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Miranda Kerr Says Women 'Need to Make a Little Effort' When It Comes to Pleasing a Man


If you’re having trouble pleasing your man, Miranda Kerr has an easy solution. All it takes is a fancy dress, some candles, and learning to “slip into” your “feminine”—whatever that means.

In May, the model and mother walked down the aisle to wed Snapchat CEO Evan Spiegel. Now, she’s opening up about her married life, saying the apparent key to her marital success is due to a rather old-school tip she picked up from her grandmother.

“My grandma taught me that men are visual and you need to make a little effort,” Kerr told The Edit in a recent interview. She revealed that when her husband comes home, she’s always prepared with the perfect mood lighting and a brand new outfit.

“…When [Evan] comes home, I make sure to have a nice dress on and the candles lit,” she said. “We make time to have a nice dinner together.”

Must be nice! But don’t put away your notebook yet, ladies, because Kerr has some more top-notch advice for you.

Kerr noted that she may be a boss in the boardroom with her skincare line KORA Organics, but she tries to bring out her “feminine” side at home—which she equates to being submissive—for Spiegel.

“At work, I’m like, ‘We need to do this!’ and, ‘This needs to happen!’ But at home, I slip into my feminine and empower Evan to be in his masculine,” Kerr revealed.

When asked what she meant by “slip into your feminine,” Kerr said, “Just be more in my feelings. More gentle, leaning back. It’s a nice balance.”

Kerr went on to credit some of her business’ success to Speigel, saying the Snapchat co-founder “inspired her” to focus more of her energy on her own company rather than wasting it on other peoples’.

“He said, ‘Why are you spending your energy working for other companies when you should be focusing on your own? You need to take a risk. If you believe in this, put everything into it,'” Kerr said.

Her marriage advice may be a little antiquated, but Kerr’s unorthodox beauty regimes are anything but. She’s apparently a fan of leech facials—”You can feel their little teeth,” she said—and magnet treatments that involve placing magnets all over your body for 15 minutes. “It’s magic,” she said. Whatever floats your boat, girl.



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Reese Witherspoon Has Something to Say to Women About Ambition


Flashback to November 2015: Reese Witherspoon stood onstage at Glamour’s Women of the Year gala at Car­negie Hall, looked up to the rafters, where hundreds of girls were sitting on the edge of their seat, and declared, “I believe ambition is not a dirty word.” Witherspoon’s powerful rallying cry struck a nerve: The room roared, and the speech went viral. One Facebook commenter put it best when she said, “I just want Reese Witherspoon sitting on my shoulder whispering ambition into my ear for the rest of my life.”

Two years later Witherspoon has doubled down on her ambition to create work that moves the needle for women. Big Little Lies, the HBO miniseries she produced and starred in, racked up 16 Emmy nominations. She’s starring in two movies, Home Again, in theaters now, and A Wrinkle in Time, out next year, both directed by women. With her production company, Pacific Standard, and new multimedia company, Hello Sunshine, Wither­spoon wants to capitalize on the demand for women’s stories and tell them in every single medium: TV, film, and online.

That energy? It’s infectious—and needed right now. We asked Witherspoon to give us all another pep talk on the power of female ambition. She delivered with this heartfelt essay.


I worked for a long time on my speech for Women of the Year. At the time, I was reading a lot of articles about how people find ambition in women to be a negative trait. There was a Columbia University study that concluded that a woman with ambitious traits seemed selfish and less worthy of being hired than a man with the same traits, which made me wonder, What the heck is wrong with being ambitious? I have been ambitious all my life. In fact, I vividly remember telling my third-grade teacher that I wanted to be the first female president of the United States. Ambition is simply a drive inside of you—it’s having a curiosity or a new idea and the desire to pursue it. I asked the audience a question that night in Carnegie Hall: What if all women were encouraged to be a bit more ambitious?

Bottega Veneta dress. Carole Tanenbaum Vintage Collection earrings.

We have seen a lot of ambitious women at work since I gave that speech in 2015. It’s been exciting for me to watch women in my business secure some major wins: Watching Felicity Jones play a great female protagonist in Rogue One felt phenomenal (and the film made over $1 billion at the global box office). Patty Jenkins and Gal Gadot powered Wonder Woman to tremendous box office success—those are the kinds of movies I wanted to see as a little girl. Stories with powerful women at the center.

