On Sunday, June 30, news broke that Justin Bieber’s manager, Scooter Braun, has acquired Taylor Swift’s back catalog of music as part of his purchase of Scott Borchetta’s Big Machine Label Group. (Swift used to be one of the artists on Big Machine’s roster.) This wasn’t good news to Swift, who responded to the announcement with a Tumblr post.
“For years I asked, pleaded for a chance to own my work. Instead I was given an opportunity to sign back up to Big Machine Records and ‘earn’ one album back at a time, one for every new one I turned in,” she writes. “I walked away because I knew once I signed that contract, Scott Borchetta would sell the label, thereby selling me and my future. I had to make the excruciating choice to leave behind my past. Music I wrote on my bedroom floor and videos I dreamed up and paid for from the money I earned playing in bars, then clubs, then arenas, then stadiums.”
She goes on to explain that she only learned of the sale as the news broke widely, adding, “All I could think about was the incessant, manipulative bullying I’ve received at his hands for years.”
Swift continues: “Like when Kim Kardashian [allegedly] orchestrated an illegally recorded snippet of a phone call to be leaked and then Scooter [allegedly] got his two clients together to bully me online about it… Or when his client, Kanye West, organized a revenge porn music video which strips my body naked. Now Scooter has stripped me of my life’s work, that I wasn’t given an opportunity to buy. Essentially, my musical legacy is about to lie in the hands of someone who tried to dismantle it.”
“This is my worst case scenario,” she says, later adding, “… When I left my masters in Scott’s hands, I made peace with the fact that eventually he would sell them. Never in my worst nightmares did I imagine the buyer would be Scooter. Any time Scott Borchetta has heard the words ‘Scooter Braun’ escape my lips, it was when I was either crying or trying not to. He knew what he was doing; they both did. Controlling a woman who didn’t want to be associated with them. In perpetuity. That means forever.”
Many took to Twitter in support of Swift after she posted on Tumblr, and #WeStandWithTaylor began to trend. “This is far from the first time a man has claimed ownership of a woman’s work and it sure won’t be the last, but the fact that someone of Taylor Swift’s stature STILL has to deal with this all-too-familiar male behavior is terrifying,” one user writes
“I’m tweeting for the first time in a year to say that Taylor Swift deserves better,” says another. “She’s a self made woman whose worked hard for everything she has, investing love, time and effort in a career she absolutely deserves. #WeStandWithTaylor”
Halsey also joined the conversation, writing on Twitter, “Taylor Swift is a huge reason why I always insisted to write my own music. I believed if she did it (in a way that made my teeth ache like cold water and my heart swell and my eyes leak) than I should too. Cause that’s how to make someone feel. To drag it from the pits of your heart. To offer it on a platter and say ‘take some but take it kindly.'”
With the holidays around the corner, we all know that hanging with the family, eating pie for four days straight, and, of course, watching tons of TV is the whole itinerary for Thanksgiving. Now, some of you might want to binge-watch shows you haven’t gotten around to yet, but if you’re in the throwback mood, might I suggest Friends? During its 10-year run, the show dominated Thanksgiving episodes with hilarious jokes and great celebrity cameos that still stand the test of time. So, without further ado, let’s rank the Turkey Day episodes from worst to best.
Read, below, to find out where your favorite iconic Friends moments rank in the countdown.
