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The Surprising Sex Positivity of 'Mamma Mia'


In 2008, my final year before high school, there was a controversy that gripped a large amount of the mothers in my community: do they take their daughters to see the PG-rated Mamma Mia? Was it responsible for a young girl to see that a woman could have three potential fathers as a result of her mother having sex in her youth, that it didn’t actually matter which one of them was her dad because—as the movie spelled out—she came from happiness and love?

Because sexual liberation is a large source of the free-flowing joy that drives both Mamma Mia movies, anything else would only bring the party crashing down. Consider the original, where young and loved-up Sophie (Amanda Seyfried) invites her mother’s three summer flings to her wedding (which happens to be on the fictional Greek island Kalokairi) in a bid to figure out which one is her father. The film plays with the mystery of Sophie’s parentage briefly (everyone has their own theories as to who it is), but there isn’t a hint of judgement towards her mother Donna (Meryl Streep), and you end up not really caring to know who the father is. Donna was young, carefree, not hurting anybody, and has been a loving single mom for over 20 years. Why should we care about such a trivial detail as which man she slept with?

As a result, all potential for judgement is removed from the very beginning of Mamma Mia, imbuing the movies with a sense of freedom. It’s not age-restricted either: whether 20-something Sophie, or her 40-something mother Donna, or Donna’s friends Rosie (Julie Walters) and Tanya (Christine Baranski), the women of the film are empowered, frank, and unashamedly confident in their sexuality. In the new sequel, Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again, Tanya once offhandedly utters “be still my beating vagina,” which got a roar of laughter from my audience. It’s hard to remember another scene I watched as a tween quite like one in the first movie, where Tanya (who also enjoys a fling and a rendition of “Does Your Mother Know” with a much younger man) asks Streep’s Donna if she’s “getting any”—the latter jokingly miming with a drill before answering negatively.

PHOTO: Universal Pictures

Streep in Mamma Mia

The effect on those who watched it at the time is undeniable—just scroll the YouTube comments of clips from the first movie. They’re filled with people (like me) who are now in their early 20s, who were hotly anticipating the new installment and going in search of a nostalgia hit. There’s a lot of reminiscing—of memorable first exposures to healthy, open, and equal displays of sexuality on screen. On a video of Sophie and Sky (Dominic Cooper)’s mutual seduction to “Lay All Your Love On Me,” one of the top comments is: “I remember being 10 years old and thinking of this like I think of Fifty Shades of Grey now”. (Debates aside about whether Fifty Shades of Grey depicts a healthy relationship, YouTube user Brandon L, but I know what you mean.)

Now, 10 years after bringing a cinematic sexual awakening to a generation of preteens, Mamma Mia is back—and going back in time. In Here We Go Again, Sophie, Tanya, and Rosie have all returned to Kalokairi five years later, but they’re on screen relatively briefly. The rest is devoted to young Donna (Lily James, so infectiously confident it’s impossible for her to not walk away with your heart), who is in her early 20s, and enjoying her newfound post-college freedom.

This time, we get to see her joy at discovering herself first hand as she travels through Europe, in quick succession meeting a young Harry (Hugh Skinner, the most neurotic punk ever, Colin Firth in the present day) and Bill (Josh Dylan, smoldering, Stellan Skarsgard presently), before falling head-over-heels in love with heartbreaker Sam (Jeremy Irvine, fittingly earnest and sad, Pierce Brosnan presently). She sings, she dances, she loves, and she (most importantly) has the time of her life without a single care in the world. If the altered lyrics and staging of the graduation day rendition of “When I Kissed the Teacher” is to be believed, she’s also bisexual. It is undeniably all-consuming, emotional, and life-affirming.

Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again

PHOTO: Jonathan Prime/Universal Pictures

Lily James, center.

