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Bekah Martinez on the Real Cost of The Bachelor: ‘I Was So Broke I Returned Everything That Still Had Tags On’


The job titles of contestants on The Bachelor and The Bachelorette is one of the franchise’s longest-running jokes. There are the usual suspects—real estate agent was especially popular during Arie Luyendyk Jr.’s season—but it’s the more questionable careers that get people talking, like “twin” and “sport fishing enthusiast.” It’s a funny concept, to be sure, but the silliness distracts from something that’s rarely discussed on the show: A lot of men and women give up their jobs and financial security to be a part of this franchise. We wanted to know more, so we asked Bekah Martinez—a fan favorite and former nanny from Luyendyk Jr.’s season—to fill us in for Glamour‘s Money Issue.

The cost just kind of depends for each girl, on how and when they were cast. I think some people knew they were going to be on The Bachelor about a month in advance, but I didn’t know for sure until about 10 days before filming. So, that was kind of crazy because basically the only packing list you get is like, “OK, prepare for eight weeks and all kinds of weather.” They don’t want to give you any kind of hints about where you’ll be going, so they tell you to pack everything—bikinis, snow gear, just whatever you might possibly need.

And then, of course, there are the formal gowns. But even with that you’re not sure how many cocktail parties or rose ceremonies there will be, so I was watching back old seasons to try and calculate how many dresses I would need for however many possible weeks I might be on the show. I was also trying to figure out in my head the amount of casual outfits I’d need and what kind of possible weather we might be going through. It was frantic having less than two weeks to pack all of that, and I didn’t have a very extensive wardrobe at that point.

My biggest fear was, Where am I going to get all these dresses? When you think about it, between cocktail parties and rose ceremonies, if you’re going to be there for any amount of time, you’re going to need at least 10 dresses. I didn’t have really any at all. I was like, “This is going to cost me thousands of dollars if I buy all of these.” Knowing that there’s a potential to go on the show for two months and not make any money during that time—I’m not working, but I still have to pay rent and all my living expenses—there was no way I could spend a few grand on clothes.

My biggest fear was, Where am I going to get all these dresses?

So, I just kind of started making a plan of who I could borrow dresses from—that was my main concern. I had a friend who was a pageant girl, so I texted her to ask if she had any in my size. Everything else, I was able to borrow, like some snow gear from my mom. I have a couple of friends with swimwear companies here in Los Angeles, so they gave me some free suits. I asked a friend if I could borrow a variety of shorts and long-sleeve tops and sweaters. I got really lucky because the mom of the family I was nannying for at the time is in the fashion industry, so she sent me to a couple showrooms where I was able to get samples of different dresses to borrow for the show. I was able to borrow about 12 different dresses and a bunch of casual wear from some brands. After the show, I had to collect everything and bring it back to the showroom—they were their samples for models and photoshoots and stuff like that.

I also went to Nordstrom Rack, where I bought a couple of dresses, jewelry, and some formal shoes. Shoes were a thing: I needed a bunch of heels that I didn’t have. I probably spent about $700 or $800 on that stuff, but when I got back to Los Angeles I was so broke I returned everything that still had tags on.

PHOTO: Paul Hebert

I can image some of the girls who didn’t have the resources to borrow things from showrooms or friends probably spent a significant amount of money—at least a couple thousand, easily. You need a pretty extensive wardrobe. One of the girls brought literally five suitcases, even though you’re supposed to only bring two. One thing I didn’t think about going in is that when you have 15 women living together, you’re able to share stuff. Everyone’s super friendly about that—I’d be like, “Oh, I forgot a denim jacket. Does anyone have one?” Someone always did. That was really helpful.

Seinne and Lauren S. had the best wardrobes. Lauren S. had it all; she had a really good set of basics—every color in every style of short- and long-sleeve shirts. Sienne just had so many cute pieces and a really nice curated style. She had a bunch of adorable dresses and two-piece sets; everything she had was from, like, Free People and Anthropologie. I imagine she spent the most out of everyone because she had so much cute, brand new stuff.

