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Being ‘Selfish’ Makes Me a Better Mom


We put so much pressure on ourselves to do it all. For me, the realization and acceptance of the fact that I can’t be everything to everyone has been liberating. I know now that if I take the time and care to make sure I am at my best, I am able to be there for my family in an even more powerful and connected way. It is hard to let go and put yourself first when you are a mom, but the sooner you can give yourself a little space to breathe and recharge, the better off you will be. —Jessica Simpson, Guest Editor, the Honesty Issue


It’s 4:13 on a Friday afternoon, and I’m crouching on the tile floor behind my kitchen counter, the tea kettle boiling a few feet above my head, and one thought is running through my mind: Please don’t let my daughter find me back here.

My daughter, four years old, is passing through the kitchen on her way from the playroom to the hallway with her babysitter. They are going to check on my other daughter, one year old, who is napping. The four-year-old is dressed in a tutu and plastic high heels, and the sound of her casual, high-pitched banter causes my heart to squeeze. And yet my response when I heard her heeled clomping into the kitchen is to crouch low and flee out of sight.

The fact that it is 4:13 p.m. on a Friday means that I have 47 minutes of childcare remaining in my day—47 minutes left in the week to spend how I will: finishing up the writing I’ve been working on all week, cracking open the bound draft of the book I’ve promised to review for a fellow author, doing some quick office-floor yoga—or doing none of the above. Perhaps simply spending these last few minutes doing nothing more than drinking this tea in the kettle that is whistling above my head and simply relishing some quiet and peace and freedom to think. In 47 minutes I will say goodnight to my nanny, and I will scoop up my two daughters and once more take up the reins of mommying and dinner cooking and bath-time singing and bedtime reading and closet-monster exorcisms and so on.

Hence why I’m hiding in this squatting position, thinking: Please don’t let her find me. And then a second thought immediately follows on its heels: I am the worst mother in the world.

Years ago, at a baby shower for a friend, one of the older women in attendance, a mother whose children had grown into adulthood, gifted the expectant mother with a copy of Anne Morrow Lindbergh’s book Gift From the Sea, along with the insistent warning that my friend needed to remember to “fill her own vessel first.” The woman delivered the advice with a stony face and a stern voice, as if my friend were about to take off for an arduous journey on which she might very likely lose sight of everything around her, including—and especially—herself.

I nodded, all sage and subdued smiles, acting as though I’d understood this exhortation, but inwardly I was saying to myself, “Let’s take it easy here—it’s not like this woman is taking off for a solo summit of Everest! She’s taking off—destination: Motherhood! She’s going to have an adorable, squishy baby! She wants this, she’s excited! We’re all excited for her! This is going to be the best thing ever!”

A few years later I, too, became a mom. My daughter was rosy and healthy and happy, and I loved her instantaneously and intensely. A few years after that, I became a mother again to a second healthy, beautiful baby girl. I loved being a mom. I adored my girls. I also experienced a fatigue the likes of which I had not known possible—fatigue that felt simultaneously physical, mental, and emotional, all at the same time. Anxiety was suddenly a constant companion. Anxiety that kept me awake between the midnight and 3 a.m. feedings, which just felt cruel and pointless, given how badly I needed that precious sleep. I forgot words midsentence (a problem for a woman whose job is largely to finish sentences). I found that an afternoon could stretch to the length of an eternity. I realized that things that were challenging could also be really boring.

I realized that some of the women in my life really, really love the day-to-day work of being a mom. It’s not bogus, and it’s not for Instagram or for bragging rights at Mommy and Me Playgroup. Some women truly love babies, love nothing more than snuggling and smelling their newborns for hours on end on the couch without feeling the need to leave the house. Some women love toddlers and have an endless tolerance for impromptu sing-alongs and circular rounds of car-ride questions that have no satisfying answers or resolution. Some women in my life have told me that they love snow days because it means arts and crafts at home and pancakes made in the shape of snowmen. (Some men, like my husband, are like that too.)



