The Girl Scouts have published a powerful message just in time for the holidays that cautions parents about forcing their children to hug adults. Targeted to the time of year when family gatherings are common, the now-viral article, titled “Reminder: She Doesn’t Owe Anyone a Hug. Not Even at the Holidays”, warns parents not to make their kids hug or kiss relatives and other people.
“Think of it this way, telling your child that she owes someone a hug either just because she hasn’t seen this person in a while or because they gave her a gift can set the stage for her questioning whether she ‘owes’ another person any type of physical affection when they’ve bought her dinner or done something else seemingly nice for her later in life,” a developmental psychologist for the Girl Scouts explained in the piece. (The advice in the piece of course applies to children of any gender, not just girls.)
Of course, the message wasn’t without backlash. Some critics of the story accused the group of sexualizing a common way to greet family. Others argued that the Scouts’ message could trigger an emotional conflict in kids.
But it’s not about a child not being allowed to hug or kiss family members—or being made to feel like it’s wrong to do so. As the Girl Scouts’ article stressed, it’s about a child being “reticent” to hug or kiss a family member and being forced to do so, versus doing it of their own free will: “Of course, many children may naturally want to hug and kiss family members, friends, and neighbors, and that’s lovely—but if your daughter is reticent, don’t force her.”
The other point the organization made in the article was that in light of the recent waves of sexual allegations and abuse, practicing consent should be taught early in young children.
“The lessons girls learn when they’re young about setting physical boundaries and expecting them to be respect last a lifetime, and can influence how she feels about herself and her body as she gets older,” Girl Scouts of America psychologist, Dr. Andrea Bastiani Archibald, said in the article. “Plus, sadly, we know that some adults prey on children, and teaching your daughter about consent early on can help her understand her rights, know when lines are being crossed, and when to go to you for help.”
The article also stressed that being polite is still important—but there are alternative ways of being polite and showing affection that don’t necessarily require such close physical contact, like giving high-fives or blowing kisses. In sum? “Give your girl the space to decide when and how she wants to show affection.”
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