We’re now five episodes deep in season two of Big Little Lies, and the lies are finally clawing their way to the surface. But you know what didn’t claw its way to the surface? The infamous ice cream cone scene, which was cut from last night’s episode.
Remember last year when photos of Reese Witherspoon launching an ice cream at Meryl Streep’s back tore through the Internet? Who wouldn’t? I mean, when an Academy Award-winning actor throws dessert at another Academy Award-winning actor, the world tunes in. In fact, I shouldn’t be asking if you remember those photos. I should be asking: Where were you when photos of Reese Witherspoon throwing an ice cream cone at Meryl Streep hit the internet?
A masterpiece.
TheImageDirect.com
I was excited to see how it would all unfold on Big Little Lies—but unfortunately, the highly-anticipated scene aired during last night’s episode and ends with Madeline (Witherspoon) simply leering at Mary Louise (Streep) while clutching her cone with a vice-grip. Yes, reader: HBO actually cut the cone throw. And now I have nothing.
I have over a decade left on paying off my student loans. I have a credit card bill that’s skyrocketing with no end in sight. I can barely afford to keep my healthcare. I endured a 6.9 earthquake this weekend that made me slither into my Amazon Prime cart and slam the purchase button on a pair of emergency radios. I’m just about prepped and ready for the apocalypse. In other words, I have one thing that I look forward to every week: watching Academy-Award winning women glare at their onscreen husbands on Sunday nights. I’d hoped the ice cream cone throw could bolster my spirits for at least a month; now, this injustice has made me do a lot of thinking.
My spending habits are surprisingly low for someone who lives in NYC, one of the most expensive cities in the world. The thing is, I just don’t like spending money. Treating myself to a “splurge” usually comes with more guilt and anxiety than joy, which is something I guess I should ask my therapist about…but then again, my bank account isn’t complaining.
And thanks to work, I get access to a lot of movie and TV show screeners, meaning I get plenty of free entertainment. My beauty routine is cheap because I rarely wear more than some light foundation and mascara; I also have bangs, which are great because you can get away with a wash-and-go without much styling. When it comes to clothes, I’ll shop the occasional sale at & Other Stories—more on that later—but I keep a strict “one in, one out” closet policy, which means I’ll make a little money from a resell shop every season. For everything else, I ask for gift cards for my birthday and Christmas and spread those out over the year whenever I get the itch for something new.
So when I was asked to keep a log of impulse buys for a month for this series, I thought it’d be the most boring list ever. Lucky for this article, though, it hit right before Christmas. And this year my husband and I were hosting our parents for the very first time. That meant buying more decorations to set the mood, a frenzy of cooking and cleaning, and a few last-minute gifts I purchased in a panic. The holidays were a hit, thank God, but I’m paying penance for it the rest of the year. Here’s why.
The kitchen cart I, a grown woman, bought because my mom told me to: $100.99 While I was home for Thanksgiving, my mom strongly suggested I find a kitchen cart to make Christmas dinner prep easier. I reluctantly agreed it was a good idea—counter space is limited in one-bedroom walk-up apartments—so I checked out Wayfair’s options. Normally, I’d spend a week weighing the pros and cons of each cart, but there was a big sale happening so I bought the first one I liked (the Haller Kitchen Cart by August Grove). I didn’t think too much about it until I got the notification that the package shipped—then my brain was all, Did I read enough reviews? What if the dimensions aren’t right? Do I need more drawer space? That was unnecessary. It’s so perfect I’m annoyed I didn’t get one sooner. Lesson learned: Listen to your mother.
The home-cleaning services I paid for because I was too “busy” watching Real Housewives of New Jersey:$180 Once the cart arrived, my next big project in holiday prep was deep cleaning the apartment. One problem: I had a lot of end-of-year projects at work, so by the time I got home each night, I was too exhausted to do anything but turn on Bravo and pass out on the couch. Rather than keep putting it off, I sprang for a cleaner via a home-service app. It cost $120, and I felt a lot guilt about it—just get off the couch, lazy!—but the woman did a great job and offered to come back for half the price ($60) if I booked her directly. (The app takes a huge cut.) I hired her to come back for a quick clean the day my parents arrived, and it was the best $60 I’ve ever spent.
The Roomba I couldn’t resist because I’ve already spent so much on cleaning why turn back now?: $319.99 I was at Costco picking up food and other supplies when I spotted a sale on Roombas for $319.99. That’s a great deal—I’ve seen them cost in the $500 to $600 range—and, to be honest, I was motivated by my newly clean apartment. So the robot vacuum came home with me. I’ve named her Roombie and treat her like a beloved pet.
The holiday decorations that were inspired by Hallmark Christmas movies: $87.84 Maybe it was all the Hallmark Christmas movies I’d been watching, but I felt like my apartment wasn’t festive enough. I stopped by Party City to see if they had any cheap holiday decorations and left with napkins, plates, and gifts bags for $34.43. I didn’t love their wrapping paper selection, though, so I went into the Five Below next door and got ribbons, paper, more gift bags, and a silly desktop golf game for my dad. That set me back $33.41. Then, on my way home, I passed by a Christmas tree stand and saw an adorable reindeer made out of tree bark. The guy at the stand was straight out of a Hallmark Christmas movie—where else do attractive Christmas tree farmers exist?—and he talked me into spending $20 on the deer, a Charlie Brown–style Christmas tree, and a small Santa made out of bark. I paid cash.
