnLux, a digital platform which helps young adults make better financial decisions. “A lot of people don’t want to get into even more debt, and that’s exactly what they associate credit cards with.”
Several young women told Glamour they are suspicious of using credit cards, and many said they’d never had one. “I only use my debit card,” says Naila, a 21-year-old student in Lincoln, Nebraska. “I just don’t trust myself to have a credit card.” Instead of charging her purchases and then paying them off over time on credit with interest, Naila has used Afterpay to buy a light red Fjällräven backpack ($80 over four payments of $20), and new snakeskin mules from Anthropologie ($108, paid in four installments of $27).
Most of the women I spoke to didn’t go out seeking a payment plan. They were just aimlessly online shopping when they stumbled upon this new option they’d never heard of before. And for many, in that instant the clothes and products that seemed out of reach suddenly felt affordable. Christina, a 29-year-old mom of two and aspiring beauty blogger living in New York, first learned about the service from Kylie Jenner. “I remember when she announced on social that Kylie Cosmetics would have Afterpay I was so excited because I was like, ‘Wow, Kylie’s products are so expensive!’ And I’m like, I want a palette but I don’t feel like dropping $60 on something I never use,” she says. But Afterpay gave her a way—and since then she’s used it to score a Jaclyn Hill kit from Morphe and other luxe lipsticks.
That’s why payment models are appealing to stores, too. “For a lot of our customers, spending $300 on a pair of shoes is a splurge,” says Haley Boyd, the founder of Marais USA shoes. Afterpay, she says, “really eases their purchasing power.” Many retailers report a significant uptick in orders with Afterpay, though Boyd says she has yet to see a significant boost.
Alejandra, 23, a student in Salem, Oregon, admits she’s “super bad” with credit cards. “I would just rack up purchases, then max out [my card], and at the end of the day I got myself into a hole.” But when Revolve introduced Afterpay, Alejandra still signed up, bought a leopard print jacket, and has been using the service ever since. In two months she’s spent about $700 on things like, “an Urban Outfitters record player for my boyfriend, along with some records, and a few NASA t-shirts, then Gisou hair oil for myself,” she says.
While all of the women I spoke with are happy with their new loot, they realize that that without Afterpay, they probably wouldn’t have been able to afford their purchases. Simone, an avid Australian Afterpay user since 2016—who provides it as an option for her own clothing company, Simone Tylee, and attributes a third of her sales to the service—acknowledges that having the option to pay in installments has made her hit “buy now” on some things she wouldn’t normally. “I’ve used Afterpay for $2,610 worth of purchases. But if I hadn’t looked that up, I probably would’ve guessed I’d spent only $1,000,” she says. “In most of those cases I would’ve been more conscious about my choices if it weren’t for Afterpay. As a self-employed adult paying for a car loan, rent, fuel, groceries, and other bills each week, I don’t believe I would’ve been able to afford these things upfront.”
Hefzi, 20, a lunch supervisor at an Elton, Illinois, elementary school says using Afterpay to shop, “makes me feel a bit less guilty [about spending], because I’m not paying in full [right away],” she says. This is something Terrence Shulman, the founder of The Shulman Center for Compulsive Theft, Spending and Hoarding, has seen with shoppers (even those who don’t have addictive spending habits). “Gimmicks like Afterpay make you think, ‘Ok, I’m not just whipping out a credit card and paying for this all at once.’ The psychology is similar to things like flash sales or offers to make a purchase without interest for a year,” he says. “But that still doesn’t mean you can actually afford it. You feel like you’re getting a deal and that’s very seductive—but it doesn’t mean you’re not spending above your means.”