Thankfully I’m a pretty good packer, so I was able to keep everything to two bags. In the six weeks that I was there, I was starting to get nervous that I was running out of stuff but I had enough by the time I left, in Italy. I had some faux furs that I wasn’t sure whether or not I’d use, but I ended up wearing them at least a couple of times a week. That’s something I don’t regret bringing.

For beauty products, I bought extras of everything I use. My hair doesn’t require much—I actually don’t wash my hair, like, at all. I haven’t washed my hair for eight or nine months; I just rinse it. So I didn’t really need any hair products. For makeup, I bought extra samples of foundation, sponges, mascara, and eyelashes—I like Ardell, which are about five bucks—just in case. I wasn’t sure if we’d ever have the chance to stop at a Sephora or not.

I haven’t washed my hair for eight or nine months; I just rinse it. So I didn’t really need any hair products.

I spent less than a thousand for everything, but I think that’s a pretty a typical experience. Well, I don’t actually really know—everyone kept their stuff in their bags for the most part because we were traveling every few days. There were some women who packed a lot. In fact, when we were leaving the mansion some girls optioned to ship an extra bag or two home because they’d have to pay for the extra bag fees on the planes. I think they could maybe get reimbursed if they kept their receipt, but it’s not like we had people to carry our luggage. So if you have five bags, that means you’re going to have to wheel them all onto the shuttle or the bus. It was a lot.

The show supplied little things, like face wash, face wipes, body lotion, shampoo, and conditioner. They had a lot of basics on hand whenever we needed them. If we ever needed to buy extras of things—I ran out of eyelashes, for instance—producers would let us use their phones to order stuff on Amazon and have it shipped to our next location. A lot of girls did that. I also bought a $50 jacket, and when I found out we were going to Florida I ordered a couple of swimsuits online that were about $20 each.

Food is also always provided by the show. And when we were at airports, production would buy us little things. It was kind of funny, like asking a mom or dad. You’d be like, “Can I get this magazine? Can I get these pistachios for the plane?” They’d pretty much always buy us things like that. Everything was taken care of, unless we wanted to order clothes.

ABC's "The Bachelor" - Season 22

PHOTO: Craig Sjodin

But spending money was a little scary because I basically quit my nanny job to go on the show. The baby that I was watching was transitioning into daycare at the time anyway, so it lined up. I was like, Well, I’m sure I’ll find one right when I get back. I’ve been nannying for the past five years, and whenever I moved to a new place I was always able to find a new job easily. But I didn’t realize how difficult it would be coming back. I had six weeks of not working, and then on top of that I didn’t get paid at all for being on the show. Plus, I took out expenses in preparation and then had to pay rent and bills while I was gone. I was definitely pretty broke when I got home.

Figuring out my rent and bills before I left was pretty difficult. I paid one of my monthly rents in advance, and then I gave my roommate the check to deposit if the second month came around and I wasn’t back. I gave my email passwords and my landlord’s number to my mom and had everything directed back to her. But it’s pretty crazy to have your phone off for that amount of time and not have access to your email. You have to be like, Welp, I hope everything’s taken care of! I was thankful I didn’t have, you know, a big girl job like some of the others. I can’t imagine being an accountant or a real estate agent and leaving for two months. It’s crazy.

Still, being on The Bachelor was one-hundred percent worth it. It gets you a lot of exposure, and it’s no secret that a lot of the women are able to support themselves after the show through social media advertising. I’m very lucky that I’ve had a lot of different opportunities come my way, through appearances and sponsored social media posts. And The Bachelor was really just a wonderful experience overall, so I’d certainly do it all over again.

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.



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Even Kareem Abdul-Jabbar Agrees That Arie Luyendyk Jr. Is the Worst Bachelor


There are many things wrong with The Bachelor this season. For one, Peter Kraus—the gap-toothed, wine-loving fan favorite from Rachel Lindsay’s cycle—isn’t the suitor. That fact in itself is upsetting, but to add insult to injury, ABC selected a man whose sole personality trait seems to be his interest in race cars. I’m talking, of course, about Arie Luyendyk Jr. from Emily Maynard’s season. The general response to the bland Luyendyk this season has been tepid, to say the least. He’s boring, monotonous, and, Beyoncé help him, just so awkward.

