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The Bachelorette Season 15, Episode 7 Recap: Seriously, What Does Hannah See in Luke?


Caution: Spoilers for The Bachelorette ahead.

Last week, Hannah decided to give a rose to Luke—a man who whines, “I’m giving you the best I have!” while showing the worst side of himself—for reasons still unclear to the rest of Bachelor Nation. If her decision annoyed you, I have bad news: She does it again tonight. WHY, HANNAH? All season long you’ve told us that you’re looking for a partner who respects you and your decisions, and you have no problem calling out the dudes—even Luke—when they behave badly. So I need answers beyond Chris Harrison’s explanation that it’s because you have an “amazing bond” with him. Where is this bond, other than a makeout session in week one? Show me receipts.

But let’s back up. The group is now in Latvia, and Hannah hopes she can turn things around from last week’s debacle. “I want this week to remind me why I’m here,” she explains. What, a chance at mattress and clothing spon-con deals? No, “to find love and to be romanced by these men.” Ah, yes, of course.

Garrett gets the first one-on-one date of the week, and Luke claims this is the first time he’s “actually, legitimately” jealous. He says he knows for “a fact” that the other guys don’t feel the same way about Hannah as he does. Luke, I agree with you: No, the others don’t feel the same way about Hannah. That’s because, as far as I can tell, they don’t see her as a piece of property. (Guys, warning you now: Luke has me all fired up, so if you’re #TeamLP this recap may not be for you.)

Anyway, the date with Garrett is as awkward as Luke trying to explain his feelings: bungee jumping. While naked. Apparently this is a Latvian tradition, but an admittedly brief Google search makes me think this happened, like, one time in 2014.

Hannah reacts to this excursion exactly how I would: complaining about how cold she is. However, she says Old Hannah would let fear control her. New Hannah wants to live in the moment and do what “feels right,” and apparently that means bungee jumping over a ravine strapped to a hunky dude while a large black bar covers their bits and bobs. They survive—but Hannah’s bra, which the bungee jumping staff carelessly tosses into the river, does not. So rude! If Hannah’s anything like me, she had at least five more years of shelf life out of that thing.





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The Bachelorette Season 15, Episode 6 Recap:


Hannah complains to Chris that the Luke drama is taking up her time, and it’s hurting every relationship. Chris’ take: The guys are crazy about her, and they’re jealous of the attention she gives Luke. Wow, that’s…missing the point. My take: If you dump Luke, we wouldn’t have to talk so much about Luke.

Anyway, Hannah decides to just get the rose ceremony over with. Mike and Jed already had roses, and the rest go to Connor, Tyler, Dustin, Peter, Dylan, Garrett, and Luke. That means goodbye to Devin, Kevin, and Grant. Once they leave, Hannah sets the remaining dudes straight: She’s not sure she sees a future with anybody at this point, so they’ve got to figure it out.

And with that, it’s time for the next destination: Latvia. But before Hannah takes the guys out for dates, she sits down with Chris for a heart-to-heart. “I’m not trusting these relationships as much as I’d want to,” she explains. The guys haven’t been asking her the right questions or showing a deeper side of themselves, so she’s not comfortable opening up that side of herself yet. She thought by now she’d understand her feelings and emotions better. But, “I just don’t want to give my heart to anybody who doesn’t deserve it.”

The rest of the episode is a bit strange: Basically, Chris brings Hannah to the Bachelor mansion to recap everything we’ve seen in the season so far. They talk about the highs and lows, but none of it is that enlightening. We do find out Luke is the best kisser, though, so I guess that explains a lot. Also, Hannah once named a pimple Marcus, which I think is a good name for a pimple.



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The Bachelorette Season 15, Episode 5 Recap: Is This Outlander?


Hannah knows she doesn’t have to keep Luke P. around, right? He’s the main source of drama right now, sure, but I think the other guys would step up and fill that void if he went home. And as far as I can tell, Hannah doesn’t even like Luke P. She actually says, to his face, that his was the worst date she’s had on The Bachelorette yet.

But we’ll get to that. First, let’s back up and recap everything that went down in last night’s episode. Spoilers ahead, obviously.

