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Issa Rae and Melina Matsoukas on Race, Sex, and Season 2 of 'Insecure'


Last July, I screened the pilot of Insecure, the HBO comedy about two best friends, Issa and Molly, who are unsettled and on the cusp of 30. In that episode Issa takes Molly, who’s crying “tears of singleness,” to an open mic night to cheer her up—and proceeds to take the stage and perform a freestyle rap called “Broken Pussy,” based on Molly’s inability to keep a dude. It kills. Like Molly, I was in my late twenties and aggressively single at the time, and I laugh-cried on my couch…alone…on a Saturday night watching the scene. The girls are real, the writing is sharp, the jokes land, and the look is lush.

So who’s behind all that magic? Issa Rae (who made a name for herself on YouTube with The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl) cocreated the show with Larry Wilmore and sold it to HBO when she was just 28. Rae—who writes, stars in, and produces—then tapped fellow TV first-timer Melina Matsoukas, known for music videos like Rihanna’s “We Found Love,” to direct and later produce. (You can also thank Matsoukas for directing Beyoncé’s “Formation” video.) Together these two revolutionaries and fast friends have told a new kind of story about female identity and black female identity.

Now the series—which earned Rae her first Golden Globe nod last winter—is wrapping up its second season. Fresh off a life-changing breakup, Issa (Rae) is running her vibrator out of batteries; meanwhile, power lawyer Molly (Yvonne Orji) sees her world turned upside down after she opens a male colleague’s massive check by accident. Their friendship? It’s what’s holding them together.

As for Rae and Matsoukas, they’re as unstoppable as ever.

These Girls

“There was a familiarity between us: ‘I don’t know you, but I know you,’ ” Rae says of meeting Matsoukas.

Photograph by Bec Lorrimer Stylist: Deborah Afshani

GLAMOUR: How did this friendship, and partnership, come to be?

ISSA RAE: I started out as a fan, watching Melina’s music videos. I put her name on the list for the show early on, and because of her nonexperience in TV, it was kind of overlooked. Until it wasn’t, and HBO was like, “Yo, you wanna take a risk? Who you want?”

MELINA MATSOUKAS: I remember our first Skype call was terrible. But two days later we were in a room, and we spoke the same language. We’re both black women navigating the world, having to code-switch and figure out how and where we fit in.

ISSA: There was a familiarity, “I don’t know you, but I know you.” After I left that meeting with Melina, I danced in the elevator.

MELINA: I remember going to HBO, and the president at the time was like, “We don’t normally do this.” Meaning: give a first-time creator, a first-time director, and a first-time showrunner [Prentice Penny] an opportunity to do it together. “But let’s do it.” It was because of Issa that I was even in that room. She’s paving the way for young female filmmakers and filmmakers of color.

ISSA: Then we went to sushi—

MELINA: She got me drunk. And wrote all my stories into seasons one and two!

ISSA: You’re such a liar! I’d never really gotten a chance to work with someone who challenges while being collaborative. Especially being a woman of color, sometimes it’s hard for us to put our foot down. You work with a lot of men, and they’ll be like, “She has the reputation for being kind of a [makes a disapproving noise].” Melina knows what she wants and has an excellent reputation.

MELINA: Issa is redefining the black female identity on television. I don’t think we’ve ever seen a more basic character than Issa Dee. As black women, we can never just be regular—have flaws, be vulnerable, be a hypocrite, whatever. She’s shown us that person; I don’t know if we have seen that on television before.

GLAMOUR: Let’s talk about season two: Molly and Issa’s relationship is really the relationship. Were there any tropes about female friendships, or about black female friendships, that you were trying to disrupt with the show?

ISSA: In a lot of the shows that I’m still a fan of, like Love & Hip Hop, Basketball Wives, and The Real Housewives, there’s a lot of tension between women of color. We live off the drama and the fights, but that’s not all female friendships.

MELINA: We’re also showing that your soulmate is sometimes your best friend. That your female friendships can be just as fulfilling as [romantic] relationships, if not more.

GLAMOUR: This season Molly opens her white colleague’s check by accident and sees that he’s getting this jaw-dropping amount of money. Why did you want to dig into the issue of pay equity?

