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5 Reasons You're Not Having an Orgasm (And How to Make It More Likely)


For most women, clitoral stimulation is the best way to achieve an orgasm—if your partner isn’t engaging your clitoris during intercourse, that may explain things. Kramer Bussel suggests using sex toys during sex, which “can offer various types of stimulation to different body parts.” You can also literally train your body to feel more pleasure during penetration. “Many women who self-pleasure do so by clitoral stimulation only,” says Yelverton, “but when women masturbate with a sex toy internally, it begins to train the body to orgasm that way.”

3. You aren’t comfortable with your body.

If you spend the better part of your day criticizing your body, it may be difficult to achieve orgasm. “Often times, women are concerned about what their bodies look like naked during sex distracting them from fully being present in the moment,” says Yelverton.

Yelverton recommends focusing less on your own body and more on where your body is connecting with your partner. It’s important to focus on what you’re feeling, instead of what you’re thinking about your body outside of the bedroom,” she says. “Try to appreciate your body and love the experience.“

If you need help in this department, she suggests experimenting with a blindfold—playing with sensory deprivation is a great way to stay present during sex.

4. You aren’t masturbating enough.

It might seem counterintuitive to masturbate in order to achieve orgasm with a partner, but if you don’t know what works for you, how will someone else? “Women who don’t regularly masturbate may not know their bodies well enough to communicate their needs of how to be touched to their partners,” says Yelverton. “The best thing is to really explore your body.” She suggests awakening those nerve endings multiple times a week.

Kramer Bussel agrees, and especially recommends sex toys for your solo experimenting. “Sex toys can go a long way, and can do things that we may not be able to on our own,” she says. Once you’ve mastered the art of self-pleasure, you can instruct your partner on what they should be doing to help bring you to orgasm during sex.

5. You’re too focused on achieving orgasm.

If you’re too focused on having an orgasm, it’s very possible to get in your own way. So, it’s important to remember that orgasms aren’t the only point of sex. “I don’t think orgasms are the be all and end all of sex for me,” Kramer Bussel says. “I like to have them but I would rather focus on feeling good than achieving a goal.”

That focus on feeling good is especially helpful when you consider how connecting with your partner, or with yourself, can be beneficial for your mental and physical health. Try experimenting with “non-sexual touch activities,” like giving each other massages, which can be beneficial to how you communicate your needs to your partner once you’re in bed, says Yelverton.



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4 Reasons You’re Bleeding After Sex


After top-notch oral sex from my top-notch partner, I was primed and ready for some intercourse. But after some vigorous penetration, I noticed I was bleeding—not quite period heavy but enough to leave three big blood splotches on my baby pink duvet cover. Dammit.

My partner was (understandably) concerned with the fact that I was bleeding, but I was more upset that I’d stained my duvet. I wasn’t in pain or anything; besides, this happened to me every now and then. I’d had a Pap smear two days before and figured it must have been related—after all, I know so many women who bleed after sex and don’t think twice about it.

“Usually bleeding after sex is nothing to worry about and will resolve with time,” says Sherry Ross, M.D., author of She-ology: The Definitive Guide to Women’s Intimate Health. Period. The blood might be coming from the vaginal canal itself, the urinary tract, or the cervix, she says. If you’re on your period, a little extra blood after sex is totally normal, and it can also happen during ovulation, she adds.

But while occasional bleeding after sex is common, that doesn’t mean it’s normal. Totally preventable things like not using enough lube can often be the cause, and we shouldn’t normalize that as just another thing women have to deal with.

“In all cases of bleeding during sex, stop and ask your partner to pull out. Check in with your body and how you’re feeling,” says Lucy Rowett, a certified sex coach and clinical sexologist. “Bleeding is your body’s way of telling you that something is wrong, so be responsible about your health and get yourself checked out.”

Here are four reasons you might be bleeding after sex (and how to prevent it).

If it’s been a minute since you last had sex, the action can cause lacerations (a.k.a. tiny tears) in your vaginal canal, Dr. Ross explains. “Even if you are adequately lubricated, tears of the vaginal opening can occur,” she says.

The best way to prevent it is by making sure you have plenty of time to get aroused before any type of penetration—and use lots of lube. The idea is to promote as much elasticity in the vagina as possible.

I personally like to put some almond oil on my fingers and gently massage the vaginal opening to get it moist. This won’t always work (my partner and I used plenty of lube before my duvet disaster), but it can help.

Deep penetration, whether with a penis, a finger, or a toy, can occasionally cause slight trauma to the cervix, leading to some spotting after or during sex, says Dr. Ross. “A larger or thicker [object] and a smaller vaginal opening can also create lacerations in the vagina,” she says.

