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The Real Story Behind the 'Stranger Things' Snow Ball Scene Is Predictably Adorable


Season two of Stranger Things ends with (spoiler!) what might be the purest scene in all of pop-culture: The gang attending the Snow Ball together. They’re ostensibly there to have fun, but the kids treat the occasion with the gravitas of a life-or-death situation. Weeks earlier, these adolescents were fighting off a pack of demon monster dogs—but here they’re just as stressed, if not more so, about all the hallmarks of a school dance: first crushes, first dances, first kisses, first heartbreak. It’s so human to watch it hurts.

The plan was always to end the season this way. “Literally, from the beginning, from the very first moment talking about season two, we knew this had to end at the Snow Ball,” executive producer Shawn Levy told us at the Stranger Things premiere in Los Angeles. “We kept our mouth shut for over a year, but this was destiny. This is about all these characters coming together, and we were careful not to do things just because audiences wanted it. But you can’t deny the world Eleven and Mike at the Snow Ball! I don’t know that it gets better than that.”

No, it really doesn’t—especially because the dance allows for two important kisses to take place: one between Max (Sadie Sink) and Lucas (Caleb McLaughlin) and one between Mike (Finn Wolfhard) and Eleven (Millie Bobby Brown). It’s a telling moment about where these characters are at heading into season three: The feelings between Max and Lucas may be newer, but their rapport is more comfortable than the more reserved (but still so, so passionate) affections between Mike and Eleven. “Neither kiss was firmly scripted,” Shawn explained. “But we really agonized over, ‘Does one kiss take away from the other kiss?’ And yet, Caleb and Sadie are so winning, so charming. It kind of finishes that storyline. Mike and Eleven, though, that’s almost the beginning of something. It’s a reunion, but it’s also a bit of a promise. Maybe there’s some of the answer as to what’s in season three in that kiss.”

Sadie agrees the relationship between Max and Lucas might end there. “If we’re being realistic here, what eighth grade relationship lasts longer than a few months?” she said. “Even that’s long! At my school, people date for two weeks and are like, ‘It’s not working out.’ But it’s cute, so maybe they’ll explore that.” Millie, meanwhile, thinks that Eleven’s hesitation comes from her being so laser focused: “I think it was her objective! She has a method!”

But regardless of how the characters were feeling, their IRL counterparts weren’t quite as invested. “The kids were mortified shooting those kisses,” Shawn joked. “Mortified! We had to do it a lot of times because the steady cam was going around and around. If the camera was in the wrong place, you wouldn’t see the kiss.”

But this wasn’t the first time Millie and Finn have kissed on screen—they had a moment in the finale of season one, too—so they’re basically pros at this point. “Finn is the only boy I’ve ever kissed,” Millie shared. “It’s easy to kiss him now! [Laughs] I know that sounds really weird, but it’s easy to kiss him!”

So easy, in fact, that Caleb sought some advice from Finn before the big scene. “He’s the master at it!” he explained. “He was like, ‘Just like that…[makes a smacking sound]. The kiss wasn’t that bad. It was cool, but it wasn’t like, ‘Oh my gosh, I loved it.’” It was, though, a big milestone for him: “It was my first kiss! I was like, ‘Oh my gosh, I’m kissing Sadie. She’s my friend! Whoa! So I was like, ‘I’m just gonna kiss.’ But she came in for the kiss, so it wasn’t me making the first move.”

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The Real Reason Behind Nancy and Steve's Problems on 'Stranger Things'


Warning: Spoilers ahead.

It’s clear from the first episode of Stranger Things‘ season two that all is not well between Nancy (Natalia Dyer) and Steve (Joe Keery). They’re both still reeling from Barb’s death, and the guilt is putting a strain on their own relationship. Nancy can’t even help Steve with his college admissions essay without things turning sour.

Their relationship hits a low point at the Halloween party in episode two: Nancy gets incredibly drunk and essentially says everything between her and Steve is “bullshit.” She’s tired of them pretending like nothing’s wrong; they know Barb is dead—and she blames herself for it—but they haven’t said anything to anyone. Steve is heartbroken by Nancy’s speech; it makes him question her love for him, their relationship…everything. Their dynamic completely changes as a result.

And then there’s Jonathan (Charlie Heaton). He’s the one who ultimately drove Nancy home from that Halloween party. (Steve abruptly left after his fight with Nancy.) Jonathan and Nancy’s friendship has grown leaps and bounds since last season, and things start escalate once she and Steve are on the outs.

Naturally, this love triangle is one of the most talked-about subplots of the show—so we scored inside scoop about it straight from Dyer and Keery. The actors have some interesting thoughts about where Nancy and Steve are headed—and where Jonathan fits into the mix. Read on to learn more.

The best scenes in this season have nothing to do with the Upside Down and everything to do with the relationships among the characters. What about for you?

Natalia Dyer: “For me, this show is much more about the characters and the relationships. It’s always been such an ensemble show. That’s my favorite part. I find it’s very character-driven. The Duffers take these ’80s tropes and really flush them out and give the characters complexity. A lot of it comes from the writing. I love how everyone relates to each other, and it’s fun to see how they do it in different ways.”

So what’s your interpretation of where Steve and Nancy are by the end of the last episode?

Joe: “At the end of season one, we were kind of pretending that nothing happened. We were holding each other back in a certain way—but in order to move forward, we had to go to these separate places. It first seemed this season like she was hurting him, and he takes it as Nancy just hurting him, but they both have to progress forward. To do that they have be apart. They both have had to come to terms with that. They realize why they were attracted to each other in the first place, and that those things still exist. But I also don’t think they’re going to force each other to be together.”

Natalia: “They definitely care about each other and still love each other, but you’re totally spot on, Joe, in that they have to figure themselves out apart from each other. After the end of season one, their relationship was a bit of a safety blanket. For that to be healthy, you have to figure out what it is outside of that safety blanket.”

Joe: “And you never really forget your first love.”

Do you think they’re right for each other?

Joe: “I think about at that age, and who I was at least, the amount that I’ve changed…I’m such a different person, and I can only imagine that they’ll continue to change as well. It’s so hard to say if they’re destined to be together. Maybe it will work out, but I do know that he cares about her more than anyone he’s cared about in his life. He loves her and is worried about her, but he has to grow, too.”

What about their relationship works? And what are some reasons they aren’t great together?

Natalia: “I think there’s a good balance between them, and they are each other’s first love. That’s a very strong thing! They really, really do care about each other. They’ve gone through an experience that’s really bonding in a way, but they need to figure themselves out. I think, like any relationship, something’s going on. They may need to be away from each other and figure out their stuff and see where that puts both of them.”

Joe: “Oh man, there are things I learned about their relationship this year that are kind of telling. It makes me not so sure. In the first season, it’s this love sick thing—they’re both in the throes of beginning this relationship. Then when you catch up with them at the beginning of season two, you can see that there are some issues dealing with what happened. In season two, one of the big arcs for Steve is this transformation. It’s a growing-up story for Steve. He learns how to put people before himself, specifically Nancy and the people that he loves. That’s something he hasn’t had to do before.”

What does Charlie Heaton (Jonathan) think about Nancy, Steve, and Jonathan’s love triangle? Does he have an opinion?

Joe: “I don’t think we necessarily have like opinions, like, ‘Oh man…” But because we are playing the characters, we do have these ideas of what we think will happen or why the characters are kind of right for each other. I can’t really speak on behalf of Charlie, but what I can say is that Charlie does such unbelievable work this year. He’s one of the people on the show that I would love to work more with. I really think he’s such a talented guy. I learn so much from that dude being on set.”

Maybe I’m reading too much into this, but Steve takes Dustin to the dance and they have a sweet moment in the car where he gives him advice. Then, later on during the dance, Nancy has a moment with Dustin too. I felt like it was a way of uniting the characters even while they’re apart.

Joe: “He’s our son!” [Laughs]

Natalia: “I really have no idea where that’s going to go for them.”

Every episode of Stranger Things season two is streaming on Netflix now.



