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I'm a Laurel, But I Wish I Were a Yanny


Let’s just state the obvious: I wish I were a Yanny. If a genie in a lamp appeared with three wishes and a bass tones manipulator, I know what I’d ask for:

  1. To be a Yanny

  2. To make sure that I don’t become a Yanny, only to go back to being a Laurel

  3. For world peace, because that’s what a true Yanny would want.

Too bad I’m a Laurel, runner of zero marathons, filer of chipped nails and traffic tickets, listener of Rebecca Black, and not in an ironic fashion, seer of the dress as black and blue, not gold and white.

If I were a Yanny, I’d have a great job because a Yanny is an awesome coworker who women and men want to have around out of genuine respect. And I’d be the coolest person you know because—fun fact—100 percent of the Glossier models are Yannys.

If I were a Yanny, I’d refer to all my “guilty pleasures” as “pleasures” because I’d just be that confident. Now, I refer to all my pleasures as “I definitely do not watch The Bachelor through tears four times a week, ha ha, what do you mean?” Classic Laurel.

If I were a Yanny, I would post on Instagram on the hour and three times at 12 noon, and people would tag their friends like, “Wow, seems glamorous!” instead of like, “Wow, is this Laurel sick?” which is what they comment when I do it now.

If I were a Yanny, I’d lead a vibrant social existence in which I’d show off XXL sun hats and XXL boyfriends who’d always be like, “What do you mean you’re about to go for a run? Your bod is perfection—the rose-flavored macarons you daintily eat for dinner help maintain your flawless physique!” And then I’d be like, it’s for health reasons, which would endear me to Michelle Obama.

If I were a Yanny, I would have known at once who bit Beyoncé and then I would have constructed a tasteful tweet that hinted at who that person was with subtle discretion. A Laurel wouldn’t be able to handle this gracefully, which is why I didn’t even try. (Also, I had no idea.)

The fact is I’m a Laurel, which means the best decision I can make when I wake up is to hit the snooze button and put off one more morning as a Laurel for eight whole minutes. If I were a Yanny, I’d wake up two minutes before my alarm because I’m just wired like that ha ha. I’d sit up straight with perfect posture, eat a cold lemon (all the nutrients are in the pith!), and then luxuriate in a bath drawn from mint water and pamplemousse La Croix. Then I’d meditate, practice some yoga, and vape because it’s #relatable.

If I were a Yanny, I would maybe be Beyonc´e. Or least know her as a close, personal mother.

All I want is glimpse into the world of the Yannys. That’s it! I have no greater wish! Unless I become a Yan, in which case I’ll ask for world peace.





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I'm a Student of Color at Syracuse. That Fraternity Video Proves Racism is Pervasive—Even at Progressive Schools


Over the last few days, it’s been painful to watch my university make national headlines for the racist behavior of one of its fraternities. I’m a graduate student in journalism and a woman of color, and while studying at Syracuse University, I’ve been lucky to meet some of the most progressive and thought-provoking people. This isn’t the campus that I know. This isn’t the school that I chose to attend.

If you haven’t read the headlines, here’s a quick summary: Last Wednesday, a professional engineering fraternity known as Theta Tau was suspended for filming a video in which a member, in a room full of several other members, pretended to ejaculate on another fraternity member while professing his hatred for black, Hispanic, and Jewish people.

The language they used is too vulgar and disgusting to print here, and the six-minute video, which was first published on a secret Facebook group and later released by The Daily Orange, Syracuse’s independent student newspaper, has since found its way to just about every major news outlet. [A second video later surfaced of the Theta Tau members miming a sexual assault of a disabled person.]

In response to the offensive videos, protests erupted on campus with many students calling for the university to take action. On Friday morning, the fraternity released a statement saying the video was meant to be a “satirical sketch” roasting a Republican member of the group.

I first heard about the incident through an email I received from the school chancellor. I hadn’t seen the actual video yet, but I felt a sense of dread. To be completely honest, I wasn’t sure I even wanted to see it. But ultimately, I decided it was important to see the faces of every single person in the video—faces of fellow students who are saying they hate people like me. It’s already hard enough being a person of color at a predominantly white institution and trying to navigate college life. Why shame us? Why use our skin color to belittle us?

