Tag: Bachelor039

Categories
Health

People Are Losing It Over This Woman Using a Fake Accent on 'The Bachelor'


The Bachelor hasn’t even started yet, but one contestant already has the Internet’s heart: Brianna, or “Bri” for short. The model, whose worst dating fear is “farting too loudly” (relatable), adopted a fake Australian accent for her first meeting with suitor Colton Underwood. 2019 is officially the year of the scam, people, and Bri is the mascot.

Here’s what happened: In a teaser for the Bachelor‘s first episode, we see Bri exit her limousine to hug Colton for the first time. She’s fully committing to this Australian accent and Colton asks her, “Where are you from?”

That’s when the brilliance really jumps out. “The accent, it’s Australian,” Bri says. “I was hoping you’re kinda a sucker for accents. I didn’t know what you’d think about it.” Colton’s response? “I love it.”

Notice how Bri technically doesn’t lie here. All she says is that the accent is Australian, not that she is. “I’m not really Australian,” Bri later says in an interview. “But you have to do what you can to stand out.”

Every single person who’s ever attempted a fake accent is shaking. Ross Geller in that Friends episode where he pretends to be British? Canceled. Kristen Wiig’s rendition of Daenerys Targaryen from Game of Thrones? Never heard of it. Nicole Kidman, Hugh Jackman, and Margot Robbie are stunned!

Watch Bri’s masterful plan unfold for yourself, below:

Naturally, people on Twitter are living for this deception. “I might watch The Bachelor for the first time ever just to see how this unfolds,” one person tweeted, but be warned: Once you join Bachelor Nation, there’s no going back.

Check out some more reactions, below:

The Bachelor returns this Monday, January 7 at 8 P.M. ET on ABC.

Related Stories:

The One Piece of Advice The Bachelor’s Director Would Give Every Contestant

Bachelor and Bachelorette Couples: The Complete List

The Poster for Colton Underwood’s Season of The Bachelor Is Really…Something





Source link

Categories
Health

'The Bachelor' Season 22 Episode 5 Recap: Krystal Annoys Everyone—Even Arie


Greetings, Bachelor fans. Your regular recapper, Anna, wasn’t available to dish on tonight’s episode, so I’m filling in for her. I can’t guarantee I’ll be as funny, but she and I do share similar “meh” feelings for Arie, so rest assured I’m bringing the shade. Let’s dive right in.

The whole crew is in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida which, according to Arie, is “an amazing place to fall in love.” He’s saying this while driving some lame sports car, though, so forgive me if I don’t believe him. Kendall, the taxidermist, wants a one-on-one, but I’m fairly confident she’d have more fun dating one of her stuffed bears than Arie. Tia also wants a one-on-one, but the more these girls talk about Arie the more apparent it is they’re all too good for him. Krystal’s wearing a rainbow crop top and looks like a member of B*Witched.

It’s Chelsea, though, who has the first one-on-one. They go on a boat, which is the most Florida date I can imagine. (No shade to you, Florida—boats are a welcome break from all the cars.)

“I’m going to be with Arie. Uninterrupted Arie time. It’s amazing.” — Chelsea, lying.

Lauren B’s annoyed she wasn’t picked for the one-on-one date, but her complaining is interrupted by Queen Maquel, who’s just returned from her grandfather’s funeral. All the other women can somehow see Chelsea and Arie on their date through a telescope, so they’re basically scientists.

Chelsea and Arie are doing lots of Fun Boat Things, like jet-skiing and posing like they’re on the Titanic and straddling each other. Oh, and making out. A lot. The telescope spies are grossed out, as am I. As is America. They stop creeping and go inside, probably to complain more about not getting one-on-ones. (Don’t these women realize the best part of this gig is getting to hang out in a luxury resort without Arie?!)

“I’m on a dream boat, but I’m also with a dream boat.” — Chelsea, repeating words that a producer no-doubt fed her.

Chelsea wears a pantsuit on her dinner date with Arie, which is groundbreaking feminism for this show. He takes her to an antique car shop. (So typical.) He says some empty, vacant stuff about respecting the fact Chelsea’s taking time away from her son to be there.