But to be honest, in the past two years, there have also been days when I’ve seen what’s playing out in the news for women and felt completely hopeless. I get defeated when I see news that major corporations are paying top male executives significantly more than top female executives, or that women are marching for the same rights they were marching for 45 years ago. It definitely feels backward for women to be fighting for fundamental health care. I mean…really? If our representatives value women’s health in this country as much as they claim they do, how can they even contemplate denying women access to cervical or breast cancer screenings? You can’t help our kids, our country, or our future if you don’t take care of women. That feels pretty simple to me.

But I am a glass-half-full person. I’ll tell you why.

I remember, 15 years ago, being a young actress and starting to audition for movies in L.A. There were always a lot of young women waiting in the green room for their shot at the one part there was for a girl in any given movie. Because that’s all there was—one part. As I got some of those parts, I would arrive on set to realize I was the only girl with a speaking part. There were also no women in the crew: Maybe a girl or two in the wardrobe department, but no one in any other department. I was literally surrounded by 150 men. I remember thinking it was odd that women made up half the population but such small percentages of roles in Hollywood, on and off the screen.

“Run away from a man who can’t handle your ambition. So many men think ambition is sexy.”

Fast-forward to today, and I have never been on the job with so many women, ever. Women ran the sets of the next two movies I’m appearing in. On Home Again I was lucky enough to work with Nancy Meyers—one of the most successful female writers, directors, and producers of our time, who has made some of my favorite movies, from The Intern to Something’s Gotta Give to Father of the Bride—and her daughter, Hallie Meyers-Shyer, the 30-year-old first-time filmmaker who wrote and directed the movie. I really related to the character Hallie created, a separated mother of two kids who is struggling with a central question (which is one my friends and I talk about all the time): Is this the life you’re supposed to be living? It was amazing to watch a mother-daughter creative team be in charge of every department, keeping all the trains running on time. The second film is A Wrinkle in Time, which was written by Jennifer Lee, who wrote Frozen, and directed by Ava DuVernay, who directed the award-winning films Selma and 13th.

Ava is making history as the first African American woman to direct a movie with a budget of over $100 million, and she is creating a world where an African American girl, Storm Reid, is the hero of a huge supernatural story about good versus evil. Her guides through the universe are Oprah, Mindy Kaling, and me—and we are definitely a new kind of superhero in film. Instead of punching, blasting, and shooting bad guys, we guide with wisdom and love and a healthy dose of magic. I got to go to work every day and sit for three hours in the hair and makeup trailer with Oprah and Mindy, whom I admire so much, and talk to them about everything from running a business to writing a novel to finding the perfect English muffins. Needless to say, it was a dream job.

Draper James sweater. Gucci sunglasses.

And guess what else is great? People want to see dynamic women onscreen. Big Little Lies featured five actresses who were 25 to 50 years old, and 8.5 million people on average watched each episode. We had a pretty gender-balanced audience too, proving men are interested in women’s lives. I could not be prouder of the response we got from the audience.

TV and streaming together are definitely changing the game for female roles. Today 38 percent of major characters on TV are women, which is not equal, but it’s pretty good. With the gates opening for women’s stories, you just feel like so much is going to come out of this time for women.

And I hope it does, because the film and TV business still needs to make meaningful change. Some people are realizing that projects with female leads are big-time moneymaking commodities, but I’ve also had studio heads say to me, “We don’t want to make biopics about women,” or more simply, “We’re not interested in female-driven material.” (My first go-round as a producer with Gone Girl? Every studio passed but one. When the book hit number one on the best-seller lists, it was a different story.) Women made up just 29 percent of protagonists in last year’s highest-grossing films—that’s a new high, but come on…it’s not even a third.

Another thing I think about a lot is how it feels to be a minority woman in America, so rarely seeing yourself onscreen, and it’s unconscionable. When I asked Mindy Kaling, “Don’t you ever get exhausted by always having to create your own roles?” she said, “Reese, I’ve never had anything that I didn’t create for myself.” I thought, Wow, I feel like a jerk for asking that; I used to have parts that just showed up for me. I can’t imagine how hard it is to write your own parts and simultaneously have to change people’s perceptions of what a woman of color is in today’s society.

