Hi. I’m Lindsey. I’m a fitness trainer and one half of the Brave Body Project, an online community I started with my best friend Amber Rees to inspire women to feel strong and powerful in their bodies and unite through health and fitness. This is the story of how I changed my own body image and learned to feel good in my own skin.
Before getting into fitness, I was a professional dancer. From the time I was three years old, my entire life revolved around dance. I wasn’t a ballerina—I was more of an athletic jazz dancer—so I didn’t ever fall into the trap that many ballerinas do of feeling the need to be super thin in order to “look the part.” I’ve had a strong, solid body my whole life. Honestly, I never really had body image issues or questioned my look or size growing up. I knew my body was meant to move and that was all I cared about.
When I was 18, I went on my first Broadway national tour with the show Grease. While on tour, we were required to do weekly weigh-ins with the costume department to make sure we didn’t gain weight. Gaining weight meant alterations—it was literally in our contract that we couldn’t lose or gain weight within five pounds of what we weighed when we were hired. That was the first time I felt like my weight even mattered. But suddenly it mattered a lot: there were going to be consequences for gaining weight.
Then, when I was 20, I was cast as the lead role in another national tour, for Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. A few months before we were set to go to our first city, we took some promotional photos for the show. The day after the shoot, I got a call from the choreographer. She said I had gained weight since I was hired and both she and the director wanted me to lose 20 pounds before we started rehearsals in two months for the tour. I was devastated. I didn’t ever think of myself as overweight. But from one phone call, the way I thought about my body changed forever. I became extremely insecure. I started spending two hours a day in the gym and barely eating. I did lose the 20 pounds they asked me to by the time we started rehearsals. But I also lost my confidence. I was constantly comparing myself to the other women in the show, I felt ashamed of my body and I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin.
For years, this was my life. I would audition all day, obsessing over the other women in the room, and at night I would bartend to pay my bills, working until 3 or 4 in the morning. Between the brutal schedule and the way my self-esteem had changed, I was miserable. Then one day a friend asked me to come to a class with her at Barry’s Bootcamp. I loved it so much I was hooked after one class. I started going every single day. I soon realized teaching fitness was something I might be good at. I decided to get my group fitness certification so I could teach on the side while I was auditioning. I started teaching at a small fitness studio in downtown New York. I quickly moved up the ranks and became their head trainer. Before I knew it, I was skipping out on auditions to spend more time at the studio and spending all my free time learning about fitness and exercise science. After a few months, I realized I loved fitness and I wanted to be completely immersed in it. I decided to step away from theatre and pursue fitness full time.
Working at this studio, we had to physically do the classes with the clients so I was working out about four to six hours a day. I was definitely working out way too much, but I saw insane results. I had a six-pack. My legs looked amazing. My arms were toned. I was also tired all the time. I stopped getting my period. I was severely dehydrated. So, while my body changed and it looked “amazing,” it was totally breaking down and falling apart.
As my fitness career began, I still struggled with my habit of comparing myself other women, because the industry at that time was all about how you looked. Your body was your business card. That was hard for me, because even though I loved fitness I really was a normal girl who also liked pizza and booze and living life. Back then it didn’t feel like you could have both. Things were less about working out to feel good and more about working out to look good. “Summer body,” “bikini body,” and “skinny” were words that were tossed around all the time. Looking back, I don’t think I even did feel good. The sacrifice that goes into looking like that is pretty intense and, like I said, I like to enjoy life! If you’re always fighting for that end goal but not enjoying your day to day, what’s the point?
Luckily, things have changed—both for me and in the industry. Three years ago I had begun training for my first fitness competition when I fell and tore my ACL. It was one of the hardest times in my life. I had to have full reconstructive knee surgery and was in a brace for almost six months. I couldn’t run for nine months. It was so hard to have fitness taken away from me. I got depressed and lethargic. I basically lost hope during that time.
When I was finally cleared to run and move like I used to, it was so emotional. I remember crying on the treadmill the first time I was allowed to jog. We take our bodies for granted and we focus on how our body parts look more than what they can do. Going through that time made me so grateful for my body.
I wouldn’t wish that injury on anyone but it truly changed my life for the better. Brave Body Project came out of the ashes of my injury and an equally tough time for my best friend (and now business partner) Amber. We both wanted to shed a different light on the fitness/health/wellness scene and empower women by creating a support system where women could come to us to feel strong and inspired. I am truly grateful to have Amber as my best friend because she’s always there to lift each other me up and I can count on her for anything. Our passion lies in helping others feel strong and fit while learning to love the process and appreciate the beautiful body they have, and it’s done the same for us. I hope every woman finds a friend like her.
This year (particularly in the last six months!) has been a breakthrough time for me in terms of learning to love my body. I started thinking of myself as an athlete and it became a lot easier be happy in my skin. I ran in nine races this year, and next year I’m running the New York City Marathon. I’m so proud of my body and what it can do and it’s just such a waste of time to compare or get down on myself. I’ve vowed not to waste another second poking, weighing, or comparing. I tell my clients the same thing— if you’re focused solely on superficial things like having abs or looking good in a bikini, I think you’re missing the point. Once you retrain your brain to think of fitness and working out as something that will make you feel happy, strong, empowered, and alive, that’s when your confidence and beauty will truly shine through.
Now, when I have a negative thought about my body, I remind myself that this body has done so many incredible things. I remind myself that one time I couldn’t move at all and that could be taken away in an instant. Life is too short to hate yourself. I work out six days a week, I have a healthy relationship with food and I’m strong AF. If I feel bloated or “fat” one day, who cares. That’s life. I think I love being in fitness more than ever because when I decided to stop comparing my body to other women and use my voice to share what I thought being healthy meant—when I decided to be authentically me—that’s when everything came together for me. Amber and I have worked hard to show women that they can lift each other up and still succeed. And we’re going to keep building this tribe of boss babes who love their bodies and support each other.
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