Chelsea then starts opening up about her previous relationship. Her child’s father was older and had money—but he left Chelsea for another woman when she was six months pregnant. She talks about how much she loves her son, and it’s honestly touching. Then, she laments about how she didn’t need to be on a fancy boat to enjoy time with Arie, which we all know is a big ‘ole lie. Their date did the magic, though, because Chelsea’s offered a rose. Cue dancing to a random country artist no one’s ever heard of. (Update: Said country singer’s name is Tenille Arts.)

Maquel, Krystal, Bekah M., Becca K., Jenna, Seinne, Kendall, Ashley, Marikh, Jacqueline, and Lauren B. are picked for the next group date, which means Tia (a.k.a Raven reincarnated) is getting the one-on-one. I low-key stan Tia; I hope she gets some serious spon-con coins after this show wraps.

The group date is at a bowling alley, which would be cute if this wasn’t The Bachelor. Like, these women deserve a way more opulent excursion if they’re hanging with Arie. Maybe I’d be down with this date if Hot Peter was the suitor. Marikh bowls using both hands, which I identify with on a spiritual level.

All the gals start drinking beer and dancing around the alley. They’re divided into two teams for a bowling competition, and only the winning group gets to go to the after party. Krystal literally prays that her team wins because of course she does.

After a montage of bowling scenes, Krystal’s team wins and she’s an annoying sore champion about it. The girls on the losing team are more pissed about Krystal winning than actually losing. Naturally, they start talking crap about her.

But plot twist: Arie decides to invite all the women to the after party, which enrages Krystal because she doesn’t want to “fight for his attention.” She refuses to carry her team’s winning trophy because of this, which is all kinds of petty but also pretty iconic. She’s literally having a fit over BOWLING.

“We’re, um, kicking ass.” — Krystal being Krystal.

After the commercial break, we learn Krystal apparently had a full-on meltdown on the bus from the bowling alley to the hotel, during which she repeatedly called Arie a liar for changing his mind about inviting the losing team to the after party. She says she’s not going to the after party now because he was “disrespectful” to the winning team. Y’all, she literally has her bags packed over this nonsense, but thank God, Kendall (goddess of taxidermy) calls her out for being rude about Arie. This. Is. Nuts.

The girls go to the after party—without Krystal. They waste no time spilling all the tea to Arie, telling him how Krystal called him a liar on the bus. He then leaves to go talk to Krystal, which obviously pisses the girls off. They keep talking shit.

“I’m looking for a parternship. I’m looking for someone who I trust…I want someone to include me in decisions.” — Krystal, on bowling-gate.

Arie and Krystal have a long, awkward hug before she starts talking about how she and her teammates were “disrespected.” They have a super-heated disagreement about the whole bowling thing, and I can’t really follow their conversation because I can’t believe this is even a problem. Like, this is over a bowling game. Arie ultimately leaves Krystal in her hotel and goes back to other women.

Kendall steals Arie first and starts talking about how she wants to “let go.” They start making out within one minute, which is typical Arie. Bekah M. and Arie have an empty conversation about “fears” and “doubts” and being “vulnerable” that also ends with them making out. Arie’s still unsure about Bekah M.’s age, but I’m unsure about Arie’s hair, which is more of a pressing concern.

Arie tells Becca K. that she needs to “kiss the hell out of him,” which sounds more gross than romantic. But honestly, who cares about their dull storyline because Krystal goes rogue and attends the after party as all the other girls are talking smack about her. Ahhh! Bekah M. is shook (and so am I even though this is so heavily produced)!

It’s dead silence when Krystal arrives. Becca K rolls her eyes. Seinne’s like, “WTF are you still doing here?” Lauren B.’s like, “What are your intentions?” Bekah M. has no time for this, though, and lays into Krystal about how she’s doing exactly what Arie did by saying she’s not attending the party and then going back on her word. This causes Krystal to leave before even seeing Arie, so she totally just did this to stir the pot.

Lauren B. tells Arie during their one-on-one time that she’s afraid she’s going to fall for him and he won’t reciprocate. It’s cute. I’m honestly amazed how good these women are at pretending to like him. They kiss. He gives Lauren B. the group date rose. Becca K.’s pissed.