That can be forgiven, though. What can’t be, however, is how out-of-date this season feels—especially in the context of the #MeToo and Time’s Up movements and the fact that ABC had its first black Bachelorette last summer. The franchise seemed to be heading in the right direction after Lindsay’s season, but with Luyendyk we’re back a few steps. His hyper-masculinity is cringey, as is the fact he seemingly would rather make out with the female contestants than talk to them. This whole season has felt like a strange frat party so far, and based on last night’s episode, it doesn’t look like it’s getting any better.

We’re not the only ones who think this, either. Even Kareem Abdul-Jabbar—yes, the legendary NBA star—wrote a column for The Hollywood Reporter that perfectly sums up the problems with Luyendyk’s season of The Bachelor. If this seems random to you, remember that Abdul-Jabbar actually made a cameo on Lindsay’s season of The Bachelorette—so he knows when the franchise is working…and when it’s not. Here, the highlights from his column:

On what makes The Bachelor so entertaining: “Dozens of women compete for the attention of one man, which is to real romance what being trapped in a crowded elevator for two days using an empty Starbucks cup as the only toilet is to an elegant cocktail party. It’s Crock-Pot romance, with the women constantly stewing on high heat.”

On The Bachelor in the context of Time’s Up: “…with today’s heightened awareness through the #MeToo and Time’s Up movements, the entertainment media has a clear responsibility not to perpetuate stereotypes or behavior that negatively influences how we see people and therefore how we treat them. The higher the ratings, the greater the responsibility.”

On Luyendyk: “The featured bachelor needs to reflect a man who embodies this cultural awareness through his words and actions the way that Rachel did. If he doesn’t, the show threatens to characterize the women pursuing him as equally vapid. (Quick disclaimer: I don’t know Arie, so all I can judge is the character that the show’s editors create.) The Arie they present, especially following Rachel, comes across as shallow, bland, stiff and inarticulate. Every woman is ‘amazing,’ especially when he dumps them.”

On Luyendyk’s interest in 22-year-old Bekah: “Arie’s mind is blown by the most clichéd observation to come out of every freshman dorm or stale fortune cookie. The fact that she’s 14 years younger and yet much more lucid and has a greater sense of humor than him only highlights his inability to engage.”

On why his eagerness to kiss is troubling: “It’s tone deaf to the times. Even though the women are all willing participants and know what they’re getting into, viewers see women clamoring over someone who seems more interested in jamming his tongue in their mouths than listening to the words coming out. Lauren S., whom he took out on a one-on-one date, apparently talked too much and instantly got the boot.”

On the wrestling bit from last week: “What were they thinking when they decided it would be a good idea to have the women wrestle each other? Even though it was framed as stagecraft wrestling, and dressed up as kitsch with a couple GLOW veterans, it still had the uncomfortable tinge of soft porn to it. The wonderful Netflix series GLOW is about women acknowledging the sexual fantasy elements but using it as a vehicle to self-empowerment. Here it seemed demeaning…. The men did a wrestling bit on last season’s The Bachelorette, but the difference is that men do not face the same exploitative stereotypes and treatment in society, so what might be fun for men might be embarrassing and demeaning for women.”

You can read Abdul-Jabbar’s full essay here. Who knew a basketball player would be the person to set the world straight about The Bachelor?

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'The Bachelor' Season 22 Episode 2 Recap: Becca K. Gets the Best Date in Bachelor History


Before we begin our recap of tonight’s The Bachelor episode, I ask for your patience if my thoughts seem scattered. You see, I just learned that Hot Peter will not be joining The Bachelor Winter Games—even though Mike Fleiss promised he would—and I’m still shook. I’ll rise above it, but barely.

But let’s move on (and consider this your spoiler warning): The episode starts with Arie rolling up to the mansion on a motorcycle while the girls sit around and chat about how attracted they are to him. Excellent performances, all—I consider your lack of Golden Globes to be a snub. Chris Harrison shows up and tells the women, “The hope is that just one of you will become Arie’s wife.” The way he pauses, it makes me wonder…is there a chance…that…multiple women could become Arie’s wives? I certainly hope not, but with this show you never really know.

