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'This Is Us' Just Released a New Scene From Season 2, So Prepare to Ugly Cry


This Is Us was the breakout smash of the fall 2016 TV season. People seriously couldn’t stop watching—and crying over—the time-jumping family drama, which stars Mandy Moore, Milo Ventimiglia, Sterling K. Brown, Chrissy Metz, and Justin Hartley. So it wasn’t surprising when news broke a few months ago the show was renewed for a second season—and a third!

NBC has done a very good job at keeping season two details on the DL; frankly, we don’t know anything for sure except that we’ll finally learn how Jack (Ventimiglia) passed away. (Cheers to that. Can you imagine enduring another season of ridiculous death fan theories?)

But what’s in store for the Pearson family just became a little clearer. NBC dropped the first clip from This Is Us season two on Facebook Wednesday (August 23), and, no surprise, it’s a total tear-jerker.

The scene, which NBC teased for journalists during a Television Critics Association panel last month, takes place in the present-day between Randall (Brown) and his mother, Rebecca (Moore). If you remember from last season, Randall told his wife, Beth (Susan Kelechi Watson), that he wanted to adopt a third child. It seemed like Beth was cool with the idea, but Randall tells Rebecca in this scene that she’s now “struggling.”

This whole situation is very familiar because Rebecca adopted Randall 37 years ago after she miscarried one of her triplets. Randall asks Rebecca how she originally felt about adopting him, and her answer’s pretty heartbreaking. It turns out she wasn’t on board with it at first. Jack had to persuade her.

“Your father was so sure. I was tired and grieving and he just kept pushing me,” Rebecca tells Randall in the scene, which we included, below. “He was so determined that you were meant to be…meant to be ours. Sometimes in marriage, someone has to be the one to push the big moves—and yes, it was your father. He pushed a stranger on me and that stranger became my child. And that child became my life. He became you.”

Looks like it’s time to get a new keyboard because this one’s now covered in tears. Watch the full scene:

This Is Us season two premieres September 26 on NBC



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'Bachelor in Paradise' Season 4 Episodes 2A and 2B Recap: DeMario's Side


Before we begin, an explanation: After last Tuesday’s episode, which left a pretty bad taste in my mouth (that discussion on consent was terrible), I looked at ABC’s schedule and saw there wouldn’t be an episode during its usual time on Monday night. Instead, there was one airing at 1 A.M. on Tuesday and then another tonight. I assumed the 1 A.M. airing was a re-run, but it wasn’t—some people actually watched a new episode last night because some NFL thing had to air live across time zones but not others and…even now, I’m still not totally sure what all went down. I get the same feeling every time I look at an electoral map, but that’s a different discussion. The point is, Anna Moeslein gamely watched episode 2A and provided this recap for everyone’s edification:

“Dean and Kristina are fighting for like, unknown reasons? Then Adam
(the guy with the creepy doll) shows up. He comes with a date card and
is interested in Kristina and Raven. Ben Z and Robbie are mad because
apparently they’re into her. Kristina goes to talk with Dean about
stuff, but he acts like a kid. Then it’s the rose ceremony, so people are freaking
out. Robby tries to kiss Amanda, but she turns him down.

Rose ceremony: Taylor gives to Derek, Jasmine gives to Matt, Raven
gives to Adam, Alexis gives to Jack Stone, Lacey gives to Diggy,
Danielle gives to Ben, Kristina gives to Dean, and Amanda gives her
final rose to Robby.

Going home: Vinny, Alex, Iggy, and Nick. Byeee.

The next day, Danielle L (D.Lo) joins and all of the guys FREAK OUT
about how hot she is. Their eyes bug out of their heads, it’s
weird. She asks Dean out. Naturally, Kristina is upset.

Alexis and Jaz are weirdo BFFs together, I enjoy it. Dean talks to
Kristina before his date with D.Lo and it’s awkward. He says that thing
all guys who are being dicks say: “Don’t hate me.” Dean and Danielle
kiss on their date. When he gets back, he makes up with Kristina.

