Before I had my own baby, I’d show up to visit friends who’d recently given birth armed with a basic knowledge of the “gifts for new moms” rules as I’d understood them: bring a meal that can preferably be frozen, never stay longer than 30 minutes, and wash your hands—maybe even Purell them—before holding the precious child. Good enough, and always appreciated. But when I had my daughter, the moms in my crew took it to the next level: They came to my rescue with just what I needed, before I even knew I needed it—because I had no idea boob-shaped ice packs were even a thing.
How’d they know? Extreme thoughtfulness of course, but also the fact that they’d recently given birth themselves, and they knew that frozen casseroles and cute onesies weren’t always enough during those first few life-adjusting weeks. Of course, food will always be a universally loved gift, but a little something original to make your friend feel like herself again—think great super-soft tees that are easy to nurse in or a comfy robe—goes a long way.
To get the best intel on gifts for new moms, we went right to the source: Here, 19 women on the best post-birth presents they received. Scroll down to steal their ideas for the new mother in your life. And don’t forget: for the most part, the 30-minute visit rule still applies.
Though Khloé Kardashian jumped right back into her workout routine not long after giving birth to daughter True in April, she has nothing but respect for moms who choose to take it a little bit easier after giving birth. In a series of tweets on Tuesday, Kardashian defended moms from body shamers who might pressure them to “bounce back” and shed their baby weight as quickly as possible.
“Completely over mommy/body shamers! Women who choose 2take their time after baby, I’m so proud of you! Women who choose to work out after baby, I’m so proud of you! We all must do what’s best for US! Please b kind 2urself! A happy mommy makes for a happy baby! Love your process,” she wrote in one tweet, adding in another, “We are so hard on ourselves. Please be patient and gentle with your journey. Don’t compare yours to anyone else’s. You are right where you need to be! You are amazing!! You are worthy!!!”
(Of course all this came just days after Khloé and sis Kendall Jenner were all over Kim Kardashian’s social media praising their older sister, in a series of problematic statements, for her weight loss. So do with this what you will…)
In early May, not long after giving birth to True, Kardashian returned to her old habit of posting photos and videos from her workouts on social media, keeping her followers updated as she slowly worked her way back up to her previous, prebaby regimen (with her doctor’s permission and advice from her professional trainer). Though some trolls criticized her for getting back into the gym so soon after giving birth, Kardashian explained in a series of videos on her Instagram Story in late May why it was so important to her to start working out again. “What I’m annoyed about is that I’ve read a couple of times on Twitter that, you know, they feel that I’m focusing too much on my body, but the truth is, I worked out five or six days a week before I got pregnant, and that’s my sanctuary and something I love to do,” she said at the time.
Kardashian continued, “I want to start doing that now and getting into my rhythm, and in between feedings I want to find time to work out, because that’s going to be my new normal. Just because I have a baby doesn’t mean I have to stop doing the things that I love, and I love working out and getting my mind right.” She added, “I’ve been craving these workouts.”
This past weekend, the Good American founder gave her followers another update about her post-baby body. When a Twitter user asked if her body had “bounced back” after giving birth, Kardashian replied, “Hell no!! Lol i’m still working on it. And it will come in time… I hope LOL but sitting down I have a completely different stomach then I used to have LOL.” As she stated in her most recent tweet (and as pal Chrissy Teigen recently shared in a few posts of her own), that’s perfectly fine—she just grew a literal human with her body in nine months flat, after all.
Back in December, Chrissy Teigen mused on Twitter about what she would grab if she needed to escape a fire in her home. At the time, all she could come up with were her daughter Luna, “some limited edition Oreos and my spike tv award.” As seen in another series of tweets this week, however, it seems that Teigen’s found another thing she’d go to any lengths to save: her breast milk. (And, you know, probably her newborn son Miles, too.)
On Wednesday, the model and cookbook author shared two videos in which she and a friend use a syringe, a turkey baster, and what looks like a shoehorn or some kind of spatula in a (mostly futile) attempt to salvage a small amount of breast milk that spilled out of her breast pump bottle and onto a table. “Spilled my breast milk, and this is how important it is in this house,” Teigen says in one of the videos. “I am so jealous of people with plentiful boobies,” she captioned one clip on Twitter, writing alongside the other, “EVERY DROP COUNTS IN THIS HOUSE.”