The stakes are also much higher for stories about women. There is a lot of pressure to generate a huge profit. When any movie with a group of women starring in it doesn’t make heaps of money, the studio takeaway is that those types of films “aren’t working.” But the truth is not every movie works. It happens. If the director is a woman, she gets personally penalized too. It is definitely easier for a male director with a few flops under his belt to get another job directing; that’s not the case for women. Shouldn’t female filmmakers get as many shots as men do?

Miu Miu faux-fur coat. Wilfred Free for Aritzia bodysuit. Céline earring.

Or how about a shot, period? Women directors, writers, and producers still face considerable challenges just getting hired in the first place. Only about one in four people working in those roles in TV are women; in film it’s even worse—17 percent.

This is what I’m really trying to change.

Because here’s the deal: You can complain about these things. You can get stuck in the emotion of it—and sometimes I do, and I get really angry. I’ll get pissed off and stomp around the house. The anger comes from such a deep, real place for me. But my mother always said to me, “If you want something done, do it yourself.”

So I started a production company five years ago to create more roles for women onscreen and behind the scenes. Today I have something like 23 projects in the works driven by great female characters of different ages and races. There is a film about an astronaut, a film about the entrepreneur who invented Barbie, and a film about the young, brave American girls who were the first women to serve alongside Special Ops in 2010 in Afghanistan. I think it’s worth noting, I self-funded my production company for years. I think there’s this fallacy that because I’ve been an actor, people are going to hand me stuff. Nobody hands me anything. I’ll wake up earlier; I’ll stay up later. I will put my money where my mouth is. I have to read faster, and I respond quicker than other producers. I have to call and call and call executives until they say yes to my projects.

“I can tell that I’m considered a player [as a producer] now because of the respect I get from studio heads. They call me back quicker.”

After the presidential election I wanted to do even more: What surprised me most was how divided women felt. So many women in our country clearly did not feel seen. So I started a new multi­media company, Hello Sunshine, in order to seek out women from all over the U.S., to hear about their joys and struggles, and encourage them to be storytellers in all kinds of mediums. I want to create more opportunity on a smaller level that translates to a higher level.

All we can do to create change is work hard. That’s my advice: Just do what you do well. If you’re a producer, you’ve got to produce. If you’re a writer, you’ve got to write. If you’re in corporate America, keep working hard to bust through the glass ceiling. If you want our voices to be represented in government—and I think we’re all getting behind that idea now—encourage women to run and help them with their campaigns. If you are one of those people who has that little voice in the back of her mind saying, “Maybe I could do [fill in the blank],” don’t tell it to be quiet. Give it a little room to grow, and try to find an environment it can grow in.

Finding that environment is so important: I just had a conversation with a gal in graduate school at Stanford, and she said, “Like you, I’m small, blond, and opinionated, and it’s not received very well at my company. They don’t want to hear my opinion, but I know that I have things to offer that are additive and helpful.” And I said, “Maybe you’re not at the right company. If people don’t value those qualities, it’s time to move on.” That’s true in a relationship, at work, in a friendship. There’s no point toiling away and wasting your ambition on people who don’t value your strengths.

It also helps to have people behind you who are supportive. Anytime I feel defeated, my husband says, “Come over here, you’re the best! You’re going to do this movie, and you’re going to be great!” He gives me pep talks with a lot of sports metaphors that I don’t always understand. He says, “Did Jordan Spieth quit after he imploded on the final round at Augusta?” I’m like, “Ummm…I don’t know, did he?” And then he says, “No. When you’re great, you don’t give up. And he went on to win the British Open this year.” Then I understand! He took that experience and turned it into success. You gotta love my sports-loving husband.

Sonia Rykiel dress. Erickson Beamon earrings. Roger Vivier heels.

When I saw the recent Harvard study that found that single female M.B.A. students downplayed their career ambitions in front of male classmates for fear of possibly hurting their marriage prospects, I thought, UGH. Run away from a man who can’t handle your ambition. Run. So many men think ambition is awesome and sexy!