While financial experts I spoke to said that Afterpay could be better than a credit card because there’s no interest, they were all very wary of the service. For one, those late fees still add up. Afterpay made $28.4 million, or one-quarter of their overall earnings, off those fees last year. And in Australia, users of buy-now-pay-later companies owe more than a whopping $900 million. The Australian Securities & Investments Commission also found that, “one in six buy now pay later users (16 percent) believed they had experienced at least one type of negative impact due to a buy now pay later arrangement. This included becoming overdrawn, delaying bill payments, and borrowing additional money from family, friends or another loan provider.” (Afterpay is too new the U.S. to have similar data here.)
But most of all, financial experts worry that Afterpay and its cousins only teach us to live outside our means. “When it comes to discretionary spending on things like makeup, clothes, jewelry and other non-essentials, I don’t recommend using any form of payment plan. Even a credit card,” says Stefanie O’Connell, a millennial personal finance author. “Afterpay is disturbing because it gets you into the habit of spending money you don’t have. There’s nothing wrong with the occasional luxury splurge, but if you can’t afford it—meaning you can’t afford to fund the entire purchase when you make it—it’s not worth the tradeoff of putting yourself in a position where you might have to incur additional debt or leave yourself vulnerable if an unexpected expense or emergency arises.” We need to get real about our spending: If there’s not enough in your account for the cult classic Mansur Gavriel bucket bag, empty your cart, log off the Afterpay app, and step away from the computer—no matter how alluring those four small payments look. Your savings, and your future self, will thank you.
I haven’t taken the plunge and purchased the Marais heels. Not just because it’s winter here in New York, but because I know that my bank statement at the end of says I can’t afford them. But I did recently get a call from my 20-year-old little sister who was giddy to tell me that she finally bought the out-of-her-price-range $150 KKW Beauty Glam Bible Bundle—thanks to Afterpay. And another user is born.
We talk a lot about body hair around here, whether those are ways to help you remove it (laser hair removal, anyone?), celebrities who prefer to show it off, and this month’s #Januhairy pro-stubble movement. And we haven’t forgotten about the razor brands themselves, who have made strides to present a more inclusive attitude toward body hair, including showing it in their advertising instead of the unrealistically hairless bodies historically depicted. Women have applauded the changes, seen as both overdue and refreshing—which makes it even more of a head-scratcher that men have picked up their pitchforks and logged onto Twitter in order to voice their disdain over a new Gillette commercial.
The new commercial poses Gillette’s tagline, “The Best a Man Can Get,” as more of a question, forcing viewers to come to terms with the bullying, sexual aggression, and toxic masculinity that often accompanies “manliness.” (It’s worth noting that the American Psychological Association recently released a paper tying toxic masculinity to depression and other adverse health effects.)
Because while some men think of a sort of masculinity epitomized by the mustachioed, woodworking Ron Swanson, it often takes an insidious turn instead. The commercial depicts physical fighting, a quick but perfect demonstration of mansplaining, and catcalling—along with the usual excuses of “boys will be boys”—followed by human decency prevailing, whether it’s men breaking up said fights or intervening in sexual harassment. The ultimate lesson: Teach the next generation of boys to be a little more decent.
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Doesn’t that sound nice—and sort of how you’d want to raise your kids anyway? Not really, according to certain men of the Internet. (If you’re wondering whether noted mysoginist Piers Morgan, recently owned by both Sophie Turner and Ariana Grande in recent days, has weighed in, you’re right!)
Gillette isn’t just relying on the advertisement to incite change, though. The brand will also donate $1 million every year for the next three years to organizations that help men become good role models, starting with The Boys & Girls Clubs of America. The multi-pronged effort will help keep them true to their goal.
“The heart of this effort is a desire to see men at their best and highlight the positive examples they set for the next generation,” says the brand via a spokesperson. “We believe in the best in men—and we want to show that. We believe in men as positive role models. We believe in men who lead with respect and inclusion. We believe in men who are doing everything they can to raise the next generation in the best way they can.”
We can’t argue with that. And despite the backlash and inevitable boycott, it’s nice to see a men’s shaving brand taking a stance.
