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I Tried a Butt Mask and Here Are My Honest Thoughts


Since the 2016 election, some part of me has wanted to spend every day curled up in bed, obsessively reading the news and interacting with only my cat. Since the coronavirus hit Manhattan, that’s what I’ve been advised by the government to do, and I have certainly complied. My hands have never been more washed, my pajamas have never been more worn. I am truly a creature of the indoors now, a work-from-home honorary member of the leisure class, confined to my apartment to keep myself alive, sort of like a little succulent.

And since the care and keeping of me is my only activity for the time being—and since all of my usual activities are on indefinite hiatus—it seemed like the perfect time to experiment with butt stuff. Not that butt stuff. Butt beauty stuff. Specifically, a sheet mask made for your butt. Because why the hell not?

I chose the Bawdy x Sephora collection line of masks for their price (just over $6 including shipping) and selected the rainbow-hued “Love It” mask, which promised “plumping and firming.” These seem like results better acquired through squats or leg-lifts, but the other kinds of masks focused on butt acne and wrinkles. My butt has neither acne nor wrinkles (though don’t get too excited; my face is a big old mess). Anyway, I figured it couldn’t hurt to make my booty a little juicier, even if I would be the only one seeing it for at least the next month.

Bawdy x Sephora Collection Own It Butt Sheet Mask

Sephora

$8

$4

Buy Now

Bawdy x Sephora Collection Love It Butt Sheet Mask

JCPenney

$8

$4

Buy Now

According to a tiny illustration on the front of the package, I was supposed to stick the two halves of the mask (it was two separate sheets) on each of my butt cheeks, basically like giant back pockets. All the instructions said was, “Apply to clean skin as shown,” “Keep on for 10 to 15 minutes,” and then, “Peel sheets off, feel butt beautiful.” Closing my door to spare my roommates possible trauma, I shoved my pajama pants to my knees and slapped on the colorful masks, twisting to see my backside in my full-length mirror.

Right away I realized I had a problem: What was I supposed to do during the 10 to 15 minutes the mask was at work? I had pictured myself on my bed, lying on my stomach, but waddling to my bed and flopping onto it threatened to dislodge the masks. I’m sure anyone who has done a face mask can relate to the “don’t move” dilemma, but (butt! ha ha) this time it was harder because I couldn’t even sit down. I was forced to just…stand in the middle of my room, pantsless, like a stupefied Winnie the Pooh. This was not relaxing.

Standing, though, I can make my peace with. But the sensation was another thing. Specifically, the wetness. Does anyone like having a wet butt? It didn’t feel purifying or cooling, it just felt wet—on my butt. There’s just something really weird about having your entire body be dry and then your butt is wet. I had some kind of sense memory flashback to my time in diapers; it was like I’d peed my pants on my butt. Still, I pushed through it, reminding myself of the juicy plumpness that was promised.



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Chrissy Teigen Had the Best Response to a Troll Who Accused Her of Photoshopping Her Butt


At this point, Instagram users have to know that coming for Chrissy Teigen in her comments is not going to end well for them. Unfortunately, there are still fans out there who haven’t received the memo. Either that or they’re hoping to be called out by the supermodel, which isn’t a good look.

On February 6, Teigen posted a pic in a pair of…interesting leggings that were sent to her house as a gift:

As you can see, images of Teigen’s very famous husband, John Legend, are affixed to both cheeks and surrounded by hearts. “we get…really random stuff sent to the house,” Teigen captioned the photo. Really random stuff, indeed. Perhaps the sender was inspired by those Sexiest Man Alive onesies the model mom had made in honor of her husband’s latest accomplishment?

Anyway, what should have been just a silly moment on the ‘gram went sour when the Instagram account @fvcksympathy replied, “photoshopped. Why didn’t it [Teigen’s butt] look like that when John was in the jacuzzi, like wth is that ??” At least their username is accurate.

For context, the user is likely referring to a paparazzi photo from 2019 that seems to show Legend looking disappointedly at his wife’s derriere in a jacuzzi (which probably wasn’t even the case). At the time, Teigen hit back at body-shamers by tweeting, “everyone so used to ass shots and photoshopped instagrams. I’ve had no ass forever—is this new news to some of you?”

Teigen used the same energy to reply to her latest troll. “Maybe you’ve just never seen a girl in this position before but it’s good for looking like you have an ass,” she wrote back.

Just this past December, Teigen went up against another rude fan who told her to “cover up” after the mother of two posted a sweet pic with her daughter, Luna, that just so happened to feature some side boob. “Your daughter is right there,” the user protested.

“She sucked it for months and doesn’t mind it much,” Teigen shot back.

Will these ridiculous attacks against Chrissy Teigen ever cease? Who knows. One thing is for sure: she’s never going to take them lying down.





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Lizzo Welcomes You to Keep Talking About Her Butt


At a recent Lakers game, Lizzo got up and started dancing to her song “Juice” while wearing an outfit that just so happened to reveal her thong. The whole incident quickly turned into the twerk that launched a thousand tweets. Some people blasted her for showing what they decided was way too much skin. Even more people came to her defense, pointing out that the trolling is yet another example of society’s fat phobia.

But Lizzo being Lizzo, she hasn’t seemed too fazed by the discussion. She posted an Instagram video shortly after the incident reminding everyone that she doesn’t care about haters—”Bitch, you really think that because somebody on Twitter think that I’m not cute I’m gonna stop existing?”—and then, during a CBS This Morning appearance on Thursday, December 12, she doubled down on her message. “You know how long it took me to fall in love with this body?” she said. “My butt was my least favorite thing about myself, and I learned to love it and that was the thing everybody can’t stop talking about.”