The ice-skating tickets so expensive I gasped when I saw the cost: $450 A few days before our parents arrived, my husband and I sat down and came up with an itinerary. High on the list was ice skating at Rockefeller Plaza on Christmas Eve…but then I saw how expensive the VIP tickets were: $150 a piece. The tickets included guaranteed access to the ice (without that, it’s a long line with no guarantee you’ll get in), free snacks and drinks, and the skate and locker rental (that’s an additional cost with general admission). Expensive, yes, but this was a bucket list item for my parents and me. I hemmed and hawed and then closed my eyes and hit “purchase.” I didn’t buy much for my parents for Christmas this year—they’re trying to downsize—so I told myself (and them) this was their big gift. It wasn’t cheap, but seeing how excited my mom and dad were once we hit the ice made it worth it.
& Other Stories socks, $10; & Other Stories sweater, $83; Target jewelry stand, $19.99; & Other Stories metallic shirt, $75
The end-of-year sales that were a Christmas gift to myself: $256.99 I nailed hosting the holidays, but after everyone left I felt like I deserved something for all the hard work (mentally and physically) I put into pulling it off. So I did a little online retail therapy. One of my favorite gifts from my husband this year was a new Vanessa Mooney necklace, and I wanted a cuter jewelry stand to show it off. I found one on Target for $19.99 that I liked. Then I got an inbox alert that & Other Stories was having a sale. That’s my favorite store for reasonably priced trendy but adult items, so I went to the location near my office and stocked up on a new sweater, a blazer, socks, and not one but two metallic tops. Those cost me $237, but I think I’ve earned it.
So far, the Justin Bieber–Hailey Baldwin engagement tour has had some intense highs and lows: First there was the big reveal in the Bahamas, then there was the awkward pic of them making out in a hot tub that definitely wasn’t a selfie—and most recently there was an intense-seeming crying-while-biking excursion in New York City that we’ll come back to in a minute.
Luckily, their latest adventure is a little less weepy: Fans posted photos of the newly engaged couple hitting up the Bieb’s home country and stopping for ice cream in Stratford, Ontario. Apparently, they dropped by to get some quality time in with Bieber’s younger siblings, Jazmyn and Jaxon, who were also photographed flashing some gigantic cones.
Later, there also seems to have been some sort of outing involving a baby pig, which Baldwin dutifully documented on her Instagram stories.
The couple hasn’t been shying away from the cameras—at least since news of the engagement slipped out into the public. Shortly after rumors started swirling, Bieber confirmed he’d popped the question with a gushy Instagram post dedicated to Baldwin. “My heart is COMPLETELY and FULLY YOURS and I will ALWAYS put you first,” he wrote. “You are the love of my life Hailey Baldwin and I wouldn’t want to spend it with anybody else. You make me so much better and we compliment eachother so well!! Can’t wait for the best season of life yet!”
Bieb-and-Baldwin stans got a little bit worried when just a few weeks later, the couple was photographed on a pair of Citi Bikes, with Bieber looking like he was having a proper meltdown en route.
Could there be trouble in Jailey paradise? Apparently not, Bieber confirmed later—he’s just been reading “The Meaning of Marriage” by Timothy Keller and feeling a bit emotional about his relationship. He didn’t reveal too much but told TMZ, “You got good days and you got bad days. It’s not real if it doesn’t have any bad days.”
Luckily, their Canada date seemed to be much more cheerful, but it’s hard to break down in tears when you have ice cream in front of you.
Reese Witherspoon is the funniest part of Big Little Lies, full stop. Yes, all the actresses are phenomenal on the show, but Witherspoon brings some necessary comedic relief to the otherwise heavy drama. Her one-liners still kill me, more than a year after season one premiered on HBO. And things are only going to get better with season two. For one, all the cast members are returning, including Witherspoon, Nicole Kidman, Shailene Woodley, Laura Dern, and Zoë Kravitz. Plus, Meryl Streep is joining rank as Perry’s mother. Yes, that Meryl Streep. Do you hear that? That’s the sound of Big Little Lies sweeping the Emmys (yet again) in fall 2019.
Not much is known about Streep’s character at this time. We know, from photos, that she shares a moment with Celeste (Kidman) and her two twin boys. And thanks to this new shot from the set, we also know Madeline (Witherspoon) pelts her with an ice cream cone.
Check out the photo for yourself, below. You won’t be able to look away.
PHOTO: The Image Direct
“I am praying Reese pelts Meryl with that ice cream. #BigLittleLies,” one fan wrote on Twitter, to which the actress responded, “No need to pray. I got her ! ??.” Witherspoon’s tweet seems to be a confirmation that this photo is, in fact, an actual still from Big Little Lies.
So what the hell did Streep’s character do to warrant an ice cream chucked at her? Did she start a petition to end Madleine’s production of The Book of Mormon? Did she throw shade at Madeline’s charity function outfit? Was Madeline’s ice cream just gross?
Regardless, the Internet’s loving this pic and turning it into memes and jokes. Below, just a few examples:
