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Mindy Kaling Is Done Feeling Guilty Over New Mom Expectations


When you’re pregnant, it easy to paint a perfect picture of what kind of mom you’re going to be—you’ll buy the best organic baby food, attend Mommy and Me classes religiously, and you’ll definitely be the kind of mom that never misses a milestone. But once your little bundle of joy arrives all those mommy expectations can seem like a distant memory. “I thought I would go into everything with a real source of like, deep Yoda knowledge about being a mom,” says Mindy Kaling, who became a first-time mom when her daughter Katherine was born in 2017. “That has not ended up being the case.”

All the expectations placed on new moms—breastfeed without complaining, look pretty (but don’t wear too much makeup), fill your Instagram feed with cute baby pics—can also be a major source of guilt. Even for Kaling. “I work with another mom on Four Weddings and a Funeral [coming to Hulu later this year] who has a one-year-old, and the thing that we always feel frustrated about is Mommy and Me classes always take place on like a Tuesday at 11 A.M.,” she says. As a working mom (albeit a very famous one), she can’t just ditch the office. “We just are never there. Getting over the guilt that I have to send someone else to take my child to a class that I’d like to go to is on-going,” she says, “but I’m kind of relieving myself of those guilty feelings. That has been my New Year’s resolution—moving forward it’s the kind of change I want to make for myself.”

On Instagram at least, Kaling seems like the type of mom who couldn’t possibly have anything to feel guilty over. The Ocean’s 8 star could give food bloggers a run for their money with her tutorials of homemade baby food (which, TBH, looks practically gourmet for someone who describes herself as “barely a cook”). “Because I work and I don’t get to cook a lot for her…I wanted to have it memorialized on Instagram so that everyone can see the few times I can actually do it,” she says with a laugh. “It’s for me, too! It makes me feel good and it’s really rewarding.”

Mindy Kaling/Instagram

Mindy Kaling/Instagram

Mindy Kaling/Instagram

IRL, she says, things don’t always look so ‘grammable. “I wish I could be one of those Instagram food stylists who spends three hours on Sunday preparing sweet potatoes and sautéing broccoli so they can make healthy bowls and put them in Tupperware,” she says (don’t we all.) “I’m just not that person and I’ll never be that person,” she says. Kaling, who is a Protein One ambassador, loves a good shortcut. “I throw a box of Protein One bars in my car or in my trailer so when it’s 11 P.M. and I’m working, I don’t go off the deep end and want to eat an entire pizza or have my assistant go and buy me a thing of cookie dough,” she says.

For Kaling, and so many other new moms, a parenting strategy that evolves on the fly shouldn’t be a source of guilt. “I read this book—and not to name drop, but it was given to me by Oprah—that talks a lot about how to be a conscious parent. I loved it,” she says. But it’s not always easy to keep up with. “When I go to bed at night, I’m like, ‘Oh, should I not have been having that conversation on the phone in front of her?’” Still, per her New Year’s resolution, Kaling isn’t letting herself lose sleep over it. “I just try to [say to myself], OK, I was sweet and patient with her and we spent a lot of quality time together, and I didn’t do anything that is shameful,” Kaling says. “I think my parenting strategy—and this is not at all what I anticipated—is just getting through each day.”

Reporting by Jessica Radloff



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Meghan Markle Is Feeling 'Very Pregnant' Lately, Is Relatable


Today, December 18, Meghan Markle made what is likely her final official appearance before Christmas at Sandringham with the Queen and the rest of the royal family—and, as usual, she was a totally relatable and charming.

The Duchess of Sussex visited Brinsworth House, a nursing and care home for British theater and entertainment professionals run by the Royal Variety Charity, whose benefit show she attended with Prince Harry last month. The former Suits actress—who is due to give birth to her first child in the spring—probably felt at ease among all the former performers who reside at the home, as she opened up about her pregnancy. When asked how she was feeling, Markle said “very good” before joking that she was “looking very pregnant today.” And many pregnant women around the world likely thought, “We feel you, duchess.”

PHOTO: Chris Jackson/Getty Images

The duchess also asked a woman if she had any children, to which she said, “No, I had a career.” Markle said, “That, I understand.” Even though she has security so tight that she can annoy Kendall Jenner, our American duchess clearly still has lots in common with the rest of us working women.

Honestly, it’s great to hear that she’s feeling good given the onslaught of rumors of feuds and bump shaming that Markle has been subjected to of late. But all was well today, and she even took part in some arts and crafts, making a paper Christmas ornament using those beautiful calligraphy skills she’s become known for, writing, “Merry Christmas. Love, Meghan.”

