Michelle Obama has some words of wisdom for Meghan Markle—and, honestly, she might be one of the few people in the world who can actually relate to how the Duchess of Sussex might be feeling in her new, very public life. They have a lot in common: both are highly-accomplished American women of color who have been thrust into the spotlight in part because of the jobs of their husbands—and then scrutinized for everything from their fashion choices to their work.
“Like me, Meghan probably never dreamt that she’d have a life like this, and the pressure you feel—from yourself and from others—can sometimes feel like a lot,” Obama said in a new interview with Good Housekeeping.
“So my biggest piece of advice would be to take some time and don’t be in a hurry to do anything. I spent the first few months in the White House mainly worrying about my daughters, making sure they were off to a good start at school and making new friends before I launched into any more ambitious work. I think it’s okay—it’s good, even—to do that,” she continued.
It may be simple, but that’s pretty sound advice. It seems like the duchess may already be following it, too. While she has already taken on her first royal tour and a big solo project with the Together cookbook created with the women of the Hubb Community Kitchen, she has yet to announce any of her official patronages, though much hard work is certainly going on behind the scenes.
The two women also share a passion for girls’ and women’s empowerment. “What I’d say is that there’s so much opportunity to do good with a platform like that—and I think Meghan can maximize her impact for others, as well her own happiness, if she’s doing something that resonates with her personally,” Obama also said.
We should all keep that in mind when thinking about how we approach our own jobs and projects—even if the world won’t be watching our every move. And we will continue to hold out hope for a joint initiative between these two women.
If anyone’s qualified to talk about making your dreams come true, it’s three women who have refused to take no for an answer. Mindy Kaling, Hoda Kotb, and Savannah Guthrie all just happened to do so on TV—Kaling in her revolutionary series The Mindy Project, and Kotb and Guthrie co-hosting Today on NBC. But even as Kaling’s built a reputation for asking “why not me?” and encouraging women to go for everything they want, it’s easier said than done. That’s where determination comes in—something the three can all speak to, especially when it comes to the long hours and hard work involved.
At Glamour‘s 2018 Women of the Year Summit on Sunday, November 11, the three gathered for panel called Closing the Dream Gap: Showing Girls (and Ourselves) What’s Next. Their biggest advice for women looking to build their confidence and make their dreams come true is to put in the hard work. From that, they say, comes the confidence and the courage to think you can achieve anything.
“I always just did the leg work, and it meant I never came to anything unprepared,” Kaling said. “The only reason I was able to be confident was because I literally couldn’t not be confident with the amount of research and preparation I did.”
PHOTO: Craig Barritt
Kaling at Glamour’s Women of the Year Summit
Guthrie echoed a similar sentiment. “The work is the confidence,” she said. “Confidence isn’t some slogan. Confidence is earned.”
Kaling noted that self-love is also a really big part of success. The actress and comedian says that when she Googles herself, she notices how people say she’s really “into” herself. “It’s not that I’m into myself,” Kaling said. “It’s that I don’t hate myself. In my career, a lot of people have a problem with being around women who don’t hate themselves. Never hate yourself.”
Kotb, Guthrie, and Kaling also discussed a conundrum many women face: the balance between being assertive and coming across as “likable.” Kaling told a self-deprecating anecdote about how never being perceived as conventionally attractive by men actually made asking for things easier. “When you are ignored in that way, things like confidence and asking for things in your professional career become a little easier,” she said.
Guthrie added, “Growing up, I was not an attractive child. Boys didn’t like me. Physical appeal was never what I had, so it helped me to come up with a personality and lean on other things. What gives you success in the longterm comes from the inside.”
PHOTO: Craig Barritt
Guthrie at Glamour’s Women of the Year Summit
Kotb shared a story about how her friend Maria Shriver’s 22-year-old son was the one who complained about the less-than-appetizing food at a luncheon filled with extremely powerful women. She said that many of the women there, despite being so successful, were afraid to voice their dissatisfaction for some reason.
The trio hopes this thinking changes for other women, but on their own terms. “I want [my daughter] to be confident and humble,” Guthrie said. “I want her to be gentle and bold.” Kotb added, “You can change and evolve by watching other women.”
At the end of the day, all three of these women say dreams come true when you figure out how to swallow your fear—even temporarily. Fake it until you make it. “I was fearful and insecure, and I just did it anyway,” Guthrie said. “It took me a long time to feel solid and secure. Maybe just yesterday.”
Kaling spent years being frustrated with the lack of diversity in Hollywood. That’s what motivated her to go after her acting and writing dreams. “I’ve always just had a chip on my shoulder,” Kaling said. “When you’re raised without seeing representation and you’re forced to relate to Jennifer Aniston on Friends, you’re just starved for it for so long.”