We open the episode with more Luke P. and Luke S. drama. Tired of ping-ponging between the two, Hannah demands they talk to each other directly. And when Luke S. directs his first sentence to her, she cuts him off: “No, not to me. To him.” This is the side of Hannah I love most—when she’s direct with the guys and puts them in their place. More of this…and less Luke P.

However, shock, the conversation goes nowhere. Hannah’s face during their bickering says it all:

At one point, she just gets up and walks away. I was hoping she’d go into the other room, grab Tyler C. by the hand, and head off into the sunset. But, no, she broods by a fire while the two Lukes whine at each other. Eventually, Chris Harrison comes in and reveals that Hannah is ending the cocktail party early.

But before the rose ceremony begins, Luke S. asks for a moment alone with Hannah. He apologizes for how everything went down and tells her to “keep your eyes open.” Then, he eliminates himself from the competition. TBH, I think it’s a good move. It’d be hard to move forward with Hannah after that, and he gets to save face. This doesn’t mean an open spot, though: Chris Harrison removes a rose from the table, meaning two guys will still be eliminated instead of one. Drama!

The roses go to Peter, Connor, Dylan, Dustin, Mike, Kevin, Devin, Grant, and…Luke P. (Garrett and Tyler C. already had roses.) And so, we say goodbye to John Paul Jones and his floppy hair and, um, another guy whose name escapes me. (Matteo, maybe?)

Anyway, Hannah reveals they’re all going to Scotland next. They kick things off in Inverness, and I assume Hannah traveled there through the stones. No, but really: I am so deep into Outlander that I can’t associate Scotland with anything but the time-traveling romance series. I’m thinking about Jamie Fraser and his abs even when Hannah cites Mary, Queen of Scots as a woman who “had to deal with a lot of men” and was eventually beheaded because of it. I mean, sure, Mary had some shitty dudes in her life…but it was Queen Elizabeth I of England who had her confined because she was afraid Mary was coming for her throne in the end.



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Black Mirror Season 5 Review: Miley Cyrus' Episode Reminds Me of Britney Spears


It’s been a few days since I first watched Miley Cyrus‘ episode of Black Mirror, but my mind is still spinning. The story is simultaneously fresh and familiar: We’re introduced to a pop star named Ashley O. (Cyrus), whose songs are as bright and whimsical as her neon-purple wig. But underneath the smiley press appearances and sleek bops is a young woman deeply unsatisfied with her life. She desperately wants to shake up her image and sound but feels pressure from her manager-slash-aunt, Catherine, to stay the same. So Ashley’s team gives her pills—illegal ones—to balance her mood and, essentially, control her. Eventually she realizes what they’re doing, but her efforts to break free end in horror.

I can’t say much else without revealing major spoilers. Watch it for yourself to see what I mean. And when you finish, I wonder if you’ll be thinking what I am right now: that Cyrus’ episode feels very similar to the #FreeBritney movement on social media.

For those who don’t know what I’m talking about, #FreeBritney started in April by fans who wanted to advocate for pop singer Britney Spears. At the time, they were widely speculating that Spears was being held without her permission in a mental institution after refusing to take medication requested by her father, Jamie, who’s also her conservator. Spears has since gone on the record denying the claims and telling fans “all is well.”

That may be, but it’s still hard not to think of #FreeBritney while watching Cyrus’ Black Mirror episode.

Getty Images

At the center of the #FreeBritney narrative—I’m calling it a narrative because nothing’s been verified—is a pop superstar very similar to Ashley O. We don’t know how Britney Spears feels about her music or image, but we do know from past interviews that she finds the parameters of her conservatorship constraining. “I don’t feel like [my life] is out of control. I feel like it’s too in control,” she said during her 2008 MTV documentary Britney: For the Record. “There’s no excitement. There’s no passion. It’s like Groundhog Day every day.” My mind immediately recalled this soundbite while watching Cyrus in Black Mirror, specifically when her character looks out the car window at a grungy dive bar she wants to perform in. Instead, she’s selling out stadiums.