As mentioned, we likely won’t see Markle again until Christmas day, where she’ll be with Prince Harry, Prince William, and Kate Middleton—likely all in fantastic outerwear and hopefully putting rumors of a rift to rest for good.

Until then, a “Merry Christmas” from the Duchess of Sussex—who did not open or close her own car door today.

Related: Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s Christmas Card Is Truly Stunning





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Kim Kardashian Called Out Tristan Thompson for Not Feeling Bad About Cheating


We know from a Keeping Up With the Kardashians clip released earlier this week that Kim Kardashian was not pleased with Tristan Thompson after news of him cheating on Khloé broke in April. (If you forget, Khloé was just days away from giving birth when this happened.) Kim was literally ready to fight Tristan when they first came face to face in Khloé’s delivery room after the scandal, but she held her tongue and kept the peace.

She didn’t hold back, though, during a conversation the family had off-camera with Tristan shortly after Khloé had her baby. In a new KUWTK clip, Kim recounts exactly what she said to Tristan during that heated discussion.

“I told him, ‘I think you’re more remorseful because it’s affecting your job,'” Kim said, referring to how Tristan was booed at Cleveland Cavaliers games after fans learned of his cheating. “I think he’s more embarrassed that he looks stupid. I think it’s more of that than anything.”

Watch Kim say all this for yourself, below:

[embedded content]

Kim said that off-camera convo was “OK at the beginning.” “And then it got heated. It kinda took a left turn…Overall I think it was definitely necessary for us to just let out how we all felt.”

She continued, “He got mad because [Kris] was like, ‘You can make your decision. If you want to live this life of dating these Instagram [girls] and doing your thing, live that life.’ Mom’s like, ‘If this doesn’t work out with you guys, we’re always going to rise up.'”

Tune into this Sunday’s episode of KUWTK at 9 P.M. ET on E! to see how this all plays out.

Related Stories:

Kim Kardashian’s First Face-to-Face Interaction With Tristan Thompson Post-Cheating Was So Awkward

Kim Kardashian Paid Tribute to California Wildfire First Responders at the People’s Choice Awards

Kim Kardashian Just Apologized for Using the R-Word on Her Instagram Story



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Feeling Burned Out? Your Screen Time May Have Something to Do With It


So many health and well-being articles start with an idea “we all know.” We all know exercise is good for us. We all know healthy foods are, uh, healthy. And these assertions often come along with a “just”—some prescriptive self-care step you should just take already. Just eat better! Just move more! You get the idea. What’s missing: How we live in 2018 lives, and whether those tasks are even doable. Take, for example, screen time.

Study after study points to the dangers of looking at screens too much. The blue light from devices like phones and computers can send our circadian rhythms out of whack and cause eye strain. We all know that, right? But it’s not like each of us has chosen to sacrifice our sleep, health, and eyesight for the fun of right-swiping or Netflix. And for most of us, screens are an integral part of our jobs.

A new survey of 1,001 adults with self-reported dry eye symptoms, conducted by Shire as part of its Eyelove “Screen Responsibly” initiative found that nearly one in three adults said they use screens 10 or more hours a day. And 90 percent of adults in the survey reported their screen use as “unavoidable.”

And yet a majority of the 1,000 ophthalmologists and optometrists surveyed agreed that 10-plus hours a day of screen time is too much. But a digital detox is little more than a mean joke to anyone who works online, uses email, needs to calendar with colleagues, relies on project management software, interfaces with customers—and countless other functions of a modern workforce that happen onscreen. So, who will truly save us from this?

“It’s both an employer and a personal responsibility,” says Arianna Huffington, who sees screen fatigue as a big driver of burnout. In 2007, Huffington had a fainting incident in the middle of a workday, an event that was a red flag that the publishing magnate needed to get some rest. Convinced a well-rested workforce would benefit her business’s bottom line as well as the people who work there, she had nap pods installed at HuffPost HQ. She went on to write two books about personal wellbeing and to launch Thrive Global, her wellness company that offers consultant services on corporate health culture, online resources, and an app that alerts contacts when you are taking a break from your phone, so you can be out there “thriving away.” Here’s what Huffington has to say about screening responsibly, without having to quit your phone—or your job.

You’ve been speaking out about burnout culture since 2007. How is screen time a part of your new mission?

“Our relationship to technology and to screens is one of the big conversations of the moment. This is the con… One in three adults say they use screens over 10 hours a day, which most eye doctors say is too much; and over 40 percent use multiple screens at the same time.”