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Wanting to Have Sex With Ghosts Is a Real Thing


For as long as humans have walked the earth, we’ve asked certain questions: Is there life after death? Do the departed spirits of the deceased walk among us? Can we have sex with ghosts? Though the 1990 film Ghost came close to answering at least one of those, I’m going to be honest: My sexual awakening came as the result of that hot ghost boy in Hocus Pocus who, despite spending the majority of the movie as a talking cat, was so attractive in that knockoff Leonardo DiCaprio way that I am shook to this day. (I’m not alone in this, by the way.)

The nineties were an amazing time for burgeoning spectrophilia—that’s, of course, the fetish by which one is sexually attracted to ghosts. We had the aforementioned Hocus Pocus and Ghost, Bruce Willis in The Sixth Sense, even Alec Baldwin in Beetlejuice. (OK, technically that was 1988, but Baldwin is kind of slept-on in the hot ghost canon.) Though ghosting means something different now, back then it implied wearing a wedding dress and closed-mouth kissing Devon Sawa like so:

But is ghost sex really common enough to deserve its own fetish? After all, ghosts are probably not real. (Don’t you think if Ghost Hunters had actually discovered proof of spectral activity it would’ve been bigger news?) However, because it’s nearly Halloween and we can’t possibly answer for every unexplained haunting that’s ever happened, it’s worth exploring just how we as a species have interacted with paranormal phenomena. Not to mention, if a thing exists—even just conceptually—there’s probably somebody out there who’s thought about having sex with it.

So who’s boning ghosts? Well, world-famous pop star Kesha for one. The song “Supernatural” off her 2012 album Warrior is apparently about a one-night stand with a specter. “That song was about having sex with a ghost,” the singer told Ryan Seacrest that year. “I lived in this flop house at Rural Canyon, and there was this weird energy that lived there. It used to keep me up at night and wake me up. It progressed into this dark, sexual spirit.” She admitted that, while she didn’t know his name, the encounter “did scare me, but that’s part of the fun of it.” We’ll take her word for it.

But are normies like you and I engaging in paranormal activity between the sheets? In his article “Ghost Modernism: A Beginner’s Guide to Spectrophilia,” Mark Griffiths, Ph.D., of Nottingham Trent University, a psychologist who explores “addictive, obsessional, compulsive, and/or extreme behaviors” on his blog (he’s given Glamour permission to cite him in this story), writes that spectrophilia as a condition is probably real, even if ghosts themselves aren’t. He points to the numerous historical and folkloric tales of spirits having sex with humans as proof that people have always been intrigued by raunchy wraiths.

In fact, most world cultures have some version of a lingering spirit that lives on beyond death. The most famous mythic examples of sex ghosts coast-to-coast were the incubus and succubus. First referenced all the way back in Mesopotamia, incubi are male demons who engage in sexual activity with sleeping women (succubi are their female counterparts). Though, historically, it wasn’t a sexy as it sounds: Copulation with an incubus is how they believed witches were conceived. (Just because your dad is a creepy sex demon doesn’t mean you can’t go on to have a totally fulfilling life, though. After all, Merlin was said to be fathered by an incubus.)

For his part, Griffiths notes that there’s (unsurprisingly) no empirical evidence that anyone’s truly had sex with a ghost. That said, most spectrophiles actually don’t admit to going all the way—they’re merely aroused by the idea of having relations with a spirit. Therefore, he writes, “the main sexual outlet for spectrophilia would appear to be masturbation.” And if you were also super into Thackery Binx at an impressionable age, this definitely tracks.

PHOTO: Walt Disney Pictures

Thackery Binx, low-key breakout star of Hocus Pocus

For that reason, millennials who were into Devon Sawa for the three minutes of Casper he wasn’t a cartoon, knockoff ghost Leo for the three minutes of Hocus Pocus he wasn’t a cat, or even Patrick Swayze makin’ horny spectral pottery with Demi Moore can consider themselves, in a way, spectrophiles.

How’s that for unfinished business?

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Finley is Giving Away Real Gold and Silver Jewelry, For Free—Here's Why


I follow a ridiculous number of jewelry brands on Instagram—I gave up counting at 31. My feed is filled with thick, brass hoop earrings resting sedately on marble trays, zodiac medallions layered with nameplate necklaces and diamond chokers, pinkies adorned with custom-engraved gold signet rings and silver stacks. But how many of these jewelry brands have I actually worn, you ask? Uh, that’d be a mere four out of 30-something. It’s a ratio that probably drives the founders of many new jewelry companies nuts: If Instagram likes were actual sales, they’d live in solid-gold houses.