PHOTO: Craig Barritt
Kotb at Glamour’s Women of the Year Summit
Representation is what helped Guthrie realize she could be lead anchor of a news show. “I felt like I connected with [Katie Couric], ” she said. “She made sense to me. And I was like, ‘Maybe I could do that.'”
Overcoming adversity and fear—specifically breast cancer and a divorce—is what helped Kotb see things more clearly. “You start to think to yourself, ‘Well, now what am I afraid of? What am I afraid of?” she said. “I remember I woke up one morning and I got four words: You can’t scare me. All of a sudden I became empowered.”
A similar phenomenon happened to Kaling, too. After she broke a gender and race boundary in Hollywood and found herself working on The Office, she asked herself what else was possible. That’s what she, Guthrie, and Kotb want to happen for all women.
“Why not you?” Guthrie said. “Whatever your dream is, you don’t have to shout it to the world—but in your own mind think big.”
Find out more about Glamour‘s 2018 Women of the Year here.
If you need a good cry session today, Prince Harry has you covered. The royal is in New Zealand this week for his first official royal tour with his wife Meghan Markle, and he used some of the final moments of his visit to comfort a young boy who grew up without his mother.
Prince Harry was greeting crowds in Auckland on Tuesday, October 30, when he learned that a six-year-old boy named Otia had lost his mother when he was just a year old, according to The Mirror. His grandmother, Te, told Harry that Otia admired the prince, whose own mother, Princess Diana, died in a car accident when he was 12. The Duke of Sussex instantly went into dad mode and took some time to chat with the boy to let him know that everything would be OK.
“Life will always be alright, you know that? I made it to 34 years old and life is great, I’ve got a beautiful wife and a baby on the way,” he reportedly told Otia. “Your life is gonna be sorted, don’t you worry about that.”
He also joked with him to lighten the mood, asking, “You live here in Auckland? You gonna be a rugby player?”
PHOTO: Pool
Harry then offered some nice words to Otia’s grandmother by telling her she was taking good care of her grandson. “You’re doing a great job, Nan,” he said, according to Hello Magazine. “Nans are so important in our lives.” (Prince Harry and his brother William are known to be extremely close to their own grandmother, Queen Elizabeth.)
This isn’t the first time that Prince Harry and Markle have made us teary with cute kids during this royal tour. Earlier in the month, Harry found a little girl who looked just like Markle and even broke royal protocol by snapping a photo of them together. This latest moment is more proof that the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, who announced that they’re expecting their first child this spring, are going to be pretty great parents.
*In 2015, Cecile Richards, then the president of Planned Parenthood, appeared before the House Oversight and Government Reform committee and testified for close to five hours. (The showdown came after an anti-choice group recorded abortion providers in secret as the professionals discussed the sale of fetal tissue. Republicans used the videos to defend their wish to strip Planned Parenthood of the close to $450 million it receives in federal funds, none of which is used to paid for abortion services.)
In front of the congressmen, Richards explained how Planned Parenthood puts federal dollars to work, defended the organization’s research practices, and endured the endless GOP-led offensive with her usual grace and patience.*
This week, as Dr. Christine Blasey Ford prepares to appear before the Senate Judiciary Committee to level her accusations of sexual assault against Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh, Richards draws on her experience on the Hill to assure Dr. Blasey Ford of at least this one truth: You are not alone.
Dear Dr. Blasey Ford,
I can’t imagine what you’ve been through over the past two weeks. The behavior of some United States Senators who sit on the judiciary committee has underscored how brave survivors must be to weather the hostility and public shaming they too often face. Senator Lindsay Graham (R-SC) has likened your decision to come forward to a drive-by shooting and 84-year-old Senator Orrin Hatch (R-Utah) has said you must be “mixed up.”
Nevertheless, it seems, you persist. I hope you have also felt the flood of sympathy and solidarity from women and men across the country—including many of us for whom your experiences sound all too familiar. If and when you walk into that Senate hearing, you will not be alone; we’ll be with you.
In anticipation of your possible testimony, I have been reliving my own five hours before a hostile Republican-led committee that wanted to end access to Planned Parenthood.
It probably won’t surprise you to hear that the name of the game that day wasn’t fact-finding. There was no search for the truth. Instead, it was an opportunity for hostile men in Congress to grill me on everything from my salary to my competency to my memory—and overall, to humiliate and shame me. And all of this on national television.
But as unpleasant as those hours were, I had on my side two things the hostile congressmen did not.
First, the one in five women in America who have been to Planned Parenthood, who depend upon the organization for life-saving health care, gave me courage that day. I knew they were standing with me, just as millions of women and men across the country are standing with you—including the many women in America who have themselves been sexually assaulted. When you speak, you speak for all of us.
Second, and most importantly, what you have on your side is the same thing I was armed with: the truth. No amount of bullying and finger-pointing can take that away. Even if the Republican leadership in the U.S. Senate doesn’t want to hear that truth, you will tell it, and the American people will be listening and cheering you on.