Now, onto Tia’s one-on-one. They’re at the Everglades National Park, which I’m sure is nice, but I can’t stop thinking about all the alligators probably lurking around.

Update: They see an alligator, and it starts hissing at Arie and Tia, which is proof you should never go outside ever. Arie says this reminds him that “love can be kind of scary,” which I’m audibly laughing at. Dude, there was an alligator five feet from you!

They roll up at a house in the middle of the Everglades, eat fried food, and talk about “frogging.” This is all very tailored to the fact Tia is from Arkansas, and I don’t know if that’s offensive or not. They kiss and cuddle; Arie makes a weird metaphor about his race car driving helmet that I’m just going to blaze past.

“”I feel like this is a really country date for a country girl.” — Arie, being cringe-y.

On their dinner date, Arie and Tia have typical, standard conversation about marriage and falling in love. Arie’s sweating his butt off, and it’s the first time I’ve ever felt bad for him. The conversation then changes to religion, and Tia says she’s open to dating someone who’s not religious even though she is. Honestly, I can’t stop looking at the sweat shine on Arie’s forehead. Florida, man.

But wait! Tia then tells Arie she’s falling in love with him, and he tells her to “look him in the eyes” and say it to him again. WTF?! He’s the worst! He offers her a rose, and she takes it. And then they have a sweaty Florida make-out session. Humidity! It’s sexy!

Cut to the final cocktail hour: Krystal says she has “no regrets” about her actions, and none of the girls respond. They just give her a stank face. I’m honestly cackling because this is just so bananas. I’m more invested in Kendall’s time with Arie, though, because she low-key admits to being open to cannibalism. What an icon.

“I wouldn’t eat you. I swear!” — Kendall to Arie.

Ugh, all these girls just keep. Talking. About. Krystal. This is just dumb and ridiculous, but Krystal adds fuel to the fire by saying she’d “love” to chat with them privately about their issues with her. Kendall goes up to bat first and straight-up says that Arie isn’t the right person for Krystal. Tia then joins in and says Krystal needs to take ownership of her actions. This is just so much bickering…it’s not even funny or entertaining at this point.

Arie and Jacqueline have a quick makeout session, but we quickly pan to Bekah M., who asks Krystal, point-blank, why she’s still there. Krystal brings up the bowling drama again, and Bekah M. dips out at that point because she realizes there’s no hope in reaching a resolution. Krystal then says the other girls don’t “operate” on her level and claims she’s “done” with them.

Krystal then pulls Arie aside and says her response to the bowling drama was “out of character.” She says she “grew up in a bowling alley” (???) and was having flashbacks to her childhood during that date. LOL, what is she even saying?! She jokes about how this is their “first fight,” and Arie quips that it could be their “last.” Oof. This is the first time Arie’s doofy smile was nowhere to be found in a scene, so you know things are capital-S Serious.

“I lost my shit! I was pissed! Who doesn’t get mad and say shit?” — Krystal.

All the women’s voiceovers during the final rose ceremony are about Krystal. They all want her to go home, which is solid evidence she’s not.

Yup, I’m right: Krystal gets the last rose of the night, and Marikh, Ashley, and Maquel are sent home. The fact Maquel is getting penalized for her grandfather dying is some next-level nonsense. Everyone’s seething, but Krystal’s smiling like a Disney villain. Muhaha!

“If the girls thought I was a threat before; watch out ladies! ” — Krystal.

Parting thoughts: Everyone’s going to Paris next week, so you know what that means: More smack-talk about Krystal! In Europe!



Source link

Categories
Health

A 'The Bachelor' Fan Writes an Open Letter to Bekah M. About Guys Like Arie Luyendyk Jr.


Dear Bekah M.,

First off, I am actively rooting for you, as you are one of the coolest contestants to ever be on The Bachelor. But I’ve found that this season and, for lack of a better word, the “storyline” the producers have given you feel very familiar to me. So I wouldn’t call what I want to tell you advice, per se—I don’t claim to know it all, nor do I think my experiences are superior to anybody else’s—but I, and likely many other women, have been in your position. We dated an Arie; we knew him; we cried over him; we sent texts we regret to him (arguably, the only benefit to not having a phone on The Bachelor). And by “an Arie,” I mean the type of man to pull the age card.