Of course, it’s easy for a potential customer to follow and “like” a brand on social media. It’s much harder to get that follower to actually part with their hard-earned cash and buy something. It’s a dilemma every new brand faces, and one that the founders of Finley Jewelry have solved for in a pretty clever way: by giving their real, fine jewelry away for free. Yes, y’all: FOR. FREE.

It’s a proposition I was low-key suspicious of when I first saw it on Instagram. Here’s how it works: For the price of shipping (which costs $17.89, since the brand is currently shipping straight from its workshop in Hong Kong), Finley will send you your choice of a ring, earring, or choker from its “Essentials Collection” in silver or 14k gold vermeil for free. You can also purchase all three pieces for $40.

I tried it, and can confirm that it’s real. The Gigi Choker (pictured above) I received is lovely and well-made—I found it comparable in quality to similar pieces I own from Catbird—and its beading makes it a welcome upgrade from the basic delicate chain you probably already own. It’s just what my necklace-layering situation was missing.

The brand’s other styles are a minimalist pair of bar stud earrings and a simple, beaded band ring. More styles will come soon (and shipping costs will also drop once the brand starts fulfilling from Toronto). The promotion clearly works, because I’m now eager to see what the brand comes up with next—even if I have to, you know, pay for it.

Giving away free stuff is clearly a genius solution to the reluctant-customer problem—but how on earth is it possibly sustainable or profitable? “That’s ​the​ ​million​-dollar​ ​question!​” Kathleen ​Chan, Finley’s co-founder, laughs. She’s only kidding: Chan and longtime friend Nathan​ ​Tran​ Trinh launched the brand in August, having saved up what Chan calls “a​ healthy​ marketing budget.”​ ​However, the two have a background in marketing, and knew that getting new customers on board when the world has no shortage of cool jewelry brands would be both very difficult, and very expensive.

“​We​ ​thought, what’s​ the​ best​ ​way​ ​to​ learn about​ ​a​ brand?​ Experience​ ​the ​product ​first-hand,” Chan says.​ ​”We​ reworked​ ​our​ ​plan​—​​instead​ ​of spending the money ​on​ ​​flashy​ ​ads,​ we​ ​put​ ​all​ ​our​ advertising​ ​budget ​into​ ​covering​ pieces​ ​​for​ ​our​ ​early customers.​ We​ ​hoped​​ this​ ​would​ ​create​ ​grassroots​ ​buzz ​because​​ ​hey,​ ​it’s​ not​ ​everyday​ ​someone​ ​gives​ ​you​ free​ ​bling,​ ​and lucky​ ​​for us, ​it​ ​​has.”

In fact, the buzz has been way bigger than Finley’s founders anticipated. “The ​response​ ​has​ ​been​ ​massive,​” Chan reports. “Since​ we​ ​launched​ two​ months ​ago​, we’ve​ ​had​ ​over​ ​15,000​ ​orders—our​ ​site​ actually​ ​glitched​ ​out​ ​temporarily​ ​from​ ​all​ ​the​ traffic.” Thus far, it’s a word-of-mouth phenomenon: people trying the brand and spreading the word to their friends. Even at full price, Finley’s pieces are pretty reasonable—they range from $80 to $110—but there’s just no denying the appeal of free. Not gonna lie, I have personally sent out a few IG messages of the “GIRL, did you see this company is giving away jewelry?!” kind.

It’s a marketing model that’s not totally without precedent: A year ago, activewear label Girlfriend Collective generated lots of social media buzz (and subsequent press coverage) by giving away its leggings for the price of shipping alone. The promotion has since ended, and while the brand did not respond to our request for current sales figures, anecdotal data points tell us the promotion helped Girlfriend Collective establish a foothold in the also quite-crowded athletic market.