Most survey respondents reported that their screen use is “unavoidable.” How do we reconcile the demands of our jobs with the desire to unplug?

“There are two answers to that. At Thrive we are working with corporations to improve their cultures and to set clear expectations about what employees are expected to do after work. It’s not just what you’re doing at work; are you expected to answer emails and texts after work? Because that creates the additional eye strain of screens plus the additional stress of never having some real time to yourself. But also what we are finding is that people may leave work and then get lost in screens because they are addicted to their social media or games or Snapping or texting all night. So it’s both an employer and a personal responsibility.”

How can we “screen responsibly”? What does this look like?

“One of the things screen responsibly recommends is taking some time every 20 minutes—taking a 20 second break and looking 20 feet into the distance. That isn’t even a major time commitment but it makes a difference. That, or adjusting your screen lighting so your eyes aren’t strained, are simple ways to screen responsibly.

Pauses are so important, even though we don’t have to think of it as a major change in our day. People change through microscopic changes in their daily life, which then become habit and significantly affect our health and our productivity. [At Thrive] we have banned screens at meetings. If you are at a meeting, really be present and participate rather than trying to multitask; people are very productive when they do that. Or take a walking meeting now that the weather has improved. These are all things that we recommend that make a difference.”

There’s a lot of talk of self-care and how that can be a privilege—not everyone can afford massages and organic food, for example. Do you think minimizing burnout or minimizing screen time should be seen as a necessity and not a luxury? How do you get that message out?

“Absolutely. We are not talking about things that cost money; we are talking about pauses and breaks throughout the day. It’s not a matter of privilege—it’s something for everybody. There are things that are not in our control and there’s also a lot that is in our control. And you want to empower people to do what’s right.”



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Gigi Hadid: I Don't Always Wake Up Feeling Like the Gigi the World Expects Me to Be


Gigi Hadid seems like she’s got it all together — she’s Gigi effing Hadid— but while accepting her award at Glamour‘s Women of the Year ceremony on Monday night, the supermodel shared that she doesn’t always feel like “Gigi Hadid, global supermodel.”

“I think my biggest responsibility, standing here, is to all the young women who are watching,” she said, after reading an exhaustive list of thank yous to fashion-industry icons, as well as her family. “I want to let you know that just because I’m standing here, winning this award, doesn’t mean that I have it all figured out. I’m so grateful for every opportunity, but that doesn’t mean that I wake up feeling like the Gigi the world expects me to be on a daily basis.”

The 22-year-old continued, “If you don’t feel strong every day, that’s okay, and it’s normal. Every day, something new can inspire you, and a small thought or idea or action can change the course of your day, your week, your month, your year. You’re never alone, and you’re never stuck, no matter how down you feel.”

Gigi’s ideas for getting unstuck? “Find what puts a pep in your step. React to what’s inspiring you by setting that into motion, creatively or otherwise. Wear something crazy. Go on a walk at sunrise. Donate your time to charity. Spend the day printing out pictures of whatever and make a binder of the hotel you hope to own one day, or the charity you hope to start,” she said. “Whatever makes you excited about your day is important, and your dreams are more powerful beyond materialization of them.”

She said that she also looks to other powerful women for inspiration. “What helps me through stress, anxiety, pressure, mentally, is looking up to other strong women and feeling empowered to change my day through celebrating them,” she said. “Our success is never just about us, it’s also about all women that paved the way so we could be here. It’s about the women we surround ourselves with and the characteristics we value, the inspiration and motivation women everywhere can give us to be better.”

Gigi added, “So tonight, I celebrate all of you being honored and celebrate women all over the world. You help people everywhere to think, ‘Yeah, I can do this,’ whatever ‘this’ may be, and you are amongst the women that inspired me to better myself and to seize my life. So thank you, and remember that we’re stronger when we celebrate each other.”



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I’m Tired of Feeling Bad About Genuinely Liking Anal Sex


I was in high school when Sex and the City premiered and, like many women of my generation and the generations that followed, that show taught me a lot about sex. Like, a lot: Things I didn’t even know existed were introduced to me every Sunday night—and one of those things was anal sex.

At the time, anal between straight couples wasn’t even on my radar. I knew that gay men engaged in it, but I held on to some pretty old-school notions when it came to why straight women would do it. Namely, as Charlotte put it so eloquently in Sex and the City’s “Valley of the Twenty-Something Guys” episode, “Men don’t marry Up-The-Butt Girl. Whoever heard of Mrs. Up-The-Butt?” Back in 1998, I agreed—and that statement was the first thing that came to mind when my college boyfriend suggested we do the deed a few years later.