Arie views age in a really weird dichotomous way. He fetishizes young women (there is no one above 29 left—he’s 36). He’s also expressed to you that you’re so young, and he is so old, because he likes to get up early. There’s nothing worse when you’re 22, 23, or 24—or any age, really—than being told you’re “so young” and then mansplained how you can’t appreciate things like mornings or marriage. Who are these men to tell you what you can or cannot appreciate? Equally awful is when a prospective partner tries to tell you how to “view” something in order to be “accepted” by him—like this sport, be a “chill” girl, the whole “mold your dream to mine!” logic. The Bachelor enforces the twisted idea that women should shape-shift in order to meet the needs of some lonely man. One of the reasons you’ve emerged a fan favorite is because you clearly subvert those tropes that have been heavily pushed for nearly 16 years; you’re not going to change yourself for Arie.

But the age card is a particularly touchy, irritating, and frustrating thing. It’s literally something you can’t control. When an older guy (as in, older than you, not just, like, Old), uses his age as leverage against you, he likely does it because it makes him feel powerful and authoritative and therefore, somehow right, no matter how gravely wrong he is. Sometimes men do this because they’re intimidated by women and feel that using a concrete number is the only way they can retain power. Sometimes they do it because they want to be in control. It’s an infuriating dynamic.

I know this frustration too well because I’ve been told before that I was so young. In one instance I think it was meant to be an insult, but I found that a ridiculous thing to criticize me for—it wasn’t anything but a fact. You got it, man; how observant and good at calendars you are—I was born later than you! It was tiring to hear it all the time, like my age was something I should be apologizing for, when I had zero control over when I exited my mother’s womb.

Some of these men saw my age as a synonym for disposable—like Arie, they thought they could make the call if I was relationship-ready, which is unnerving. I also remember drunkenly sobbing over these guys, asking why?! Why couldn’t I be anything more? Why was the fact that I was “so young” (even if I was just approximately four years younger than they were) such a deal breaker? Were they right?! They couldn’t be! I was different! I’m independent, I said, I know what I’m doing, I’m mature, I pay rent, I don’t live with my parents…what else do you want from me? To alternate the way the space-time continuum works? And even if I was young, I could be his muse, and if he let me go, the thought of me would haunt his spirit forever because I changed him.

But for all of the songs I wrote while I was writhing in pain, there was one thing I couldn’t see then that I totally see now—and that any woman who has yearned for a man who rejected her can likely see: They weren’t good for me. Actually, they weren’t that great at all. It had nothing to do with their age—not all guys who are older are bad—but someone who pulls the age card is special type of loser. Men who like to tell women they’re young will likely never get over that very normal fact and will always keep saying it; they’ll love that false rush of power they get from pointing it out. That kind of man wouldn’t have been much fun to be in a relationship with. After all, he’s the same guy who makes us feel bad for being the very thing that we are and have no control over. The person who pushes us to spill our emotions in monologue form to “convince” him that we’re right for him.

My point is, Bekah M., that you’re too good for him, or any man like that. You deserve better than someone who mansplains time to you. I said I was “rooting for you,” and by that I mean, I hope you don’t end up with Arie. So if he eliminates this you week, don’t think of it as being eliminated. Think of it as being freed from the trappings of his toxic masculinity and his loud smacking kisses! Also, here is my humble plea for you to come back as The Bachelorette at your discretion.

Sincerely,

Mallory, a Person Who Has Certainly Given Monologues About Her Feelings And Has No Regrets



Source link

Categories
Health

'The Bachelor' Season 22 Episode 4 Recap: All About Krystal


Did you catch that brilliant The Bachelor parody on Saturday Night Live this weekend? The one that describes Arie like so, “He’s a race car driver who, depending on the light, is handsome. Which of the 12 Laurens will he choose to be his bride?” So good. So accurate. The part that really got me was the moment when Kate McKinnon’s character asks the “Car Hunk” if he’s been replaced by a completely different guy. (He has.) “Does it matter?” the not-Arie answers. No, it does not matter—which is why I’m asking you, ABC, one more time to replace Arie with someone else. It’s not too late! Just think about it.