When I watched the video, I felt many things—sadness, disgust, anger—but I’m sorry to say that surprise wasn’t one of them. Many students of color, like myself, are already aware of just how pervasive racism is in white Greek organizations. I remember vividly when University of Oklahoma fraternity members were captured in a cell phone video singing a racist chant while on a bus to a fraternity event in 2015. Then in 2016, members of a University of Missouri fraternity yelled the n-word and other obscenities at a group of black students on campus. These were public actions caught on tape—it made me wonder how much worse these people behave in private.

It’s one thing to see this stuff on the news; it’s another thing when it’s about your own peers that you walk the halls with.

“I want nothing more than to be able to feel safe and welcome on campus. But these bursts of hate on college campuses seem to show that racism is still a pervasive force among young people—hiding in the shadows, even at the most progressive schools.”

I want nothing more than to be able to feel safe and welcome on campus. But these bursts of hate on college campuses seem to show that racism is still a pervasive force among young people—hiding in the shadows, even at the most progressive schools. I’m lucky to have not experienced racism first hand during my college tenure, but now I know that these attitudes still exist. I just haven’t always “seen” it.

I now find myself constantly wondering if the same peers that smile at me and greet me in the hallways are shaming me behind closed doors. I don’t want this to be my college experience—or the experience of any other student of color at a predominantly white campus. As students, we have to keep calling this ugliness out and demand change from our universities, or it will keep happening.

PHOTO: Courtesy of Subject

Camille Nzengung.

As of Monday, the university has expelled the Theta Tau fraternity from campus, and 18 members have been suspended from school. The university also announced that it will require implicit racial bias and inclusivity training for all Greek and student organization members, as well as advisors.

In a statement, Syracuse Chancellor, Kent Syverud, said the school will conduct “a top to bottom review of all of our Greek life policies, activities and culture, to be commenced this week and completed in time for us to revise all our practices for the start of the fall semester,” which includes “mandatory training for all students, new and continuing, about the values, culture and expectations of our community.”

I don’t think this is enough: I believe that all of the fraternity members involved in the video should also be expelled from the school, because hate should have no place on our campus. Period. As a school we need to set the precedent now that this won’t be tolerated in the future.

What’s going on at my school echoes bigger issues of racism and homophobia we are facing as a nation. If we can’t justly handle some of these issues at the university level, what will happen once we step out in the real world?

Camille Nzengung is a graduate student studying journalism at Syracuse University in the S.I. Newhouse School of Public Communications.



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I'm Tired of Male Screenwriters Using Rape as a Convenient Backstory for Women


“I don’t really do films set in the modern day because the female characters nearly always get raped,” Keira Knightley told Variety earlier this week. In the interview, the actress was asked if production companies are backing more female-dominated stories, to which she declared that it’s slowly getting better. “I’m suddenly being sent scripts with present-day women who aren’t raped in the first five pages and aren’t simply there to be the loving girlfriend or wife.” It’s a somber day when one of Hollywood’s leading movie stars has sworn off making new movies because rape is such a pervasive storyline in our cultural landscape.

Good for Keira—we need more stars to speak out about the problems surrounding women’s stories—but honestly, this isn’t a new one. Whether it’s used to drive a heroine’s revenge story or provide us with an understanding of her character, rape as a backstory is a common entertainment trope. These stories are usually meant to be cathartic and powerful, but let’s count the other ways a woman can be seen as multidimensional besides surviving a trauma she didn’t ask for. To me, the constant defaulting to rape narratives feels insulting and misogynistic.

Most times, I’m sure it’s not intentional or even a conscious decision—but it’s not surprising that male screenwriters are the main purveyor of this trope. Of course, many of our most cherished female characters have been written by men. We celebrate these characters because of their valiant displays of badassery, but look deeper at their motivations. The Kill Bill movies, written and directed by Quentin Tarantino, are amongst the most famous rape-revenge films. For many, Beatrix Kiddo is one of the best woman-behaving-badly characters of all time. But when I reconcile Beatrix with similar narratives about intractable women, the unoriginality of it all is shocking.

Beatrix isn’t the only character looking for revenge: In Dick Wolf’s Law & Order: SVU, Mariska Hargitay’s Detective Olivia Benson pursues a career imprisoning sexual predators, having been a child born from her mother’s rape. Martin McDonagh’s Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri stars Frances McDormand on a ruthless trek for retribution against her daughter’s rapist and murderer. It was largely suggested that Furiosa, the heroine of George Miller’s Mad Max: Fury Road was sexually enslaved to Immortan Joe, like the other female protagonists in the film. The list drags on.