Since Teigen posted the silly but all-too-real clips online, many of her fellow moms have shared their own stories of doing whatever is necessary to save even the tiniest amount of spilled breast milk. Some, like Teigen, have turned to syringes to recover the milk, while several others wrote about soaking it up with paper towels and wringing them out into a bottle. The replies to Teigen’s tweets were a rare space of almost nothing but positive and supportive internet comments — all of which seemed to agree that it actually is OK to cry over spilled milk when it comes to that “liquid gold.”
This isn’t the first time since Teigen and husband John Legend welcomed Miles in May that moms everywhere have applauded Teigen for getting real about the struggles of breastfeeding. While he and his wife were heading to dinner in honor of Father’s Day the following month, Legend shared a photo of Teigen pumping in the backseat of a car, prompting countless responses from fans who were thrilled to see the stars getting real about the less glamorous parts of parenthood. Keep it up, you two!
Related: Chrissy Teigen Takes Us Behind the Scenes of Her Favorite Instagram Shots
When I first found out I was pregnant, I worried about how I would translate my personal style to maternity clothes. While my options weren’t as bad as I feared they would be (I managed to find some stuff I actually really liked!), I still couldn’t wait to retire the stretchy-waist pants and return to my regularly scheduled wardrobe programming. I figured as soon as the baby was out, the style hiatus would be over—I even threw my favorite Nike turtleneck sweatshirt dress (similar style here, for reference) in my hospital bag to wear home after the birth, and to do so as it was intended to be worn, as opposed to stretching the waist as far is it would go during those last few weeks of the bump. What I naively didn’t take into account, though, was what sartorially restricting phase came after: breastfeeding.
I didn’t consider how breastfeeding would render almost the entirety of my prepregnancy closet useless, including that aforementioned dress. I did have one friend who advised me to bring some nursing bras and button-down PJs to the hospital, but no one had mentioned to me anything about the best way to get dressed when you’re nursing eight to 12 times a day. I guess most moms wear whatever’s on hand? But it didn’t take long for me to discover that I didn’t like lifting up any old shirt and nursing that way—for one thing, I had my baby in March, when it was still cold. As soon as I had to nurse in public for the first time (it happened on her fourth day of life), I learned that I like to feel fully dressed when I do so, which turned out to mean button-downs, zip-ups, and spending way too much money on anything labeled “nursing” as I went on online shopping sprees during 4:00 A.M. feeds.
I’ve found that there’s a wide mix of stuff in the market. Some recurring brands in my pregnancy shopping rotation, like ASOS and H&M, have been offering nursing options for quite a while. Facebook’s algorithm relentlessly targeted me with ads for some newer, nursing-specific brands, like Latched Mama, that have risen in the social media age. My in-the-know fashion friends tipped me off to some just-launched labels, like Storq and Teat & Cosset, that are incredibly chic—not a word you usually associate with this category of clothing. (Thanks, pals!) To see how they stacked up, I tried them all. Here, my thoughts.
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We meet 12 months into her gubernatorial bid, but Gwen Graham has not tired of the political rigmarole.
Graham proffers a firm handshake. She peppers me with questions—and listens with such attention to the answers that I feel like she’s prepared to be quizzed. In a deep blue pantsuit, with her warm attitude, she exudes the same calm command that the best CEOs and leaders (and moms) do. And like the most successful of the women who assume those positions (hip to the realities of what it means to be female in public), Gwen Graham is prepared to tick off her (extensive) credentials.
A prominent gubernatorial candidate in Florida, Graham was born in the state she seeks to represent. She has lent her talents to three progressive presidential candidates and worked in her local school district. In 2014, she ran for a seat in the United States House of Representatives and won it, becoming one of the few Democrats nationwide to beat an incumbent Republican that November.
But it’s her tenure on the cutthroat PTA that she seems most proud of when we sit down earlier this month. “I was the president!” she tells me. She leans forward and whispers, like she has a secret. “Some people think that’s the hardest job I’ve ever had.”
For over a decade, Graham was a PTA mom, a band mom, a school pick-up and let-me-look-at-that-homework mom. Until she had her first child—up to the minute, in fact, given that she went into labor at her desk—she’d worked at Andrews Kurth, a law firm in Washington, D.C. But with an hours-old infant in her arms, she decided to become a full-time parent. It was a “position,” as she puts it, that she held while she raised two more children.