Photo: Courtesy of Finley

Another thing Finley has in common with Girlfriend Collective is the brands’ dedication to sustainability and ethical manufacturing. I’m going to admit right here that I routinely side-eye such claims, because it often seems like every direct-to-consumer brand on the block is touting its ethical bona fides, while not actually copping to the massive problems in the industry, or doing much to solve them. But I was genuinely impressed with Chan’s knowledge of and candor about the human and environmental costs of jewelry manufacturing, and her brand’s earnest dedication to doing things a better way.

“Two​ of​ the ​biggest​ ​concerns​ ​we​ ​​wanted ​to​ ​address​ ​are​ [the industry’s] ​unethical ​labor ​practices, and ​unsustainable​ ​water​ ​​process,” Chan says. “It’s​ ​unfortunately​ ​common​ ​to​ ​see​ forced​ ​or​ ​compulsory labor,​ ​unsafe​ ​work ​environments,​ unregulated​ ​​hours,​ ​the list​ ​goes​ ​on—it’s​ ​not​ ​something that​ ​should​ ​ever​ ​be​ ​accepted,​ ​let​ ​alone​ ​common​ ​in the​ ​industry.​” To correct for this, Finley works only with SA8000​-certified​ ​partners​ ​across ​its​ ​entire ​​production ​process, which means each one is subjected to rigorous, ongoing audits to ensure they’re exceeding guidelines for safe working conditions and paying employees at all levels fair wages.

Chan also minces no words about the jewelry industry’s environmental ills—the biggest of which, she says, concerns water. “​The​ ​water​ used​ ​to​ ​mine and​ ​manufacture​ ​jewelry​ ​contains​ ​a​ ​vast​ amount​ ​of​ ​corrosive​ ​waste​ ​metals,” she says. “More​ often​ than ​not,​ that ​water​ ​is​ dumped​ ​back​ ​into​ ​a​ ​water ​source​ ​that​ ​people ​and​ ​wildlife ​depend ​on,​ ​without​ ​being​ treated.​ ” This means water sources, such as rivers and streams, are contaminated, leading to “debilitated wildlife and ​potentially irreversible ​environmental​ ​damage.” To fight this, Finley puts all water used to craft its jewelry through a multi-step filtering process that separates the water from waste materials. The water is then sent to a ​recycling​ ​facility​ for​ ​use​ ​​in​ other​ ​​forms ​​of manufacturing. ​“It’s not​ ​a​ cheap​ ​process,” Chan says, ​”but​ ​we​ ​don’t​ ​believe​ ​something​ ​as​ ​crucial​ ​as​ ​clean ​drinking ​water​ ​should ever​ ​be put​ ​at​ ​​risk.” To date, Finley has recycled over 67,000​ ​gallons​ ​of​ ​water​, ​and Chan says they will continue to put responsible wastewater handling at the forefront of their environmental policies.

Finley’s philosophy seems poised to overcome all manner of resistance to trying a new jewelry brand—whether you feel guilty for the environmental impact of your precious metals, or you just like to try before you buy. Even in a crowded jewelry market, that could be a recipe for success.

Chan reports that the brand plans to continue to help its manufacturing partners invest in cleaner technology, while adding new designs based on customer feedback. Currently, she says, customers are clamoring ​for​ ​”customizable jewelry​ ​options​ ​and​ ​astrological​-themed​ ​pieces​, which​ you’ll​ see​ in​ our​ full​ ​line.” There are​ ​​plans​ to introduce recycled metals into its collection down the line, too.

And about that full line: No official date as of press time, but it launches soon—and when it does, ​the ​free​-piece​ ​campaign​​ will​ be​ wrapping​ ​​up​, too. So get it while you still can.

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Sexsomnia—That's Sleepwalking Sex—Is Real and Thousands of Women Have It


After five years together, Grace*, 37, and her then-partner were struggling to make their relationship work. There was almost no physical intimacy between them—until they started having sex in their sleep. When she felt his touch, Grace would begin to dream that she was sleeping with someone else. Of course, once she woke up she realized it must have been her boyfriend, but it was as if the need for closeness that went unaddressed in real life was being realized in their sleep. They’d discuss it in the morning, and while they both vaguely remembered having sex, neither had intentionally initiated it.

Elizabeth*, 36, and her then-partner also began having sex in their sleep when they’d stopped doing it during waking hours. “While we knew the relationship was ending, we were still living together,” she explains. “We still wanted it, just not necessarily with each other,” she says. “Since we were still living together and, at that point, still sleeping in the same bed, it manifested subconsciously.” She’s only aware it even happened because she would sometimes wake up in the middle of it. Elizabeth also experienced this with another, shorter-term partner the first time she slept at his place.

The experience they’re describing is called sexsomnia, a sleep disorder similar to sleepwalking except, instead of getting up and moving around, sufferers have sex or masturbate while asleep. One Toronto Western Hospital study found that 11 percent of male sleep center patients and four percent of female patients experienced the condition, but W. Christopher Winter, MD, president of Charlottesville Neurology and Sleep Medicine and medical director of Martha Jefferson Hospital Sleep Medicine Center, believes many more people have had sex in their sleep at some point. The most common cause of sexsomnia, he says, is Ambien or other sleeping pills. Many times, sexsomnia stops occurring once his patients stop taking these drugs. Alcohol, sleep deprivation, restless leg syndrome, sleep apnea, nocturnal seizures, and sleeping in new environments can make it manifest as well.

As Grace and Elizabeth’s stories show, the cause can also be psychological: Sexomniacs enacting desires in their sleep that they’re unable or reluctant to fulfill in real life. Winter had one patient who yelled, “If you don’t fuck me, I’ll find someone who will!” at her husband while asleep. While awake, he says, she “wouldn’t even say the word ‘sex’ without whispering it.”

Despite the aggression with which many sexsomniacs initiate sex, some are unclear as to whether they’ve even consented. Dr. Winter’s patient was upset that her husband had sex with her as she slept. Meanwhile, her husband said he felt pressured into sex by her.

“A sleepwalking person or an unconscious person or a person with dementia or Alzheimer’s or a person with sexsomnia cannot give consent, even if the partner were to ask,” says couples and sex therapist Stephen Duclos, LMFT. “If the partner were to ask, and no conversation was possible, this might be an indication that something was wrong.” Usually, once the sexsomnia sufferer’s partner realizes their partner has been sleeping during sex, they stop doing it to avoid any violation of boundaries.

Though not all sexsomnia sufferers consider it a violation. “They like the initiation of sexual activity in the middle of the night,” explains sexual wellness coach Lauren Brim. “One man told me that he says really loving and tender things to his partner during his episodes of sexsomnia.”

Grace didn’t feel violated by the sex she had in her sleep since her partner was sleeping, too. “It was very much an automatic sleep action rather than any—not even a subconscious—sense of entitlement to my body,” she says.

It was similar with Elizabeth. “Both were partners I’d happily and safely been with already, and in both cases, each of us was asleep when the act happened,” she explains. “If this had happened with a totally new person, or a random person whom I’d met on a night out, say, I would have likely felt violated.”

Though sometimes it’s the sexsomniac’s partner who feels violated, says Winter. People are often more forward in their sleep than they are when they can consciously choose whether they’ll act on their urges. “That’s the worst part of it,” he says. “This violation of trust and consent.”

Brim has worked with three men with sexsomnia, and they all have to warn new partners and avoid sharing beds with people they’re not in relationships with. Many sexsomniacs end up embarrassed over their late-night activity, she adds.

But for those who don’t want to be woken up, have sex with someone who won’t remember it, or have sex while they’re not fully conscious, there are work-arounds beyond just avoiding sleeping next to one another. “Partners with healthy communication know how to navigate the sexsomnia so it doesn’t become something nonconsensual or something that deprives them of sleep,” says Brim. “Those in a relationship with a sexsomniac can help their partner discover what triggers might bring on sexsomnia in the night, and how to lessen or stop the behavior.” For example, one of her clients realized he was only having sex in his sleep if he fell asleep while touching his partner.

There are also medical treatments, like CPAP machines for sleep apnea and medications like clonazepam, says Duclos.

In the worst cases, some couples may have to sleep in separate beds until the sexsomnia is sorted out, says Winter, but he’s never had a patient feels the need to do so permanently. “There are definitely treatments for it,” he says. “You don’t have to sit there and take it.”