Becca K. gets the first one-on-one date, and it’s starting ASAP. She doesn’t even have time to go wash her face because Arie is here with his motorcycle jacket and bland face, and they’re off! The women all come outside to wave goodbye, but I would totally be the one to use that opportunity to run for the showers. I can’t imagine hot water lasts very long when you have 20+ women bunking up.

Arie brings Becca K. to a house filled with lobster tails and a chocolate fountain. This is already my idea of a dream date (just replace Arie with Oscar Isaac). It gets better: Rachel Zoe is there to style her, and Becca gets to pick something “special” to wear later. Arie says he’ll leave them to it and heads to the other room. A date that includes alone time? Wow, the thrills keep on comin’. After Becca’s tried everything on, Arie reveals she can keep it all (!!!). She swoons. I get it.

The gifts aren’t over yet, though: Arie presents her with sparkly Louboutin heels. Damn. OK, I see your game here, ABC. You needed to sell Arie to me, and you’ve won me over with shoes and light bites. Ugh, I’m so predictable.

“Your eyes, like, suck people in…I think.” — Becca K., so romantic

A mysterious man appears and says Neil Lane sends his regards. Wait, she’s getting jewels too?!? Unreal. To go with her outfit, Becca K. is given a diamond necklace and earrings to wear. She and Arie kiss because this dude just threw thousands of dollars of merch at her. “The girls didn’t lie when they said he has pillow lips,” Becca declares.

After, Becca goes back to the mansion with her shopping bags in hand and new shoes on her feet. The women literally start chugging rosé they are so jealous, and Bibiana cries when she sees the beautiful shoes. “Oh my God, they’re going to get married,” she wails. Um, there’s still weeks and weeks of this show to go. I don’t think Arie’s made up his mind just because Becca wears a sample size. Well, then again, this is Arie.

After the commercial break, Becca and Arie begin the “sit and pretend to eat” portion of the date. Over candlelight, they discuss cars (of course), Arie’s time on The Bachelorette, his gray hair, and Becca’s former relationship. She shares a sad story about her father’s death, and Arie responds with vague statements like, “Family’s important.” He then gives her the rose and reveals she gets to keep the effing Neil Lane diamond earrings. God, this girl lucked the fuck out. They kiss and whisper into each others’ mouths, “I like kissing you.”

Back at the mansion, Krystal receives the next one-on-one date card. She gets serious death stares, and I recommend she cleanses that house with sage, stat. For her one-on-one date, Arie is taking Krystal to his hometown of Scottsdale, Arizona. We see all the sights: the Pizza Hut where Arie worked, the tree where he had his first kiss, and his high school. He makes a point of calling out where “the art nerds were,” so that’s the kind of guy Arie is. Then Arie takes Krystal to his house, and she already starts thinking what it’d be like to move in. They look at family photo albums, and he opens up about how his grandfather was his role model because he was a “total man’s man.” I’ll refrain from a long discussion on toxic masculinity, but I will say this: Arie, we all know the cars are compensating for something. We. All. Know. The trip to Scottsdale ends with Krystal meeting his entire family. I’m sure they were thinking, “WTF,” but they hid it well.

We check back in with the women at the mansion: The next day will bring a group date with Maquel, Marikh, Tia, Valerie, Annaliese, Lauren G., Kendall, Bekah M., Jenny, Seinne, Jenna, Caroline, Brittany T., Bibiana, and Chelsea.

“I’m trying to be cool and, like, impress you a little bit,” – Arie
revealing his hand

Krystal and Arie’s date continues with a non-meal in Los Angeles. She reveals that her parents divorced when she was young. “I just really felt like my parents didn’t want me,” she explains. Because of this, growing up was hard. She shares a moving story about how she saved up all her money when she was young to buy a comforter because her mom couldn’t. She also ended up being the caretaker for her little brother. But for the past several months, he’s been living on the streets and refuses her help. Naturally, it breaks Krystal’s heart. Arie dries her tears and says “it’s not your fault.” He gives her the rose, she accepts, and they have a teary make out. From there, they get a private concert from Connor Duermit. Who is this man? According to Google, he’s a self-described “pop-soul” singer. I don’t know if that clears it up, but, eh, there have been worse performers on this show.

The next morning, Krystal recaps her date for the gals…well, kind of. She plays coy, and everyone calls her out for being vague.

“When you’re like that, you seem shady.” – Bibiana

They don’t have long to be mad, though: It’s time for the group date. Arie drives up and does some spins. (My God, can we have one episode without cars or racing?) The challenge today is demolition derby: If your car stops running, you are out. Tia’s excited because “people in Arkansas actually do this. Like, for fun.” Before the derby begins, the women decorate their cars with spray paint. Some fun slogans are added to the cars, including my personal favorite: “Look alive, bitches.”

But not everybody is having fun. Annaliese is crying because she had a “traumatic” experience with bumper cars as a kid. “I just remember being so alone and so scared,” she says. Nobody seems to have much sympathy for poor Annaliese, though. There are a lot of eye rolls and complaints that her tears gave her more alone time with Arie, who came over to comfort her. Jenny in particular is ruthless.

“Give her further trauma.” – Jenny

Once the derby begins, Annaliese manages to overcome her tears long enough to t-bone Chelsea’s car. So this is what it takes to finally make her smile. Bibiana is declared a “monster” by Chris Harrison. As more and more cars crash I think to myself, “This looks fun.” At first, it seems like Brittany will win, but Seinne ends up the champion. She wins a trophy, milk (this is a tradition apparently?), and alone time with Arie. I’d just take the milk, TBH.

Following a quick change into cocktail dresses, the group date after party begins. Chelsea grabs Arie immediately for alone time; the others seem surprised about this, but this is Chelsea’s M.O. Once she has Arie to herself, Chelsea reveals that she has a son. He says he’s totally open to it, and they make out HARD. Next, Arie talks to Seinne. He’s very shocked that she went to Yale and immediately recognizes that she’s out of his league. They kiss.

“I barely graduated high school and worked at Pizza Hut.” – Arie

By the end of the night, Bibiana is cranky as hell and refusing to talk to Arie. She’s tired, annoyed with everyone around her, and ready to call it a night so she storms off and slams a door. Been there, done that. It’s like holding a mirror up to myself! Meanwhile, Bekah delivers the smoothest line I’ve seen. She straight-up asks Arie, “Wanna kiss?” They make out for a while, but it’s Seinne who ultimately gets the group date rose.

With two-thirds of the episode over, it’s time for the pre-rose ceremony cocktail hour to begin. Arie makes a little award for Brittany for being the “most hardcore.” Even though this was obviously a producer’s idea, it’s charming. Bekah and Arie sneak off to make out. She’s waring a fabulous fur coat, and I think I love her.

Tonight’s drama will clearly revolve around Krystal, who pisses everyone off because she talks to Arie twice in the night. This honestly might throw Bibiana over the edge. She goes off on Krystal for interrupting her time with Arie while the other women snicker in the background. Krystal doesn’t seem too worried about it, though. After all, she’s the one with a rose.

And with that, the rose ceremony begins: Maquel, Jacqueline, Bekah M., Jenna, Chelsea, Lauren S., Tia, Annaliese, Lauren B., Kendall, Brittany, Ashley, Marikh, Caroline, and Bibiana are all here to stay another week.

Jenny takes the breakup hard. “I’m not sad about you, I’m sad about leaving my friends,” she tells Arie. Wow, what delightful shade. “He literally picked a taxidermist over me,” she grouses as she heads off into the night. Mic drop.

Next week: Tears! And this quote, “I’m going to kill Krystal.”



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The Bachelor Season 22 Episode 1 Recap: Arie Luyendyk Jr. Meets His Contestants


Well, here we are: another season of The Bachelor with a guy nobody asked for. Perhaps I’m being too hard on Arie Luyendyk Jr., but was it not difficult to watch him struggle through the rose ceremony without dreaming of Hot Peter, Eric, or Kenny in his place? Maybe they’ll get their turn in five years. But for now, Arie it is. So as Becca would say, let’s do the damn thing.

