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Lady Gaga Has a Weird Christmas Sex Song You've Probably Never Heard


Lady Gaga has pulled a lot of, erm, spirited stunts in her career. She once wore an outfit made entirely out of Kermit the Frog heads. In 2010, she decided literal meat was proper attire for the MTV Video Music Awards. And she’s spent the greater part of the past two years wearing a pink cowboy hat un-ironically. She marches to the beat of her own drum—and if that means getting puked on by a “vomit artist” while performing at South by Southwest, then that’s what it means, damn it.

But none of Gaga’s stunts are stranger than her actual music—in the best way possible, of course. All of her biggest hits—”Bad Romance,” “Applause,” “Just Dance,” etc.—are sonically weird, but they somehow work. They became mainstream because of Gaga’s clever lyrics and the producers’ monster beats. Reinventing pop music is Gaga’s thing, TBH, and she hits the mark almost every time.

Notice how I said the word “almost,” because there have been a few times where Gaga’s music just didn’t work—for a multitude of reasons. And one of those times was “Christmas Tree,” a bizarre electronic song she released in December 2008 where she essentially makes Christmas trees a metaphor for sex. Why Gaga thought, “Light me up, put me on top, let’s fa la la la la la la la la” was a solid lyrical choice will remain one of pop music’s greatest mysteries.

There are more cringe-worthy gems where that came from, too Here is just a sample of the lyrics found in “Christmas Tree”:

  • “The only place you wanna be is underneath my Christmas tree”

  • “Ho ho ho under the mistletoe/Yes, everybody knows/We will take off
    our clothes”

  • “My Christmas tree is delicious” (What the hell… does this mean?)

Have the holidays been ruined for you yet? No? Well, they will when you actually hear the song. (To be fair, it’s pretty catchy. This is a
Lady Gaga song, after all. She knows how to craft a good bop, even ones about…banging underneath a Christmas tree.)

Listen to it, below, and be transformed. Seriously, you’ll never be the same.

[embedded content]

Still confused? Below, read the full lyrics:

Ra-pa-pum-pum
Ra-pa-pum-pum
Ra-pa-pum-pum
Ra-pa-pum-pum

Light me up, put me on top
Let’s fa la la la la, la la la la
Light me up, put me on top
Let’s fa la la la la, la la la la

The only place you’ll want to be
Is underneath my Christmas tree
The only place you want to be
Is underneath my Christmas tree

Light me up, put me on top
Let’s fa la la la la, la la la la
Light me up, put me on top
Let’s fa la la la la, la la la la

Ho ho ho (ra-pa-pum-pum)
Under the mistletoe (ra-pa-pum-pum)
Yes, everybody knows (ra-pa-pum-pum)
We will take off our clothes (ra-pa-pum-pum)
Yes, if you want us to, we will
You…

Oh-oh, a Christmas
My Christmas tree’s delicious
Oh-oh, a Christmas
My Christmas tree’s delicious

Light you up, put you on top
Let’s fa la la la la, la la la la (let’s go!)
Light you up, put you on top
Let’s fa la la la la, la la la la (let’s go!)

Ho ho ho (ra-pa-pum-pum)
Under the mistletoe (ra-pa-pum-pum)
Yes, everybody knows (ra-pa-pum-pum)
We will take off our clothes (ra-pa-pum-pum)
Yes, if you want us to we will
You…

Oh-oh, a Christmas
My Christmas tree’s delicious
Oh-oh, a Christmas
My Christmas tree’s delicious

Here, here, here (ra-pa-pum-pum)
The best time of the year (ra-pa-pum-pum)
Take off my stockings where?
I’m spreading Christmas cheer
Yes, if you want us to we will

Oh-oh, a Christmas
My Christmas tree’s delicious
Oh-oh, a Christmas
My Christmas tree’s delicious

Space Cowboy
Lady Gaga, Lady Gaga
And she goes
Space Cowboy
Lady Gaga, Lady Gaga
Here we go
Cherry Cherry Boom Boom

Santa Claus is shook. Mrs. Claus is calling the cops. Rudolph’s nose is on fire. Everything that was once sweet and tender about Christmas has been destroyed. Destroyed! There goes your childhood! There goes humanity!

Kidding. This track is actually super fun, but bizarre nonetheless. And it’s sex positive—in, like, a kitschy sort of way. If this is how 2008 Gaga wanted to spend her Christmas—or how you want to spend yours now—then we totally support it. Live your best, most authentic life this December 25 with whatever “Christmas tree” you want.