BUT THEN: Dean brings a cake out with candles to celebrate Danielle’s half
birthday because of a convo they had on their date. I don’t know what happens after that because my
DVR cut it off.”

So now that we’re all caught up, let’s see what fresh shenanigans this week brings. Dean is caught between two beautiful women who are both into him. Poor, poor Dean. Kristina cries to Matt, and he gives her some good advice so now I like Matt. Raven flirts with Adam to try and secure a rose, but now some girl named Sarah shows up. (Apparently she was on Nick’s season.) I’m sorry, but half these women look exactly alike because they all do their makeup the same. Anyway, Sarah has a date card.

Raven tells the story of how, during the shutdown, Sarah and Raven both spent the night in Dallas at Adam’s; in the morning, she saw Sarah and Adam “cuddling.” When Raven started telling the story I thought she was recounting a menage a trois, and now I’m disappointed. Raven craftily tells Sarah that suuuuuure she can have Adam if she wants but Beeeeeeen is just sooooooo cool and he’d be an amaaaaaazing dad.

Ben tells Sarah his life revolves around his dog, his dog is the best dog, he loves his dog. I am paraphrasing, but I am not exaggerating: This guy is obsessed with his goddamn dog. A dog he left for weeks to film this show! Unimpressed, Sarah uses her date card to take Adam out. Adam, who is 27 years old, says he has “never been on like, a date?” He and Sarah sip margaritas and talk about…dating…and Sarah makes good on her promise to do whatever it takes to let Adam know she’s interested.

“All in, all in fast, I wanna go now…I’m very attracted to you. I
feel like I have chemistry with you.” – Sarah

Sarah describes BiP as “A Nicolas Sparks book in real life” which is a pretty terrible thing to say, considering someone always dies in a Nicholas Sparks book. Who will it be this time? My money’s on Robby.

Bach on the beach, Danielle M and her bestie Wells are like, “Well, we’re both in our early thirties, so five years from now if we’re both still single, let’s get together,” but I bet it’s more like five episodes from now.

Lacey is still complaining that no one is interested in her and she can’t get a one-on-one. Then she gets a date card and starts interviewing guys to see whom she wants to take. She asks Diggy, and he accepts! I appreciate that Lacey is upfront about being a needy mess.

For their date, Jorge takes Lacey and Jorge horseback riding to a pristine beach where they drink champagne and get to know each other. Jorge tells them this beach is special because it is where his parents conceived him. Aww. Lacey and Diggy by land and by sea, light every lantern for them!

When Wells Met Danielle M is still unfolding back at the cabana. Is it worth it to risk their friendship for love? Oh, and Danielle is going to leave to do aid work in Africa.

A woman I don’t recognize, who is apparently named Dominique, shows up and is immediately embraced by many of the girls. Sadly for Lacey, Diggy is smitten. I’m now hearing word that she was on Nick’s season, but I literally don’t remember her at all. She has a nose ring, though, so she’s automatically the coolest person on the beach.

We now repeat the bizarre ritual of the girls who are already on the beach choosing a man for the new girl; Taylor chooses Diggy for Dominique. Maybe the best strategy here is to make a lot of female friends so they set you up with the best guys? Oh, it’s all so complex.

Happy, relaxed Dominique is the definition of a Chill Girl compared to uptight Lacey, who is going head-to-head with equally rigid Taylor, who empathizes but clearly doesn’t care.

“So now I’m left with no one.” -Lacey

“I know.” – Taylor

While Dominique and Diggy make out in a hot tub, Danielle M packs to leave, certain that her soulmate is not on this particular Mexican playa. But first, a farewell to Wells, who kisses her by the light of the car’s taillights. Has he never seen even one romantic comedy? RUN TO THE AIRPORT, WELLS. RUN TO THE GODDAMN AIRPORT. Wells is, Danielle M says, a good kisser, lending further credence to the fan theory that the show is setting Wells up to lead The Bachelor next season.