10) “The One With the List”
I’m ranking this one so low because technically, it’s not a Thanksgiving-themed episode. Sure, the writers shoehorned in a subplot about Monica making Mocklate—a fake chocolate—for a job, but this episode was really about Ross and Rachel following their first kiss. Ross is torn between Rach and Julie, so he makes a list of pros and cons for each. Because it’s a sitcom, Rachel finds it, and they fight:
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9) “The One With the Late Thanksgiving”
This is the final Thanksgiving episode the show ever did, and it shows. After 10 years, it’s hard to keep things fresh, so the main conflict is that the gang pleaded with Monica to make Thanksgiving dinner. She does, but of course, Rachel, Phoebe, Ross, and Joey show up late because they went to a sporting event. Ho hum. Still, there’s an adorably sweet moment at the end of the epi regarding Chandler and Monica’s adoption struggles, and this scene always cracks me up:
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8) “The One Where Underdog Gets Away”
This is the OG Friends Thanksgiving episode. We learn that Chandler is a Turkey Day Grinch because it reminds him of his parents’ divorce and see that Joey is the face for a VD ad campaign. Poor Joey. Plus, everyone gets locked out of Monica’s apartment while Thanksgiving dinner is cooking inside:
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7) “The One With Rachel’s Other Sister”
Yay, Christina Applegate! She’s a TV comedy all-star and she brings it as Rachel’s highly self-absorbed sister Amy. Case in point, she’s upset that Rach and Ross want Monica to take care of their child if anything should happen to her. Mind you, Amy keeps calling the baby Emmett, when her name is Emma. Plus, there are more Joey shenanigans because he forgets that he’s supposed to be in the Days of Our Lives float, so he makes up an excuse, but he’s a terrible liar. And then there’s super-anal Monica who micromanages the way that everyone uses her wedding china:
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6) “The One With Chandler in the Box”
Chandler is probably my favorite character on the show and makes a scenario funny even when he’s in the wrong—like in this episode. He kisses Joey’s girlfriend, and as a result, Joey punishes him by placing him in a box. Plus, there’s Monica wearing an eye patch. I mean, c’mon! That’s awesome.
5) “The One Where Chandler Doesn’t Like Dogs”
Obviously, the most important moment of this episode is that Rachel and Tag kiss. He’s so dreamy, right?! OK, fine. There are other standout moments, such as Chandler’s hatred of dogs, learning that Ross isn’t as smart as we all thought he was (he can’t name all 50 states in America!), and probably one of the best Joey sayings ever:
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4) “The One With All the Thanksgivings”
Flashback episodes are a tried-and-true sitcom device, but they always work! In this season five gem, Joey gets a turkey stuck on his head. We go back in time and learn the reason Monica lost all that weight: because Chandler called her fat. Yikes. This then leads to Monica’s revenge on Chandler, we see Rach pre-nose job, and to top it all off, one of my favorite moments happens on the show:
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3) “The One Where Ross Got High”
So much goodness happens in this episode that if you wanted to rank it number one, I wouldn’t be mad. There’s clueless Rachel completely screwing up a recipe for trifle. Phoebe having sex dreams about Jack Geller/Jacques Costeau. Monica hiding her relationship with Chandler from her parents (played by the awesome Elliot Gould and Christina Pickles), and the epic showdown between Ross and Monica where they each reveal the other one’s secret to their parents:
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2) “The One With the Rumor”
Two words: Brad Pitt. OK, fine. That’s just me being lazy, so I will add some more words. This season-eight episode aired during the height of Aniston/Pitt mania, so naturally, it was going to be a ratings juggernaut, but it wouldn’t rank so high on the countdown if it wasn’t so good. Will (Pitt) is an old friend of Monica and Ross’s, and he comes to spend the day with the gang. Rewatching this episode reminds me that Pitt is so great in comedic roles, so he should do more of that! Anyway, the highlight of the dinner is, of course, the reveal that Will and Ross cofounded the “I Hate Rachel Club” and spread a rumor about her because in high school she was quite the bully. Besides that, there are other golden moments: Phoebe constantly throwing herself at Will, and Joey losing it because all he wants to do is eat. Check out this following scene in which we get to the heart of the rumor:
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1) “The One With the Football”
From top to bottom, this is a fantastic episode and one of my favorites to rewatch. Any time there is any sort of sibling rivalry between Ross and Monica, there are going to be tons of laughs. Plus, classic boys vs. girls scenarios are always hilarious (e.g. Phoebe clotheslining Chandler and shouting, “I love this game!”). This episode, in particular, proves why this show is so beloved: Everyone is funny, the comedy still holds up, and you truly do believe that they are all friends:
When you’re so low you make Jordan “I Throw Stuffed Dogs Into the Ocean” Kimball look mature, maybe it’s time to question your life choices, Leo. On last night’s Bachelor in Paradise, Leo behaved like trash; tonight, he went for the full dumpster fire. (Spoilers ahead.)