Just like it was vital for the women of Mamma Mia to be so explicitly liberated in the original, it’s possibly even more important to focus so extensively on young Donna and her journey. The best moments are rapturous —the roof-raising “When I Kissed the Teacher” and her excited but unsure departure to Paris; her flirtation and singing “Why Did It Have To Be Me” with Bill on his stunning boat, their scenes burning with plenty of nascent sexual tension; a quickly flooding basement quickly becomes a meet-cute for her and Sam, their attraction quieter but nonetheless emotional, peaking with her disarming rendition of “Andante, Andante.” She’s exploring the world—and her sexuality—without a hint of cynicism or judgment lurking in the background. Her experiences with these three guys (both sexual and otherwise) are depicted positively—it’s simply her just living life. There’s no punishment in sight for unashamedly enjoying herself.

Sometimes it doesn’t go quite to plan—her fling with Harry is sweet but awkward and unsatisfying, and she definitely wasn’t expecting to fall pregnant – but neither are viewed as catastrophes, rather as unplanned moments that she just equally takes in her stride. They’re all part of growing up, and what led to them is nothing to be ashamed of.

PHOTO: Universal Pictures

From left: Seyfried, Dominic Cooper, Cher

Women are taught from a young age to feel guilty about their sexuality.Whether it’s in the slurs we use to talk about women who have multiple sexual partners in a short amount of time or openly enjoy sex, letting sexuality run proudly wild and free is impressed from childhood to be reckless and sure to result in earth-shattering catastrophe. We’re used to stories playing out much differently to Donna’s, resulting in young women shamed and punished for exploration .(Blockers earlier this year was a rare and delightful exception.)

Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again is an absolute delight of a film. It’s fun, it’s energetic, but it’s more than that, too. Interspersed between the songs and the sun is a message vital for young women: our life and self should be enjoyed exactly how you want —and that includes your sexuality. In the words of Donna as she embarks on her adventure: Life is short, the world is wide. I want to make some memories. What’s a more important than that?

Ella Donald is a journalist, university teacher, and writer from Brisbane, Australia. She is a regular contributor to GQ Magazine’s Australian edition.

MORE: Cher’s Twitter Is the Best Thing on the Internet, in Case You’re Wondering



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‘Outlander’ Season 3, Episode 12 Recap: Jamie and Claire’s Old Friends and Frenemies Make a Surprising Return in Jamaica


This article centers on Season 3, Episode 12 of Outlander, “The Bakra.” If you’re not yet caught up with the show, be warned: Spoilers abound.

I am simply going to tell you, up front, that this week’s episode of Outlander is even more absurd than last week’s, which is saying something. A lot of the Frasers’ old friends and frenemies just happen to be lurking about in Jamaica and it borders on hilarity because it’s not like air travel was a thing back in ye olden days.

Young Ian resurfaces and is being kept alive by the Portuguese pirates because someone called “The Bakra” likes young boys. When the Bruja gets to Jamaica, Young Ian is thrown into a cave cell where he meets a couple other young men being held. There is some ominous talk about how the boys thrown in the cell keep being taken away, though to where, no one knows. Before long, Ian is taken to a lovely estate, a colonial fever dream, where a woman is bathing in goat’s blood because, “the protein and iron keep my skin young.” She is The Bakra but we know her as Geillis Duncan. Yes. You just read that correctly. The same Geillis Duncan who was burned as a witch in Season 1—but not before Claire discovered she was also a time traveler. (And the same Geillis Duncan that we last saw passing through the stones in 1968 in Season 2.) As Young Ian watches, kind of dumbfounded, Geillis rinses the goat’s blood off, posing seductively, then dons a robe like this is all fine, nothing to see here. A manservant brings in some treats and tea, which after a brief pause, Young Ian takes to eagerly. He is a growing boy, after all.

Long story short, Geillis is looking for three sapphires, of which she has two. She asks Ian about what happened on Selkie Island while he was going for her treasure. Before long, he is spilling his guts. Turns out, there was some kind of truth serum in the tea and Geillis learns that Young Ian’s uncle might have taken the sapphire. She marvels at what a small world it is when she learns the identity of Ian’s uncle. Geillis also waxes poetically about how sex with virgins keeps her young, as it does for all of us. Ian defiantly shares that he isn’t a virgin. There was that one time, in his uncle’s print shop, and Geillis is fine with that because, she says, he’ll know what to do. (As if.) She reclines in bed and Ian crawls toward her, but they mercifully don’t show the sex scene. Young Ian is very young, after all.

PHOTO: David Bloomer

The Frasers arrive in Jamaica and immediately start searching for young Ian. As they are strolling through the streets, they see that slavery is alive in well in 18th-century Jamaica. Claire is appalled and rightfully so, but it highlights one of the realities of the Outlander premise. The show only works because Claire is white. A black woman would never want to return to the 18th century, no matter how dashing and handsome Jamie Fraser might be. It’s interesting that it takes until the third season for the show to try and grapple with this but I suppose it’s hard to be an adventure romance and politically engaged with historical realities.

At the slave market, a young black man being sold by slavers captures Claire’s attention. She causes a scene and demands that Jamie do something to help the young man. Jamie ends up buying the young man. That’s right. The Frasers become slave owners, but the good kind so it’s fine I guess. Apparently, it is easy to buy a slave but far more difficult to set one free. They’ll set the poor guy free, “when it means he truly can be,” Jamie says after detailing, for Claire, the difficulties of just giving a man his freedom. The Frasers then ask the young man, Temeraire, for his help. While they are mingling at the governor’s ball—to which they have been conveniently invited—he will go to the slave quarters and ask if anyone has seen young Ian. He agrees to do so because, well, he is a slave! He has to! The show is just trying to make his slavery seem more palatable to our modern sensibilities.

Everything on Outlander always comes full circle in one way or another. Remember Margaret and Archiband Campbell, whom we last saw in Episode 7? They’re also hanging out in Jamaica, at Geillis’s invitation. Their presence is all part of an elaborate but nonsensical plot where Geillis is determined to find the third sapphire from her box of treasure because, apparently, if a seer holds all three sapphires, that seer will be able to predict when a Scotsman will finally sit on the throne. (Geillis is as dedicated to her people as ever.)

When the Frasers arrive at the ball, Archibald Campbell is the very first person Claire sees and she greets him, somewhat stunned, as anyone would be. What are the chances that this random guy you met in Edinburgh would also be at the same party you’re attending in Jamaica, in the 18th century? There is no way this could ever possibly happen, so of course it happens. Willoughby, Fergus, and Marsali are also at the ball and Willoughby is quite the hit with the local white women who have never seen a Chinese man before. Then Margaret Campbell catches Willoughby’s eye. Later, they have a quiet moment on the grounds, away from it all, where Willoughby tells Margaret she deserves better than how her brother treats her and whispers sweet nothings to her. A love connection is made!

While Jamie is mingling, looking very dashing in his colonial garb, he sees a ghost from his past. You will never guess who the governor of Jamaica is. NEVER!

It’s Lord John Grey.

Outlander Season 3 2017

PHOTO: Nick Briggs/STARZ

I guffawed audibly at this point, and then gave in and was simply delighted. Once Jamie gets over his surprise, he introduces Claire to John and John is equally stunned—both to see Jamie, and also and to learn Claire is alive. With Claire alive, John has less than no shot at his OTP. Claire quickly realizes John has feelings for Jamie and gets real territorial about her man. And of course, Geillis is skulking about the party twirling her invisible lady villain moustache, just in case you craved a bit more wild coincidence.

John Grey pulls Jamie and Claire into his study where they catch up on Jamie’s son, Willy, who is doing well. (Of course he’s doing well. He’s a rich white man with a title and a fortune to his name.) They chit and chat, then Jamie realizes John is still wearing the sapphire he gave him after escaping from prison that one time. It’s a tender little moment between the not quite lovers. Poor John Grey. He reminds Claire of how they met, when they have a chance to talk alone, and she makes a point of commenting on the sapphire. “Jamie gave that to you?” she asks, and pointedly makes it clear she has come back to Jamie, which is to say, that she is giving serious, “back the hell off, Lord John Grey” vibes. I really wished they had scored this scene with Monica and Brandy’s classic hit, “The Boy is Mine.” What a missed opportunity.