Now, before we continue: The next part of this article contains a recap of a discussion of an alleged sexual assault; please skip it if that’s the best decision for your mental health. If you are struggling in the aftermath of a sexual assault, call The National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673.

PHOTO: Paul Hebert, ABC

Chris and DeMario

In that big hangar where they host live events, Chris Harrison tells a cheering crowd that he’s going to “give [us] some answers” about what caused the shutdown; DeMario will appear tonight and Corinne next week. I’m already skeptical of the cheery tone here. The set is decorated with candles and flowers and some of the contestants—two girls, three guys—are smiling wide as they talk about how much fun they were having before the shutdown. Why is that at all important? The question is whether the producers were irresponsible and whether contestants crossed the line. Who cares if it was fun before?

The contestants talk about how it seemed like Corinne and DeMario were getting along great and Corinne didn’t seem upset, but the fact that they’re still laughing about this is just…I don’t want to blame people for having an inappropriate reaction because maybe they’re just uncomfortable, but this whole segment is disappointing. Why can’t we hear from the producers?

Both Raven and Jasmine recount how “right is right and wrong is wrong,” and they didn’t like what the media said about DeMario. They basically present themselves as objective witnesses—but if we’re all being upfront and honest and setting the record straight, then why hasn’t anyone said the words “drunk” or “consent” or “sex” yet? Chris Harrison mumbled something about misconduct and may have even said sexual assault, but this is not a frank discussion of the facts; this is an effort meant to paint “the media” as the villains to avoid blaming Corinne, DeMario, or, especially, the show.

And if you need any more proof that this is all about the show, we’re now watching a montage of all of the happily married couples that met on Paradise. Why on Earth are Carly and Evan coming out in the middle of this supposedly serious segment about a sexual assault allegation? They shoehorn in a segment to talk about how Carly and Evan are still cute and in love, and Carly announces that she’s pregnant before they do a live ultrasound of the fetus.

Finally, DeMario comes out, to thunderous applause. As the audience laughs, DeMario tells the following story: He met Corinne, they both got drunk, she suggests they go into the pool, he obliges, the pool gets “intense,” and he didn’t see or experience anything amiss. He even says he had a positive conversation with Corinne the next day.

But then, DeMario says the executive producer told him a “third party filed a complaint” about him and Corinne and the show was shutting down. He cried in his hotel room after hearing the news. He reiterates that their interaction was filmed and witnessed and that neither he nor Corinne initiated the complaint (by all accounts, true), so how could something be wrong?

The fact that DeMario had no idea of the gravity of the situation until he saw it on the news, in my opinion, speaks to a failing by the producers. I don’t know how the confidentiality of the complaint worked, but didn’t the show have a responsibility to tell DeMario why he was leaving? Did they not care about Corinne or DeMario?

We then get a recap of all the media coverage, and DeMario specifically cites an article about him allegedly having sex with “a limp Corinne” (what he’s describing is rape of an unconscious woman). He quotes Michelle Obama’s “go high” line, a sort of denial by omission, and cries. Next week, we’ll hear from Corinne.

Even with her side of the story, it’s likely we’ll never know for certain what happened between them. It’s not really our business, anyway. I know I don’t want to see the tape. What I do need is some reassurance that the show took the situation seriously, still takes the topic seriously, and is making its absolute best effort to ensure all contestants’ safety in the future. So far, I haven’t seen any of that seriousness of purpose. Instead of just having a one-night special to dispense with the Corinne/DeMario PR and then moving on to the frothy fun, the show is dragging out the scandal even longer for ratings. It’s disappointing, and it’s really frustrating. Please do better, Bachelor in Paradise.



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'Game of Thrones' Season 7 Episode 6 Recap: A Major Fan Theory About Daenerys' Dragons Was Just Confirmed


Quick Q: You’re stranded on a deserted island (more of a small rock than an island) with water all around you. The water is covered in a thin layer of ice that may or may not hold your weight. Oh, you’re also trapped on all sides by an army of undead soldiers. Who would you choose to take with you?