My two older kids are teenagers now, and they will pull me aside and say, “I’m really proud of you, Mom.” It means a lot to me to have two kids who support my ambition to change perceptions of women. As moms, we have a unique opportunity to keep changing this attitude that ambition is an ugly quality in women. That it makes you unlikeable. What is likeable anyway? I’m allergic to that word. (Personally, I like to sit next to the most irreverent person at a party…that’s what I find likeable!) We have to do our part to change the idea that a woman with passion and ambition is out only for herself. So talk to your kids about ambition as a positive trait in men and women.

And when your ambition pays off, I encourage you to give your sisters a little goose out the door by helping to nurture their ambitions. With Big Little Lies this year, I had my third producing success. It took me three successful productions—Gone Girl, Wild, and Big Little Lies—to be considered a real player in the producer game. I can tell that I’m considered a player now because of the respect I get from studio heads. They call me back quicker and give me thoughtful responses when I pitch ideas. It has been quite a shift for me. But it makes me especially happy and proud that I’m now called by other actresses who ask, “Will you find something to produce with me?” Which is really nice. And I will because these women deserve better parts and an opportunity to reach people with their tremendous talent.

One of my girlfriends asked me the other day, “Is there anything that you wish you could change about yourself?” I thought about it, and I said, “Sometimes I wish I could turn off my ambition. Every Monday I have a new idea of what I want to accomplish, or how I want to effect change, and I get run down.” When I have those days when I’m exhausted, I go to bed early, and I find that my mission to change things is what gets me up again the next morning.

I guess it’s just who I am—that’s a whole other topic, by the way, finding out who you are, but this essay is about ambition, right?

So back to my question at Carnegie Hall…what would happen if we encouraged all women to be a little more ambitious?

I think the world would change.


Photographer: Emma Summerton
Fashion Editor: Jillian Davison

This article originally appeared in the October 2017 issue of Glamour. For more personal stories, celebrity content, and news about women who inspire us, subscribe to Glamour for just $5.



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A Shocking Amount of Women Say Period Pain Has Affected Their Job


Despite what some men try to claim, period pain is zero percent a myth for many women. Wrenching waves of cramps, throbbing lower back pain, and vise-like headaches are par for the course every month for some of us, with varying levels of pain—and that doesn’t include the sudden onsets of tears, general rage, or never-ending refrigerator raids others experience. But what’s even worse than having to go through all of this every 28 days or so is that we still have to schlep our bloated, pained selves to an office in work-appropriate clothing (versus our old college sweats), pretend like nothing’s wrong, and make it through the day.

As miserable as those nine-plus hours of work can feel, though, there’s probably some solidarity in the office: 42 percent of women said that period pain has affected their job, according to a recent YouGov survey. Unfortunately, 82 percent also said that their employers don’t make any accommodations for this recurring health issue that half the population faces.

According to the survey, most women whose period pain is so severe that they have to take time off don’t feel comfortable telling their employers the real reason. Out of the 30 percent of respondents who said their period pain was bad enough that they stayed home, 68 percent said that they didn’t tell their supervisors the real reason. Only 6 percent of the total respondents said that they’d be comfortable discussing with their boss that period pain was affecting their work.

There’s still a long way to go for most companies when it comes to acknowledging this, however—and sadly, there’s precedent for women to be nervous about discussing debilitating period pain with their supervisors. Although some companies allow women to take period leave, other women have been fired for getting their period on the job. In June, a model was allegedly fired by Hyundai after asking repeatedly (and not being allowed) to use the bathroom to change her tampon during an auto show she was working (Hyundai said the model was fired due to “poor performance”). More recently, a 911 call taker was allegedly fired due to accidental period leaks at work.

To be clear, no one is asking for a ready supply of hot water bottles in the break room (although…), but a little understanding—and maybe not getting fired—would go a long way in corporate culture.

Related Stories:
Woman Sues Former Employer for Firing Her Over a Heavy Period
This Model Claims She Got Shamed and Fired for Being on Her Period During a Job
Do Our Brains Really Work Differently When We’re on Our Periods?