The episode opens with everyone, including me, wishing Leo would just leave. Or as Queen Astrid puts it, “Everyone’s completely turned off by him.” Joe, tired of listening to Leo try—and fail—to manipulate Kendall, joins the conversation. And instead of confronting Leo, like last night’s teaser led us to believe, Joe simply asks Kendall to go for a walk. It’s a smooth move, and Kendall appreciates the gesture. Once they’re away from Leo, Joe tells her to chill. He’s not worth getting worked up over.
Easier said than done, though, because Leo finds every opportunity to be the worst. Just look at how he reacts later, at the rose ceremony, when it becomes clear nobody is giving him their rose. The night starts with people giving nice toasts about friendship and love, when Leo chimes in with his own. “It’s a shame to find out you’re full of shit,” he tells Kendall in front of the whole group. “And I’m looking around the room and seeing a lot of people full of shit.” He concludes with, “Good luck with Grocery Store Bitch over there.”
This is the last straw for Joe, who yells, “Are you going to say that to my face?” They puff their chests at each other, but the worst that happens is Leo splashes his drink on Joe. After that, the group asks Leo to leave and he storms off. Krystal even offers to get her sage and crystals out to cleanse the place.
So, Leo is gone. Excellent. Good riddance. I’m done talking about Leo. Like, why are giving Leo so much airtime when adorable moments like the below are going on unnoticed?
Anyway, let’s back up a bit and run down what else happened tonight, shall we?
Early in the episode, Benoit and Jenna had a tiff over their breakup. She runs off and cries in a hammock, at which point Jordan comes to comfort her. “Benoit made me feel bad for what happened this morning,” she tells him. This, of course, sets Jordan off. He confronts Benoit, accusing him of yelling at Jenna, but luckily Wells is there to give a neutral account of what happened: Benoit and Jenna had a serious conversation, yes, but he didn’t yell at her. This appeases Jordan slightly, though he still can’t resist rubbing it in that Jenna chose him over Benoit (“Luckily we both know where we stand”).
“He is literally the worst person I’ve ever met.” – Benoit about Jordan
Things are calmer in the morning. Annaliese has figured out how to pronounce Kamil’s name (“KHA-MEAL”), so now she’s all like, “Everyone needs to step [their relationships] up.” …to your relationship of less than 24 hours? Mmk. Meanwhile, Benoit has turned his attention toward Chelsea. They kiss and snuggle in a hammock, and I’m here for it.
A date card arrives for Eric, who invites Angela to go with him. Their date takes them to a luxury hotel suite with all the amenities: a golden toilet, a bathtub filled with champagne bottles, fluffy robes, and….matching seashell necklaces? At this point, I’m sure they’re just grateful for the air conditioning but things get better: A butler arrives with the biggest ice cream sundae I’ve ever seen in my life. HELL YES.
As if that’s not enough, a cart full of cheese comes next. What luxury! Eric and Angela bond and have a nice heart-to-heart about their relationship, but honestly how can you not fall a little in love over cheese and ice cream?
Speaking of love, back at the villa Kevin plans a mini date for Astrid on the beach. They rehash their fight from yesterday, and Kevin admits it stemmed from his own insecurities. Yay, we love an emotionally vulnerable man. I’m not as into Chris’ date for Krystal, which involves him asking her, a fitness coach, to teach him yoga a.k.a. work. That’d be like a guy asking me to edit his cover letter during a date. No thanks. However, Krystal appreciates the effort and that’s all that really matters.