If you didn’t answer Jorah, Tormund, Beric, and Jon Snow…well, you’re wrong. The big action on Game of Thrones this week took place north of the wall and it covered air, land, and sea. So, let’s dive into this extra long episode, shall we?

Let’s start with the fact that things were never going to be great for our merry band of misfits adventuring north of the wall in this episode. We open on them trekking and bonding; Gendry has never seen snow, Tormund reveals how Wildlings keep warm up there, and Beric defends selling Gendry to Melisandre. It would be endearing if we weren’t over here waiting to find out what will go wrong during this misguided expedition—but we don’t have to wait long.

The crew is caught in the winds of winter (not George R.R. Martin’s unreleased sixth book, unfortunately). Visibility is about zero, except they spot that a black blob in the distance is a bear, and Gendry is able to see that the bear has the blue eyes of the dead. That is some good eyesight. They don’t have much time to ponder before a group of undead bears descends. It’s not quite the enemy we expected for this crew, and we meet our first casualty: RIP, Thoros. Your ability to resurrect the dead will not be forgotten.

The group moves on and spots their first two-legged White Walkers near the arrowhead-shaped mountain The Hound saw in his vision. It’s a small traveling group. Team human baits them with a fire. Ultimately, Jon’s Valyrian steel sword is able to defeat most of the group of White Walkers by taking out the leader, which is a pretty nifty fact we learned during this struggle.

Jon dispatches Gendry to Eastwatch to send a Raven to Daenerys (he makes it back to the wall in bad shape, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Gendry has had his fill of snow). The rest of the team essentially has no choice but to forge ahead. The men wrangle their undead loot to bring back to Cersei, and a thundery noise from behind lets us know that the terrifyingly large army of mobilized White Walkers is upon them. Their choice becomes clear: death by ice cold water from the frozen lake in front of them or death by violent undead humans behind (and also in front and on the sides). They opt against certain death on the ice lake and make it to the tiny rock island in the middle, surrounded. It seems like they’re SOL until the weight of the walker army cracks the ice and and large numbers begin to plunge through, which gives pause to the hundreds left on shore. The two sides are caught in a sort of standoff/staring contest and our men don’t seem to have a plan. After a chilly night stranded in the middle of the lake, The Hound kills time by throwing a rock at a jaw-less skeleton man, which provokes him to shuffle over to rock island now that the lake is re-frozen over. His emboldened, undead friends follow—and the epic penultimate episode clash really begins.

Down south, things are a little calmer (and warmer). Before the raven from Eastwatch arrives at Dragonstone, Dany talks to Tyrion about how heroes don’t interest her (heroes do stupid things, then they die), nor does the petty one-upsmanship of men who try to win her heart—and she uses Jon’s quest as an example. Tyrion echoes Jon from a few episodes before talking about being a different kind of ruler and taking things slower and less violent to avoid a “brittle” power. He’s thinking about the long term and who can succeed her as a ruler. Dany is done thinking it seems, and she blames Tyrion’s long-term planning for their early losses. She wants to get on the throne and be part of the action, and she’s fed up with Tyrion giving her shoddy counsel and worrying about old Lannister loyalties. She gets Gendry’s raven, and, if anything, Tyrion’s suggestions and talk push her to take to the skies. He pleas for her to stay and do nothing, which she’s not interested in doing again. This time she flies in a super-chic winter coat version of her go-to look, and with all three of her dragons.

Back north, where she’s headed, the plausibility of the small group of men holding off this giant army for as long as they did is weak at best. Still, we’re cheering for the good guys here, so it was nice to see them prevail. There’s minimal carnage on the living side (as in no major characters die after Thoros), and just when the tables start to turn, we get our first real taste of what’s truly a song of ice and fire. Dany comes in and warms things up with some fire breath, taking out a lot of the army in the process. I had been wondering if dragons were all-weather animals. The answer is a resounding yes.