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Lady Gaga on Pop, Politics, and the Power of Women


Not even 24 hours after the presidential election results, Lady Gaga was protesting outside Trump Towers in New York City. Those who have followed the pop singer’s career shouldn’t be surprised by this: She’s always been outspoken about issues she believes in—from LGBTQ+ empowerment (“Born This Way”) to sexual assault awareness (“‘Til It Happens to You”) to the Black Lives Matter movement (see this tweet). Gaga’s transparency about everything—not just her politics—is one of the qualities fans love most about her. They see themselves in her—and she sees herself in them.

It’s why Mother Monster seeks projects and partnerships that “give back” to fans and allows them to see even more of her. She’s always putting them first and offering glimpses into her inner circle—whether it’s through Verizon Up, a new rewards program that gives customers the opportunity to snag VIP tickets and backstages passes to her Joanne world tour, or releasing a new documentary on Netflix, aptly titled Gaga: Five Foot Two, that was created by some of her closest friends.

Nearly 10 years into her illustrious pop music career, Gaga is still finding ways to connect with her fans. In that span of time, Gaga has also redefined what it means to be a pop star—especially a female one. She talks about that—plus politics, her documentary, and so much more—in our refreshingly candid chat, below.

GLAMOUR: You were the first woman to ever headline Wrigley Stadium last week. What did that feel like?

LADY GAGA: It was very special; I was very honored. I didn’t know until that morning when someone told me, so it was a surprise as well. I feel so lucky that I got to be that first woman performer, but I did say to the audience that I was so sorry they had to wait over 100 years for a woman to headline.

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GLAMOUR: You’ve been in pop music for over a decade. How different is the industry for women now versus when you started?

GAGA: It’s so interesting. When I started 10 years ago, things were very much about everybody being super perfect and glammed up [and] everything being clean and beautiful and a sort of very particular perception of a woman. I was always very against that; everybody always thought I was dressed weird or artsy or too creative. And then over the years everyone artistically loosened up in their own ways.

Now I see all kinds of avant-garde visuals and very unique senses of style for a lot of women. I think that’s how we’ve changed, and I don’t think I was the only person to do that. There were many of us, and it’s nice to see. It’s important for women to feel like they can break away from any particular image. Pink talked about that at the MTV [Video Music] Awards. I really like what she said about her daughter.

GLAMOUR: There were a lot of political messages at the VMAs, too. I know you protested Donald Trump’s presidential win the day after the election. How has the current political climate changed the way you approach your live shows?

GAGA: It doesn’t change how I do my live shows. It changes everything. What we’ve all experienced—it’s not just something I apply to when I’m on stage singing. I apply it to my life. These are our morals and our ethics and values on the line, so I carry them with me through my day and then on the stage.

GLAMOUR: This is a very scary time for many women right now. Where do you hope things go over the next couple of years?

GAGA: I hope that we continue a process of healing, as well as a process of continuing to help each other. More education for women. More jobs for women. More equal opportunities for women. More women to be taken seriously. And I think more than anything we wish to be heard and not to be shut down. I think this is a good thing to think about for any community; what is important is that our voices be heard and not swallowed in an abyss of history.

GLAMOUR: Do you have any hopes for women in music over the next couple of years?

GAGA: I hope to see women thriving and happy, loving what they’re doing, and being in control and powerful of what they create. You mentioned earlier what it meant to be a woman in this industry [10 years ago] and what it means [now]; I guess what I would say as much as we all love the fashion and the makeup and the glamour, this isn’t a beauty pageant. It’s about the heart and the drive and the work. Of course, it’s lovely to dress up and compliment one another and feel good—but that shouldn’t be the very first thing.

GLAMOUR: You have a Netflix documentary coming out in September. Why did you decide to do that? And why now?

GAGA: I, in a lot of ways, have not a lot to do with the documentary. I had a lot to do with it because I allowed them access to me. I decided when I allowed them to film and what I’d be OK with them filming. But this was a piece that was created by my friends because they wanted people to see me the way they do and to know me the way they do. It’s really for no other reason other than the sake of art and a documentary of friends who love each other. You know me, it’s not about the money a lot of the time.

GLAMOUR: What can fans expect from the documentary?