As for Joe and Kendall, they’re doing well…but that doesn’t stop John from making a move on her. They kiss, but she feels so guilty about it she immediately tells Joe what happened. She admits she’s freaking out and doing things like kissing other guys because she’s afraid of falling for him. Joe says he’s falling for her too, but he only wants to date her. So, they decide to make it official and Joe would like everyone to stop kissing his girlfriend, thanks.
At the rose ceremony, after Leo leaves, the main drama revolves around who Chelsea will pick. John thinks he has a leg up because he’s half-Asian, like Chelsea’s ex. Tia thinks Connor is on the chopping block because he’s the kind of guy who orders a tequila and soda in a champagne flute. She has a point, when you think about it. Like, I don’t how that’s weird or a red flag, but it’s not nothing.
PHOTO: Paul Hebert
Eventually, Chelsea picks John, which means Benoit, David, and Connor are leaving paradise. In the car ride to the airport, Benoit breaks down as he wonders what’s so wrong with him that he’d be rejected twice in four days. I feel for him, I really do, but this statement puts things into perspective. Four days?! It feels like he’s been here 100 years, not the amount of time it takes a FedEx delivery to arrive.
And as much as I like John, Chelsea might have picked the wrong guy because the next day a new woman, Olivia, arrives and he is more than happy to go on a date with her. it’s a strange one, though: John and Olivia’s date is crashing some random teen’s quinceañera. Her family is very kind about it, given Olivia is wearing only a lace bra and John’s dance moves are questionable at best.
And just before the episode ends, another new woman enters paradise: Cassandra, who was on Juan Pablo’s season, and is so hot everyone’s reaction is to basically yell, “AHH-OOO-GAAA” at her. Or as Joe says, “Cassandra, she’s hot. She’s got big boobs, so, you know.” She asks Eric out and he says yes, much to the surprise of everyone—especially Angela. He tells Angela he views this as a true test for their relationship. Naturally, she doesn’t quite see it that way. We’ll see how it all plays out next week…
If The Bachelorette had a drinking game—Watch What Happens Live style—tonight’s word would have been “Richmond” and I would have been too drunk to finish this recap. Seriously, I’ve been watching this show for nearly a decade and can’t remember a city ever getting so much promo. Can you?
It starts right at the top, with Becca swaning around Richmond talking about how it’s the complete opposite of Las Vegas because Richmond has “fresh, clean air.” Even Chris Harrison has traveled to Richmond to experience this amazing fresh, clean air! But first, he has a quick sit down with Becca to call her out for looking at wedding magazines on the flight there. Cut her a break, CH—it’s a little extra, sure, but it’s not Tinsley-trying-on-wedding-dresses-for-her-mom-even-though-she’s-not-engaged extra.
Meanwhile, Jason gets a date card for the week’s first one-on-one. Chris, never one to miss an opportunity to be the worst, declares he wants the other one-on-one date but would settle for a two-on-one. For some reason, Lincoln takes issue with this and the two bicker and fight while the camera weirdly zooms in on their legs touching. (What is that about?)
It’s all so, so dumb that even Garrett, a man who once “liked” a post implying a Parkland survivor is a crisis actor on social media, is starting to seem like a better pick than Chris. Meanwhile, Chris declares he can “destroy” Lincoln, even though Lincoln’s the one reportedlyconvicted of assault and battery.
“It’s very apparent that the wheels on the bus have come all the way off.” – Colton
Happily, it’s time to move on to Jason’s date with Becca. They take a trolly to the place where Patrick Henry gave his “give me liberty or give me death” speech, and Jason does a half-decent job pretending like this interests him. They head to a doughnut shop next, followed by an Edgar Allen Poe museum tour. The real, uh, excitement comes at the “unhappy hour,” a gathering that a man dressed all in black says is for “those who tend more toward the gothic realm of things.” As Stefon would say, this party has everything: a sad man playing an accordion, a sad man playing a mandolin, drinks that look like blood, interpretive gothic dancing, and ice breakers like, “Do you enjoy life or death?”