The crew is about to make a great escape with the team on dragonback, but Jon has to play the martyr and fight off every leftover skeleton coming his way. That leaves enough time for the Night King to whip out his premium version of Cersei’s dragon spear crossbow completely undetected. He nails one of the dragons circling overhead right in the chest like an Olympic javelin thrower (I’m unclear as to which one it was). We now know of something that can definitely kill dragons. This death was a hard one to watch, even for the characters on screen, right down to the slow, tortured slide into the water.

The Night King is ready to lock and load again as Jon considers facing him. He takes one for the team by telling Dany to GTFO. He doesn’t reach the Night King, but he DOES get mauled by a couple of undead soldiers and knocked into the freezing water. Things don’t look great for our King in the North, but you heard Beric: There’s a reason the God of Fire brought him back, and it wasn’t to just die by drowning at the hands of two white walkers. Dany and friends manage to miss the next ice spear as they fly away, almost at the expense of Jorah. The army of the dead begins to retreat and Jon somehow emerges from the lake next to his sword, his wet clothes freezing fast. More walkers are headed his way and things don’t look good. That is, until he’s saved in the eleventh hour once again when his Uncle Benjen comes in on horseback swinging his fire ball chain thingy. He sends Jon and the horse back to the wall, but doesn’t join and save himself because there’s “no time” (which was a little confusing, two people could definitely have gotten on that horse). Jon arrives at the wall much like Gendry, alive, but barely. Nothing a little Ikea rug can’t fix.

When Jon comes to, Dany is at his bedside and she’s been crying. Jon feels awful about her dead dragon (but she’s crying about YOU Jon, duh), and she explains how they’re her children and the two have ~ a moment ~. Hand holding, staring, and nicknaming is involved. They kept it PG, though the show is fully teasing us now, even if Jon is “too little for her.” I can’t say I’m mad about it, even though I maybe should be because we should not be encouraging aunt/nephew relations.

Anyway, Dany can no longer deny Jon’s warnings about the army of the dead. She saw it with her own eyes and agrees they will team up to fight this shared enemy whether he bends the knee or not. She is out for blood…or whatever is going through the Night King’s veins after his savage takedown of her dragon child. Jon knows the way to Daenerys’s heart and calls her queen. So, they both got what they wanted and gave what they thought they wouldn’t. Cute.

A massive white walker battle isn’t the only drama we saw up north this week. We got some icy scenes in Winterfell, and I’m not just talking about the weather. We first see Arya reflecting on a happy moment from childhood, when she got to practice archery with Bran’s bow “against the rules” while Ned watched on and encouraged her (remember those season one days?). It would be sweet if she didn’t have an ulterior motive. She doesn’t wait long to bring up the letter she found to Sansa and insists on reciting the traitorous piece of parchment back to her. Sansa is visibly upset, but Arya truly doesn’t care and cuts her down pretty badly. She’s Ned’s daughter, and she can’t understand a world where a Stark wouldn’t rather die than write a letter turning on her family. They argue about who had it worse in their long journeys back home and shared suffering isn’t enough to bridge the gap between their differences.

PHOTO: HBO

Sansa retreats to the counsel of Littlefinger, who likely has her where he wants her, which is seeing Arya as a stranger. He reminds her Brienne is here to protect both her and her sister and plants a very dangerous idea by casually mentioning the two Stark women harming each other. With this conversation in mind, Sansa sends Brienne away in her place when she receives a summons by Cersei. She will not face the woman who caused her so much suffering. Instead, she’ll send arguably her only completely loyal ally in her place. Brienne protests—she doesn’t trust Littlefinger. Sansa makes it very clear she doesn’t need looking after. We’ll see about that.

Littlefinger’s words still in her mind, she sneaks into Arya’s room like a true sibling. She goes for her sister’s luggage under the bed and finds F***ING FACES INSIDE. Sansa is, understandably, freaked out. Arya sees her sister snoop and is happy to explain the world of the Many-Faced God and the Game of Faces. Sansa is now officially terrified by what both of her only living (real) siblings have become. Arya teases Sansa about wearing her face and becoming “someone else,” a.k.a. Sansa. She picks up her new fancy Valyrian steel knife but instead of attacking her sister she hands it to her and walks out, leaving Sansa petrified.

We end the episode where we began: north of the wall. The army of the dead have found big ass chains somewhere to recover the dragon from the depths of the frozen lake. Once he’s back on solid ground, our Night King graces the dragon with his magic touch, and we get an echo of this season’s poster images: a single blue eye as it becomes a zombie dragon. This is a game changer and one of the show’s biggest cliffhangers (and a popular fan theory). There’s no known precedent for an undead dragon and what type of fire (or ice) it might breathe. It would seem that in addition to a fatal ice spear, the living dragons now have another looming threat. Let’s cling to the hope that even in death, Dany’s dragon might stay loyal to its mother. I have a feeling we’ll find out whether or not that’s true the hard way.

And some things we can’t forget:

-MVP for this episode go to those badass fire swords. Imagine if every battle on this show had those?!

-The moment between Jorah and Jon about Jon’s sword Longclaw was so nice. Jorah’s father meant so much to Jon way back when, and it’s a nice gesture for Jon to offer the sword that’s been synonymous with him to it’s “rightful owner.” It’s hard to argue with family lineage, but I’m happy to see the sword stay in Jon’s possession. It’s basically an extra limb for him at this point.

-Arya has some girl power moments this episode. Her angry talks with Sansa are heavy with identity themes, and when she’s recounting her archery story, about how the rules said she couldn’t shoot and be a knight, she says, “the rules were wrong.” Later, she returns to this thought in her room with Sansa and says, “The world doesn’t let girls just decide what they’re going to be.” Arya was the right person to say these quotes, but that doesn’t meant they don’t apply to both women in the conversations. Sansa followed the rules, and they weren’t right for her either. She definitely didn’t get to choose what happened to her.

-Is Jon so sad about Dany’s dragon because of the dragon friend he made last week that might have stirred up some Targaryen feels? TBD. Beric also mentioned that Jon doesn’t look like Ned. This whole season basically has been ‘Will Jon Find Out Who He Really Is Watch 2017’.

-Speaking of Beric, his “death is the enemy” conversation with Jon is a pretty great double meaning for this episode/season/show. So is his “we’ll all be right behind him unless the Lord of Light is kind enough to send us a bit of fire” eulogy to Thoros, which was actually major foreshadowing.

-Am I expected to believe that Jon survived a winter wind storm, a very physical fight with an army of dead men, a fall into a frozen lake, a fast ride on horseback through the frozen north of the wall, almost dying of cold, and his man bun stays in place? Can we get a hair tie recommendation from this guy?

-For the zillionth time this season, I got major Harry Potter vibes from the battle. Remember when Harry and Dumbledore go into the cave in book six and have to fight of a lake full of bewitched corpses with fire after Harry is dragged under? Sound familiar?

[embedded content]

-Also, when Jon kills the white walker leader it felt like this moment from the last movie:

-It’s 2017 and we don’t have high speed air travel, but Dany has the best transportation in Westeros. Can we get a dragon please?

Miss our other Game of Thrones recaps from this season? Check out:



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This 'Riverdale' Season 2 Trailer Might've Revealed a Major Spoiler


PHOTO: ©CW Network/Courtesy Everett Collection / Everett Collection

The first Riverdale season 2 trailer dropped a few weeks ago, and it was … confusing. It didn’t tell us anything about the plot at all. Jughead said some pretentious stuff about Archie’s “poker face;” Cheryl Blossom creepily stared at her badly-wounded mom; and Betty looked sad. That’s it. That’s all that happened—but fans still freaked out about it for weeks.

Which means they’re definitely going to flip over the new Riverdale promo that just dropped. It’s only 30 seconds long, but it’s packed with drama. Betty and her mother have a face-off! Archie and Veronica take a steamy shower together! F.P. is questioned by the police! (Remember, he’s still in jail even though he didn’t kill Jason Blossom.)