ISSA: It’s just something that’s real: Women are paid less than men, despite the fact that that’s illegal. Black women, specifically, are paid less than white women. It’s something that we wanted to address: She is great at her job, so why would they undervalue her?

GLAMOUR: Another moment I loved: Issa starts using her vibrator, then it dies. That scene is cool because it shows raw female desire. She runs around the apartment looking for batteries so she can pleasure herself; she wasn’t running around to get a condom so she could have sex with a guy. How did that scene come about?

ISSA: In the [writers’] room we were talking about what it feels like to be thirsty and how we don’t really get to see female characters masturbate. Even in a funny way. Especially black women! So we wanted to portray that, while remaining true to our show and showing sexual frustration.

GLAMOUR: Both Molly and Issa are single. What challenges do you see women, and black women in particular, facing in the dating world, and how do those experiences inform this season?

ISSA: We’re combating being undesirable. That’s a lot of the narrative: that black women are undesirable. Every day an athlete or a rapper says something along the lines of “That’s why I don’t date black women.” Like Kodak Black—your name is Kodak Black and you don’t f-ck with black women? OK, cool.

MELINA: Stay over there!

Drunk in Love

“Issa got me drunk and wrote all my stories into season one and season two,” jokes Matsoukas.

Photograph by Bec Lorrimer Stylist: Deborah Afshani

ISSA: We’re showing that these women are desirable. But Melina, you always say, “This is L.A. How are they getting so many dates?”

MELINA: Sometimes I’m like, Y’all wrote this black woman’s wet dream, where you have this fine-ass dude stalking you, calling you, but you’re not calling him. That’s not real life, but…

ISSA: L.A. dating: People feel they can always do better.

GLAMOUR: There are so many things that the white characters do and say in Insecure that make me, as a white woman, cringe.

MELINA: And you’re like, “Do I do that?”

GLAMOUR: [Laughs.] And by bringing humor to it, you can easily call it out: “Stop doing this—”

MELINA: Right, don’t touch my hair. You need humor to deal with these obstacles, whether it’s racism or sexism. It is easier for people to understand and accept [that criticism] when there’s humor in it.

GLAMOUR: As I look at the credits, I see a lot of women’s names. What is the staffing like behind the scenes?

MELINA: Our story is rooted in authenticity, and our stories are best told by the people they are about, you know?

ISSA: There’s a lot of sex this season. When I’m in the writers’ room, I dissociate myself: “Let’s have Issa do this!” By the time I’m shooting, I’m like, “Aww, f-ck! I gotta do this shit?” I’m still a regular-ass person who gets embarrassed and shy. It’s more comfortable to be around a woman director.

GLAMOUR: Is there mentoring going on behind the scenes?

MELINA: It’s such a priority for us. We have a shadowing director on every episode. The person is literally like a shadow to the director.

GLAMOUR: Kerry Washington was one, right? What was that like?

MELINA: Crazy. My friend was like, “Was Kerry Washington your intern?” I’m like, “She wasn’t my intern.” [Laughs.] She wants to direct, and she asked if she could come and learn. She was a total student. But we also have young filmmakers who shadow the crew. We’re trying to be that school, as we’re learning ourselves.

GLAMOUR: You have a number of celebrity fans, including Sterling K. Brown, who guest-stars this season.

ISSA: At an event he said, “I love the show, if you ever need….” I was thinking, Ha-ha, he’s just being polite. A few months later, he slid into my DMs: “These are my free days, if you have anything!” I was like, What? We had the perfect role. Every woman who watched his scenes on the monitors had a pasted-on smile—he’s dreamy.

GLAMOUR: And President Obama told you he liked the show too. What was it like to meet him?

ISSA: I brought my mom to a party at the White House. She got to the front of the line and got a hug from him. Then I got in line with Yvonne [who plays Molly]. The president held my hand and said to Yvonne, “Oh, she’s having a good year!” I was like, “The President knows me?” We started screaming! He was like, “I love the show and the soundtrack, and I love to see black women being creative.” I walked away and collapsed to my knees. [Laughs.] My mom missed the whole thing. She was so busy obsessing over her hug. She was like, “What did I miss?” Mom, you missed everything!

GLAMOUR: So many women—black, Latina, white—relate to the characters in this show. What should that say to Hollywood execs?