“Many male-written movies or TV shows are packed with frivolous and
careless displays of sexual assault.”

Outside of revenge, rape is often used to justify why a female character is so hardened or brawny, as if it’s impossible to imagine a woman being emboldened and traditionally masculine without having survived an assault. Michelle Dockery plays the jaded and thick-skinned Alice Fletcher in Scott Frank’s 2017 mini-series Godless. It’s not enough for her to be an independent ranch owner and strong-willed, protective mother—her chilliness had to be justified by a history of sexual abuse. See: Game of Thrones‘ Khaleesi rising to power after being raped and abused multiple times.

Aggressive and uncooperative female characters are often given the same treatment, like Thirteen’s rebellious Evie, who was raped by her uncle. As are successful women, like the merciless Claire Underwood of Beau Willimon’s House of Cards, who was raped in college. Her assault is used as a device to justify why she seeks to advance her career. Then there’s the prosperous Gabrielle Solis from Marc Cherry’s Desperate Housewives, who was raped by her stepfather.

In contrast, male heroes and protagonists who share personality traits with characters like Khaleesi or Beatrix Kiddo need less explaining to justify their behavior. Many male criminals, spies, thieves, and con artists are often driven by something as simple as love. For example, in Steven Soderbergh’s Ocean’s Eleven, Danny Ocean seeks revenge against a wealthy casino owner, Terry Benedict, because Benedict married Ocean’s ex-wife. A lifetime of enduring painful abuse didn’t create his affinity toward crime—love did.

The psyches of characters like James Bond, Bruce Wayne, Han Solo, John McClane, or Walter White are explained by the death of their parents. Daddy and abandonment issues are extremely common explanations for male superheroes, Superman, Thor, and Tony Stark. Sometimes, men are motivated by betrayal, like Ethan Hunt from Brian De Palma’s Mission: Impossible or the eponymous Jason Bourne. Male characters are often hard and tough, but for a woman to be illustrated the same way, unfortunately, the sexual assault explainer comes into play quite often.

“We need complicated, multitudinous, bull-headed female characters—now
more than ever.”

Keira Knightley is right. Rape is often exploited in film and television, and many male-written movies or TV shows are packed with frivolous and careless displays of sexual assault. David Fincher’s The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo has been criticized as making a spectacle of rape. The highly decorated Darren Aronofsky has directed three films with rape or assault scenes (Black Swan, Requiem for a Dream, and mother!), a tendency that leans heavily toward creepiness or fetish. No doubt, women write these stories too, like Melissa Rosenberg, who created Jessica Jones for Netflix. But often, female-written stories about sexual assault offer an vastly different and important perspective. In Jessica Jones, the titular hero hunts for vengeance against her sexual abuser, but the show’s innate female perspective allowed for a nuanced portrayal of sexual assault and has thus been hailed by women as helpful or “getting it right.”

Many writers do their female protagonists justice, and rape-revenge stories can be mollifying to watch, especially for survivors of assault. But film and TV characters are a reflection of real-life women, and there are an infinite amount of motivations, methodologies, and histories that produce interesting, complicated women. I know, because I know these women, and so do you. I’m not calling for an end to these types of narratives; in this post-Weinstein world, it’s important to continue having important dialogues on sexual assault. But I am requesting a larger breadth of female characters, and a variety of backstories and motivations for them. We need complicated, multitudinous, bull-headed female characters—now more than ever.



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If 'Riverdale' Fans Are Right About This Character Being the Black Hood, I'm Done


This week’s Riverdale episode offered more insight into the person responsible for Fred’s shooting, Miss Grundy’s death, and the attack on Midge and Moose. He’s a morality killer who goes by the name “Black Hood,” and his mission is to punish Riverdale for its hypocrisy. He thinks the town preaches one thing, but does another—which is why he targeted Fred, whom he called an “adulterer”; Miss Grundy, a “child predator”; and Midge and Moose, two “drug and sex-addicted teenagers.”

Black Hood’s identity is still unknown. Some fans think it’s Betty’s father, Hal Cooper, who’s been mysteriously absent this season. Others think he was hired by Archie’s mother, Mary Andrews, because she was jealous of Archie’s relationship with Fred. Honestly, anyone is a suspect at this point—and your guess is as good as mine.

But one theory is bubbling up on social media right now that’s truly shocking. A band of Riverdale fans are convinced the Black Hood is actually Betty’s long lost brother, whom we learned about in season one. If you forget, Betty’s mother, Alice Cooper, revealed she gave up her first child, a boy, in high school. No one knows what became of him—or even who his father is—so it’s not far-fetched to think he’s skulking around Riverdale.

It’s possible this brother is resentful of the Cooper family for “abandoning” him as a child, and he’s getting revenge by destroying their town. That’s what one Twitter user named @emiwaltt posits, at least. “What if the Black Hood is Betty’s brother and he is killing off Riverdale because he is angry at the Coopers,” they write. “He is clearly targeting people who are close to the people [Betty] knows.” See this tweet, below:

And several people agree. Here are just a few of the people we found on Twitter who support this theory.

This would be quite the twist if it’s true. We don’t know who Betty’s brother is, so learning his identity is exciting in itself. And if he’s the Black Hood on top of that, I’m done. Of course, the only way to figure this out for sure is to keep watching—so settle back in. We have a long way to go.

Related Stories:

Riverdale Creator Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa Just Shut Down One Theory About Who Shot Fred Andrews

Riverdale Has the Best Fashiony Halloween Costumes of 2017

This New Riverdale Cast Member Is Already Getting Death Threats From Bughead Fans





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I'm an Autistic Woman, and This Is How I Navigate the Workplace


What started out as a civil conversation between me and my former department chair quickly escalated into a heated argument. I stormed out of her office yelling some poorly chosen and insulting words that no one should ever say to a supervisor. I was a professor in the middle of an autistic meltdown, and I wasn’t about to stick around for what I knew would come next, an uncontrollable crying fit.

Imagine a switch turning on in your head that is completely out of your control. An explosive burst of emotions makes it impossible for you to control your impulses because your brain can no longer handle any rational thoughts. You can barely say anything at all, but you somehow manage to lash out at your boss, gutturally screaming insulting words. The fact that your job could be on the line or that you’re overreacting doesn’t even cross your mind until the volcano stops erupting.

Usually, the inciting incident that sets a meltdown in motion doesn’t seem significant enough to cause an intense emotional reaction. For example, any unexpected disruption to my routine like a change to my teaching schedule can be the straw that breaks the camel’s back.

While anyone pushed hard enough at work can have an emotional breakdown, an autistic meltdown is usually much more intense. Once the fight or flight response is fully engaged, very little can be done to stop it. The crying fit I avoided in my former department head’s office ended up happening in my own office, which continued to a lesser extent on my drive home, and even after I got home.

Imagine a switch turning on in your head that is completely out of your control.

I didn’t always know I was autistic, but I knew that I was different. I was a selectively mute child who rarely spoke in the classroom, but I didn’t stand out because I wasn’t disruptive. Most girls from my generation weren’t diagnosed unless they had an extreme form of autism. Even now, many girls who have autism spectrum diagnosis (ASD) go undiagnosed or are misdiagnosed. Only 1 girl for every 4.5 boys has an ASD diagnosis, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Recent studies have found gender differences with autism, which could explain the skewed gender ratio. I wasn’t diagnosed with ASD until my late thirties.

If you know an autistic woman at work, she may seem calm and friendly one moment and argumentative and angry the next. I sometimes feel like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. But I don’t hold a grudge against any of my colleagues, even when we’ve had heated arguments in meetings.

An autistic woman may also have trouble working in teams because she has trouble with empathy, as I do. I often belabor points in meetings even when I have no chance of convincing others of my viewpoint. If you work with an autistic woman, try to be patient, knowing that she will likely have difficulty with communication even when she has a lot of valid points to share.

Luckily, I didn’t get fired over those insulting words I said to my former department chair. She never brought up the incident after that, at least not in a direct way. One day, she offhandedly said, “I feel like there’s always been some tension between us.” My response was simply to agree and leave it at that.

She didn’t know I was autistic until a year later. She was in the audience at a creative writing festival when I read a personal essay I wrote for Glamour revealing I’m autistic. She later approached me in the hallway outside my office to say, “Thank you for sharing your…condition.” She struggled with the last word, not sure exactly what to call it.

Another reason I have difficulty interacting with students and colleagues in the workplace is my prosopagnosia, commonly known as face blindness. I have trouble recognizing faces with this condition, which two thirds of autistic people have, according to one study.

It’s especially hard for me to take class attendance when I can’t match the names on my rosters to faces. I often hide this embarrassing weakness by pretending that I know more names than I do. I ask students who come late to class to tell me their last names so I can find them easier on my roster. This helps me to cover up the fact that I don’t know their first names. It’s also difficult for me to talk to my colleagues that I don’t see often because I can’t recognize them in a crowd. This is especially difficult to do if I see them out of context, such as a chance encounter off campus.

I have trouble looking people in the eye. I have to make a conscious effort to do it. Sometimes, I end up losing my train of thought while trying to divide my attention between engaging in a conversation and making eye contact. But having a job that requires me to interact with a lot of people, I’ve trained myself to look toward, if not directly at, faces. Not focusing directly on faces certainly plays a part in my bad memory for them. I usually have good face recognition, though, for students who frequently meet me one-on-one in office hours or colleagues who have offices in my hallway.

I have trouble looking people in the eye. I have to make a conscious effort to do it.

If you know someone who is autistic at work, don’t assume that she doesn’t want to socialize even if she rarely initiates conversations. She might keep her office door closed most of the time because it’s easy to get distracted by any sort of noise, but this doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to interact with her coworkers. Most of my attempts at socializing happen in awkward moments in the doorways of my colleagues’ offices. I want to be more social, but I have a lot difficulty having a conversation that doesn’t have a defined purpose.

My ASD diagnosis helped me take better control of my autism in the workplace. I still have more than a few disagreements with colleagues and supervisors, including the occasional autistic meltdown, but normally, I know my limits and remove myself from places and situations that threaten sensory overload.

My teaching evaluations are generally good, other than occasional comments about not smiling enough. I’ve improved my social deficits by using scripted language and recognizing my difficulty with empathy. I’ve also found ways to be more flexible with my routines and maintain better control over my sensory issues. I regulate my emotions with exercise, especially by practicing yoga and Taekwondo.

Despite the challenges in the workplace, I’ve managed to have a very successful career as an autistic professor and writer. My intense interest in literature led me to become an expert with a doctorate in my field. My excellent long term memory and ability to record memories as videos in my imagination has helped me to write vivid scenes as a creative writer. I’ve also mentored and taught thousands of students and collaborated with many colleagues and administrators over the past eighteen years.

We would all benefit from more awareness and acceptance of neurodiversity in the workforce. I might not walk around campus telling everyone that I’m autistic, but I’m not ashamed to talk about it either. One time a student came up to me after class to tell me she was surprised to learn that I was autistic. She had come across my articles about autism by chance when she did an internet search to find my contact information. She has an autistic brother, so we ended up sharing our stories.

Jennifer Malia, who runs the Facebook page Mom With Autism, is an English professor at Norfolk State University. She is currently working on a book about autism and gender.



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Study Insists That Men Have Just As Much Work-Life Stress as Women, and I'm Not Here For It


Motherhood isn’t about finding a way to fit everything in or, god forbid, have it all. You learn that pretty quickly—say, two to three weeks into this mess. Trying to do it, you discover, will only lead to a cascade of tears in a restaurant bathroom where you’re shoving toilet paper into your bra to keep milk from leaking out onto the only “business-y” top you own that gracefully covers the band of tissue pregnancy left behind on your pelvis. Instead, you become a professional triage consultant, sorting through must-do’s and should-do’s and it-would-be-nice-ifs, and then cramming errands and activities into the brief flashes of “free time” that pop up between washing the last bottle and making the next one. This shouldn’t come as a shock to anyone, but mothers are almost certainly the most stressed out demographic in this country.

A recently released study claims that isn’t true. Dads, it argues, feel this stress just as much as moms. Allegedly, dads have long kept quiet for fear of stigmatization, among other things. After examining a compilation of 350 studies completed over the past three decades, the research team “found very little evidence of differences between women and men as far as the level of work-family conflict they report,” according to a report from Science Daily.