But the most noteworthy thing that happens in this promo is at the very beginning. In a very solemn voice, Sheriff Keller tells the crew, “May I have everyone’s attention? I have some tragic news to share.” This might be a leap, but does this confirm Archie’s dad, Fred, dies?

In the season one finale, Fred was shot by a masked man inside Pop’s Chock’lit Shoppe, and a big question going into the second season is whether or not he lives. What other tragic news could Sheriff Keller be sharing besides Fred’s death?

Granted, this is just a theory. It’s totally possible he’s referring to another “tragic” event down the line—this is Riverdale, after all—or this could be some kind of nightmare Archie’s having. Also, I’m 99 percent sure that’s Fred’s voice we hear at the end of this teaser, so maybe that’s confirmation he actually lives?

Watch the trailer and decide for yourself, below:

[embedded content]

We’ll find the answer out for sure when Riverdale‘s second season premieres October 11 on The CW.

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Watch the First Riverdale Season 2 Trailer Right Now

This Riverdale Fan Theory About the Core Four Is Very Creepy but Totally Possible



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'Bachelor in Paradise' Season 4 Episode 1B Recap: The Cast Addresses the Corinne-DeMario Controversy


There are three parts to tonight’s Bachelor in Paradise: the wedding of Carly and Evan, a discussion of the situation that caused the production shutdown, and then a normal segment of the show. If you are upset by the discussion of an alleged sexual assault, I urge you to think carefully before watching this episode (if you haven’t already) or reading that part of this recap. Your mental health is much more important than knowing what happens on this episode. If you are currently struggling in the aftermath of a sexual assault, you can call RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline at 800-656-4673.

Part 1: Carly and Evan Getting Married

balayage

Thankfully, the wedding special kicks off with a recap of who TF Carly and Evan are, since I missed their seasons. Carly is a singer who cried on the beach. Evan is “in the business of erectile dysfunction” and fought with someone named Chad. Carly’s eyebrows are, uh, ambitious, in their quest to dominate her face.

Apparently Evan FAKED HIS OWN DEATH to get Carly’s attention, which is…I mean, I’m sure he was doing it as a joke, but that’s a terrifying tactic—to make someone think that you will die if they leave you. He proposed by asking, “Will you freakin’ marry me?” but, sadly, did not proceed to do a kickflip and ollie away.

Now there’s a montage of couples of old; we’re throwing it all the way back to Trista and Ryan, the only good couple to come out of this franchise, TBH.

(I just checked Twitter, and for the first time since I started recapping, the show is not trending in my feed during the episode. Hmm, I wonder what happened today that people want to talk about instead?)

Nick and Vanessa (from The Bachelor, not Nick and Vanessa Lachey) arrive at the wedding, looking as unenthused as ever. I notice that one of Carly’s bridesmaids is pregnant. And then I realize that it’s Jade, at whose wedding Nick and Liz had sex. And now I’m furiously Googling, “How much info can the brain hold?” because if mine gets any fuller with Bach info I’m scared what may happen.

“He’s a weird, crazy, quirky, wonderful, deep, compassionate person” –
Carly about Evan

No shade, but Ashley I. kinda looks like if Emily Ratajkowski did her makeup drunk.

Wells, our BiP bartender.

Some stuff that’s happening at this wedding: aggressive flower crowns, a wooden recorder, Evan crying, a lotta unbuttoned shirts on the menfolk.

“You look so beautiful. I love you.” – Evan to Carly

I have nothing catty to say about their vows. They love each other! They get each other! They make each other laugh! Carly makes a Friends reference (“you’re my lobster”)!

A Mexican shaman and his wife arrive to perform a ritual marriage ceremony. I wish we had more context for this. It’s great to learn about other cultures’ wedding traditions, but it feels a little random thrown in for 10 seconds? I’d like to understand the significance of the smoke and the feathers.

One of the twins says that Carly got her “happily Evan after.” That pretty much sums it up.

Part 2: The Corinne-DeMario Debrief

Paradisers return.