If you notice that you’re bleeding pretty regularly after sex, speak with your ob-gyn. It may be helpful to try shallower sex positions, such as spooning or sitting face-to-face.

Vaginal dryness, which is “often caused by inadequate foreplay or vaginal lubrication,” is one of the leading causes of vaginal tearing, pain during sex, and bleeding, says Dr. Ross.

The good news? It’s totally preventable. Be sure you’re super, super turned on before you have sex. (It helps if you have an orgasm before any penetration even occurs.) “If you are feeling very dry and delicate, stop,” says Rowett. “Slow down and use lube.”

I cannot stress my love for lube enough. Keep a vat of it next to your bed, have a tube in your purse, keep samples in every drawer in your apartment. Lube is the stuff dreams are made of. If you’re in a monogamous relationship and don’t use condoms (because you’ve both been tested for STIs), oil-based lubes like coconut oil are the bomb. But they’re not compatible with condoms, so if you use them, stick to a water- or silicone-based lube.

This isn’t the sexiest thing you’re going to hear today, but bleeding with sex can be a sign of an STI. Bleeding after sex is a symptom for everything from the herpes virus and chlamydia to cervical HPV.



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8 Reasons You Have Redness on Your Face and How to Treat It


Facial redness is one of those mysteries I’m never quite sure how to solve. It’s apparent when my face seems more flushed than usual—but not always so clear what I should do about it, or even why I have it. Case in point: I’ve apparently spent my whole life with a mild case of rosacea (which I suspected for years, but never confirmed up until a month ago). And last year, when I experienced what turned out to be an eczema flare-up, even the dermatologist I visited had to walk me through a very long series of questions before determining exactly what I was experiencing.

There’s a wealth of information out there on the many types of facial redness, but it can get incredibly overwhelming to sort through it all. Instead of suggesting that you Google multiple variations of “Why is my face red?” and play a guessing game, I spoke to three top dermatologists about the most common causes of redness and how to treat each one.

“Your face becomes red when blood vessels dilate,” says Dr. Joshua Zeichner, Director of Cosmetic & Clinical Research in Dermatology at Mount Sinai Hospital in New York City. “This means that more blood rushes to your skin, giving it a red appearance.” From there, however, it gets a lot more complicated. Ahead, find derms’ best tips for identifying, soothing, and treating any kind of flare-up, from over-exfoliation to seborrheic dermatitis.

1. Rosacea

Rosacea is probably the first thing that comes to mind when you try to self-diagnose facial redness. But, it’s not always the case—so it never hurts to get a second opinion from a derm. “Rosacea is a condition where your skin is sensitive and overly reactive to environmental triggers,” says Dr. Zeichner. “These triggers include extremes in temperature, stress, spicy foods, and alcohol.” It also varies in appearance. I previously thought it showed up as a persistent flush under your skin, but it can manifest in multiple forms. Dr. Jessica Weiser, a dermatologist in New York City, identifies the most common one as erythematotelangiectatic, this is the commonly seen “flat” redness and flushing. But, you might also notice papulopustular rosacea, which she characterizes as redness with a primary feature of “pimple-like pink and red bumps, some with whiteheads.”

As far as treatment goes, there are two things to know. First, there is no permanent “cure” for rosacea, although it can be managed, which Dr. Zeichner recommends you do as early as possible to prevent progression. Second, what you do depends on how mild or extreme your specific case is. There are topical options that constrict blood vessels and calm inflammation, like Rhofade, which Dr. Dendy Engelman, a dermatologist in New York City, suggests. In more severe cases, Dr. Weiser says you may need to consider low-dose antibiotics or laser treatments. In any case, expect to wait a minimum of four to six weeks to see noticeable improvement. The final thing you want to do is keep your skin barrier in good shape. Dr. Zeichner suggests gentle cleansers, soothing moisturizers, and total avoidance of exfoliating ingredients (both chemical and physical). A good tip: Where the rest of your routine is concerned, look for products designed for “redness relief.” (Clinique’s Redness Solutions line is fantastic.)

2. Eczema

Ah, eczema, the brooding mystery of skin conditions. This one can be surprisingly tough to diagnose, as I found out firsthand when I got my 2018 flare-up. “Eczema and allergic contact dermatitis are difficult to differentiate from clinical evaluation alone because both have inflamed pink dry patches that cause significant itching or a burning sensation,” says Dr. Weiser. If you think you have it, exit your nearest search engine and leave things to a professional. A dermatologist should carefully go through your medical history and personal care products to determine which one you’re experiencing. You might be prescribed a topical cortisone or anti-inflammatory cream to bring down the redness and inflammation. Keep the rest of your routine full of gentle, mild ingredients, avoiding fragrance altogether. Steer clear of retinol and embrace hypoallergenic labels, and you should see an improvement within one to two weeks. “These conditions generally flare with cold weather, change of climate, or change of skin care products, so they tend to respond readily when conditions are optimized,” says Dr. Weiser.