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When Life Gets Too Real for Reality TV Show Like 'Teen Mom'


In 1992, MTV defined reality TV as we know it with The Real World and its famous spoken intro: “This is what happens when people stop being polite, and start getting real.” In the 25 years since, reality TV has gone from an oddity to the dominant genre, and along the way it really doubled down on the “stop being polite” thing…while playing pretty fast and loose with the “real” part.

You don’t have to be a media-studies professor to know that reality TV makers manipulate everything from the casting to production in order to deliver dramatic story lines. Just ask anyone who ever got voted off the island, was kicked out of the house, or didn’t get the rose, and they’ll tell you all about how they “got the bad edit,” and the show doesn’t reflect who they really are. (Or ask me, and I’ll tell you some CUH-RAZY things I’ve seen on UnReal.) But MTV’s current reality juggernaut, Teen Mom, is proof that sometimes producers work to keep the juiciest story lines off the air.

The franchise, which debuted in 2009 as the warts-and-all docuseries 16 & Pregnant, has suffered in recent years from a dip in ratings and relevance. A common complaint is that it got too “boring” as the cast approaches 30, they are now comfortably rich, and moms like the frequently arrested Jenelle Evans and Amber Portwood got sober and settled into (relatively) peaceful adult lives. But if viewers want storylines more compelling than, say, Chelsea DeBoer’s baby shower, they’ve often had to look to sources outside MTV. Because the truth is, the cast’s lives never really stopped being dramatic—it’s just that the most controversial stories were playing out on social media, Reddit or Facebook fan forums, or gossip sites like Radar and Ashley’s Reality Roundup. In other words, anywhere but the show. Until this year, that is, when the show finally let us see what fans have been speculating about for years.

The most dramatic example is Teen Mom‘s recent scandal involving Ryan Edwards (former boyfriend of Maci Bookout and father to Bentley) who was driving while severely under the influence. Despite the show’s prefacing the footage with a warning that “the following scenes may be disturbing to watch,” there was no way to prepare viewers for the genuinely shocking sight of Ryan falling asleep at the wheel while speeding down a multilane highway with his now-wife Mackenzie.

As Ryan struggled to keep his eyes open, a visibly tense Mackenzie repeatedly slapped his arm to wake him up, and at one point had to grab the wheel and jerk the car back into its lane. Meanwhile, Ryan sang childlike songs, trailed off mid-sentence, and mumbled excuses about the sun being in his eyes. After shutting off the cameras, Mackenzie asked Ryan if he’d taken “Xanax again,” which he denied. The day after that incident, tabloids reported that Ryan left for a 30-day stint in rehab for an unspecified substance abuse problem.

There was immediate outrage on social media—tweets like the above were just two of thousands calling the incident “disturbing” and “horrifying.” Many viewers were angry with Mackenzie for allowing Ryan to drive, and she became the target of social media harassment and even death threats. But scapegoating Mackenzie ignores Ryan’s much greater culpability—not to mention the criticism that producers failed to intervene. (“MTV does not condone driving under the influence,” a spokesperson said in a statement to People. “Ryan’s erratic behavior was due to actions that he took without anyone’s prior knowledge.”)

The incident also called into question whether MTV had known about Ryan’s addiction and purposely hid it from viewers. Through the years, anyone with eyes could see Ryan wasn’t sober. In multiple scenes, he had bugged-out eyes; in others he appeared disoriented, slurred his speech, and repeated himself (in the saddest example, he repeatedly asked his visibly uncomfortable son Bentley about his baseball game: “Did you get any good hits?”). Off-camera there were reports of erratic behavior—earlier this year he was investigated by the Humane Society for animal cruelty after he bragged about killing cats on social media. And he’s long been known for his unreliability, frequently missing visits with his son and disappearing for hours every day. This season on the show (and prior to the impaired-driving incident in the finale), Ryan’s family explained his behavior by saying, “Ryan’s like an old man, he disappears to the bank every morning for three hours, then comes home and naps all afternoon.” Yeah, sure. Like an old man with a spiraling addiction.