We’re headed to Paradise, sans Corinne and DeMario. The narrative has skipped through last week’s cliffhanger and the days of the shutdown; we’re back in the cabanas with the remaining contestants. But first, Chris is conducting a group…chat-sesh? “A serious talk,” he says.

Chris says (paraphrased): Warner Brothers hired a firm, they looked at the footage and talked to everyone, and they concluded nothing bad happened between cast members.

The contestants essentially agree. The consensus here is that the controversy was blown out of proportion; the media misunderstood what the producers do; and no one did anything wrong. Derek explains that the producers don’t manipulate or “puppet-master” the contestants. Taylor points out that she doesn’t drink alcohol and has never been pressured to drink by the production.

Diggy brings up the racial aspect: DeMario is a black man who will now be forever linked to unseemly allegations. Chris asks the cast if they think race “played a part in this” (what is “this”?), and some of them nod and solemnly say “yes.” Then we cut to commercial.

Here, I’d like to reiterate what I said in my recap of last night’s episode: We don’t know what happened, and we don’t need to know. We are not entitled to more information about what transpired between Corinne and DeMario.

Even if none of the alleged incidents crossed the line in this case, we do know that there are, definitely, many, many women and people of all genders out there who have been hurt by sexual assault, and one and effective way to support them is to process our country’s massive backlog of untested rape kits. You can learn how to support that effort here.

Aaaaaand we’re back. To talk more about race. Raven and Jasmine speak eloquently about how black men are often unfairly punished for interacting with (or even existing near) white women. They also state that they did not slut-shame Corinne—but then they go in on Corinne’s statement, calling it vague and from a lawyer. Danielle even says that she claimed to be “a victim” to “save face.” Raven brings up her own sexual assault in an abusive relationship and hopes that “this” doesn’t deter “actual victims” from coming forward (hmmm).

Now we’re doing Consent 101: verbal consent is best, nonverbal consent also exists (but please try to get the verbal one), and you have to have consent throughout. An unconscious person cannot give consent; a too-drunk person cannot give consent. All true!

Last week, I wanted the show to take a moment to talk about consent. I’m glad they did, though this cursory overview feels inadequate. At the same time, if your consent education is entirely comprised of points brought up on Bachelor In Paradise, you need to educate yourself (and also, I’m not surprised, because the American education system does a lousy job of teaching this).

Part 3: Back to Paradise

Well, they didn’t fly all the way back to Mexico just to talk about race and then go home again, so the contestants unanimously agree that Paradise is BACK ON. With Lacey!

In gender-segregated groups, everyone recaps who they like and how they think the roses will play out. Apparently, Dean and Kristina went on a road trip during the production shutdown. Taylor cries. She was definitely the type of kid who would go to slumber parties but then have her mom pick her up right before everyone went to sleep so that she could wake up in her own bed.

meh.

“Every action that I’ve made so far has been in pursuit of a rose with
her.” – Alex

Maybe they’re being given an unfair edit, but Alex and Amanda seem like two of the most boring people on the show. Alex says “de-conflicting” which is not a word. Apparently Amanda has two children. Huh!

This is what Amanda makes me think of:

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Alex pulls Amanda aside to more or less beg her for/pressure her into giving him a rose. And she’s like, “it’s a friendship rose.”

Lacey is wandering around being annoyed that she doesn’t have a guy. (Me AF.)

Our apparent leader, Raven, leads the group down to Taylor and Derek to present them with their date card.

Lacey is crying.

Derek and Taylor go on a candlelit “Dia De Los Muertos”-themed dinner date…even though that holiday is in October.

Dean and Kristina (Deantina?) cuddle. It rains.

Derek and Taylor spend the night together.

Jasmine cries because she wants to party and Matt wants to sleep.

Dean and Kristina have a weird, tense talk.

This show is putting me to sleep.

With minutes left in the episode, some unseen guy arrives. There is no rose ceremony. The “this season” promo is expectedly crazy; the highlight is definitely Taylor talking about her “emotional piggy bank.” Dean cries!

Parting Thoughts: Next week’s episode is on Tuesday because of football.



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