MELINA: That you don’t have to be one color to relate to a story. I grew up watching a lot of non-people-of-color whose stories I related to in my way. But everybody’s worth is as important as the next person. And we need stories that are different. Understanding about other people leads to acceptance, which is something that we need desperately.

Bonus Round! Here Are the Best Practices for Working with a Friend, According to Issa Rae

Don’t beat around the bush.

“Melina and I are really straightforward with each other. We’re both clear and passionate about our points.”

Swallow your nos.

“I’m always tempted to say, ‘Nah, that won’t work.’ But I think you should be willing to try ideas
out before saying no. Be open-minded.”

Save your fight.

“If something is important to Melina and not all that important to me, I let her win. ‘You can have this one thing; just know I’m gonna ask for my one thing a few days from now!’”

Give props where props are due.

“I tell her when an idea is great right away: Usually it’s a ‘Yaaasss, you did that, you did that!’ I’ll dance. I will sing.”

Encourage her to live.

“I recognize you need a personal life: Take your vacation, go hang out with your man, have fun! I’m gonna have your back, and you’ll have mine.”

You can catch the season two finale of Insecure tonight on HBO at 11 p.m. EST or catch up on the whole season with HBO Go.



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Caitriona Balfe Says There's Less Sex on 'Outlander' Than You Think—and That's a Good Thing


PHOTO: ©Starz! Movie Channel/Courtesy Everett Collection

If it seems like everyone’s talking about Outlander lately, it’s because…well, they are. Three years after the show’s premiere, more people are catching on to what fans of the STARZ series have loved since day one: the epic storytelling, sweeping locations, and, oh yeah, those sex scenes.

“It’s been such a whirlwind,” Irish-born actress Caitriona Balfe (who plays Claire) tells us. “I got the job and moved to Scotland almost four years ago, which is crazy to me. You just get enveloped in this very passionate fandom and get hit with this wall of love and support. It’s not very often these shows hit, and people don’t always connect with what you do, so it’s nice to be on something people are watching.”

And watching they are. Fans are counting down the days (and episodes) until Claire (Balfe) and Jamie (Sam Heughan) can hopefully find their way back to each other. Of course, there’s also her marriage to Frank (Tobias Menzies) in 1948 to contend with (just a small snag) and a newborn baby. We’ll how this all plays out when the season premiere arrives on Sunday, September 10—until then, Balfe filled us in on everything to expect. Get ready.

PHOTO: ©Starz! Movie Channel/Courtesy Everett Collection

Heading into the third season, Jamie and Claire are in different centuries, so the dynamic will be different. How will the show handle the new direction where sex seems like it won’t come into play?

Caitriona Balfe: It’s funny, because there’s probably less sex in our show than people think. It’s just when we do it we try to empower these two characters to represent this meta-physical and all-encompassing love, so we get branded as, “It’s so sexy!” But if you look at the amount of episodes that it features in, it’s not in every single one. I also think those moments have to be earned by the characters and their journey. We’ve always said that as a show, we try to make it not gratuitous. You don’t want to cheapen it.

I love the beginning of this season because you see what life is like for these two characters without each other and how impactful that is in two very, very different ways. For Jamie, he knows Claire is living a life somewhere else, and that’s so evidently painful. Sam plays it so beautifully. For Claire, she’s now a widow in her mind. She believes he’s died, and how does someone move on and live a life when the love of their life has gone? She has a baby to protect and raise, and that has a huge impact on the decisions she makes going forward. And then, we get to play this great compromise marriage that’s complicated and disappointing and sad but also has moments of levity and connection. It’s fun to play that as an actor.

How did you approach going in to the season knowing Claire is still so feminist and tough but is arguably in an even more restrictive environment than when she’s in feudal Scotland?

Caitriona: The great thing is, it’s easy to look at Claire and be like, “She’s a modern woman in an ancient time; it’s such a patriarchal society, and of course she’s going to buck the system.” But in episode one, you see the first instance of it—when she’s at the dean’s office in the university, and the dean is so dismissing and puts her down so much, you see her kind of take it, but I believe that’s the moment she makes the decision of, “You know what? Fuck you, I’m going to go to medical school.” You realize it doesn’t matter what time period Claire is in, she’s going to break through the glass ceiling. That’s what I love. You see that her first day of medical school where, again, she’s being put down and dismissed, and she’s like, “Screw you.” She forms this great alliance with Jo Abernathy; you see the culture of the time—they are both the outcasts—but then the great thing is that you see them graduating, and it’s like, “Yeah, she’s formidable, and she’s not going to let these people put her down.”