Before they can continue their tense conversation, Claire spies Geillis Duncan and the two women two catch up on what happened since Geillis was, you know, supposedly to be burned at the stake. She was kept alive until she had her baby, apparently, and then Dougal helped her escape. Geillis married a plantation owner and is now Mistress Abernathy of Rose Hall. I will give the show this: everything is absurd, but there is always an explanation that makes you think, “Well it could have happened that way!” Also, time travelers always land on their feet.

Outlander Season 3 2017

PHOTO: Nick Briggs

Geillis offers to help Claire find young Ian even though she knows exactly where young Ian is. “What are friends for?” she says, because Geillis always has a little venom on her tongue. That’s what makes her interesting.

The frenemies head inside to find Jamie, who is having a tender little moment with John Grey, and Geillis spies her sapphire. She is quick on her feet and orders Archibald and Margaret to start telling fortunes to the party guests. Then she ropes a reluctant John Grey into her shenanigans, has him hand Margaret the sapphire…you see where this is going. Like I said, everything in this episode is so absurd that it becomes absolutely numbing. It is far less fun to watch a show like this when everything is overly convenient. A character needs something? Somehow, that something falls into their lap. Sure, there’s struggle, but always over the things we wish were easy—like Jamie and Claire being together.

Margaret doesn’t want to read Grey’s fortune, but she is forced to nonetheless. She mutters some things and finishes, “When the issue is cut down, then will a Scotsman wear a crown.” John Grey laughs it off and the ball continues. Geillis pulls Archibald outside and demands that he explain Margaret’s words. He tries his best, but it’s clear they have not yet made sense of Margaret’s meaning. Geillis is undeterred, though, which doesn’t bode well for young Ian, or anyone in her path.

The young newlyweds, Fergus and Marsali, are being sweet and romantic to each other when they spy Captain Leonard riding up. They warn Jamie, and soon, the Frasers and their compatriots are fleeing. They rendezvous with Temeraire, who spoke with some escaped slaves from the Bruja (of course he did) and learned that young Ian is with Mistress Abernathy at Rose Hall. Temeraire, understandably, wants to be sure the Frasers are going to hold up their end of the bargain. Jamie assures him that once he can, he will set the young man free. Temeraire isn’t keen on waiting and tells Jamie that escaped slaves live in the mountains near Rose Hall, which is a plot convenience I am fine with because I really want this young man to be black and free as he should be. On their way to Rose Hall, they find a marked tree—the beginning of the Jamaican freedom train, if you will—and Temeraire is off, to hopefully live the rest of his life in peaceful freedom.

The Frasers decide to continue on to Rose Hall but Captain Leonard rides up and takes Jamie into custody. Jamie hands Claire the pictures of his children to hold for him. Claire, for her part, calls Leonard a bloody bastard. “I am the only reason any of you survived,” she says, which is of course true. Captain Leonard is thoroughly unmoved. Ambition trumps gratitude, obviously. As he’s taken away, Jamie implores Claire to find young Ian, and she is left, once again, to watch her husband being unfairly arrested. This is like the tenth time, though, so she should be used to it at this point. Lord knows I am. We all are!

Roxane Gay is the author of Bad Feminist, Difficult Women, and most recently, Hunger. She is also the author of World of Wakanda for Marvel and a contributing opinion writer for The New York Times.

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'This Is Us' Season 2, Episode 10 Recap: Randall Makes a Surprising Decision


Tonight’s This Is Us episode was all about Randall, who is, hands down, the superior Pearson sibling. So, naturally, this episode was the best of the three centered around the trio. And by that, I mean it was gut-wrenching AF. Here’s what happened (spoilers ahead):

We open this episode with Randall being the Best Dad Ever. He cracks iPad jokes, helps Déjà with her school project, praises Beyoncé randomly—I’m ready to give Sterling K. Brown the Emmy right now. I don’t know which Emmy—just the Emmy.