We start with a re-introduction to Arie and a dramatic cut to five years ago, when he was on Emily Maynard’s season. This flashback might not have been the best choice, though, because it really shows how much time has passed—and how much the lighting and makeup budgets have increased. Arie is super sweaty in these scenes! At one point, you even see a blemish on his neck as he leans in to kiss Emily. Nope.

The show also uses these flashbacks to hammer in that Emily broke Arie’s heart and that’s why he hasn’t found love or been in a serious relationship since. Uh huh. Sure. We’re even reminded that Arie flew all the way to Charlotte after Emily’s season ended just to leave his journal on her doorstep. This is a move that is adorable and romantic if you’re into the guy and extremely creepy and troubling if you are not. If you want to know how Emily felt about it, consider this: She didn’t even read the journal.

“The chemistry and the passion really pushed our relationship
forward.” – Arie, trying—and failing—to convince us that he and Emily
had chemistry and passion.

Now, five years later, Arie has salt and pepper hair, he’s selling real estate, and he claims he’s ready for the next step. Everyone he knows is married and has kids, so he doesn’t want to be left out. Speaking of, Sean Lowe shows up to serve as a character witness for Arie. We get it, ABC: You really, really want us to like Arie. Sean and Catherine bring their son, Samuel, for a chat with Arie and Samuel (via Sean) offers some good advice: Always treat the girls with respect. Yes, do that. Please, please, please do that.

“The point is: The guy’s a catch.” – Chris Harrison, doing his best to
talk up Arie.

Finally, it’s time to meet the women. First up is Chelsea, a single mom from Portland who works in real estate. Her friend’s advice is to “crush it.” K. Next is Caroline, who also works in real estate. (Sensing a theme here.) She brags that she’s really good at her job and makes a ton of money, and I admire her bravado. There is an incredibly awkward scene where a client asks if she has any kids (kind of rude to assume that, lady); Caroline stumbles over her answer because she really wants children one day—the only measure of a good and moral woman in Bachelor Universe. Caroline is excited about Arie because they have realty in common and she “grew up around cars.” As far as I can tell so far, cars and realty are the only two interests Arie has so she should do well.

We meet Maquel, a professional photographer with grating vocal fry, followed by Nysha, who went sky diving for her 30th birthday. Nysha’s also a nurse who loves being around blood and gross things. I think I love her.

From Nysha we move on to Tia, who lives in Weiner, Arkansas. If you think The Bachelor won’t take this opportunity to make 1,000 dick jokes, you are very, very wrong. In addition to making Weiner puns, Tia shoots guns and goes fishing for fun. And OMG she knows Raven! Turns out, Raven is the one who convinced Tia to audition for the show. (PS: I think there’s a big missed opportunity that Raven’s boutique is not called That’s So Raven.)

Next up is Kendall. She’s obviously our “quirky” contestant because she collects taxidermy. The segment ends with her singing to a stuffed seal, so there’s that.

“I’ve never had a relationship over a year but with taxidermy I can
keep it forever!” – Kendall

Moving on: Bekah is 22, has the eyes of a Disney princess, and rocks a gorgeous pixie haircut.

PHOTO: Paul Hebert

Marikh is a 27-year-old who owns an Indian restaurant with her mom and has Kardashian-level contouring skills. Krystal from San Diego is a fitness coach, and she volunteers for the homeless because her little brother has been living on the streets for the last two years. She wants to help him, but he’s just not ready for it yet, so she helps others instead. Nothing snarky to say here—that is a genuinely moving story.

Time to dry my tears, though, because the limos are here!!!!!!!

“I’m just going to speak for everybody…How have you not found love? I know you’ve been in
relationships. You think, OK one of these times it’s going to work for
him, and it just never has.” – Chris Harrison, shady as ever

First out of the limo is my girl Caroline. She makes a cheesy realtor joke about them both being “off the market.” Ehhh, I guess somebody had to do it. They play some strange music over Chelsea’s intro that I can’t tell if it’s implying she’s crazy or sexy. Possibly both? Kendall, however, gets quirky music because of course.