When she did return to the workforce, it wasn’t law that drew her back; it was politics. In 2003, with her children grown, she became an advisor on her father’s presidential bid. (She is the daughter of former Florida Gov. Bob Graham.) When he dropped out of that race, she volunteered her services to candidates Howard Dean and eventual nominee John Kerry. After a stint with her school district in Tallahassee, Graham decided to run for office with her own name on the ticket, much to the bewilderment of most people she knew. It was 2014, one of the grimmest election seasons for new Democrats nationwide.
“I’m a mom, first and foremost,” she insists. But the time she spent at home wasn’t a complete break with her career. As she tells it, it was a kind of leadership bootcamp. She’d become an expert dealmaker, a person both able to stand on principle and prepared to compromise. She knew how to balance interests that sometimes competed for attention and resources. She’d come to feel like she’d mastered one of the secret skills motherhood—the ability to be in several places at once.
PHOTO: Gwen Graham.
Graham and her daughter, Sarah.
“It was an asset,” she concludes. And in 2014, the constituents who elected her seemed to feel the same. Her success meant, perhaps, that the public didn’t need to “see past” a woman’s choice to become a stay-at-home mom. It was motherhood as a bona fide for public service, and Graham isn’t alone in her intention to tout it.
All across the United States, mothers of small children, some of whom work from home or not at all, have decided to run for office to noticeable effect, despite studies that show that some voters don’t believe women with children can balance their public and personal responsibilities. (On the heels of the 2016 presidential race, the Barbara Lee Family Foundation released a report in which researchers found that voters still express deep concerns over how women candidates with small children would fare in elected positions.) The task ahead of them is formidable: re-enter the workforce in a position that doesn’t offer flexible hours or any kind of a structure that lets staff work from home—instead, these women will be on the trail, as candidates for public office.
But whatever the odds, these moms want in. “Maybe there’s a little bit of an initial obstacle to overcome,” allows Stephanie Schriock, president of EMILY’s List. But mothers who run for office, she continues, have a unique perspective to share in political races. Motherhood can be a boon to female candidates because it gives them an authoritative voice on all the issues that matter most this election season: health care, education, the opioid crisis, student loans.
These are women who’ve taken their kids to hospitals, lost children to violence and addiction, served in the armed forces or supported spouses who did. From the women who compelled us not to drink and drive, to the ones who want to overhaul gun laws, mothers command moral attention. And “relatable,” that exhausted, but still essential buzzword in politics, is a descriptor mothers earn with relative ease, Schriock explains. “These women have the lived experiences that families and communities in their districts and states care about. You just can’t overlook that.”
For Kristina Lodovisi, a candidate for the Michigan State Senate and a combat veteran, her children—three and one, along with a 10-year-old stepdaughter—are central to her pitch to voters. When she meets with people in her district, she explains how it was her armed forces experience that prepared her for motherhood, and her time at home with her children that drove her into this race. In Afghanistan, she tells them she learned to wake up in the middle of the night, to make decisions fast, to prioritize. With little children, she realized what it means to be a role model, and moreover, what it means to be an advocate.
PHOTO: Kristina Lodovisi
Kristina Lodovisi and her children.
Hers are transferable skills, and she didn’t have to hone them in the traditional political machine. “It helps, I think, to come at this from a different perspective,” Lodovisi adds when I reach her over the phone. “A lot of these career politicians, other moms don’t feel aligned with them.” When she looks around her district, she sees women like her, who want a better education for their children, more resources, fewer potholes. It’s a simple calculus, familiar to listeners of bedtime stories nationwide: “It’s up to moms to save the world.”
From the women who compelled us not to drink and drive, to the ones who want to overhaul gun laws, mothers command moral attention.
Lindsy Judd didn’t have quite so grand a scale in mind when she started to take her kids out for walks in Reno, Nevada, where she is now vying to be county commissioner. She just wanted somewhere to sit. In an effort to clean up downtown Reno, the city had just passed new laws to fend off loiterers and trash accumulation. As a result, when Judd needed a rest, there were “zero benches, not one.” She decided to look into it, and the more she learned about the ordinances that had been approved, the angrier she became. A city, she explains, should be built with real people in mind. She started to feel like her representatives didn’t have a keen sense of what women like her needed. Or for that matter, what their children needed. A progressive, she started to drop into local Democratic Party confabs, but was disappointed to find that no one else had children with them. Her kids are one and three; they’re loud. More than once, Judd remembers, volunteers would shush them in the halls.