“May you be unhappy evermore.” – An actual toast
Becca claims there’s an even bigger surprise ahead for Jason, though I can’t imagine what could possibly top this delightful gothic cocktail hour. Turns out it’s his best friends, who have traveled all the way to Richmond in a fun twist. The bros serve as excellent wingmen, telling Becca that Jason’s a good catch. That night, Jason opens up about his grandmother’s Alzheimer’s—it taught him not to take any moment for granted—and gets a rose.
The next day is a group date with Colton, Garrett, Wills, Connor, Blake, Lincoln, and Chris. They’re greeted by “George Washington” and “Abe Lincoln,” who tell the guys they’re going to have a debate. Or, rather, Beccalection 2018.
It’s such a serious event that the Governor of Virginia, Ralph Northam, shows up to ask the first question. I’m too distracted to hear it what it is, though, because he pronounces idea “idear.”
PHOTO: Paul Hebert
“Marvel: Infinity War is the most ambitious crossover event in history. ABC: The Bachelorette x Governor of Virginia.” – Ana Colon
Anyway, the debate goes pretty well until Lincoln—the contestant, not the president—calls Chris out for that time he threatened to leave. Chris hits back by hinting that some of the guys are “playing” Becca and ranting about Lincoln’s “nasty” side. The audience, including Gov. Ralph, looks shocked—probably because everyone’s surprised Becca hasn’t told Chris to leave yet. She does admit that she’s not happy with Lincoln or Chris’ behavior and calls the whole thing embarrassing.
“It’s childish and immature.” Says the one who’s being childish and immature.
That night, at an after party at a mansion Becca describes as “creepy,” Lincoln asks for some alone time. Instead of, I don’t know, forming a connection, he uses that time to shit talk Chris, telling her he’s scared to be around him. Before he’s able to say too much more, Chris interrupts.
Becca confronts Chris about what Lincoln said and admits she’s freaked out about the whole thing. He denies it all, but Garrett comes in before they finish their conversation. Annoyed by all the drama, Becca asks if she can have five minutes alone to herself instead.
Meanwhile, Chris and Lincoln fight again and it’s so, so, so, so stupid. The only bright spots: Connor’s glasses and the face Wills makes when he has to listen to Chris’ nonsense. Garrett eventually tells Chris he needs to shut up and get over it because he’s ruining the mood for everyone—for Becca, for the other guys, for whatever ghosts lurk in that creepy mansion, and for us viewers at home, who are tired of this shit.
Later in the night, Becca perks up after she spends some alone time with Garrett, Colton, and Wills, and the group date rose goes to Colton.
The next day is Leo’s solo date, but Becca admits she’s still in her head about the night before. Leo’s very sweet about it—he just listens to Becca vent and says he’s happy to just do nothing, whatever makes her feel comfortable. She appreciates it, and her mood improves even more after he puts his hair up into a luxurious man bun while they catch oysters. Later, at dinner, Leo opens up about his insecurities—he’s always felt like he let his father down, which carries over into other aspects of his life. Becca likes seeing a vulnerable side of Leo, so he gets a rose.
The date ends with a concert from Morgan Evans—and, wait, I actually know this one! He’s a country singer married to Nashville It Girl Kelsea Ballerini.
Back at the hotel, I’m loving this Bachelorette horror movie montage that involves Chris sitting alone in his dark hotel room writing…things…while Jason and Connor gossip about how much he’s “changed.” When Leo gets back from his date with a rose in hand, Chris huffs out of the room without saying a word.
He stalks through the dark parking lots of Richmond complaining that Lincoln eats too many eggs in a day until he gets to Becca’s hotel down the street. She does her best to pretend like she’s not bothered by his surprise appearance, though we all know she’d rather have a hot bath and a face mask than hang out with the guy who looks like crazy Eddie. The conversation is tense and awkward, and it ends with Becca dumping Chris. It’s the best call she’s made all season. He reacts very Chris-like, whining about how he doesn’t need her to walk him out, and drags his ass back to the hotel to pack his bags.