Related Stories:

Lady Gaga on Pop, Politics, and the Power of Women

Lady Gaga’s Netflix Documentary: 8 Reveals That Will Surprise Even the Biggest Little Monsters

Lady Gaga Is Reportedly Engaged to Christian Carino



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Sephora's 40 New Lipsticks Come in the Cutest Packaging You've Ever Seen


Since launching its affordable, in-house beauty brand back in 1995, Sephora has proven it knows its shoppers. We want makeup and lots of it for not a lot of money, and Sephora Collection has delivered exactly that. But its new lipstick line, #LipStories, launching today on the brand’s app and tomorrow online, proves that Sephora understands more than makeup lovers. It understands internet culture. It knows we do things for the ‘gram, and it has given up 40 shades of lipstick at $8 a piece in packaging that was made to be photographed.

#LipStories’ shade range is impressive: it comes in three finishes, cream, matte, and metallic. And because this lipstick line is the internet made manifest, each finish is hashtagged into the lipstick itself. As equally impressive are the colors—there are plenty of surprising options among some classics, like red and pink—but regardless of how they look on, you’re definitely, definitely going to want to buy them because of their wacky, bright little tubes.

There are tubes with cityscapes, tubes with pugs…dollar bills, palm trees, the list goes on. It’s a little strange but so are Pinterest boards full of DIY projects you’ll never do but like to look at, which really feels like the whole point. There’s a nice little synchronicity happening between the shades, their names, and the packaging. The cute little pug tube contains Woof, a matte black. Yum Yum is a warm, soft brown that matches the chocolate chip cookies on the label, which makes the exteriors both cute and helpful in a hurry: if you grab the one with glaciers on it, you know you’re getting a blue lipstick. Cash Money, that’ll be green.

Overall, they’re cute and silly without feeling impersonal—and truly have something for everyone with a niche internet-y interest. So whether you’re into monochromatic interior decorating or high contrast foodie blogs, there’s now a very affordable lipstick out there that’ll look right at home in your next beauty haul flat lay.

Related Stories:
–These Are the Most-Hyped Beauty Products of 2017
–I Can Sleep in This $8 Lipstick, and It Looks Exactly the Same in the Morning
–These 5 Cult Favorite Lipsticks Truly Look Awesome on Everyone



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Maude Is Making the Chic, Minimalist Sex Products You've Been Waiting For


When you need to restock your fridge, you’ll usually just head to the grocery store. But getting new sex products like lube, toys, and condoms isn’t always so straightforward. You’re lucky if you live near a sex shop, and even if you do, some people still find the experience of going into one uncomfortable. (Though the right shop will try to make you feel as welcome as possible!) If you buy your products online, you’re often faced with the overwhelming decision of where to order condoms, lube, or toys—and which brands and sites to trust. To solve these problems, Éva Goicochea, Dina Epstein, and Maya Bodinger are launching Maude, a one-stop shop for all your sexual health needs this October.

Their first products include a 100 percent silicon vibrator called “The Buzz,” a 10-pack of natural latex “Rise” condoms, and two kinds of organic “Shine” lubricants, aloe-based and silicon. You can get each of these items on its own, or you can customize a kit to be delivered to your door.

The founders say that Maude is distinct from other online sex toy retailers in that, rather than aggregating a bunch of different brands, the company makes and sells its own products. That way, it can be meticulous about their quality. “We’re a vertically-integrated, unisex, and design-forward brand,” Goicochea told Glamour. “While retailers focus on just curating products or offering many options, we work directly with some of the world’s best factories to create our edited line of sex essentials. Then, we reimagined the experience of buying these products through a modern website that focuses both on product and friendly content. In short, we put the customer experience first.”

Beyond just making our lives easier, Maude is hoping to change how we think about sex and its role in our overall health. “The current sex industry is based on an ideology that treats sex as a novelty—or worse, a taboo,” explains Epstein. Maude wants to show that, yes, addressing your sexual needs should be fun, but it should also be taken seriously. Epstein says they take “a wellness approach that makes people feel comfortable about sex, so they can integrate it into their daily lives.”

She adds, “By changing the conversation around sex, we are encouraging people to be more open about what they want [from] their partners and [for] themselves. Maude makes beautiful, easy-to-use items that give people the chance to stop compartmentalizing their sex lives—both in their heads and in their medicine cabinets.”

Plus, Maude’s products are so pretty and minimalist that we’d be totally fine leaving them out on the nightstand.

More from Glamour

—The Biggest Sex Inventions of the Year (So Far)

—We Tested Teledildonics, the Sex Toys of the Future

—7 Women-Led Startups Changing How We Think About Sex



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