The show really relies on the female gaze. Will that continue this season?

Caitriona: With all the sex scenes, or anything like that, we always try to approach them from a place of empowerment—not only the characters, but of the actors and the audience. That’s no different to how I approach it, to how Sam approaches it. What we’ve always said is that we’re not just this feminist show. What we are is a well-balanced, well-rounded look at a relationship; we give as much credence to the female perspective as we do to the male. The only reason that gets called feminist sometimes is because we’re not really used to seeing it so evenly distributed on TV. But it wouldn’t work if it was just from her perspective or if the men on the show were just 2-D portrayals. So, I just like to think of us as a show of equality. We try and do that this season, as we have the previous [seasons].

If Claire were to exist as a 20- or 30-something in 2017, what do you think she would be doing?

Caitriona: She would probably be campaigning strongly for Planned Parenthood. I think that given her medical…she will always be a doctor. I think that’s her gift in life—to be a healer of some description—but she would be appalled at the conversation around women’s health and women’s rights at the moment. I think she would be trying to fight against that very strongly.



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Only 4 Percent of Americans Have Sex Every Day, So No, You're Not Alone


Whether you’re single and living it up or in a new relationship, it’s pretty common to wonder if you’re having sex enough (thanks, every single movie montage of newly coupled people constantly ripping each other’s clothing off). Of course, what “enough” is exactly depends only on personal preference—but one thing most people definitely aren’t doing is getting it on every day. In fact, Americans are probably having a lot less sex that you might think, according to a recent YouGov survey.

According to the survey’s results, just 4 percent of respondents said they were having sex each and every day. And when it comes to the remaining 96 percent of Americans, 14 percent of respondents said they hit the sheets a few times a week—and another 14 percent clocked in at a few times each month.

But apparently there’s a disconnect between what’s actually happening between the sheets and what many wish was happening. The survey found that 26 percent of Americans would like to have sex a few times a week. And as for having sex daily? Eighteen percent of men would prefer to switch to that schedule, but only 9 percent of women would like to.

Another interesting takeaway from the YouGov study is that people who are married vs people in relationships and people who are single have totally different perceptions of how often the other group has sex. Forty percent of married Americans think that single people are having more sex—but only 33 percent of single Americans have sex at least once a month. However, the 36 percent of single Americans who think couples who are married or in relationships have more sex are right: almost 75 percent of coupled-up Americans have sex at least once a month, according to the survey.

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Yet Another Study Confirms Abstinence-Only Sex Ed Doesn't Work—But the Trump Administration Still Wants to Fund It


With a man like Donald Trump serving as President of the United States, it should come as no surprise that major policy decisions are often turned into spectacles ripe with suspense or shock value (see: the build-up to his decision to leave the Paris climate accord and his surprise Twitter storm banning transgender men and women from military service).

But amidst his typical fanfare, the President is also no stranger to discretion—and it’s these quiet efforts, like those rolling back teen pregnancy prevention programs, that are just as likely to undermine the public’s well-being without commanding a major spotlight.

Yes, in mid-July, the President stealthily slashed nearly $214 million in funding from over 80 teen pregnancy prevention programs. As has been a trend in the Trump administration, these cuts target something put in place by former President Barack Obama—specifically, a 2015 measure that awarded five-year grants to programs that would, according to Reveal (a publication from The Center for Investigative Reporting), “find scientifically valid ways to help teenagers make healthy decisions that avoid unwanted pregnancies.”

These funds were granted not only to major research institutions, like Johns Hopkins University and the Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles, but also for pregnancy prevention programs that served at-risk communities. And now, thanks to the Trump administration, the grants will cease to exist come 2018—and aside from funds quickly drying up, the research programs that relied on this money will not have the financial means needed to complete their studies and reach conclusive findings.