GAGA: I actually don’t know what to tell you because I haven’t seen it the whole way through. I’ve only seen little pieces of it. I do not really want to give much of my two-cents because I can’t be objective about watching myself, you know?

GLAMOUR: You also have this new partnership with Verizon Up. What drew you to that?

GAGA: I always like to give back to my fans and get them a little bit closer every time. I’m really excited that Verizon is partaking in that because it means more people get upgraded. We have people that come and do backstage meet-and-greets where I take a picture with them and they see the stage up close.

GLAMOUR: Final question: Next year marks the 10-year anniversary of The Fame. If you could tell your 2008 self one thing, what would it be?

GAGA: “Hold on.” That’s what I would tell myself. I would tell myself to hold on.

Related Stories:

Lady Gaga Messed Up the Lyrics to ‘Bad Romance’ in Concert and Recovered Like a Pro



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This Women's Equality Day, Brooklyn Decker and Whitney Casey Want More Women in Fashion Tech


In a time when just about every day is a holiday for something (did you know it’s National Banana Split Day?), there are a few occasions worth taking the time to commemorate. A big one for us is August 26—otherwise known as Women’s Equality Day. It was first celebrated back in 1971, in honor of the ratification of the 19th Amendment (the one that gives women the right to vote). In the years since, it has become an opportunity to honor and recognize the accomplishments of women in a diverse range of fields and their contributions to society.

For Brooklyn Decker, a former model, actress, and tech entrepreneur, this year’s Women’s Equality Day holds special meaning. She and her longtime friend, former broadcast journalist Whitney Casey, founded the fashion start-up Finery back in March. It’s marketed as the first “closet operating system” that catalogues and styles every item you own for maximum usage, addressing the classic “so many clothes, but nothing to wear” dilemma for 10,000+ users since it launched.

Their service aims to solve everyday wardrobing issues for their customers, but Decker and Casey are just as invested in uplifting other female business owners with big ideas: Glamour caught up with the Finery founders at a recent Women’s Equality Day panel featuring female executives and entrepreneurs, hosted by Keds and LOLA. As we chatted about everything from the company’s next steps to the one clothing item that Decker should maybe cut back on, one thing was clear: If Women’s Equality Day were a holiday that came with a wishlist, Decker and Casey would ask for more leading women in fashion tech. Read on.

PHOTO: Astrid Stawiarz

Whitney Casey, Finery CEO (left), and Brooklyn Decker, Finery CDO, at the Keds + Lola Women’s Equality Day panel.

Glamour: August 26 is Women’s Equality Day. As female entrepreneurs, why is this occasion important to you?

Brooklyn Decker: It’s important to us mostly because our company is geared towards making the lives of women run more efficiently. Every single day, day in and day out, we’re thinking: How do we make the world better for women? It’s something that’s on our minds all the time, so to have a day where it’s actually celebrated officially feels really special. And to do it with a friend just makes it really personal and special.

Whitney Casey: And we’re always saying, “it’s always hard when you want to start a company with your friend.” But I feel like women are so multidimensional that we can change that stigma [around working with friends]. This day is kind of to celebrate that, too. We’re well beyond that, we can do that—we can raise kids, we can have a business while we’re making a [gestures at Decker, who’s expecting her second child, a girl], making a female coder inside.

B.D.: Exactly! It’s very exciting.

Glamour: As we’ve seen in the news this year, it can be tough to be a woman in tech. As you were thinking about starting Finery, were there any women-led brands that inspired you?

B.D.: There are so few women in the tech space. We reached out to several for guidance when we did start, and a lot of our funders are actually females. Miroslava Duma is one of them, who is known for funding a lot of female-run technology and fashion companies. We really love The Real Real, that’s run by [Julie Wainwright]… Who else?

W.C.: Rent the Runway, [led by] Jen Hyman—she’s amazing. We’re finally getting products for us, for women, because women are making them.

B.D.: And that’s the only way it’s gonna happen.

W.C.: But we need more capital. We need more [venture capitalists] to fund female-led companies. Because right now, [most] technology is made by men. And [it’s technology] for women!

Glamour: And on that note, what has leading Finery taught the two of you about being leaders for other women?

