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How to Feel Way More Comfortable Making Sex Sounds During, Um, Sex


Hi Emily,

This has always been a huge insecurity of mine: moaning and noises during sex. The only sound I make is if my breathing picks up naturally.

I never moan during sex and try my hardest to let out a noise when I orgasm, but it just feels so forced and fake to me. I’m so focused the whole time that if I think about it, I just end up feeling insecure. My long-term boyfriend has always told me he doesn’t care that I don’t, but do guys really mind pretty much silent sex?

What are your thoughts?

Hailey, 24
New York

Hi Hailey,

While it might not feel natural to you, making noise during sex can actually be super beneficial to your overall sexual experience. Think about it this way: No sound during sex is almost like watching a silent film. It can be exciting to watch, but are you really getting everything out of it?

Sounds not only make you feel more pleasure, but it lets your partner know that you’re feeling great and that he’s doing something right. So, here are a few reasons to get you thinking loud.

Get a Sense for It:
Using all of your senses during sex makes it a fuller experience—it’s all about losing control (in a way that you feel safe, of course). Making noise allows you to be more present in your body and less distracted so you can enjoy the moment. It’s actually more work to hold back than it is to really release that deep breath or that small moan.

A Different Communication:
Couples that match communication styles in the bedroom, like breathing and sounds syncing up, have higher levels of intimacy than couples who are silent. It’s a way of letting you both know how much you’re enjoying yourself, which keeps your arousal up.

In fact, studies on female chimpanzees (our closest evolutionary relatives) show that making these sounds while mating incites male competition. The male primates, in turn, are more likely to ejaculate when a female makes noise. Science is cool, isn’t it?

Expressing Yourself:
Screaming and shouting like a porn star when you aren’t used to making noise is never going to feel genuine. When it comes to moans, it’s all about finding your own sex voice and sexual expression. So play around with different sounds and types of breath, and eventually you’ll find something that feels more like you.

I can’t tell you whether or not a guy is going to prefer a screamer over a silent sex partner, but what I can tell you that you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how much more satisfying sex can be when you make a little noise.

XX,
Emily

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Reese Witherspoon Is Making a Series About Your True Crime Podcast Obsession


“Serial” and “My Favorite Murder” fans, buckle up: Reese Witherspoon has just teamed up with Apple to executive produce the true crime series of your dreams, according to The Hollywood Reporter.

Titled Are You Sleeping, the series—currently in production and based on Kathleen Barber’s novel of the same name—follows a murder case that regains national interest after a podcast surrounding the case goes viral. And while it can be said that, at first glance, the storyline seemingly mimics a more dramatized version of investigative journalist Sarah Koenig’s hit 2014 podcast, “Serial,” on a closer look, it appears to also poignantly expose American society’s deep-seated obsession with podcasts about serial killers and unsolved murders—and the consequences that arise as a result.

Already—and unsurprisingly—the show has big names attached to the project, including Oscar winner Octavia Spencer, who’s set to star in the series, and The Good Wife writer Nichelle Tramble Spellman, who’s working on the script. What’s more, the mastermind behind “Serial” herself, Sarah Koenig, has signed on to be a consultant for the project.

As of yet, the release date for the series has not been announced—but once it has, we’re positive this one’s going to be a hit. Just don’t watch this one before bed.

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3 Tips for Making Your First Visit to a Sex Shop Amazing


A sex shop can be a great way to check out a product before becoming very familiar with it, but going to one for the first time can also be intimidating. The entire premise behind this type of shopping is that you’ll go into a place of business and explain to a stranger who works there what would give you the best orgasm—definitely not a situation you encounter anywhere else in life. Can you imagine getting that personal with a J.Crew employee?

There are easy things you can do to guarantee a straightforward, educational, and totally not-daunting experience. Ryan DiMartino and Victor Tobar, employees at legendary sex-shop chain The Pleasure Chest, share a few easy tips to avoid looking like a deer in headlights.

Find the Right Kind of Shop

DiMartino explains you should look for a store that’s “education-centric,” a model becoming common around the country and a far cry from the seedy porn shops of yore. “An education-centric shop isn’t focused just on moving product but on making sure that we’re able to help you find the right thing and know how to use it properly,” they say. To find sex-positive shops in your area, do a little research: Read unbiased sex bloggers like The Redhead Bedhead and Elle Chase, for example, or even just look at a store’s website to make sure diverse body types and preferences are represented.

Ask Questions

You likely came into the store because you had a question, had your eye on a product, or were curious about what the shop is actually like—that’s great! So ask that question or find out what to do with that thing; lots of rookies don’t. “It’s clear it’s someone’s first time if they walk in and walk right out without asking for assistance,” says Tobar. You’re allowed to find an employee first thing and ask them for help—they’re probably more than happy to tell you which condoms are customer favorites or which vibrators they’d personally recommend.