But Déjà and Randall’s moment is interrupted by Déjà’s birth mother, Shauna, who shows up abruptly at the house and demands to see her daughter. She’s out of jail—the charges against her were dropped—and now she wants Déjà back. Of course, she can’t just walk out of Randall’s house with her daughter: She has to go through the social worker first. Oddly, though, it’s Déjà who has to tell her mother this, driving home the point that she’s actually the adult in their relationship. Oof.

Linda, Déjà’s social worker, tells Randall and Beth she’s recommending to the courts that Shauna receive custody. Understandably, they’re pissed, and they tell Linda they’ve hired a lawyer and will fight to keep Déjà in their house. It’s a tense argument, but Beth looks bomb as hell, which is all that matters.

Because everything’s connected on this damn show, Randall can’t help but have flashbacks to his relationship with William, who Rebecca purposefully kept out of his life for years. It’s clear he’s starting to have second thoughts about fighting so hard to keep Déjà from her birth mother. This is all so heavy-handed, but Sterling K. Brown can act his way out of a paper bag, so I’m here for it.

We then watch a flashback of William actually finding the Pearson’s house back in the day; he desperately wants to knock on the door and demand to be a part of Randall’s life, but he doesn’t. He tells Randall he didn’t think it was right to knock and blatantly go against Rebecca’s wishes. It’s honestly hilarious how cyclical this friggin’ family is. Like, in what world can you be like, “Wow, this exact situation happened to my father 25 years ago!” Ultimately, this causes Adult Randall to realize he and Beth can’t keep Déjà from Shauna. Surprise, surprise!

Their goodbye is emotional. I’m bawling. Adult Randall is the greatest human on this show. Randall and Beth jointly decide to foster another child again—and it’s implied a young boy is on their radar.

Cut to Teenage Randall: He’s thumbing through Ivy League college applications. It’s obvious Jack wants him to go somewhere fancy, like Harvard, but Randall appears to have an interest in Howard University, a historically Black college. (For context: We’re revisiting the same frame of time as the last two episodes—the events leading up to Kevin’s football injury.)

Randall and Jack arrive at Howard University for a tour. They meet Randall’s friend, Keith, who takes him for a “real” tour of the school with his friends, leaving Jack behind. I don’t know what the hell is about to happen, TBH. Randall is dumfounded at the fact there are no white people at the school.

In the car ride home, Randall explains to Jack that he feels out of place all the time. The implication here, I think, is that Randall doesn’t feel this way at Howard. It’s an awkward, emotional conversation, because Randall doesn’t want Jack to think he’s responsible for making him feel off-balanced. Jack seems to get it, though, but their moment is interrupted by the news of Kevin’s injury.

Adult Kate, Adult Randall, and Adult Kevin’s storylines have all lined up at this point, and we’re picking things up now with Kevin arriving at Randall’s house disheveled and strung out. Remember, we left things two episodes ago with Kevin about to tell Randall he’s an addict, but Randall interrupts with the news concerning Kate’s baby.

Randall immediately calls Kevin out for looking like “hell” and goes to call Kate. Kevin gulfs down a vodka-and-orange-juice—in the afternoon—hugs Randall’s kids and leaves abruptly.

But he’s not alone: Randall’s daughter, Tess, secretly sneaks into the backseat of Kevin’s car. He’s driving drunk—speeding and swerving like a maniac—is pulled over by a cop, and gets arrested for a DUI. All with Tessa in the back seat. Oh my God.

Parting thoughts: Enough with these whiplash endings, This Is Us!

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A New 'Riverdale' Fan Theory Claims This Surprising Character Is Black Hood


This season, Riverdale has us wondering who the heck the serial killer Black Hood is. We’re approaching episode six now, and the creators are still stringing us along episode after episode. But a new Reddit theory has us convinced the killer is closer to the core crew than we originally thought. According to Redditor Kvelynm, who posted their theory on Sunday, there are two major clues that Kevin is the man underneath the mysterious Black Hood. Buckle in and get ready for some chills.