B.D.: [Women’s Equality Day] was originated because it celebrated the right for women to vote. You look at what women have done before us and how hard they had to fight before we got here—we’re now reaping the benefits of all that they’ve done. Now, it’s our job to employ women, to provide opportunities, to use the gifts bestowed upon us, to help the generations that follow. A lot of people [at Finery] are in their early twenties, but that’s a good ten, fifteen years younger than we are. We employ a lot of women, and I think that’s one of the biggest things you can do as a female running a company.

W.C.: You have to lead by example. If you want capital to go to women, we have to put capital into women, in our own company, so that they can go make their own brands. [We have to] show them that it’s not insurmountable. You can have all of these things—and capital will be available to you—if you’re building the products of the future that prove it out. It’s exciting because there are very few frontiers that women haven’t been able to conquer, and with [the majority of tech] companies being made by men, this is exciting.

B.D.: It’s a new frontier for women.

Glamour: On that note, Finery is solving the problem of feeling like you have “nothing to wear,” even with a ton of clothes in your closet. Are there any other fashion and style problems facing women that you would like to see solved in the future?

B.D.: We have so many that we’re tackling. We want to do it all. We want [Finery] to be the first place you go to when you’re thinking about buying an item; we want [it] to be the last place you go to when you want to get rid of your item, whether it’s to resell or donate or trade. That’s what we’re building Finery to do. There are so many ways to interact with your clothing. I think the biggest obstacle is showing women what they have so that they don’t have to go and and spend extra on stuff that they already own. But we have a wishlist feature where you can collect all the things that you like online and put them into one place; we give you sales notifications; we have a calendar feature where you can pack on our site. There’s so many things we’re working to build.

W.C.: And we remind you when things need to be returned. That’s kind of a schtick with retailers—they don’t want you to know, but we say, “Hey, three days left to return, seven days left, don’t forget!”

B.D.: We’re trying to cover every sort of facet of your wardrobe and every way that you interact with it, so that it becomes second nature for you, and it’s one of those things that you don’t have to worry about.

W.C.: And in the future, you’ll be walking around thinking, “I have a connected closet, how did I not have it [before]?” Now, you don’t need to be in front of your closet—you should be able to carry it around with you. We want every woman to have [that] in the future. It’s like a playlist. You pick out your outfits, and we start making them for you.

Glamour: What did you learn about your own wardrobe while you were developing Finery? Is there one item that you have too much of?

B.D.: Overalls! I own way too many pairs of overalls. And midi skirts for Whitney—she has way too many.

W.C.: We could have answered that question for each other because we look at each other’s wardrobes all the time. And I’m like, “You should wear this, this, this, and this” in her Finery wardrobe. And she’s like, “You should not buy any more midi or over-the-knee boots.”

B.D.: Midi skirts, over-the-knee boots, and skinny jeans! It’s too much. And I wouldn’t have known that had I not seen it.

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Health

Study Insists That Men Have Just As Much Work-Life Stress as Women, and I'm Not Here For It


Motherhood isn’t about finding a way to fit everything in or, god forbid, have it all. You learn that pretty quickly—say, two to three weeks into this mess. Trying to do it, you discover, will only lead to a cascade of tears in a restaurant bathroom where you’re shoving toilet paper into your bra to keep milk from leaking out onto the only “business-y” top you own that gracefully covers the band of tissue pregnancy left behind on your pelvis. Instead, you become a professional triage consultant, sorting through must-do’s and should-do’s and it-would-be-nice-ifs, and then cramming errands and activities into the brief flashes of “free time” that pop up between washing the last bottle and making the next one. This shouldn’t come as a shock to anyone, but mothers are almost certainly the most stressed out demographic in this country.

A recently released study claims that isn’t true. Dads, it argues, feel this stress just as much as moms. Allegedly, dads have long kept quiet for fear of stigmatization, among other things. After examining a compilation of 350 studies completed over the past three decades, the research team “found very little evidence of differences between women and men as far as the level of work-family conflict they report,” according to a report from Science Daily.