Try Not to Make Everything a Joke

Another tell that you’re a sex-shop first-timer? Crackin’ wise. “There are times when folks come in and everything becomes a joke really quickly,” says DiMartino. “That’s a really common defense mechanism because as a society we really don’t have the tools to talk about sex in a healthy or desexualized way with strangers.” If you feel the need to make a joke, that’s fine, but remember that these employees have seen it all. And make sure you don’t yuck anyone’s yum by making a joke about a product another customer might be in there looking for: Just because you feel awkward doesn’t mean you should make someone else feel that way, too.

And if there aren’t sex shops in your area, don’t fret: Companies like The Pleasure Chest and Babeland have online shopping—and discreet shipping.

This article initially appeared in the January 2018 issue of Glamour.



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My Boyfriend's Porn Habit Is Making Me Feel Insecure


Dear Emily,

I’m very educated about sexual health and open-minded sexually, but I have a hard time accepting my boyfriend’s porn habit. We have a great sex life and try new things, but he still watches porn. I can’t help wondering…aren’t I enough?
I’ve seen porn before, and I know most guys watch it, but I can’t help feeling a little insecure. Is he comparing me to these women? Is that how he wants me to act? It isn’t fair for me to ask him to stop, so how can I get used to it?
Please help!

Janine, 27, Iowa

Dear Janine,

It’s totally common to react to your partner’s porn habits with some insecurity. The good news is, your boyfriend’s porn consumption has nothing to do with his attraction to you or his feelings towards you.

Chances are, your man has been masturbating to porn for quite awhile, and the reason he’s watching isn’t because you don’t turn him on. Masturbation is a natural, healthy practice for men and women—regardless of their relationship status or sexual behavior IRL—and since men are more easily turned on by visual stimuli and variety, porn becomes the perfect avenue.

I love the fact that you are enjoying a great sex life with him, and I don’t expect you to immediately drop your insecurity with his porn preferences. Remember, it’s completely normal to feel that way. But, instead of seeing his porn consumption as competition, use it as a way to enhance your sex life.

Make his solo habit into a joint affair by watching porn together. Find something you both enjoy, and see how turned on you get. Porn might even turn from a problem to your favorite foreplay!

Not to mention, porn is the perfect icebreaker to bring up new things you want to try in bed. Does he want to tie you up? Do you want him to talk dirty? Maybe there’s a role-play scenario that really gets you both going. Putting your desires out on the table can help both of you have the sex you want and maybe make a few fantasies come true—something a pornstar could never do.

XX,
Emily

More from Glamour:

Free Porn Is Probably Not Feminist Porn—No Matter What It Looks Like

11 Women Reveal Their Porn Preferences

Paying for Porn Is the Feminist Way to Get Off



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9 Women Instagrammers Making Ridiculously Sexy Erotic Art




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Tommy Hilfiger Is Now Making Clothing For Differently-Abled Customers


A major update—and move towards inclusivity—from Tommy Hilfiger: The American fashion brand is expanding its ready-to-wear line to be adaptive, in an effort to cater to differently-abled customers, Bloomberg reports.

Last year, Tommy Hilfiger collaborated with Runway of Dreams, a nonprofit organization that works to broaden clothing options for differently-abled children, on a spring capsule collection, to much acclaim. Now, the brand is taking the learnings from that project and broadening the scope to adult clothing, which will feature adjustable seams, velcro and magnetic closures, and openings that’ll make it easier for caretakers to assist with dressing. The 66-year-old designer described this line as part of “the democratization of fashion” that his company supports.

Tommy Adaptive jacket, $89.50, Tommy Hilfiger

This time around, Tommy Hilfiger is working on the adaptive clothing on its own, with no partner organizations. The inaugural collection will include 37 men’s and 34 women’s styles, which aesthetically are most similar to the brand’s sportswear offerings. Think denim, stripes, and the classic Tommy color palette of navy, red, and white.

Tommy Adaptive dress, $89.50, Tommy Hilfiger

In recent years, we’ve seen more major fashion brands and forces not only recognize differently-abled consumers, but specifically cater to them. Parsons School of Design, for instance, has partnered with Open Style Lab to encourage its students to create adaptive clothing. Back in August, Target announced it would be expanding its Cat & Jack label to include sensory-friendly pieces, for kids who are differently-abled.

This is a different entryway to the conversation surrounding inclusivity in fashion that isn’t often addressed by the industry. Hopefully, Hilfiger’s launch and other designers’ efforts to create adaptive clothing will make these collections much more commonplace in the retail space.

You can already shop Tommy Adaptive on the brand’s website.

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