Miley Cyrus in Black Mirror.

Miley Cyrus as Ashley O. in Black Mirror.

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It’s the freedom of choice that Ashley O. misses—the ability to play where she wants, sing what she wants, and go where she wants. Spears has often expressed a similar yearning for autonomy; she allegedly isn’t even allowed to drive. (In For the Record, her “surprise” for a day is getting to drive her car on the freeway, and the rumored catalyst for #FreeBritney was the fact she was caught behind the wheel of a Mercedes.)

I’m hesitant to discuss the medication component of #FreeBritney because even though it’s believed by some that she takes some kind of mood-stabilizing medicine, it’s never been confirmed. In Black Mirror, though, we see Ashley’s Aunt Catherine use drugs as a vehicle to keep her niece on a straight, narrow, lucrative path. When Ashley expresses a desire to do anything outside her shimmery pop shell, her team doesn’t listen: They just up her dosage. Conspiracy theorists allege the same thing is going on with Spears, but, again, that’s highly speculative.

What does track is Spears feeling like the people around her don’t take her requests seriously. “When I tell them the way I feel, it’s like they hear me but they’re really not listening,” she also says in For the Record, likening her situation to prison. “Even when you go to jail, you know there’s the time when you’re gonna get out.” I have no doubt that Ashley O. has similar feelings in Black Mirror. Both she and Spears (according to the #FreeBritney movement, that is) are confined to the expectations the world has for women in pop: to be affable, beautiful, likable, calm, and, above all, malleable.





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'The Bachelorette' Season 15, Episode 4 Recap: Forget Luke—Let's Talk About Tyler


This season of The Bachelorette is moving along quick, isn’t it? It feels like we just left the Box King, and now we’re already at the first group trip? Time flies when you’re having fun staring into Tyler C.’s eyes.

The guys find out they’re going to—drumroll, please—Newport, Rhode Island, and they react as if Chris Harrison gave them a million dollars each rather than a long weekend in our country’s smallest state. That’s no shade to Newport, a beautiful place to visit; I’ve just never seen a man, let alone 15, give a “you get a car!” scream about visiting a city rich in colonial history. Then again, maybe these bros are that ready to get away from the Bachelor mansion. I imagine that place stinks like a potent mixture of bad cologne, farts, and the lingering smell of Cam’s desperation.

Also, the first date isn’t even in Newport—it’s in Boston! The cities are close—about an hour and a half drive, according to Google Maps—but still. If we’re going to Newport, I want to see Newport, you know?

Jed, the one going on this Boston date with Hannah, doesn’t seem to mind. They shop at Quincy Market for souvenirs (my favorite is the tote bag that says “wicked pissah”) while Hannah makes up random facts about United States history. As someone who spends months putting together my own historical ghost tour every Halloween, I am horrified. Maybe Jed is too—I mean, he doesn’t laugh. At one point he says “righttttt” with the enthusiasm of a man told he has to use the shower after Luke P.

After a trip to Cheers and some extremely awkward Halo Top promotion—seriously, the camera lingered on that ice cream cart longer than Colton’s abs—Jed and Hannah go to the Auerbach Center to play basketball with a few Celtics players. One of them even sits down for a heart-to-heart with Hannah; his advice is sweet, though I wonder if he was thinking about all the other things he could be doing with his time. Taxes. Catching up with a friend. Watching Always Be My Maybe on Netflix.

At dinner, Jed admits he joined The Bachelorette as a platform for his music career. But now he’s falling for her and is totally, 100-percent focused on their relationship. At least he’s being honest, I guess? Hannah thinks so, at least. “You’re a really great guy,” she says, before giving him the rose.

The group date the next day is in Rhode Island, finally. Dylan, Matteo, John Paul Jones, Connor, Garrett, Dustin, Devin, Grant, Peter, Kevin, Mike, Luke S., and Luke P. are to play rugby, a sport we’re reminded at least 100 times is super brutal and bloody. “You get smashed, you stand up, and you smash somebody. That’s how you play rugby,” one of the pros tells the guys. Yeah, yeah, foreshadowing—we get it.