“The way this issue is presented in the media frames the way we think about it,” lead researcher Dr. Kristen Shockley explained, “and it creates a perpetual cycle. Women hear that other women are struggling with this issue, so they expect they will experience greater work-family conflict. There also is some socialization for it being OK for women to talk more about it than men.” In other words, Shockley is claiming that women know it’s acceptable to admit to feeling stress about their work-life “balance”; that openness then creates the perception that such stress is rampant, thus beginning a diabolical feedback loop. I.e. We’re doing this to ourselves.

“I do think it’s harming men,” she went on, “who are silently struggling and are experiencing the same amount of work-family conflict, but no one is acknowledging it.” (I read this line and then picked my jaw up off the floor and mopped where it had been, because that’s the kind of thing moms remember to do.)

Of course, it’s vital that we, as a society, consider the implications of the massively dysfunctional familial child care system we’ve created. And that doesn’t mean that we just hand women tissues as they tell their tales of woe and then wave banners demanding that men cower in a corner while we give birth in spa soaking tubs and demand paid leave until our babies are in Master’s programs. Advancing women’s causes without considering the roles men will play in that future is shortsighted. In fact, longer paternity leave has been proven to help close the gender wage gap and distribute child rearing responsibilities more equally.

But to argue that men are suffering in silence while dissolving under the same amount of anxiety as women not only misrepresents reality, it also dangerously implies that both genders need equal support in their mission to parent and work outside the home.

Earlier this year, on a trip to visit friends in California, we brought along our then-four-month-old to meet the couple, who don’t have any kids and aren’t entirely sure whether they ever will. The trip was a prime example of how equally we try to share parenting duties in our house. For the first two days I carted the baby around San Francisco, trying to cram art into her formative little brain in the hopes of making her a more cultured person, while my husband attended business meetings. Then we headed out of the city to meet our friends for a few days of relaxing in the redwoods, where my husband was planning on taking the lion’s share of responsibility for the weekend. One hour after checking in I missed a step and tore two ligaments in my ankle. I couldn’t even pick up the baby, let alone handle the (oddly physically demanding) tasks that come along with parenthood. But it wasn’t a problem at all. My husband knows all the baby’s ins and outs. He does all the routines. If I dropped dead tomorrow, he wouldn’t scratch his head and wonder where the hell I keep the baby’s pajamas.

But when our friends asked how much having her had changed our lives, my husband replied, “Really not that much!” Of course it hasn’t, I interjected in what must have appeared to be a verbal seizure, you go to work every day! Your whole identity hasn’t shifted! There isn’t still a weird band of flesh attached to your pelvis that only one work shirt covers! You don’t spend your whole day telling a tiny human what color everything is while you empty the dishwasher!

I may be extra rant-y, but I’m not alone. Study after study proves that not only do men do less, they also don’t know how to self-report about their roles in the home. This study found that women spend twice as much time on childcare in a week than their male counterparts. This one found that half of women do housework every day, while just 20% of men do the same. And this one, from the Pew Research Group, found that men drastically overestimate the amount of time they spend on chores, household affairs, and childcare. “After a birth,” The New York Times explained, “women’s total work — including paid work, housework and child care — increased 21 hours a week and men’s increased 12.5 hours. For women, but not men, child care did not substitute for any of their existing work; it was all supplemental.” In other words, we’re doing far more with far less time and the data backs us up.

Yet the biggest complaint from women when it comes to the division of work in the home isn’t that it’s merely unequal. It’s that the mental load of wondering exactly how all the tasks will get done falls inordinately on women’s shoulders. As Judith Shulevitz wrote in this spot-on piece, moms are “the designated worriers,” who “draft the to-do lists while fathers pick and choose among the items.” This clever cartoon—which was passed around among mothers this summer like cholera through Victorian London’s sewers—explains how fathers in heterosexual relationships view mothers as the managers, and asserts that “when we ask women to take on the task of organization, and at the same time to execute a large portion, in the end it represents 75% of the work.” When we see fathers plan and enact elaborate activities we consider it exceptional. When mothers do it, we consider it Tuesday.

Are men stressed about how to manage a thriving career and enriching home life? Surely. Do we need to fear that they’re bearing the same load as their female counterparts and yet no one will heed their silent cries for help? I wouldn’t add this your list of worries, moms.



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