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The Bachelor Season 23, Episode 6 Recap: Is Anybody Here for the Right Reasons?


Be warned: Spoilers for The Bachelor ahead.

This week’s Bachelor episode skipped the usual Colton-is-shirtless-omg montage and started in media res with Onyeka and Nicole’s drama. There’s a lot going on. Colton’s pacing the beach; the women are shocked and confused; Onyeka and Nicole are, somehow, still fighting over who’s the bigger bully.

What a perfect time for the rose ceremony! Nicole whispers a prayer and crosses herself. The roses go to Caelynn, Tayshia, Kirpa, Demi, Hannah G., Katie, and Sydney. That means, you guessed it, Onyeka and Nicole are eliminated. They’re both sad to go—but happy the other one isn’t staying.

The next morning, Colton wanders around the beach, brooding. (Guess I spoke too soon about no shirtless moments.) This mood doesn’t last too long, though, because things are looking up: They’re in Vietnam now, and he’s got a hot date with Hannah G. to look forward to.

They go to a day spa, where Colton spends the whole time either making out with Hannah G. or talking about how much Hannah G. turns him on. (“I would eat that sushi roll,” he jokes, about her.) They make out in a mud bath. They make out in the shower. At one point, they make out on a massage table so vigorously that I would not blame the fine people of Vietnam if they built a wall to keep American reality stars out.

Colton and Hannah G. spent so much time making out, they don’t really talk until dinner that night. Hannah G. warns Colton that opening up is not her “jam,” but he suggests that it can be a good, healthy thing to do in relationships. So, she talks about her parent’s divorce and the first time she realized they were no longer a family. She gets the rose.

Back at the resort, the women find out Cassie, Heather, Tayshia, Caelynn, Katie, Hannah B., Sydney, and Demi will be going on this week’s group date. (Kirpa has the next one-on-one.) There are a few disappointed tears about losing out on a solo date—even Demi, the world’s most confident woman, cries.

The women learn Vovinam, a Vietnamese martial art—in other words, one of those competition dates that pits the women against each other. And so, I’m not going to spend too much time on it. Just know there were some giggles, some punches, and Demi had a minor freak out after she got punched in the face. Even Colton is like yeeesh, I regret this.

That night, everyone is feeling insecure about their relationship status. I keep coming back to The Bachelor, but I have to question my commitment after watching a beautiful pageant contestant tell a scoop of vanilla ice cream, “I’m sooOoOoO wEiRddDDd! How will you ever love me?!” A variation of this happens every season, and it is increasingly hard to stomach.

That said, he is very sweet with Demi when she asks if they can call her mom, who has just been released from prison.

His time with Sydney, however, does not go as well. She complains he’s taking “easier choices” with the people he’s pursuing, but I’m not sure what that means—isn’t a smooth, happy relationship the goal here? Whatever, Sydney is leaving and she drops some advice on her way out: “There are wonderful people in that group. Find them. Don’t get distracted by shiny things.”

Colton puts her suggestion into action right away, giving Tayshia the group date rose because she keeps “challenging” him.

The next day is Kirpa’s solo date, but the most memorable thing about it is the fact that her mysterious bandage is gone. (PS: Colton told us the story behind that.) There’s not much to say other than Kirpa reveals she was engaged before—he was a virgin too, FWIW—but it ended when their relationship grew stagnant. Colton acknowledges that he and Kirpa are moving slower than the others, but he gives her the rose anyway.



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10 Reasons to Reconsider Tulle for All Your Party Dressing Needs


There are a handful of things you can always expect to find at a holiday party: a playlist filled with Top 40 hit remixes, a very line at the coat check, and plenty of sparkly dresses. In the age of KiraKira, it’s all the more enticing to deck yourself out, head-to-toe, in sequins for any and every festive occasion. It’s proven to be a timeless trend—brands like Halpern, Gucci, and Oscar de la Renta still use this type of embellishment liberally. But thanks to designers like Molly Goddard and Maria Grazia Chiuri’s Dior, the fashion crowd has recently started to warm up to tulle as a party-dress alternative (or, if you’re Rihanna, for a casual Tuesday). The sheer fabric is sexy in a subversive way; it dulls down colors you might normally consider too bright or saturated to wear, making them much more accessible. And, more importantly in the winter time, it’s great for layering: over white T-shirt and jeans, under an oversized knit, or with a few jackets and coats on New Year’s Eve. Come around to tulle dressing right as you make the final call on what parties you’re actually going to this season. Here are 10 ideas to get those wardrobing juices flowing.



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