He’s such a mood killer, in fact, that Becca decides to skip the cocktail party the next day and head straight to the rose ceremony. This leaves guys like Connor, who hasn’t had a one-on-one date yet, shook. But I’m shook by Becca’s gorgeous dress and old-timey car arrival. Stunnnnnning.
Anyway, roses go to Garrett, Blake, and Wills, and we say goodbye to Lincoln, Connor, and Connor’s glasses. Next week the crew heads to the Bahamas!
PS: I hope you stuck around to watch that kicker scene of Becca trading bad puns and Arie burns with “Abe” and “George” like, “It really warms my heart to know that you emancipated yourself from that Arie.”
Last week, I complained that Garrett and Lincoln’s pasts have cast a shadow of doubt on all the men this season of The Bachelorette. That feeling was completely verified tonight by Chris, a sweaty pocket square come to life.
As he threw tantrum after tantrum, both in front of Becca and behind her back, I wondered if any of these guys are worthy partners. Sure, some have bigger, scarier red flags than the others; but the few who do seem somewhat decent, like John or Blake, don’t get enough screen time to actually confirm whether they are good people or not. Only one stood out to me this week—Wills—but we’ll get to that. First, let’s break down what happened.
We’re in Las Vegas, and the guys have packed their best scoop-neck T-shirts for the occasion. Colton gets the first solo date of the week, and it’s a doozy: He meets Becca at the Virgin River for a “safari” which is really just riding camels in the desert while two less-than-enthused dusty dudes guide the animals. Colton seems…thrilled. This, uh, romantic journey leads them to a random hot tub the producers have lugged out into the middle of the camel pen.
Question: What do the camel guys do while these two dodos drink Chardonnay and make out in a hot tub? Sit in an air-conditioned van nearby? Feed the camels? Watch? TBH, I’m more invested in their afternoon than Becca and Colton’s conversation. I just don’t trust him after the whole Tia drama!
It must have gone well, though, because Becca wears her best sequined dress—and she has a lot of sequined dresses—to dinner that night.
“We were in the middle of the desert in a hot tub.” – Becca. “I know.” – Colton. RIVETING.
Colton shares his big sob story: He’s only said “I love you” once before, to a girlfriend who didn’t say it back and then broke up with him. That’s it? Seems contrived to me, but Becca gives him a rose.
The next day is a group date with Wills, Garrett, Blake, John, Connor, Leo, Lincoln, Jason, and Chris. The fellas wonder where they’re headed, and Garrett hopes there’s some “banana hammock” action involved, to which I say: Oh hell no. Leave Magic Mike Live to the professionals, please.
Instead, the date is at the home of Mr. Vegas himself: Wayne Newton. But as he gave everyone a tour of his home, I realized I don’t know that much about Newton. So, I Googled for more. I wish I hadn’t because some of the first stories that came up were this and this. Sigh.
Anyway, the purpose of this date: The guys have to write a song for Becca. Bachelorette producers, we’ve already done this date this season! With Chris and Richard Marx! How could you forget?
Side note: The most exciting part about the group date is Wills’ floral two-piece set.
“Hey, hey, hey. I see you’ve found my favorite rock.” – Wayne Newton bonding with Chris
PHOTO: Paul Hebert
This is Wayne Newton’s favorite rock.
Chris is feeling confident because he’s already done this before. He’s so confident, in fact, that he jumps right into singing. Kudos to the editors for juxtaposing that with peacocks squawking in response. It doesn’t bode well for the big twist: The guys must perform their songs in front of a live audience that night.
When the performances roll around, even adorable matching tuxedos can’t help these dudes from butchering their songs. Not a one had talent, though I am impressed that they were all game to power through the humiliation. Chris does the best crowd work, mostly by insulting Arie.
“That was brutal. It was awful!” Jason perfectly sums up this date.
After, they get the entire T-Mobile Arena to themselves, which is both excessive and kinda awesome. Chris is unbothered that the other guys are getting alone time with Becca because he thinks his performance has made him “one of the top front runners,” apparently.