And know this: After my hearing, not only did I feel better for speaking our truth to power—I couldn’t walk down the street without someone stopping me and thanking me. The same will be true for you. And though your detractors may be loud, in the end, their anger will be overwhelmed by the love and support from women everywhere.
We believe you. We are with you.
In Solidarity,
Cecile Richards
Author and former president, Planned Parenthood Federation of America
It truly has been the summer of Noah Centineo. The 22-year-old actor first stole hearts in the Netflix original rom-com To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, based on the bestselling novel by Jenny Han. Lightning struck twice with the movie he did with Shannon Purser, Sierra Burgess Is a Loser, which dropped a month later on the streaming platform. He’s been known as the “Internet’s boyfriend” ever since—a title that grows with every video and profile that comes out about him.
And the video Glamour just shot with Centineo is no exception. We had him stop by our offices a few weeks back and give advice to strangers on Twitter. The result was nothing less than charming, of course.
“I have absolutely no grounds to be giving anyone advice on anything,” Centineo says at the top of the video, before giving some actually age advice to the thankful people of Twitter.
What does he say to someone who wants to know how to ask a guy for his number without “failing miserably?” “You’re probably ‘gonna fail miserably, but most best things happen out of failure.” Pulitzer!
Or how about his tips on getting over heartbreak? “Really focus on yourself. Rediscover yourself. Do things that you like.” Nobel Peace Prize!
And last, but not least, his tips about managing stress: “I don’t. I’m super stressed. I’m super overwhelmed. And there’s nothing I can do except just pretend that I’m really happy.” Oscars, Oscars, and more Oscars!
Watch Centineo give more life advice in the video, above. You can go back to marathoning To All the Boys as soon as you’re done.
There is, perhaps, no person in America better suited to weigh in on the current state of Brett Kavanaugh’s Supreme Court nomination hearings than Anita Hill.
In 1991, the law professor found herself in a position similar to that of Dr. Christine Blasey Ford in that both had come forward to accuse a Supreme Court nominee of sexual misconduct. Hill testified about a pattern of sexual harassment during her time working with now-Justice Clarence Thomas, while Ford alleges that Kavanaugh drunkenly assaulted her during a party while they were in high school. (He has denied her allegations, just as Justice Thomas denied ever harassing Hill.)
Ford is reportedly considering testifying at the Kavanaugh confirmation hearings about the matter, pending an FBI investigation requested Tuesday by Ford’s lawyer to “ensure that the crucial facts and witnesses in this matter are assessed in a non-partisan manner.” Hill, having had some experience in this area, is offering some words of wisdom to the Senate Judiciary Committee to get it right this time around.
“Today, the public expects better from our government than we got in 1991, when our representatives performed in ways that gave employers permission to mishandle workplace harassment complaints throughout the following decades,” Hill writes in the New York Times. “That the Senate Judiciary Committee still lacks a protocol for vetting sexual harassment and assault claims that surface during a confirmation hearing suggests that the committee has learned little from the Thomas hearing, much less the more recent #MeToo movement.”
Here are some takeaways from Hill’s powerful op-ed:
Don’t mix messages.
Hill says that confronting sexual harassment and ensuring the integrity of the Supreme Court are not things that are at odds with each other. “Both are aimed at making sure that our judicial system operates with legitimacy,” she writes.
Neutrality is key.
Hill suggests that a neutral body with experience in the subject of sexual misconduct should lead an investigation into Ford’s claims so as not to be tainted by the rampant partisanship we see on almost every current political matter. And after that, senators must rely on the results and act as fact-finders when asking their own questions. “The investigators’ report should frame the hearing,” says Hill. “Not politics or myths about sexual assault.”
Slow down.
Rushing the hearings is a mistake, according to Hill. She says it sends the message that these types of allegations are not important. “Simply put, a week’s preparation is not enough time for meaningful inquiry into very serious charges,” she says.
Say her name.
“Finally, refer to Christine Blasey Ford by her name. She was once anonymous, but no longer is. Dr. Blasey is not simply ‘Judge Kavanaugh’s accuser.’ Dr. Blasey is a human being with a life of her own. She deserves the respect of being addressed and treated as a whole person.”
Hill also wisely points out that Kavanaugh has the benefit of organized support for his side while Christine Blasey Ford will be “outresourced” and that “imbalance may not seem fair.”
While it may be too late to heed all of Hill’s warnings, we can only hope that the process is not as problematic as it was for her in 1991. I remember watching the coverage of those hearings as an almost 16-year-old and taking away the unfortunate message that it was extremely hard to be believed as a woman, no matter how credible your claims.
In the media run-up to Monday’s hearing, it would seem that not a lot has changed. I hope I’m proven wrong.