Despite how harmful this development is, it should come as no surprise to those who have followed the President’s positions on health care. His Secretary of Health and Human Services, Tom Price, is a long-standing opponent of any federal programs that help pay for contraception. And within HHS, some of the department’s top officials are notorious for an abstinence-only approach—like Valerie Huber, the chief of staff to the assistant secretary of health. Huber is on record trying to rebrand abstinence education to something more palatable—she told PBS in 2016 that she prefers the term “sexual risk avoidance”—and has said she’s skeptical that contraception can actually reduce unintended pregnancies. Moreover, she previously served as the president of an organization that was once known as the National Abstinence Education Association (its current name: Ascend) and her ultimate goal is to “normalize sexual delay more than we normalize teen sex, even with contraception.”

Making this movement toward abstinence-only education all the more mind-boggling is the fact that the teen pregnancy rate in the U.S. is currently at an all-time low. There’s an obvious reason as to why: Contraception is much more readily available than it ever was pre-Obama (and pre-Affordable Care Act). If the Trump administration has its way, however, this trend could quickly be in jeopardy.

Beyond cutting funding to teen pregnancy prevention programs and research, the White House is also looking to build up abstinence-only education and in the proposed 2018 budget, nearly $300 million would be set aside and be distributed over a ten-year period to such programs. But as research has consistently shown, this approach to sex education does more harm than good. Recently, the Journal of Adolescent Health published a report examining the consequences of abstinence-only-until-marriage policies and programs—one that updates their last deep-dive into the subject, which came in 2006—and as expected, abstinence-only programs simply don’t work.

“Health and medical researchers have shown consistently that high-quality sex education can make a measurable difference in adolescents’ health and well-being, which makes the appointment of abstinence-only-until-marriage education advocates to key positions within the Department of Health and Human Services deeply concerning,” Leslie Kantor, Ph.D., MPH, one of the co-authors of the JAH report and the vice president of education at Planned Parenthood Federation of America, told Glamour.

In theory, abstaining from sex is a guaranteed way to prevent pregnancy or STIs. But programs that follow an abstinence-only approach, rather than offer comprehensive sex ed, don’t prevent young people from having sex—and they don’t prevent them from getting pregnant or contracting an STI. Instead, these programs have been found to withhold information from teens and young adults—and even spread false information—preventing them from making informed decisions about their own sexual choices. And with an average of roughly ten years between when men and women first have sex and first get married, perpetuating the idea of abstinence until marriage is a futile effort.

To put things into context, federal support for abstinence-only efforts can be traced back to the early 1980s and the Reagan years. In 1981, the Adolescent Family Life Act allocated funding for community organizations and faith-based groups that encouraged “chastity” and “self-discipline.” In the mid-90s, these programs saw a major boost after Congress expanded abstinence education under the 1996 welfare reform bill—and were only propelled further upon the creation of an abstinence-only education federal grant program in 2000. Federal funding became more readily available but was only given to programs that specifically targeted children between 12 and 18 years old and provided them with no information about contraception or safe sex.

By 2004, the House Committee on Government Reform determined that such programs “contained false, misleading, or distorted information about reproductive health, misrepresentations about the effectiveness of condoms in preventing sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and pregnancy, as well as gender and sexual minority stereotypes, moral judgments, religious concepts, and factual errors” (as JAH reported).

By no coincidence, state governments soon started saying “thanks, but no thanks” to federal funding designated for abstinence-only education (by 2009, almost half had declined such money). Though funding for abstinence-only plans was incorporated into the 2010 Affordable Care Act to get it through Congress, the crux of funding was put toward pregnancy prevention programs and research. But after a slew of new Republicans were ushered into Congress following the 2010 midterm elections, abstinence-only programs experienced renewed support.

These advocates, however, continue to neglect just how effective comprehensive sex ed actually is. Medical groups like the American Academy of Pediatrics and the Society of Adolescent Health and Medicine have come out in opposition to abstinence-only plans, and even the United Nations has declared that all young people have the right to access in-depth information about their sexual health. Further, the Centers for Disease Control determined that these high-quality programs not only reduce the risk of pregnancy and STIs, but lower the initiation and frequency of sexual activity, decrease the number of sexual partners, and diminish the likelihood of unprotected sex for those teens and young adults how are given this type of education.