He should be a little bothered, though, because the other guys are making more progress. Especially Blake, who tells Becca that he’s falling in love with her. She responds by saying, “I like hearing that” and giving him the date rose—before she’s even talked to Chris. This gesture leaves Chris “shook.” So shook, that he spends the rest of the night whining about it and making empty threats that he’s going to pack his bags and leave. Dude, she’s good without you. Just go.
The next morning, we learn that Connor looks cute in glasses. Oh, and Jordan and David are going on the dreaded two-on-one date.
They get in a Jeep and off-road to their destination: a bed in the middle of “the Valley of Fire” with a VERY LARGE CRYSTAL next to the date rose. I don’t think there are enough large healing crystals in the world to smooth over David and Jordan’s hatred of each other. This suspicion is immediately proven by David, who wastes no time at all throwing Jordan under the bus to Becca.
Naturally, Becca doesn’t like to hear that Jordan might be “settling” for her, so she confronts him about it right away. Jordan denies all of it, of course, and stomps over to David to call him out.
“Love is the greatest power on Earth. Being me is my greatest power, do you get that? Being you isn’t your greatest power.” – Jordan
Both huff and puff until Becca tells them they’re acting like sixth graders, which is an insult to sixth graders. This still doesn’t stop David and Jordan from bickering so Becca finally calls it: David should go home. She’s going to continue the date with Jordan, but she’s not ready to give him a rose quite yet.
With that, Becca and Jordan drive away in the Jeep. David’s stuck out in the desert alone with no ride home, and I’m very concerned that a man who dresses in a chicken suit has the necessary survival skills to make it out of there alive with just a half-drunken bottle of champagne for sustenance.
Moving on: For their evening date Becca hopes she and Jordan can reach a deeper level of their relationship, but he spends most of it talking about himself. When he leans in for a kiss, Becca laughs it off. And shocker: She decides to send Jordan home too. She watches a romantic firework display, alone, as Jordan ponders why she dumped him. The men cheer as his bags get taken away.
The next night, at the cocktail party, Becca grabs Chris first to talk. She’s confused because he made literally no effort to see her during the group date, and she heard that he wants to leave. He doesn’t do himself any favors when they sit down and he “jokes” that she owes him, like, 50,000 kisses. When she confronts him, he gives bullshit excuses so stupid Becca eventually leaves because the conversation is going nowhere.
Note: Can we talk about how good Wills’ plaid suit is? He’s got the best fashion and nobody’s acknowledging it, so here I am acknowledging it.
After venting and crying to Colton and Garrett, Chris decides he’s not ready to give up—oh, so now you’re a man of action—and interrupts Wills’ conversation with Becca. He asks to steal her away, but Becca tells him no because she and Wills just sat down. Chris begs again. So, Wills—very calmly and sexily, I will add—tells Chris he’ll give him two minutes, but then he’s coming right back. Will walks away in his beautiful suit, waits the agreed upon two minutes, and then comes back. Chris whines and pleads, but Wills stands his ground. Why is Chris’ time any more important than his? If I were Becca, I’d be 100% team Wills. Chris, you are:
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Chris acts soooo put upon that Wills won’t give him five more minutes, but, Chris, that’s not the terms you agreed to! Eventually, Becca tells Chris that if he leaves she’ll find him later. He goes away and complains to everyone, but they all take Wills’ side. When Wills returns, he gives Chris a read: “I didn’t have to get up at all.” Smooth.
Becca finally comes back and takes Chris away—his third time with her tonight—so he can continue to grovel and say bullshit. As my husband says, “If you have to do this much explaining, you’re not in the right.”
Still, somehow, fucking Chris gets a rose. HOW. WHY. WHAT. Becca, I demand answers! The other roses go to: Garrett, Jason, Wills, Lincoln, Leo, and Connor (related: why is his shirt so deeply unbuttoned?).