For now, though, we must continue on with Arie’s journey. And oh, what a journey it is…to Lake Tahoe! But I’m getting ahead of myself: The episode actually starts with the women discussing Bekah’s age behind her back and whether or not she’s ready to get married. Crazy idea: Why not just ask her to her face? Their main concern is that she and Arie are 14 years apart, but that’s less her fault—we all know she’s really here for the inevitable Bachelor in Paradise casting—and more on the producers for picking a guy who hasn’t been on this show in five years. Krystal vows to be a “voice of reason” and a “voice of reality” if she must, and I have never believed something out of a person’s mouth less.

Before Krystal gets a chance to do whatever Krystal’s planning to do, Chris Harrison shows up to tell the women they’re all leaving Los Angeles and going to South Lake Tahoe, Nevada. We see a brief packing scene, but then the women all run out of the mansion in their sweats and lululemon with no bags in sight. Sucks to be whatever PA has luggage duty. Arie’s already in Nevada, standing on cliffs and checking into the Hard Rock Hotel. (Sponsorship alert!) The women are put up in a scenic cabin, which they run around screaming and racing for the best room. It’s very Ramona on Real Housewives of New York. Kendall is excited because there’s so much taxidermy, something she declares makes this “a setting for love.”

After lots of build up and dramatic music, it’s revealed that the first one-on-one date of the week goes to Seinne. She’s nervous because after the last one-on-one date, one of the Laurens did not return. But Seinne, you’ll be fine: You’re a Yale graduate, you are not named Lauren, and you will (probably) not spend the date talking about sleeping. Krystal is convinced that Seinne will go home, though she does not explain why she’s so confident.

Arie and Seinne’s date involves parasailing while the other women look on through binoculars. (Those producers can be so cruel sometimes.) You better believe there are some ham-fisted metaphors for love—apparently love and parasailing are both about “letting go” and “seeing where the wind takes you.” Back on land, Arie and Seinne sip champagne while she grills him about his life. Seriously…he does all the talking. Arie, I don’t care about your brother’s wedding or the outdoor scene in Scottsdale. Ask Seinne something about her surely much more fascinating life!

“I was like, wow, like, she’s very educated.” – Arie about Seinne

Back at the cabin, Maquel learns that her grandfather has passed away. She’s understandably upset, so she does the right thing: Packs her bags immediately and leaves. She’s off without even a goodbye to Arie, but Marikh thinks she could still come back after the funeral. This makes me wonder…does Marikh know this is a competition show? So somebody is here to make friends. After Maquel departs, a card arrives with the group date list: Chelsea, Krystal, Becca, Marikh, Ashley, Jacqueline, Jenna, Tia, Kendall, Lauren, Brittany, and Caroline are all going, meaning Bekah M. gets the next one-on-one date. Krystal, being Krystal, says some shady things about the other women.

“Arie’s looking for a woman, not a girl.” – Krystal and also Britney
Spears, kinda.

Arie takes Seinne to a restaurant inside the Hard Rock Hotel…the same place where he’s staying. (Double sponsorship alert!)

During the date, Seinne says the most important thing we’ve heard on the series this season, maybe ever: “I learned at a very young age that love was difficult and complicated and there could be heartbreak. In addition to that, you know, I’m a black female, and they don’t tell a lot of stories about girls like me having the fairy tale ending. So, we’ll see if I get that happy ending here.” YES. THIS IS WHY WE NEED MORE PEOPLE OF COLOR ON THIS SHOW. Rachel Lindsay was just a start, not a solution.

She tells Arie this, and he says some things as bland as his potato face. When he gives her the rose, he says he hopes this can be the start of their love story. She accepts, and they close out the date by listening to some random country band perform a song about—wait for it—love stories. The Bachelor is never, ever subtle.

The next day on the group date, the plan is to go hiking. Getting lost in the woods with Arie is not my idea of a good time, but Kendall thinks she’ll shine. They meet two survival experts who scare the women with stories of black bears and drinking pee.