“Oh my God, what a STUD.” – an excited woman who would probably enjoy Magic Mike Live

Next is Seinne, another person who works in real estate. Did producers just contact agencies around the country and ask for their most attractive single woman? Wouldn’t put it past them. Tia gives Arie a little weiner as a gift, as one does. “Please tell me you don’t already have a little weiner,” she jokes. Called it: If Tia makes it to hometowns, this will be the season of endless penis puns.

“Not only is he handsome, but he’s welcoming.” – Chelsea about Arie, a
man who pretty much only said “hi” to her.

The parade continues: Bibiana wants to get with Arie so her babies can have his blue eyes. Brianna is overly impressed that Arie can catch a softball. Jenny seems sweet. Brittane puts a “nice butt” bumper stick on Arie, and I actually laughed because my expectations at this point are so low. Jacqueline seems too normal to be here. Then we get to Krystal, who speaks in a Marilyn Monroe-esque whisper. Nysha shows up just as the women in the house start freaking out about how many attractive women are arriving. Uh, what show did you think you were signing up for?

“Let’s just say that the hair is down and the boobs are out.” – Chelsea
describing every Bachelor rose ceremony since the dawn of time.

Valerie gets out of the limo and immediately strikes a pose. Bekah shows up in a classic red Mustang. She’s got a choker, a short dress, and cute hair. She came to PLAY.

“That cherry red looks better on your lips, bitch.” – Chelsea, clearly
auditioning for the role of Corinne this season.

Jenna arrives and seems kinda…tipsy? I don’t want to make assumptions, but she is a little too wobbly and speech slurry. Arie is really feeling her, though. Jessica is very perky, so much so that Arie is even charmed by her gift of a random rock. Marikh makes a joke about his salt and pepper hair because someone had to.

Valerie starts stressing about how many women are here, but more just keep on coming: Olivia, who is 23 and loved Arie’s season (when she was 18???). Becca cons Arie into proposing. Arie loves Lauren S.’s energy. Lauren J. arrives next, and everybody is thrown off that there are two blonde Laurens. It’s not over yet, though: Lauren B. and Lauren G arrive too.

Now that the sea of Laurens are here we can move on to new names: Ashley brought a racing flag, going for the obvious. Arie even predicts her joke before she says it: “Are we going to make it to the finish line?” Brittany stumbles through some Dutch. Amber jokes that she sees a lot of [bleeps] but she hopes he’s not one. Ali requests a smell check. No, nope, immediate grounds for dismissal. Annaliese arrives and Arie is immediately handsy with her. Ew.

Finally we get to Maquel, the last arrival. She shows up in a racing car and everyone’s very jealous. There are many references to the fact that “the race is on” and that she’s “coming in fast and furious” and, oh God, I cannot do this season.

“He has a full head of hair.” – Bekah, really searching for compliments
about Arie

Everyone has arrived, so it’s time for Arie to give a very boring and bland speech about this journey. Chelsea swoops and grabs Arie first. Yup, she’s definitely aiming to be this year’s Corinne. But then, DRAMA: Chelsea is mad because Maquel interrupts her conversation with Arie about real estate exams. Darling, she did you a favor. Chelsea starts complaining to anyone who will listen that she didn’t get enough time, as if anyone cares. Side note: the vocal fry is out of control. Everyone sounds like they work for PubLIZity:

[embedded content]

Later, Brittany sets up a race in tiny toy cars and, OK, I’m into it. This damn show makes everything seem so charming. Brittany wins and collects her prize: a kiss. Naturally, the other girls are upset about this and Chelsea stars losing her cool.

ARIE LUYENDYK JR., BRITTANY T.

PHOTO: Paul Hebert

We’re at the point in the night when weird shit starts happening: Quirky Kendall sings to Arie, and he seems uncomfortable. Someone feeds him pizza, another brings pineapple, and Jenna gives him a pedicure or…something? He’s confused but intrigued.