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Serena Williams Says She Can Still Be Selfish in Her Marriage, and That's All I Want


Serena Williams‘ husband, Alexis Ohanian, does a very good job at reminding me that I’m single. When he bought four billboards just to profess his love for her, I remembered my crush hadn’t texted me back in days. When he posted a tribute to her right before the U.S. Open, I thought to myself, Wow! I absolutely cannot relate. And when he asked Williams about her edges on behalf of women on Twitter, I was reminded of the time a guy ghosted me in the park.

Now he’s at it again. In a new interview with Allure magazine, Williams reveals that she ultimately fell for Ohanian because he doesn’t “dim her light.”

Williams picked up this relationship barometer from Oprah Winfrey, who told her, “Never let anyone dim your light.” “That really stuck with me,” the tennis pro tells Allure. “Alexis doesn’t dim my light. He doesn’t try to dim my light. He puts me in the light, even if I don’t want to be. He pushes me to further points I never thought about. It always was something that I could see in some relationships—my light would be dimmer. Now I feel like I can shine really bright and still do everything that I want to do.”

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She continues, “Not to knock anyone else I was with before, because they were all mostly amazing, but I know now I can be selfish, have a great career, and a great partner, someone that believes in me.”

It’s good that Ohanian realizes he’s in a relationship with the greatest athlete of all time and could never dim her light even if he tried. A marriage with someone who worships you that also allows you to be selfish sounds like the literal dream—and exactly what Serena Williams deserves.

For more of Allure‘s conversation with Williams, click here.

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Serena Williams and Alexis Ohanian’s Latest Text Exchange Is One for the Books



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'The Big Bang Theory' Season 11 Episode 15 Recap: Sheldon Finally Realizes How Selfish He's Been


It only took 15 episodes into season 11 of The Big Bang Theory, but the Sheldon Cooper redemption tour is finally underway. This season Sheldon has been remarkably different from seasons 9 and 10 in terms of tone, behavior, and growth. For a character that’s already extreme in his ways, it’s been a bit jarring. That bewilderment has extended to his fiancé Amy Farrah Fowler as well, who has seemingly compromised any self respect by putting up with Sheldon’s insensitive and, frankly, sexist behavior this season.

Of course, these were never two characters known for their tact, so to expect them to parade around Pasadena (or their apartment) with the social graces of Prince William and Duchess Kate was never going to happen. But after all the growth that took place the last few seasons, I thought at the start of this season that Shamy was more than ready to enter into marriage and a life together…until that all fell apart.

But in tonight’s episode, “The Novelization Correlation,” Sheldon was forced to look hard at his behavior when Wil Wheaton’s version of the Professor Proton show debuts. For context, this was Sheldon’s favorite show growing up, and Professor Proton was his idol. When the series was rebooted, Sheldon wanted nothing more than to get the gig—but it went to Wheaton instead. Cue feelings of anger, disappointment, and disbelief. In Sheldon’s defense, who wouldn’t feel that way?

When Sheldon actually watches (OK, hate watches) the new version of Wheaton’s Proton, he surprisingly likes it—until Howard shows up on the show. When Sheldon asks Amy why Howard didn’t tell him he’d be making a guest appearance, Amy guesses that Howard was probably worried Sheldon would be a big baby about it. (Truth.) Later, Howard tells Sheldon he’s going to have to apologize to Wil if he wants to be on the show, and Sheldon obliges.

In a moment of actual sincerity, Sheldon—with a reluctant Howard in tow—shows up at Wheaton’s to say he’s sorry. Just when it seems his apology worked, Wil says he’d like Amy to come on the show because he’d like to feature more female scientists. Preach.

Of course, Sheldon is taken aback and tries to negotiate himself as part of a package deal with Amy, telling Wheaton that “wouldn’t it be nice to have us both on to show that female scientists can land a man?” (This is still Sheldon we’re talking about, after all.) Howard’s dumbfounded reaction perfectly summed up the correct response to such nonsense. And if Sheldon had any hope of getting on Wheaton’s show following his “apology,” this certainly drove the nail right through that coffin.

When Sheldon returns home and asks Amy if she wants to be on the new Professor Proton, Amy tells him she’s not really interested. “I’m all for promoting women in science,” she says, “But…I know you have strong feelings about Professor Proton, and I don’t want to get in the middle of that.”