That means sweet, sweet John is going home. I’ll miss you, John! Venmo me!
Next week: “She’s in a such a bad head state right now!” “Stop trying to snake your way out of this!”
There are many things wrong with The Bachelor this season. For one, Peter Kraus—the gap-toothed, wine-loving fan favorite from Rachel Lindsay’s cycle—isn’t the suitor. That fact in itself is upsetting, but to add insult to injury, ABC selected a man whose sole personality trait seems to be his interest in race cars. I’m talking, of course, about Arie Luyendyk Jr. from Emily Maynard’s season. The general response to the bland Luyendyk this season has been tepid, to say the least. He’s boring, monotonous, and, Beyoncé help him, just so awkward.
That can be forgiven, though. What can’t be, however, is how out-of-date this season feels—especially in the context of the #MeToo and Time’s Up movements and the fact that ABC had its first black Bachelorette last summer. The franchise seemed to be heading in the right direction after Lindsay’s season, but with Luyendyk we’re back a few steps. His hyper-masculinity is cringey, as is the fact he seemingly would rather make out with the female contestants than talk to them. This whole season has felt like a strange frat party so far, and based on last night’s episode, it doesn’t look like it’s getting any better.
We’re not the only ones who think this, either. Even Kareem Abdul-Jabbar—yes, the legendary NBA star—wrote a column for The Hollywood Reporter that perfectly sums up the problems with Luyendyk’s season of The Bachelor. If this seems random to you, remember that Abdul-Jabbar actually made a cameo on Lindsay’s season of The Bachelorette—so he knows when the franchise is working…and when it’s not. Here, the highlights from his column:
On what makes The Bachelor so entertaining: “Dozens of women compete for the attention of one man, which is to real romance what being trapped in a crowded elevator for two days using an empty Starbucks cup as the only toilet is to an elegant cocktail party. It’s Crock-Pot romance, with the women constantly stewing on high heat.”
On The Bachelor in the context of Time’s Up: “…with today’s heightened awareness through the #MeToo and Time’s Up movements, the entertainment media has a clear responsibility not to perpetuate stereotypes or behavior that negatively influences how we see people and therefore how we treat them. The higher the ratings, the greater the responsibility.”
On Luyendyk: “The featured bachelor needs to reflect a man who embodies this cultural awareness through his words and actions the way that Rachel did. If he doesn’t, the show threatens to characterize the women pursuing him as equally vapid. (Quick disclaimer: I don’t know Arie, so all I can judge is the character that the show’s editors create.) The Arie they present, especially following Rachel, comes across as shallow, bland, stiff and inarticulate. Every woman is ‘amazing,’ especially when he dumps them.”
On Luyendyk’s interest in 22-year-old Bekah: “Arie’s mind is blown by the most clichéd observation to come out of every freshman dorm or stale fortune cookie. The fact that she’s 14 years younger and yet much more lucid and has a greater sense of humor than him only highlights his inability to engage.”
On why his eagerness to kiss is troubling: “It’s tone deaf to the times. Even though the women are all willing participants and know what they’re getting into, viewers see women clamoring over someone who seems more interested in jamming his tongue in their mouths than listening to the words coming out. Lauren S., whom he took out on a one-on-one date, apparently talked too much and instantly got the boot.”
On the wrestling bit from last week: “What were they thinking when they decided it would be a good idea to have the women wrestle each other? Even though it was framed as stagecraft wrestling, and dressed up as kitsch with a couple GLOW veterans, it still had the uncomfortable tinge of soft porn to it. The wonderful Netflix series GLOW is about women acknowledging the sexual fantasy elements but using it as a vehicle to self-empowerment. Here it seemed demeaning…. The men did a wrestling bit on last season’s The Bachelorette, but the difference is that men do not face the same exploitative stereotypes and treatment in society, so what might be fun for men might be embarrassing and demeaning for women.”
You can read Abdul-Jabbar’s full essay here. Who knew a basketball player would be the person to set the world straight about The Bachelor?