“Gandhi used to drink his own pee…but I’m not Ghandi.” – Marikh,
speaking truth.

Then, the women and Arie all pee into canisters and HE PROCEEDS TO DRINK IT. Tia is impressed, while I am horrified. Turns out, it was just apple juice but I’m still horrified.

“I would drink my pee for Arie.” – Jenna, who needs to raise her
standards.

The pee drinking is followed by bug eating, which Kendall is genuinely excited about. Krystal, meanwhile, feels out of her element, but wants you to know it’s the other women who are “desperate.” As the women and Arie legitimately eat bugs (gross gross gross), it starts snowing. So to recap: It’s cold, people are eating bugs, drinking fake pee, and Bekah M. isn’t even here. Worst date ever.

Despite their bug breath, Kendall pulls Arie aside to kiss him. Krystal sees this and reacts…well, you get the idea. She doesn’t have long to mull over this because now they must all break out into groups to hike to the final destination. One lucky (ha) team gets to hike with Arie while the other two teams are on their own. It does not go well, but they all somehow survive.

Actual sign from tonight’s episode.

They arrive at an oasis complete with a large hot tub and buckets of champagne, but Krystal can’t enjoy it because the other women are being, in her opinion, so “desperate” and “high school.” Later, during a private moment, Lauren asks Arie what he’s looking for besides somebody with “a flexible schedule.” What, did he put out a LinkedIn job posting?

Kendall goes into great detail describing her taxidermy, and Arie finds this charming enough to make out with her. “She’s quirky and extremely sexy at the same time,” he declares. Back with the group, Kendall is in the middle of talking about how much she liked this date when Krystal cuts her off to say how challenged she felt. The other women call out Krystal—she was, after all, in Arie’s group and thus got more time with him—but now feels challenged by their challenge.

So, the obvious next thing for Krystal to do is to tell Arie that there’s a target on her back. “It just weighs on me,” she cries. “I think people just feel a little threatened.” Arie responds in the worst way: “Well, of course! You’re beautiful.” UGH. Nobody is jealous of Krystal’s life—they just want her to stop being so condescending and acting as if the world is against her.

Meanwhile, somebody asks Caroline and Tia who Arie’s talking to. They say “Krystal” in witchy, creepy way, like if you say her name three times she’ll appear in the mirror. After her time with Arie, Krystal asks Tia and Caroline to talk to her. She tells them her feelings were hurt on the group date today, but they say they were just goofing around. The go back and forth on this until Tia just gets up and walks out with a sigh. Respect. But now Tia’s worried that Krystal was talking about her to Arie, so she pulls him aside. She reveals that she’s scared because she has feelings for him, and he awards her with the group date rose for being “so vulnerable.” Krystal does not handle this well. Still, she is really proud of herself for “overcoming all those challenges.” K.

Now it’s time for Bekah’s one-on-one date and she looks fabulous in her faux fur vest. She and Arie go horseback riding until they wind up at an outdoor hot tub. They make out. Later, over dinner, Arie says he wants to know everything about Bekah and who she is as a person but then proceeds to talk endlessly about the physical chemistry they have. Eventually talk turns to their potential relationship, and Arie (rightfully) worries that he’s in a different place than Bekah. She takes this opportunity to reveal that she’s 22 and Arie reacts with an actual gasp. They clutch at each other’s faces until Arie decides to give her the rose anyway, despite his worries about the age difference.

“I knew Bekha was young, I just didn’t know she was THIS young.” –
Arie

The evening of the rose ceremony arrives, but Chris Harrison tells the women that Arie has made up is mind and is canceling the cocktail party. So it’s right to the rose ceremony, praise be.

“To say they were shocked and dismayed is a gross understatement.” –
Chris Harrison. Is it though?

But just as Arie is about to hand out the roses, Krystal interrupts and asks if she can get a minute of his time. They go to a loft area, where Krystal whispers about things that definitely could have waited. The women are not pleased. Once Krystal is ready, the roses go to: Lauren, Kendall, Ashley, Becca, Chelsea, Jenna, Jacqueline, Marikh, and Krystal. Bye, Caroline and Brittany!