The first hint is that the serial killer’s most notable attribute is the fact that he’s obsessed with Betty. If you recall earlier on in the season, Kevin and Betty had a big blowout of a fight when she stalked him in the woods with Cheryl Blossom to try to stop his cruising in the shady woods—and then she promptly told his sheriff dad.

The next most important clue is that Black Hood doesn’t like sharing Betty with other people. Hence why he manipulated her into cutting ties with the new girl in town, Veronica Lodge, and her new love interest, Jughead Jones, both of whom Betty’s been focusing on. Kevin used to be Betty’s right-hand man (aside from Archie Andrews, of course) before Season 1, when Veronica moved to Riverdale from New York, and she had romantic feelings for Jughead. If Kevin is indeed Black Hood, maybe his reasoning for targeting her would be that he’s spending less time with Betty now that she has new friends.

There’s another tiny detail, too: According to the comic, Kevin and Betty have been best friends since kindergarten. The fact that these two friends go way back would also explain how Black Hood knew Betty would know the Nancy Drew mystery book from two episodes ago—as well as give some logic to his assumption that Betty would share her woes of manipulation with her beloved Archie Andrews.

Of course, the theory isn’t perfect: Although it makes sense in terms of Betty’s plotline, it doesn’t hold up when it comes to Kevin’s motivations behind the other random killings around Riverdale (RIP Miss Grundy!). And he was supposedly cruising for those guys while the Black Hood was striking (or was he?!). We’ll just have to keep watching.

Related Stories:
–This ‘Riverdale’ Theory Suggests Jason’s Real Killer Is Still Out There
–This ‘Riverdale’ Fan Theory About the Core Four Is Very Creepy but Totally Possible
–This ‘Riverdale’ Theory Suggests Betty’s Mom Is a Witch—and Related to Sabrina Spellman



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The Surprising Nuances of Going 'Instagram Official'


So many of the so-called universal guidelines we used to apply to dating have been thrown out the window. Sex on the first date? Giddyup, buttercup—no need to play by some ambiguous third date rule. Having multiple committed partners at once? Becoming more socially acceptable by the day. But as we mercifully bury the traditional rules of relationships, new questions inevitably surface. Chief among them: When is it cool to start posting a new partner on your Instagram, and how do you avoid looking shifty or extremely thirsty when you do it?

Uploading lasting photographic evidence of a blooming love is a pretty deliberate declaration, and should be approached delicately. Including a new sex friend in your feed is a hyper-modern public display of affection that conveys to anyone looking that you consider this person yours. Scientists call this behavior mate-guarding—IRL PDA counts too, but an Instagram post will last longer and is accessible to more people than just the folks in your immediate vicinity. And unlike going Facebook-official, which requires both of you to commit to it, Instagram only takes one to tag. The “IG Official” post draws a digital tether between the two of you—a link pretty much anyone can follow.

For clear guidelines on how to navigate this tricky situation, let’s look at the methods deployed by celebrity and noted relationship-haver, Selena Gomez. Although it’s not entirely clear when she and the Weeknd started dating (RIP, that relationship), paparazzi clues point to mid-January of this year. That means she waited until three whole months later to immortalize Abel Tesfaye on her account as her new boo. (Please note that while the two had posted Instagram Stories featuring each other sooner than this, those have a 24-hour shelf life and are therefore more casual.)

Of course, no two relationships are the same and it’s totally fine if you don’t want to emulate Selena Gomez all the time (serially dating Justin Bieber isn’t for everyone). But just as you probably wouldn’t take a new date to your go-to haunt and make out with them in front of people you’ll definitely see again, you shouldn’t post a new boo on IG too early. According to Dr. Justin D’Arienzo, a Jacksonville, Florida-based relationship psychologist, try to feel out when a “consistent pattern of togetherness” solidifies.

Anecdotal evidence (and an unofficial Twitter poll) reveals that some people wait until they’ve been seeing each other between one and three months, or when the relationship is considered “exclusive.”

