Back to the group date: Hannah brings the guys to a roller derby rink and asks the stunning and talented Derby Dolls to teach these mediocre men how to skate. Then, Hannah admits the last time she went skating she broke her arm and hasn’t done it since. Um, why are we here? I thought the Bachelorette got a say in the dates? If it were me, I’d request only experiences that involve, like, eating cheese on a luxury yacht. Not activities that have literally broken my body.
That said, it is hilarious watching the guys wipe out. Not a single one can stay up on his feet.
When the game begins, everyone falls so much that it’s hard to call anyone a “winner.” Poor Dustin is the only good skater, but he flies too close to the sun and gets taken out with an injury. At one point the crowd chants, “Kill! Kill! Kill!” which makes me wonder what they were promised they’d see today.
That night the group goes to that random antique shop the producers always use for group dates. I guess when you’ve been doing the show for 15 seasons you start running out of locations, eh? The night is going fairly well for everyone—until Cam shows up to crash the date. Cam tells us “this is a very Cam thing to do.” What, be an asshole?
Even worse, he wastes his five minutes with Hannah by making the horrible joke that he’s getting “Hannahlytical.” Yeesh.
Obviously, the guys are annoyed Cam is there and they take turns telling him that was a shitty thing to do. But Cam is all, “I’m just being Cam!” It doesn’t help that Hannah reveals they’ve run out of time for the date, meaning some men didn’t get any time with her. At least she doesn’t give Cam a rose—that goes to Dustin.
The next day is the rose ceremony, and Hannah shows up to the cocktail party in tears. I thought at first it was because she has some sort of announcement, but it turns out she’s just overwhelmed by the week. I blame Cam. Or Luke P. Somehow, one of them is at fault.
Case in point: Cam continues to Always Be Cam by interrupting Kevin’s time with Hannah just to deliver some chicken nuggets.
Kevin tells Cam to go f-ck himself and dramatically throws the nuggets on the ground. Cam is ridiculous, but wasting chicken nuggets? A crime.
Later, Luke P. gives Hannah a massage before saying, “You’ll learn I’m really good with my hands.” Hannah suggests he take his shirt off so she can return the favor, but they start making out instead. Jed walks in on this, and it’s awkward to say the least. He’s surprisingly not fazed by it, though. “This is harder for you than it is for me, I promise,” he tells Hannah.
At the rose ceremony, she gives roses to Tyler C., Garrett, Devin, Connor S., Luke P., Dylan, Luke S., Mike, Peter, Kevin, Jonathan, Joey, Matteo, John Paul Jones, Grant, and Cam. (Jed, Tyler G., and Dustin already had roses from their dates.) That means this is the end of the road for the other Connor, Daron, and Matthew.
Cam makes a lame toast, and everyone groans. Even Hannah looks annoyed.
Hannah leaves to do her final interviews; but as the other guys go off to bed, Luke P. sneaks away to find her. She brings up the falling in love thing—sorry, starting to fall in love—and he promises everything he says is real. “You can trust me,” he whispers into her face.
And with that, I’ll see you next week—when Hannah literally tells Luke to slow his roll.