We end with a “fight” between Marikh and Chelsea. Marikh accuses Chelsea of “glam shaming” her because she told Arie that Marikh was using a compass as a mirror to fix her hair. Chelsea is confused, but wants to set the record straight: She is and always has been “pro glam.”

Next week: “They’re making out!”



Source link

Categories
Health

This 'SNL' Parody of Arie Luyendyk Jr. From 'The Bachelor' Is Spot On


There are a few things we know after three weeks of watching this season of The Bachelor. First, Arie Luyendyk Jr. has been on a ~ journey ~ when it comes to love: He was on The Bachelorette five years ago, when he got his heart shattered by Emily Maynard. He’s also friends with former Bachelor Sean Lowe and Catherine Giudici, who are happily married with a baby. And he races cars. Otherwise, the guy is still kind of a mystery, even after hours of watching him watch a dozen women wrestle and crash into each other like bumper cars. Luckily, the season has given SNL plenty of material for its tradition of Bachelor parodies—giving us an almost too realistic impression of Arie and the women competing for his heart along the way.

Arie (played by Alex Moffat) is introduced as “Car Hunk,” who, “depending on the light, is handsome.” He meets all of the female contestants during a cocktail party before a rose ceremony and tries to get to know them. Of course, they each interrupt the conversations, asking, “Sorry, can I steal him for a sec?” The girls rotate in and out of the frame, sitting next to Arie and saying, “Mmm, I like this”—never really bonding with the Bachelor at all. Melissa Villasenor’s impression of short-haired Bekah is also dead-on brilliant.

SNL has done some pretty amazing parody sketches of past Bachelors, including Chris Soles as “Farm Hunk”, Ben Higgins as “Bland Man”, and Nick Viall as “Beard Hunk”. You might as well pull up a chair now, because they’re all gold.

Watch the full skit here:

[embedded content]

Related Stories:
–Arie Luyendyk Jr. Is Your Next ‘Bachelor,’ and Honestly Who Asked for This?
–‘The Bachelor’ Contestants Revealed: Here Are 29 Women Who Are Too Good for Arie Luyendyk Jr.
–Meet Chelsea Roy, Our New Favorite ‘Villain’ on Arie Luyendyk Jr’s Season of ‘The Bachelor’



Source link

Categories
Health

Why Are We Still Watching 'The Bachelor'?


The first Monday of January comes equipped with many promises—those of eating better, those of course-correcting however you believe you went wrong in the previous year, and the fantastical promise of televised love in the sustaining form of The Bachelor. This year, on January 1—a symbolic a date as any—Bachelor Nation tuned into watch 29 women vie for the likely-ephemeral love of Arie Luyendek Jr., a 36-year-old sentient potato (albeit, a race car-driving one) with alleged pillows for lips who is excited by “excitement.”

History dictates this will not work. In The Bachelor’s 21 previous seasons and nearly 16 years on the air, there has only been one “successful” couple (if “success” is defined as “married,” which is problematic in of itself—objectively speaking, breaking up with a piece of cardboard is a success to be celebrated). Discounting Jason Mesnick, who unceremoniously dumped Melissa Rycroft and is married to runner-up Molly Malaney, the only still-married Bachelor is Sean Lowe, who has come to endure the fate of dispensing hackneyed “advice” to every mumbling, horny, jawline of a new bachelor at the beginning of every season. What he does not say is that the odds are not in their favor; Lowe has even admitted he and his wife, Catherine Giudici are “not the typical Bachelor couple.”

The thinly-veiled premise of “falling in love” has been shattered so many times that I wonder: Why are we still watching it in 2018? And by we, I literally mean we, the collective Bachelor Nation; I am glued to my television and consider this a truly philosophical question. Really: Why? It’s not to fill my brain with fairy tale myths about how love works. It’s not to sneer at the women; I’m not interested in rejoicing in other women’s mistakes or cruelty towards each other, that feels mean. I have better things to turn my attention to, we all do, and yet my year cannot be started correctly without fixating upon multiple hot tub makeout sessions and cursing the gods that women are convincing themselves that these rigid boys, who I imagine only wore Abercrombie & Fitch in the 2000s, are the best the universe has to offer them.