“Most of my relationships end within a three- to four-month period. That’s how long it takes before realizing it’s going to work or not, so I wait until after that,” Miranda, who dates mostly women, says. “There was one exception where I posted a pic of us after, like, date one, but I asked and we were both on the same page. We had also been hanging out a couple weeks before that.” If you were friends before getting romantic, it’s reasonable to assume they appeared in your feed prior, making their first couple-y appearance less of A Big Deal.

But if talk of Instagram declarations is giving you anxiety, that’s OK too! “There’s a lot of people that, believe it or not, don’t put themselves out there and don’t want to be tagged and don’t want people to know where they are,” says Dr. D’Arienzo. Likewise, if your S.O. isn’t posting you, it’s possible they’re just anti-social media. “They may actually be honest people that are really into you. They just value privacy.” It might be a red flag, however, if your new partner regularly posts otherwise intimate details—including past S.O.s—while you have yet to make a debut. They could be hiding the developing relationship, and that signals trouble.

When you finally feel safe and inspired enough to post your new boo on the ‘Gram, it helps to start neutral. Include them in a group dinner shot, or in a public space like a museum. From there, you can naturally progress into more intimate territory. The hierarchy of romantic pics, for me, goes: Selfies together, followed by photographic evidence of a romantic getaway, and finally, the most aggressive photographic display of affection out there, the morning shot. (Seriously, is there more telling evidence of boning than the ruffled mop of a new lover hovering over an egg sandwich? There is not.)

Remember, though, just because celebrities premiere new baes through IG, and even though social media may have forever changed the dating game, one’s ‘Gram is not always an accurate gauge of a relationship’s health. Making it Insta Official may be a fun exercise in modernity, but don’t overthink it too much. “If that person is making plans with you on both Friday and Saturday night and also making plans with you for the next weekend, you know the relationship’s moving forward,” says Dr. D’Arienzo. “You can’t just rely on how and what people post.”





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15 Surprising Facts About Vibrators You Never Knew


You likely already know that the vibrator is one of the most important inventions since the advent of the wheel. This is truer than ever, since not only are sex toys are becoming less taboo with each passing year, but more popular: According to a survey conducted by Adam and Eve, 63 percent of people have used some type of sex toy in their life, and nearly 20 percent of all sex toys purchased online last year were vibrators. They’ve also permeated the culture, from the iconic Sex and the City scene in which Charlotte buys a Rabbit to the groundbreaking Broad City pegging episode.

But while it may seem like we’ve reached peak vibrator, there are still plenty a lot of things that many people don’t realize about their favorite toy. Here are 15 facts about vibrators that could give you a whole new appreciation for this magical little device.

1. Vibrators predate electricity

The first vibrator model was released in 1734 and was powered by a hand crank. As you might imagine, it was hard to sell sex toys to women in the 18th century, so they were sold to doctors for use in treating “hysteria,” then thought to be a buildup of female semen. The only cure was—you guessed it—“paroxysm” (also known as orgasm).

2. People got real about vibrators in 1973, thanks to the Hitachi Magic Wand…

Through an article in Ms. Magazine, the NOW conference, and her Bodysex workshops, New York-based artist Betty Dodson brought national attention to the Hitachi Magic Wand as more than just a back massager. During her workshops, women were invited to explore their vulvas and learn about their bodies, and then they were given a Hitachi (which Dodson purchased by the case) so they could masturbate together.

3. …But Hitachi wasn’t quite as excited about it

After nearly 45 years on the market, the folks at Hitachi finally realized what people were using their “back massager” for (took them long enough) and decided they no longer wanted their brand to stand for that kind of behavior. Luckily, the distributor Vibratex swooped in to save the day—and your sex life—by offering to continue manufacturing the toy without the Hitachi branding. That’s why it’s now called, simply, Magic Wand.

4. They’re technically illegal in Alabama

Thanks to the Anti-Obscenity Enforcement Act, distribution of any device “designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs” is punishable by a fine up to $10,000, or one year in prison. In Texas, it’s not only illegal to sell them, but it’s also illegal to simply possess six or more, since that would indicate you may have the intent to sell them. A woman was even arrested in the state in 2003 for selling sex toys at a “Tupperware-type party.” Though her charges were eventually dropped, if you live in Texas, maybe you should just say they’re back massagers?