This story is part of a 10-part series profiling the “warrior women” behind the Hello Sunshine x Together Live tour, a band of all-female storytellers who traveled to 10 cities across North America in November. On tour, the women shared their stories and songs, and made 10,000 women across though country laugh and cry. Learn more about Hello Sunshine x Together Live here—and get excited to join the party in 2019.
Hosting a holiday party always seems like a good idea, in theory. A cozy night in with friends—nothing fancy!—with some festive sweaters and Santa-themed Champagne cocktails. What could possibly go wrong? But then, day-of, you find yourself simultaneously cooking and cleaning and yelling “Where’s the effing cookie platter?” while cursing Martha Stewart for ever setting an “easy-but-elegant” table. And suddenly all you want to do is bolt the door and drink the Champagne straight from the bottle.
But there’s good news, beleaguered hostesses: It’s possible to host a party without making yourself with miserable. Inspired by Priya Parker, author of The New York Times BestsellerThe Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters, people everywhere are enjoying gatherings more—and worrying less about what direction the knife is supposed to face. Below, find Priya’s advice, in her own words. And then follow it, starting now.
I grew up with images of what I thought the perfect dinner party had to look like: a beautifully set table, gorgeous wine glasses, a vase of flowers set just so. I attended cotillion classes as a pre-teen, where an instructor would roll out a white-clothed table and instruct us on how to properly display a napkin, where to set teaspoons, and what to do if you drop a fork on the floor. (Leave it there.) I’d leaf through my stepmother’s hosting diary from the ’70s, where she meticulously captured which recipe she tried, to whom she served it, and the date. I grew up with the implicit message that there was a right way of gathering and that it took a particular form. And, furthermore, that if you got the “things” of a gathering right–the food, the settings, the wine–the night would be a success. And implicitly, to gather well, one had to eventually obtain those specific things and follow a specific inherited form. And, lucky me, there was an entire industry designed to help me on my way.
Years later, I became a group conflict resolution facilitator and found myself designing experiences for Hindus and Muslims after riots in India trying to rebuild their neighborhoods, for the World Economic Forum trying to find its way to a more authentic culture, and for government agencies trying to figure out how to revamp a national poverty program. What all these gatherings had in common was that no one had any idea what they “should” look like. And because of that, we had freedom to invent. In addition to my own work, I set out to study the world’s most remarkable gatherings, and in speaking with over a hundred gatherers around the world, I learned a mantra that has deeply freed me in my own hosting: It doesn’t have to look a certain way. In fact, gatherings are far more interesting, meaningful, and memorable when they don’t. As you get ready for the holidays, and for a new year, here are some tips to help you host meaningfully on your own terms:
Throw a “Worn-Out Mom’s Hootenanny,” Not a Dinner Party
Spending time and energy on our gatherings isn’t what is making us miserable. Rather, spending time and energy on predictable, routine gatherings is. When our gatherings go into autopilot, it’s hard to connect meaningfully. Instead of starting with the supposed form of something (a dinner party, a workshop, a house party), start with a need in your life you could gather around and then design afresh around it. Take for example, a dinner party Jancee Dunn, a writer, wanted to host at her place. She came to me for advice on how to “Art of Gather-ify” her dinner party. Rather than giving her tips on the form of a dinner party, I asked her instead: What is a need in your life right now that by gathering other specific people they could help you fulfill? She said that she, in addition to being a writer, was a worn-out mom. She realized how worn out she was when a friend cut her a PBJ into triangles, and she felt so deeply taken care of. Jancee wanted a night where she wasn’t only in the care-taking role, and thought perhaps she could host something to gather her other worn-out mom friends. She gave it a name: The Worn-Out Mom’s Hootenanny. She gave it a rule: If you talk about your kids, you have to take a shot. She emailed six mom friends the idea and they all RSVP’d yes immediately. She took a general evening and made it specific, disputable, and exciting.