It’s now impossible to watch the show without asking, “Did the
producer make her say that?”

The other facts surrounding the series makes it all the more mind-boggling. All Bachelor fans are familiar with its cheesecloth of a narrative: When you know, you know! Some travel porn, some kisses with heavy tongue, and a few Tough Conversations are enough to confirm if someone is “the one”—and if not “the one,” then the perfect partner for a press tour. I suppose this twisted fantasy is alluring for some given how far removed from actual reality it is, but at this point in the show’s teenaged lifespan, I refuse to believe that the female contestants buy into that. By now, it’s so very clear that many on the show are disinterested in looking for marriage, regardless of whatever platitudes about “settling down” they utter to the camera. And, in recent years, it’s been harder to avoid questioning the ingenuity of those statements. The dramatic process has been somewhat elucidated (if exaggerated for drama) by the brilliant UnREAL, a series about the puppet master producers behind the ironically named Everlasting, co-created by former Bachelor producer Sarah Gertrude Shapiro. Even more revealing? We have the internet, and enough contestants have gone the author route, penning tell-alls that enlighten us all the more.

It’s now impossible to watch the show without asking, “Did the producer make her say that?” Beyond that, the women who execute bad behavior seem to do so with a witting grin—they know this will make them the villain, or maybe give them fleeting celebrity. They, like we, know the narrative well enough to know what will secure them a rose. If anything, we’re watching a competition to see who will be become Instagram influencers and pose for #ads—a natural, lucrative path for these telegenic contestants.

Even stranger, it’s now a cyclical parody of itself. In Higgins’ seasons, twins Emily and Haley Ferguson’s listed occupations were “twins.” One woman in the premiere that year was labeled a chicken enthusiast. Many women are dental hygienists, much to the dismay of an actual dental hygienist who claimed the show “[marginalized]” women in that trade. This year, the series seems to have checked itself—everyone wants to be Taken Seriously Like An Adult for 36-Year-Old Real Estate Man Arie—or the producers just caught that it’s a little silly to minimize women to whatever occupation will be the most viral. Or that hat trick got old.

But despite all the warped, recurrent behaviors on this show that, honestly, are starting to feel like they belong in a Black Mirror episode, one of my favorite facts about The Bachelor is purely a statistic. Even if just by a margin, Bachelorettes have had greater success than Bachelors in selecting partners who can last beyond the press cycle. (Theory: Most men are terrible.) I wonder if part of the allure in 2018 is not seeing who will end up with Arie—the salt and pepper potato pillow is not the ultimate catch!—but who will be the real winner by not “winning,” only to be featured on The Bachelorette, only to call out inappropriate behavior of the men in their season, only to emerge the hero in this bullshit cycle. The best thing we got from Nick Viall’s season was Rachel Lindsay, a woman who made literal history by being the first black Bachelorette…14 years after Trista Sutter’s premiere season.

“Women ultimately emerge the heroes of a story that was originally
about a man looking for love.”

The bizarre, but now familiar, formula is so predictable that it’s somewhat comforting in a time rocked by instability and insecurity—but it’s also satisfying when it catches us off guard when the women it didn’t want to succeed subvert the narrative. When unlikely heroines like Corinne Olympios who blatantly give zero fucks become internet heroes. Or when the Ferguson sisters coming out the other end with their own damn TV show. These paths are predictable for reality TV stars—viral fame or another spinoff show or, you know, #ads—but women ultimately emerge the heroes of a story that was originally about a man looking for love. Maybe it’s about women looking to fuck up the predictable story of a dude…or women realizing that the narrative ABC is selling—that the ultimate happy ending is being chosen by a man—is completely fallacious.

Of course, there’s got to be a better way to let women be the stars of their own stories outside of a tired “true love” narrative that barely anybody believes, but ABC likely sees no reason: We’re watching. And when Twitter reliably fires up its #bachelor tweets on Monday nights, there’s a camaraderie of women banding together, which is appealing in of itself. In part, we keep watching because we’re all asking the same questions (why), and rejoicing together when the women ultimately succeed.



Source link