5. Despite its massive popularity, the sex toy industry isn’t regulated

After noticing that their first shipment of toys seemed to be leaking an oily substance, Jennifer Pritchett from sex toy store Smitten Kitten started doing some research—including sending some products out to be independently tested. When the results came back,Pritchett was dismayed to find that a number of products contained surprise materials that weren’t made for use with the human body. Since there’s no governing group to tell manufacturers what they can put in your vibrator—and, for that matter, no rules about what they can put on the package—it’s important to do some research when you’re shopping for sex toys.

6. Vibrators aren’t just for alone time

One of the most popular questions I heard when I worked on the floor of an NYC sex shop was, “What can I use with my partner?” In fact, according to a survey by Adam & Eve, 55 percent of people who use sex toys use them with someone else (though, interestingly, only 24 percent are brave enough to bring it up first). The popular We-Vibe Sync is specifically designed with couples in mind and even has an app.

7. Animals occasionally also use sex toys

Female porcupines in captivity have been known to place a stick between their legs and drag it across the ground to feel the vibration against their body. Get it, Ms. Porcupine!

8. Speaking of animals, there’s a surprising legal reason your Rabbit is shaped like a rabbit

And it’s not just about the ears. Back in the day, many sex toys were produced in Japan, where obscenity laws didn’t allow them to create products shaped like actual penises. In order to skirt these laws, companies like Vibratex decided that cute animals were the next best option, and a tradition was born.

9. Not all vibrators are for vaginas

Given that many vibrators lead double lives as “back massagers,” it’s not surprising that vibration makes feels great for lots of folks on lots of different parts. The Cobra Libre and the Hand Solo are two toys designed specifically for penises, and even the Magic Wand can work wonders. Studies show that 45-50 percent of men have used a vibrator in their life.

10. Using a vibrator can make you a better singer

The Vibrant Voice Technique, developed by voice coach David Ley, claims that using a vibrator against the vocal cords can “quickly and effectively enhance vocal resonance.” They recommend the popular Lelo Siri which is, incidentally, also great for orgasms.

11. No matter what you’ve heard, vibrators don’t decrease sensitivity

Don’t worry, frequent vibe enjoyer! There’s no evidence of long-term numbness associated with sex toy use. In fact, I often had people come into my store on doctor’s orders, looking for vibrators to bring sensitivity back to their bits, post-surgery. Vibrators have also helped women orgasm again after their antidepressants made it hard to climax.

12. Not all vibrators merely vibrate…

While there are countless vibrating toys on the market, there are plenty of other sensations to explore, too. Just this year, we’ve seen toys that oscillate, toys that thrust, and some extremely popular toys that suck.

13. …And not all vibrations feel the same

Maximum enjoyment doesn’t always come down to just how strong a toy’s vibration is, but which type of vibration it uses. Buzzy vibrations are going to sit on the surface of your skin, and while they may feel intense, they may also feel itchy or temporarily numbing. Rumbly vibration has a lower pitch, more like an earthquake than a bumblebee, and will penetrate through more layers of skin, hitting deeper buried nerves.

14. Like most things, vibrators are even better with lube

Yep, even if you’re just using it externally. Many vibrators are made of silicone, which had considerably more friction than skin against skin. Plus, it’s moving considerably faster than your average finger can. A good lube will cut down on that friction and allow the vibrator to glide against your skin more easily.

15. But there’s nothing wrong with you if you’re not into them at all

Just like how there are people who don’t like pizza, there are people who don’t like vibrators. And that’s totally cool! Not all bodies find vibration appealing— some find it too intense, irritating, or just downright boring.

More:

—Glamour’s First-Ever Sex Toy Awards

—My Anti-Depressants Made It Hard for Me to Orgasm, Until I Tried THese Sex Toys

—Why the Nipple Clamp Is the Most Underrated Sex Toy in the World



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