PHOTO: Lindsy Judd
Lindsy Judd and her son.
“It’s hard,” she admits. “You don’t want to be a disturbance, but at the same time, shouldn’t Democrats want people in their twenties and thirties in the room?” The more time Judd spent with local officials, the more she’d have to call her own mother to have her pick up the kids. There was nowhere for them to sit. The room was too hot or crowded. People wanted them to quiet. She wasn’t offended, exactly. Just bemused. How could the people she voted for be so out of touch with middle-class families? No wonder so few of them seemed concerned about the crisis in access to childcare. The issue didn’t even touch them. She mulled it over: What if she ran? “I realized I wanted to be a representative for people who felt like they couldn’t participate, like there was nowhere for them in the room.”
Both Lodovisi and Judd have attended VoteRunLead summits, all-day events that train women to run for office. The last time VoteRunLead held a national session, 41 percent of attendees were moms. The sessions impressed upon Judd in particular that if she wanted to win, she’d need to be honest about the challenges of full-time motherhood. It’s true, Judd concludes, that she has to endure different and more personal queries than her opponents. She’s noticed that people are more skeptical. They want her to prove that she’s up to the responsibilities of this office. But Judd isn’t fazed: “It means I research a lot more to compensate. I tend to pull out more facts and statistics. I like to surprise them with just how much I know.”
But the hurdles that full-time moms have to clear in elections aren’t just political. As Lodovisi knows, the simple coordination (not to mention the financial responsibilities) of childcare becomes a serious impediment. A recent Federal Election Commission (FEC) decision could ease at least that burden.
Earlier this month, the commission ruled that a congressional candidate in New York could use campaign funds to cover the cost of childcare for her two children. Over two dozen members of Congress and Hillary Clinton had written letters to support the petition, in which Liuba Grechen Shirley contended to the FEC that her childcare-related expenses were the direct consequence of her bid for elected office. After the FEC approved her bid, she said she wanted to see the decision drive more mothers, especially those that are responsible for the care of small children, to run for office. Our government, she said, is “desperately” in need of women “who understand firsthand what it’s like to balance a checkbook while raising children.”
Gwen Graham’s children are older, but scores of her supporters are still in the throes of new motherhood. A few months back, a woman came over to meet her at an event in Fort Lauderdale. She wanted to tell Graham that she was and remains a Republican, but that she intended to vote for Graham in the gubernatorial race. (To reach it, Graham will first have to win a competitive primary contest in late August.) The woman, a stay-at-home mom herself, was tired of the current political deadlock and repelled by the message it sent her kids—that to get ahead, they should shut down people who don’t agree with them. She told Graham she saw her vote as a teachable moment; “that in this next election, we will elect people who are committed, who want to break through this negative environment.” Graham, who declares she has “a genetic predisposition for optimism” and boasted of her daughter’s impressive position in the school band (drum major, thank you very much), promised the woman she shared her aims.
“Well,” the woman said, “then I can’t wait to vote for the first female governor of Florida.”
Imagine it’s a Tuesday at work, and you get up, walk into your boss’s office, and say thanks, but you’re quitting your job to travel the world, photograph women, and tell their stories. The road calls, you have a camera, and you’re not telling it no. It’s the dream, right? That’s essentially the pared-down story of Mihaela Noroc, photographer and the author behind The Atlas of Beauty: Women of the World in 500 Portraits. In honor of Mother’s Day, Noroc has put together a series spotlighting the mothers she’s encountered across the globe.
Pregnant herself, Noroc says traveling through Asia over the past few months has only motivated her to keep going. “There are many more stories waiting to be discovered and now, as a mother, I feel an even stronger desire to bring my small contribution in making this world a better place for future generations.” After her daughter arrives, Noroc says she’ll be continuing the project and bringing her daughter with her. “I’m excited that I’ll be able to show her the world and its wonderful women,” she says. “I think we both have many things to learn from them.”
Ahead, she’s captured glimpses into the lives of 17 mothers around the world. The amount of context Noroc can provide around each portrait changes, she says, based on how much time she can spend with the women and their children. The single thoroughfare? “There’s always an intimate chemistry between them,” Noroc says. “And there’s always so much beauty and kindness in these special moments.”
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