But really: Kevin has to leave fairly early in the game because he hurt his shoulder. Nobody else has to go to the hospital, but the guys all think Luke P. might send them there. He’s definitely the most—how do I say this?—invested in the game. He seems fairly harmless, though, until some sort of altercation happens between him and Luke S.. It’s not clear what goes down (it happens off camera), but Luke S. is shaken. “He’s an unstable guy,” he says ominously. Luke P. apologizes to him, but Luke S. just walks away.

At the cocktail party that night, Hannah takes Luke P. aside first. He says he body slammed Luke S. because he tried to swing at him first. She asks if he’s had issues with any of the other guys, and he says no. What’s more, he adds, Luke S. never talks about her in the house and only brags about his liquor brand.





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The Bachelorette Season 15, Episode 3 Recap: Even Hannah Thinks Luke P. Needs to Chill


The next morning Connor S. learns that his big one-on-one date with Hannah is canceled because she’s not feeling well—instead, they’re just going to hang out in her hotel suite while she recovers. He sweetly buys flowers, a card, and chicken noodle soup on the way. The date goes well, all things considered, but Hannah doesn’t give him a rose when he leaves. That might have thrown someone like Luke P. down a spiral, but Connor S. decides to leave sweet love notes on Post-Its around her room to make her feel better when she wakes up from her nap.

It works: Hannah loves the notes so much she sends a limo to pick up Connor S. just so she can give him a rose in person. “Connor made me feel great, even though I didn’t feel great,” she explains. They end the night with a private concert from Lukas Graham.

In the morning Hannah tells us she’s bummed that Tyler G. had to leave. There’s no further explanation for it on the show, but a quick Google search will tell you what happened there.

Moving on: The second group date of the week is a photo shoot with animals. It’s all just promotion for The Secret Life of Pets 2, but I’m not complaining. What? The pets are cute! See?

John Fleenor/ABC

Also, this promo gives Demi another opportunity to test out her detective skills. Secret Life of Pets 2 is all about the secret lives of pets—hence the title, duh—so Demi wants to see what the guys secretly do when Hannah’s not around. To determine this, she’s hired a cute woman to pose as a makeup artist and flirt with the guys. None of them take the bait, to Hannah’s joy and Demi’s disappointment (and mine, TBH).

After the shoot is done Luke P. tries to get some alone time with Hannah but she shoos him off. “I need him to slow his roll,” she explains to the camera. “Luke P. stole the show again, but in a negative way.” She even tells him such at the cocktail party later that night once they’re alone. Luke P. being Luke P. he tries to cut her off mid-sentence, but she says sternly, “No, let me talk.” (YES, HANNAH.) “You don’t respect that I have other relationships here…and that bothers me,” she continues. After they part, Luke P. vents to the guys that Hannah spent their whole time together talking so he didn’t get a chance to explain himself. Oh, and he doesn’t understand at all why she’d complain that he’s being cocky so zero lessons were learned. “I’m going to act like that conversation never happened,” he concludes.

And he sticks to his word, attempting to interrupt her conversations with other guys multiple times. Rather than call Luke out, the bros conclude that it’s best to just let him self-implode. Their strategy seems to be working, given that Hannah has to tell Luke to back off so she can talk to every guy before he gets a second turn. “I want to call my own shots,” she tells him. He complains to the guys that he’s thought about leaving. This will surely come back to bite him.

While Luke P. is busy finding new and inventive ways to be the worst, Peter tells Hannah about how his mom and dad met. Turns out Mom saw Dad’s butt and said, “That’s the guy I’m going to marry.” And now I’d very much like to meet Peter’s mother. He gets the rose, but not before Hannah pulls Luke aside and tells him he needs to chill out if he’s going to stay. He claims he understands, but TBD.

The next day Chris Harrison tells the guys they’re having a tailgate instead of the standard cocktail party. So before Hannah arrives, Cam sits everyone down and announces that he has something serious to tell her and they should respect his time. He warns them that there’s a chance she’ll send him home because of this reveal. Lord willing. When he finishes his speech, Mike immediately calls B.S.



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