This isn’t the first time Lizzo has addressed her trolls with the perfect response. When one mean tweeter wrote, “Bus passes and Happy Meals. Two things that I imagine #Lizzo has seen a lot,” the singer took it in stride, responding with, “Yeah, I’m a big bitch, and I ride a bus. A tour bus, motherfucker. Where’s yours?”

Lizzo attends a Lakers game.

Adam Pantozzi/Getty Images

She also gave a little more context to how the whole dancing incident happened in the first place—and shared that for the record that, yes, she did have “on layers down there, so it wasn’t just flesh to seats.”

“I think no one would have ever saw what I was wearing, like the back of it, if I didn’t get up and dance,” she said. “The Laker girls came up to me and said, ‘We’re so excited that you’re here, we want to perform one of your songs for you.’ And I remember I was sitting there and I was with my manager and my friend and they were like, ‘You should get up and dance, they’re doing this for you,’ and I was like, ‘Alright.’ ” She continued, “So I got up and just did what I always do. Anyone who knows me knows this is how I’ve always been, this is how I’ve always liked to dress.”

The recent Grammy-nominated artist’s final take on the whole thing was in line with her consistent message of positivity and self-love: “Be you. Do you. Don’t ever let anybody steal your joy, especially not the Internet.”



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Chrissy Teigen Expertly Shut Down a Body-Shamer Who Came After Her Butt on Twitter


Shamers of all sorts can’t seem to leave Chrissy Teigen alone, but whether someone’s criticizing her for taking her daughter to the dentist or rudely asking if she’s pregnant, she responds—and responds powerfully. That was the case yet again this week when a Twitter user posted a pic and caption that seemed to be making fun of Teigen’s backside.

The saga began when Twitter user @OfficiallyIce shared a paparazzi photo taken while Teigen and her husband, John Legend, were on vacation. Teigen’s standing up in a hot tub and holding their son, Miles, while Legend’s sitting behind them. Legend appears to have an unhappy facial expression, and the Twitter user assumed it was because he appears to be looking Teigen’s body in her swimsuit. “I’m crying,” the user captioned the picture.

Teigen didn’t hold back when she responded within hours of the post. “Everyone so used to ass shots and photoshopped instagrams. I’ve had no ass forever—is this new news to some of you?” she wrote back on Twitter.

She followed up with another tweet minutes later, where she called out a double-standard in comments like the Twitter user’s. If she were to surgically alter her butt, she said, people would still find something to make fun of. “Bored as hell, never can win!” she wrote.

@chrissyteigen
screenshot of text
@chrissyteigen





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How to Cure Butt Acne: A Complete Guide


Let’s just get straight to the point: Butt acne is real, and it’s not comfortable. Breakouts that occur on unlikely parts of your body can be especially distressing because we often have no idea how—or why—they got there.

Technically called “folliculitis,” acne on your butt isn’t quite the same as the flare-ups that happen on your face. It’s often due to clogged hair follicles rather than clogged pores and can occur from a combination of occlusion (i.e., blockage), friction, sweat, and bacteria, according to Susan Bard, M.D., of New York’s Sadick Dermatology. Basically, if you leave your sweaty yoga pants on for hours after class or wear skintight jeans or leather pants when its balmy out, you could be upping your chances of getting butt acne.

For me, it happens every time I “forget” to shower between a Spin class and brunch, or when I want to leave my cute workout outfit on all day instead of putting on real clothes. Needless to say, it makes all subsequent Spin classes seriously awkward, both in front of other women in the locker room (even though I know I shouldn’t care) and on the bike. (Let’s just say it’s not a time you want to do tap backs.)

Determined to put an end to this cycle, and help out anyone else who might need it, I grilled Dr. Bard for her best advice on how to get rid of butt acne. Here, the four tips she swears by, because I know we’ve all been there.

1. Give the tight clothes a rest.
In case you needed another excuse to embrace the sweats-and-stilettos trend, loose pants are your best bet for avoiding breakouts. “To prevent folliculitis, I encourage patients not to wear tight, friction-inducing clothing such as tight jeans and to change out of your sweaty gym clothes as soon as possible,” says Dr. Bard. Opt for cotton underwear over nylon or Spandex to give the skin on your butt a chance to breathe.

2. Wash up after workouts.
Not only should you always shower after working out, but it’s important you actually pay attention to your skin back there while you do it. To cleanse, skip the basic body wash and reach for an antibacterial soap or benzoyl peroxide wash like Neutrogena’s Clear Stubborn Acne Cleanser. Some other tips: Make sure you wash your hair first and body last so the dirty suds from your scalp won’t drip down and clog your follicles. And after you shower, steer clear of thick, heavy body lotions that may do more harm than good. A good option to try? Curél’s Fragrance Free Comforting Body Lotion, which goes on light and is formulated for sensitive skin.

Also, when your skin is clear (so before any zits arise), remember to exfoliate regularly to remove dirt and bacteria, the same way you would for your face. You can use a gritty body scrub like one of these editor favorites. Or you can use a product with glycolic acid, like Glycolix 18% Extremity Cream which will help exfoliating skin more gently.

3. Don’t try to pop or pick at butt acne.
Not that you can reach them easily, anyway. But just in case you have bionically long arms, or have managed to find a way to get a hand on them, it’s important you resist the temptation to squeeze or pick at butt acne, which—according to Dr. Bard—will only make it worse. Doing so risks the chance that the spots will become more prone to infection, and it also might cause scarring.

4. Don’t be embarrassed to see a dermatologist.
We know. There’s nothing more cringeworthy than having to lie on your stomach while a doctor examines your bare ass, but here’s something to keep in mind: Derms have seen it all and they’re there to help. If you feel as if your acne isn’t improving, is getting worse, or is too painful to get about your day to day, it’s time to visit a pro. They’ll be able to help custom tailor a skin care plan that works best for you and/or recommend prescription medication you can take.



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