Even though I was determined never to become Up-The-Butt Girl, I was in love for the first time and figured one encounter with anal wouldn’t put me in whatever category a future Mrs. Up-The-Butt might reside. The experience was, for lack of a better word, awful. It was painful, uncomfortable, and as I would tell my boyfriend afterward, it felt like I was “taking a backward shit,” if that were even anatomically possible. But on top of the physical discomfort, I also felt ashamed. It was humiliating that this was what he wanted and humiliating that I consented. What did this say about me? What other so-called “deviant” things would I consent to in the name of love? I didn’t even want to imagine.

Even throughout my 20s, when I stopped taking such a hard line on what sex said about my character, I still didn’t really enjoy the few times I had anal sex and figured it just wasn’t really my scene. But then something happened in my early 30s. Perhaps it was the confidence that came with age and sexual experience, but I found myself having anal sex with someone I was dating and loving it. Really loving it. Though there was still shame—this time about enjoying it, rather than just engaging in it. It went back to what liking anal sex said about me as a woman. Was I dirty? Deranged? Had I been dropped on my head as a child and this was the outcome of it, manifested decades later? It didn’t matter how many times I watched that Sex and the City episode in which Samantha praised anal—I couldn’t come to terms with it.

Though up to 25 percent of heterosexual men and women have tried anal sex, the taboo around it is often louder than the praise. It doesn’t matter how many stats come out on the topic, like how women who have anal sex have more orgasms (it comes with an orgasm rate of 94 percent, compared to the 65 percent from vaginal sex). It also doesn’t seem to matter that the majority of women who do engage in anal sex are well-educated with higher levels of income—information one might think would nix some of the negative stereotypes associated with women who enjoy anal sex. But, sadly, it does not.

There are plenty of reasons a woman might feel guilty about enjoying it. Just this summer, when Teen Vogue published a piece titled “Anal Sex: What You Need To Know,” the backlash was swift. Although writer and NYC-based sex educator, Gigi Engle (who, full disclosure, is a Glamour contributor), wasn’t suggesting girls run out and have anal sex—merely introducing it as an option, with information on how to do it safely—there were some alarmingly conservative, potentially homophobia-tinged responses. It didn’t take long for the hashtag #pullteenvogue to make its way onto Twitter, or for articles and videos to pop up condemning the magazine for what ultimately should have been a conversation-starter and a healthy eye-opener.

Despite the alarmism, women who have anal sex are making their way into mainstream narratives.

“Much stigma exists around anal sex, but for some women it is their arousal and favored erogenous zone,” explains Clarissa Silva, behavioral scientist and author of relationship blog You’re Just A Dumbass. “For women who know that they like anal and express it, we should [remind her] why she shouldn’t be shamed. She is simply making a decision for herself that she is interested in having better sex.”

And despite the alarmism, women who have anal are slowly but surely making their way into mainstream narratives. Lars von Trier’s 2012 film Nymphomaniac was the rare theatrical release that included anal sex (actually, there wasn’t much it didn’t include, sexually speaking), which seemed like a small but important step. Then, in 2014, both The Mindy Project and Broad City had episodes about the act. In 2015’s I Smile Back, Sarah Silverman’s character has anal while cheating on her husband. This kind of exposure just solidifies that this is a sex move that people are engaging in, even if it’s still hard to talk about it sometimes.

With this in mind, I have been suggesting it more on my own accord to get more comfortable with the fact that I like it. My partner and I did it the third time we slept together, in fact, because it was important to me that I fully embrace my sexuality—especially the parts I was once ashamed of, and which still remain taboo by society’s standards. I wanted to be the one who initiated it, thereby owning it and the fact that I enjoyed it. I’m starting to understand now that I shouldn’t allow archaic thoughts about how a woman should have sex (which typically means vaginal only), or the narrow-minded thinking of people who condemn it to take up space in my mind.

While I don’t need other people or pop culture to validate my feelings on the matter, it does help in some ways to feel a sense of solidarity. It forces us to realize that human sexuality is complicated and there’s no “right” way to be aroused or to get off. Similarly, not being into anal sex doesn’t make you a prude or somehow less sexually adventurous.

It’s definitely not for everyone, but for those of us who do enjoy it, for far too long, it felt like it needed to be a secret. Now I know how ridiculous a notion that is. A woman’s sexual proclivities don’t define her—knowing what you want is all that really matters.

More:

—Glamour’s 2017 Sex Toy Awards

—How Do I Help My Partner Understand What Gets Me Off?

—Fidget Spinner Butt Plugs Are Here for Some Seriously Twisted Anal Play



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