Around this time, Chris Harrison brings out the first impression rose. The pressure is on: Women start swarming Arie with mania in their eyes to talk to him. I would be so scared.

“I want to know more about you, though. We only have a short amount of
time.” – Arie “OK, I’m a libra!” – Krystal

With a wild look in her eye, Chelsea steals more time with Arie. Because she came to win, she goes in for a full-on makeout. Like, mouth wide open. It’s…a lot. After their kiss, she immediately goes into a room full of women and reveals that she had a second chat with Arie. Eye roll. Clearly she wants to stir up drama/brag/make the others feel like shit, otherwise you’d keep. That. To. Yourself. Her gamble worked, though, because she gets the first impression rose. Maybe she’ll calm down now?

As the sun rises, the rose ceremony begins. Roses go to Becca, Marikh, Kendall, Lauren G., Krystal, Bekah, Lauren S., Sienne, Caroline, Brittany, Bibiana, Annaliese, Jenna, Valerie, Jacqueline, Jenny, Lauren B., Ashley, Tia, and Maquel.

Well, friends, we did it. May the rest of this season give us lots of laughs, lots of tears, lots of drama, and very little Arie screen time. See you next week!



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So This Might Be Why Arie Luyendyk Jr. Is Our Next Bachelor


PHOTO: Getty Images/Lou Rocco

By now, most of us have come to terms with the fact that Arie Luyendyk Jr. is going to be our next Bachelor. No shade to the racing-driver-turned-real-estate-professional who was runner-up on Emily Maynard‘s season of The Bachelorette five (five!) years ago. But until now, everyone’s been kind of asking why when there were more recent people like Hot Peter and giggly Dean Unglert to choose from. Well, Unglert himself is now shedding some light on the network’s decision.

As anyone who’s watched even two episodes of this season of Bachelor in Paradise can tell you, sweet little Deanie Baby showed himself to be far less endearing and commitment-ready than he appeared to be when he was on Rachel Lindsay‘s season of The Bachelorette. After quickly jumping into a relationship with Kristina Schulman from Nick Viall’s season, he soon dragged the former orphan into a love triangle with Danielle Lombard (a.k.a. D-Lo, also from Nick’s season) because, even though Unglert thinks Kristina is “smart and interesting,” D-Lo is “hot.” Not great.

Unglert admitted as much in a new interview with ET, where he conceded that his newfound “f-boy” label—which he finds “annoying” and doesn’t agree with even though he can “see how my actions reflect it”—is likely what prevented him from ever being seriously considered for the role of The Bachelor.

“I talked about it very informally with a few people, but there was never a formal offer extended or anything like that,” Unglert said in the interview. “If you watch two episodes of Paradise, you’ll see very quickly why I’m not the Bachelor this year.”

And honestly, it’s probably for the best that the 25-year-old is not going to be the franchise’s next leading man. The controversy surrounding Unglert has been there from the start: don’t let his blinding white teeth and beaming smile distract you from remembering that he famously made audiences cringe when he blurted out that he was “ready to go Black and never come back” upon meeting Lindsay for the first time. He then shaded her on social media a few months later when an Instagram user shared a photo of herself with Unglert and captioned it “went Black, but came back,” and he seemingly validated that ignorance by writing “Lololol at the caption” in the comments section of the post. Lindsay, for her part, was rightly not having it.

Maybe it’s time we all let go of what could have been and give Luyendyk a chance. He may not be Hot Peter, but Hot Peter also couldn’t commit (to Lindsay or to ABC, if the rumors are to be believed)! At least Luyendyk isn’t worried about putting himself out there. After all, he’s already gone on the record with vows of earnestness: “I’m not concerned what people think. I’m just focused on the outcome. I want to find my person and will do whatever it takes!”

Hey, a little blind faith definitely doesn’t hurt when it comes to matters of the heart.

Related Stories:
Arie Luyendyk Jr. Is Your Next ‘Bachelor,’ and Honestly Who Asked for This?
Twitter Cannot Deal With Arie Luyendyk Jr. Being the Next ‘Bachelor’
I’ve Had Enough of Dean on ‘Bachelor in Paradise’



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