“The way this issue is presented in the media frames the way we think about it,” lead researcher Dr. Kristen Shockley explained, “and it creates a perpetual cycle. Women hear that other women are struggling with this issue, so they expect they will experience greater work-family conflict. There also is some socialization for it being OK for women to talk more about it than men.” In other words, Shockley is claiming that women know it’s acceptable to admit to feeling stress about their work-life “balance”; that openness then creates the perception that such stress is rampant, thus beginning a diabolical feedback loop. I.e. We’re doing this to ourselves.

“I do think it’s harming men,” she went on, “who are silently struggling and are experiencing the same amount of work-family conflict, but no one is acknowledging it.” (I read this line and then picked my jaw up off the floor and mopped where it had been, because that’s the kind of thing moms remember to do.)

Of course, it’s vital that we, as a society, consider the implications of the massively dysfunctional familial child care system we’ve created. And that doesn’t mean that we just hand women tissues as they tell their tales of woe and then wave banners demanding that men cower in a corner while we give birth in spa soaking tubs and demand paid leave until our babies are in Master’s programs. Advancing women’s causes without considering the roles men will play in that future is shortsighted. In fact, longer paternity leave has been proven to help close the gender wage gap and distribute child rearing responsibilities more equally.

But to argue that men are suffering in silence while dissolving under the same amount of anxiety as women not only misrepresents reality, it also dangerously implies that both genders need equal support in their mission to parent and work outside the home.

Earlier this year, on a trip to visit friends in California, we brought along our then-four-month-old to meet the couple, who don’t have any kids and aren’t entirely sure whether they ever will. The trip was a prime example of how equally we try to share parenting duties in our house. For the first two days I carted the baby around San Francisco, trying to cram art into her formative little brain in the hopes of making her a more cultured person, while my husband attended business meetings. Then we headed out of the city to meet our friends for a few days of relaxing in the redwoods, where my husband was planning on taking the lion’s share of responsibility for the weekend. One hour after checking in I missed a step and tore two ligaments in my ankle. I couldn’t even pick up the baby, let alone handle the (oddly physically demanding) tasks that come along with parenthood. But it wasn’t a problem at all. My husband knows all the baby’s ins and outs. He does all the routines. If I dropped dead tomorrow, he wouldn’t scratch his head and wonder where the hell I keep the baby’s pajamas.

But when our friends asked how much having her had changed our lives, my husband replied, “Really not that much!” Of course it hasn’t, I interjected in what must have appeared to be a verbal seizure, you go to work every day! Your whole identity hasn’t shifted! There isn’t still a weird band of flesh attached to your pelvis that only one work shirt covers! You don’t spend your whole day telling a tiny human what color everything is while you empty the dishwasher!

I may be extra rant-y, but I’m not alone. Study after study proves that not only do men do less, they also don’t know how to self-report about their roles in the home. This study found that women spend twice as much time on childcare in a week than their male counterparts. This one found that half of women do housework every day, while just 20% of men do the same. And this one, from the Pew Research Group, found that men drastically overestimate the amount of time they spend on chores, household affairs, and childcare. “After a birth,” The New York Times explained, “women’s total work — including paid work, housework and child care — increased 21 hours a week and men’s increased 12.5 hours. For women, but not men, child care did not substitute for any of their existing work; it was all supplemental.” In other words, we’re doing far more with far less time and the data backs us up.

Yet the biggest complaint from women when it comes to the division of work in the home isn’t that it’s merely unequal. It’s that the mental load of wondering exactly how all the tasks will get done falls inordinately on women’s shoulders. As Judith Shulevitz wrote in this spot-on piece, moms are “the designated worriers,” who “draft the to-do lists while fathers pick and choose among the items.” This clever cartoon—which was passed around among mothers this summer like cholera through Victorian London’s sewers—explains how fathers in heterosexual relationships view mothers as the managers, and asserts that “when we ask women to take on the task of organization, and at the same time to execute a large portion, in the end it represents 75% of the work.” When we see fathers plan and enact elaborate activities we consider it exceptional. When mothers do it, we consider it Tuesday.

Are men stressed about how to manage a thriving career and enriching home life? Surely. Do we need to fear that they’re bearing the same load as their female counterparts and yet no one will heed their silent cries for help? I wouldn’t add this your list of worries, moms.



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