Explanations like that were indicative of how Teen Mom has previously handled cast member’s issues—Ryan got the “good guy” edit, and his drug problems were either not shown, not mentioned, or explained away in ways that increasingly insulted the intelligence of any viewer not watching blindfolded. The show only gave Ryan the “honest edit” when speculation by fans and tabloids had reached a fever pitch and Maci Bookout finally started speaking about his drug problem on camera.

But Ryan isn’t the only Teen Mom cast member to have a long-brewing scandal finally break on air this season. The other most-talked-about storyline involved Amber Portwood’s (now former) fiancé, Matt Baier, being outed on-camera for a host of nefarious deeds, the most disturbing of which had him pressuring Portwood into a quickie Vegas elopement, being verbally abusive toward her and a producer, and using a homophobic slur against her brother when she refused. He also failed a lie-detector test about his fidelity to Amber, allegedly stole thousands of dollars of Amber’s money, and was caught offering Xanax to fellow cast member Catelynn Lowell—something that’s not only, you know, a felony, but also highly suspect since, like Amber, Matt has a history of addiction and claims to be sober.

Again, though, the fact that Matt is a grifter is not news to fans of the show, who were suspicious of him ever since he showed up in Amber’s life three years ago—over 20 years her senior with no job and a host of court cases for unpaid child support—and surprised her by moving into her home just weeks after they started dating. (He is the actual worst, and you’ll be happy to hear that Amber has now dumped him, thank goodness.) As with Ryan, Teen Mom only started giving Matt the “honest edit” after fan forums and tabloids had made his shadiness an open secret, and a cast member (in this case, Amber) started to speak about his issues on camera.

So the big question: Why is this reality show taking so long to show…well, reality? Maybe it’s because Teen Mom started out aimed squarely at the high school demographic and still airs on a network whose primary audience is 12 to 34 years old, making the pressure to keep things PG-13 very real. The show is also under pressure to keep its cast happy. Unlike The Bachelor or Big Brother, which get a shiny new cast every season, viewers tune into Teen Mom OG and Teen Mom 2 to watch these particular families’ lives unfold. That means the cast isn’t readily replaceable—and gives them negotiating power when it comes to what does and doesn’t make it to air. Of course, we can’t know for sure whether, say, the Edwards family directly asked MTV not to air evidence of Ryan’s addiction, but it doesn’t feel like much of a stretch to imagine such an arrangement.

But whether the network does it to attract a broader audience or to protect the cast members, there’s a problem with keeping the heavy stuff off the air: Namely, it normalizes some seriously dysfunctional behavior.

The Teen Mom franchise has always denied that it’s your typical reality exploitation-fest by playing up its educational qualities. The cast and MTV frequently cite a 2014 study that claims the show led to a 5.7 percent reduction in teen births (a specious claim that ignores the fact that teen pregnancy has been declining since the 1990s. The argument goes that the show helps its audience of young women.

But you know what else would help them? If an expert talked about the signs a loved one has an addiction after Ryan was seen driving under the influence. Or if they aired a PSA for Al-Anon every time Ryan’s parents covered for his disappearance with an excuse about “going to the bank.” There’s an opiate crisis in this country; talking frankly about what addiction and enabling looks like—and how it can happen to anyone, even a reality star—could only be a good thing.

As for Amber and Matt’s unhealthy relationship, the show has never given viewers so much as a content warning about that. Teen Mom frequently links viewers to resources for preventing teen pregnancy, which is important, but it could maybe be just as impactful to teach viewers, especially young women, what intimate partner violence and abuse really looks like. (To be fair, the show did have a discussion about domestic violence after Amber was seen hitting Gary Shirley, her daughter’s father, during an argument.) Though older and savvier viewers may have seen right through Baier, younger viewers saw a manipulative, predatory man target a vulnerable woman and be given an “awesome boyfriend” edit for years before the “honest edit” started.

I’m not naive enough to think Teen Mom can fix its cast members’ issues with addiction or unhealthy relationships, but I think it has a responsibility to help its young audience frame the issues presented on the show. Dysfunction thrives in denial—and until very recently, the show played a huge role in keeping its cast members’ secrets. Maybe this will be the start of a new approach, one where the network realizes that its audience stands so much more to gain from an honest portrayal of its cast’s struggles, than it does from letting them smile and pretend the stakes aren’t life and death.



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