In short: Giving young people all the info they need about sex means they’re more likely to actually abstain from sexual activity than those who are given abstinence-only education. But with Trump in the White House and people like Price and Huber at HHS, abstinence-only advocates are having a huge moment—and teens and young adults, especially those in the most vulnerable communities, will suffer because of it.



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This Extra Powerful Sex Toy Is Almost Too Good


I’ve always wondered if multiple orgasms were kind of a myth. I know some people have them, but I personally have a long “refractory period” in which I couldn’t go again if I wanted to. But last year, when I tried the Satisfyer Pro 2, I was able to have three orgasms in one night (though not one session)—likely because it just makes climaxing so goddamn easy. The average time it takes me to finish with this toy tends to be around one to two minutes, compared to my usual five to 10. So, when I learned the Satisfyer had been updated this month, I wondered what other sorcery it could work on my parts.

The Satisfyer is known for its suction technology, which creates air waves around the clit like a little vacuum. In case that’s not enough, the head also vibrates. Its newest edition has plus and minus buttons that make its power modes simpler to control, a wider head for more comfort, and a quieter motor in case someone’s in the next room. The biggest difference I noticed, though, was that on the highest setting, it’s even more powerful than the last—which terrified and intrigued me.

I tried out the standard pink Satisfyer Pro 2: Next Generation (below) and the Satisfyer Pro 2 Penguin: Next Generation, whose handle and head are both smaller than the standard one and shaped adorably like a penguin with a bow tie. The Penguin’s head is a bit less cushioned but more concentrated, whereas the larger one is comfier with a more diffuse sensation.

I first tried out the regular pink one, and after experiencing the familiar one-minute, sneaks-up-on-you orgasm that I had with the first Satisfyer Pro 2, I decided to do an experiment. While I was fooling around with my partner, I asked him to use the Penguin on me on the highest setting. It got kind of painful when he didn’t place it precisely where I wanted—the risk of an uber-powerful sex toy—but once he got the hang of it, I went over the edge immediately. Then, after a minute of kissing, I told him, “Try it again.” To my surprise, my legs were shaking within a minute again. Another brief kissing interlude later, I was feeling bold. “Again,” I told him. It was getting uncomfortable to keep going at that point, but the Penguin quickly managed to get yet another orgasm out of me.

This was bringing out a whole new side of me. I felt greedy. I felt insatiable. I felt limitless. I felt like a sex goddess.

Despite the fact that my clit was aching by that point, I was too curious to see how far this could go to stop. So I used the toy again while we had sex. The fourth orgasm took longer, but sure enough, it arrived. Afterward, I was curious how the standard pink Satisfyer compared, so I held it up to my clit, and whoops, had another one.

Final count: Five orgasms. What the hell?! What would happen if I just lay there all day with this suction head over my clit? I didn’t even want to know.

PHOTO: Ilkay Muratoglu/Satisfyer

The Satisfyer Pro 2, which is apparently waterproof

There was a major downside to all this, though: I’d sacrificed quality for quantity. The orgasms were abundant but not that enjoyable, especially toward the end. As the session went on, they got briefer, less intense, and more uncomfortable. And they left my clit feeling sore yet numb, so it took more pressure to reach climax each time.

Even the first orgasm of the night was nowhere near as enjoyable as those I have without a toy. It felt like I was skipping over the best part. I didn’t get very wet or aroused. I wasn’t even thinking sexy thoughts when I came. And afterward, I didn’t feel refreshed or close to my partner. These on-demand climaxes felt manufactured and inauthentic—almost like eating past the point of fullness just because there’s food in front of you.

I find the Satisfyer great to use during intercourse because I can’t usually come that way without a toy. It’s also probably great for those who have trouble climaxing in general. But I plan to use it sparingly.

After all, when I think about what I want from sex, it’s not to rush to the finish line. It’s to soak up every moment, to feel connected to my partner (or myself, if I’m masturbating), and to feel super turned on before I finally reach that release. And harder-earned manual orgasms are much better for that.

This article is part of Summer of Sex, our 12-week long exploration of how women are having sex in 2017.

More Summer of Sex:

Could You Be Demisexual?
Inside the Mainstream Porn Industry’s Problem With Ageism
Working in a Sex Shop Restored My Faith in Love



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