There’s so much wrong with that statement—namely, the fact that Amy is going to bypass touting her own achievements (again!)—to spare Sheldon’s feelings. Not only would this be a great showcase for her, but, as Wheaton pointed out, it would draw attention to more female scientists. Season 9 or 10 Amy would never have thought twice. But just as I was about to give up with Sheldon and Amy, we had a breakthrough:

Sheldon: “So, you’re not going to do something because you think it might upset me?”

Amy: “It’s tricky, because answering that question honestly is one of the things I tend not to do because it upsets you.”

Sheldon: “Well, that’s very upsetting.”

Amy: “Like I said.”

Sheldon: “What other things don’t you do because of me?”

Amy: “Remember last week when we went to that dueling piano bar I was so excited about?”

Sheldon: “No.”

Amy: “Well, now you’re getting it.”

Later, Sheldon tells Howard and Raj that he’s upset Amy often doesn’t do things because she’s afraid of his reaction. Howard points out that it’s not sometimes, it’s “always.” Raj says it’s not just Amy that doesn’t do things because of Sheldon, it’s “everybody.” Howard adds that this is nothing new—everyone feels this way. Sheldon is shocked and questions if everyone walks on egg shells around him to spare his feelings. For the first time all season, it seems as though Sheldon finally has begun to understand the magnitude—and consequences—of his ways. “I don’t want my relationship with Amy to be like that. I can change,” he says. The guys doubt it, but Sheldon is determined to prove them otherwise.

PHOTO: Michael Yarish/Warner Bros. TV

After a childish game of chess at home that night (Sheldon’s doing, of course), he finally tells Amy he’s sorry. “I’m trying to show you I can change,” he says. “I don’t want you to miss out on things because of me. Maybe somewhere out there, there’s a little girl who will see you on Wil’s show and realize that she too can grow up to be a brilliant, amazing, successful scientist.” (Where has this Sheldon been hiding?!)

It’s not the most perfect apology—Sheldon naturally throws in some jabs about Amy’s chess game, because, well, he’s Sheldon—but it’s the most sincere words to come out of his mouth all season. It’s also proof that he doesn’t have to be a jackass to create story. I’d much rather watch this Sheldon than whoever was spoon-fed to us lately.

When Sheldon and Amy gather around their laptop to watch Amy’s appearance on Proton (apparently she did it after all), Sheldon tells Amy that she’s glowing and he’s so proud of her. Amy’s proud of him as well, and in classic Big Bang fashion, Sheldon asks if it’s because she can’t tell how jealous he is. “No, no, I can,” she says. “But I can tell how hard you’re trying to keep it in.” Really hard, Sheldon replies. She then gives him a kiss, says she’s going to bed, and Sheldon tells her he’s going to scream on the roof. It’s fine, Amy’s fine, and I’m fine with it, because he’s honest, sincere, and it’s still in line with who he is.



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Donald Trump Trolls Women's March With a Predictably Selfish Tweet


A year after millions of women around the world marched against President Trump’s inauguration, the Women’s March is back with a vengeance for round two.

The slew of recent sexual abuse allegations and the rise of the #MeToo movement during Trump’s first year as president has inspired women and people everywhere to march for much needed social and political change for the second year in a row.

And amid all of this year’s inspiring action, Trump unsurprisingly took to his Twitter account to tweet his thoughts on the matter.

All things considered, his tweet started off on a strangely good note. “Beautiful weather all over our great country, a perfect day for all Women to March,” he wrote. Okay, that’s a fine first sentence. But then things get weird. Rather than totally grasping or mentioning the actual reasons why people are marching on the streets — his administration, for one — he implied that the march was in celebration of his first year in office. He then encouraged his followers to get out to celebrate the country’s great economy, which by the way, was inherited from President Obama’s administration.

He continued: “Get out there now to celebrate the historic milestones and unprecedented economic success and wealth creation that has taken place over the last 12 months. Lowest female unemployment in 18 years!”

Subsequently, and not surprisingly, tons of people caught on to Trump’s ridiculous trolling. Scroll down for some recent reactions:

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