Don’t Assume a Party Has to Look a Certain Way
A friend of mine was leaving a well-paid job to become a metal artist and wanted to host a gathering to mark the transition. But rather than just hosting a party and inviting everyone in her life to it, she invited a subset of people: those who gave her courage. Like many of us, she had a range of people in her life who had various opinions about her decisions. She certainly had a set of peers and colleagues who thought she was nuts to leave a high-paying, prestigious job to explore something that was effectively more of a hobby. And she also had people in her life that thought it was awesome and admired the decision. She invited a subset of us—who didn’t all know each other—for a dinner to help her commit to her choice, mark it, and go through with it. She asked us each to bring a poem or some words to share with the group that have helped us when we took big risks. After some general hanging out, she gathered everyone into the living room and we sat on the floor around a glass coffee table and munched on some carrots and celery sticks and mozzarella balls. There were a few bottles of wine open. She started the evening by talking about why she was going to leave this job, and why she believed so deeply in pursuing metal artistry. She said that she was also scared about her choice, and asked us each there to help keep her on her decision when she felt wobbly. I felt immediately drawn in, and inspired by both her boldness and her vulnerability. She had made up a structure for the evening that fit her needs: To tap a sub-community in her life to help her uphold a decision when it got scary. And, she let us know that we could actually help her with that. We each had a chance to share our reading and any advice we had. And the evening became a night of stories and risk-taking and community. It was her “farewell party,” but there was no sheet cake.
Don’t Over-Include
If you’re anything like me, you grew up with the age-old adage, “The more, the merrier.” That is certainly true for football games and barn-raising, but it is not true for many of the moments we typically gather. When you know why you’re gathering and what for, it’s the more the scarier. Before my husband and I were married, we had gone home for the holidays and were going to get our parents together for an afternoon tea to get to know each other better. My parents happened to have an aunt visiting, and it happened to be her birthday. At the last minute, she wanted to come, too. To her surprise, we asked that she not come because it was such a rare occasion for our two sets of parents to meet before our marriage. And, effectively, she wasn’t a parent. It wasn’t personal, it was purposeful.
If You Think You’re Over-Doing It, You Probably Are
“People are throwing birthday parties for their 1-year-olds with photo booths and a cake-smash portrait session and a sit-down meal, and the parents are miserable and over-spending, and the kid would rather be home with them and an empty box, anyway,” an editor friend said recently. “Amirite?” She is right. When we get stuck to the form of something, we think reciprocity has to be in the same form (and take the same financial value). They had a bouncy house at their birthday party, how can we not? This is a recipe for collective misery. Instead, assuming each family is different, ask: “What is a need in my kids’ life right now, that by gathering people together in a certain way could help fulfill?”
“Maximize your gathering for the people in the room. And if the magic was hard to capture for someone who wasn’t there, you’re probably moving in the right direction.”
Don’t Aim for Instagrammable. Aim For “You Had to Be There”
One danger of Instagram is that, because it is a visual medium, it rewards moments that are visually captivating to people who are not there. A stunning table setting is easier to capture than a memorable conversation. A group selfie is imminently more postable than a conversation about how to deal with sick parents, or how to choose the right partner, or even, what to do about location monitoring services and the tradeoff between privacy and convenience. The danger of the Instagrammable gathering is that you start making trade-offs between two different audiences: the real-life, flesh-and-blood guests in front of you, and those not there. Sometimes these two audiences have the same needs, but more often than not, they don’t. Think ahead of time about your “phone philosophy” and set some norms around when and how (and if) people can take photos of the gathering, and whether and how to share them. As we’ve seen over and over, when we believe we are being watched or will later be seen by some future audience, our behavior changes. Maximize your gathering for the people in the room. And if the magic was hard to capture for someone who wasn’t there, you’re probably moving in the right direction.
Visit Priya online at priyaparker.com, buy The Art of Gathering here, and follow Priya on Instagram at @priyaparker, where you will not find any overwrought “did it for the ‘gram” party selfies.
