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Bachelor in Paradise Season 5, Episode 10 Recap: These Breakups Are Hard to Watch


Caution: Spoilers ahead.

It’s a new day on Bachelor in Paradise, but that doesn’t mean the spell Shushanna cast is over. “So, are you a good witch or a bad witch?” Wells asks Shu first thing in the morning. “I’m a good witch,” she replies. All kidding aside, Shu thinks she just has “the look” of a witch, so that’s how the rumor spread. Even if that’s true, Shu, I don’t think burning Kamil’s photo in the fire helped.

In other news, Jordan and Jenna go on a date where they take “engagement photos.” Their purple-haired photographer seems nice enough, but I suspect he has some sort of vendetta against the double Js because the “final” photos we see on screen are so, so awkward. Jenna’s eyes are half-closed in one, Jordan makes a weird face in another…they’re all outtakes, basically. What did they do to piss him off? It must be bad because before shoot ends, he springs a surprise on Jenna: a wedding dress to wear in the last pics. Jenna isn’t into this—not because of the dress or the lame premise. No, she’s uncomfortable because her feelings for Jordan are real, and she wants to know if he feels the same way. When she confesses this to Jordan, he says all the right things and then they jump into the ocean. After all that, did the photographer even take any wedding dress pics? Unclear.

Anyway, they return to the villa from their date and a new arrival shows up soon after: Robby, who is met with crickets. The guys don’t want a new person competing for a rose, and the women don’t want a sentient Kewpie doll in their presence. Also, as Cassandra says, “Why is Robby Hayes here? Every single girl here knows his reputation; it’s not a good one.”

Everyone gossips about how he cheated on Amanda Stanton after last season of Bachelor in Paradise, but when Robby asks Shushanna out she says yes.

“I feel like Shushanna’s moved on from Kamil. She burned his photo in the fire.” – I forgot to write down who said this, but it’s gold nonetheless.

Shushanna knows people have “negative thoughts” about Robby—or, as Astrid puts it, “You can’t turn a fuckboy into a husband”—but she doesn’t “want to hear about it.” On their date, Shu tells Robby that everyone thinks she’s a witch. He brushes it off and jokes, “Put a spell on me hahaha,” and this is enough to win her over.

Back at the villa, Joe tries to have a serious conversation with Kendall about whether or not they’re on track to getting engaged. She avoids the conversation and ducks out before giving him a real answer. And the next day, she totally avoids him.

That night, ahead of the rose ceremony, there are three main dramas at play. First, there’s the love triangle between Olivia, Diggy, and John. Diggy pulled some strings (read: producers) to get the trumpeter from their first date to come perform for them. However, John steals her away in the middle of it to show her a sunflower field he (producers) made.

Cue an incredibly sad but hilarious montage of Diggy sitting alone with the trumpet player. And it turns out it was even worse than it looks:

The second drama of the night is the most short-lived: Olivia and Cassandra feel it’s their duty as Shu’s friends to warn her about Robby. They tell her he’s a serial cheater and his intentions here questionable, but Shu’s like, “I’m just not sure!” When she asks Robby directly if he’s ever cheated he just says, “Yes.” Somehow, Shu doesn’t seem bothered by this.

“I have been 100 percent honest…since I’ve been here.” -Robby

The main drama of the night is between Kendall and Joe. He’s upset that she’s avoiding a serious talk, but when they finally sit down Kendall admits she doesn’t know if she’s in love with him. Joe’s frustrated; he’s been falling for her this whole time, but it’s hard to express that when she’s said repeatedly she’s afraid of commitment because her past boyfriends “suffocated” her. Kendall thought they were on the same page, but Joe says that was her projecting. They break up and leave paradise in tears.

Their departure throws everyone off, but the rose ceremony must go on. The couples are: Cassandra and Jordan, Shushanna and Robby, Annaliese and Kamil, Astrid and Kevin, Krystal and Chris, Jenna and Jordan, and Olivia and John. This means Diggy is leaving paradise, but there’s always his trumpet player! Literally, the trumpet player is sitting in the back of the van with Diggy.

The next morning, Kevin spends an hour talking about the eight-egg omelet he ordered. You know Astrid loves him because she listens to the whole thing and says “Wow!” without any hint of sarcasm. But before he gets a chance to eat it, Chris Harrison shows up to reveal that nobody new will be entering paradise. Instead, the remaining couples have a few options: leave hand in hand, stay and go to the fantasy suite (and probably head toward an engagement), or say goodbye now.

With that, things start getting real. John tells Olivia that he likes her, but he doesn’t think they’re ready for the fantasy suite and all that comes with it yet. She agrees, and they decide to leave but continue “hanging out.” Cassandra and Jordan split, and it’s as awkward as their entire relationship. Robby breaks up with Shushanna by saying, “If I’m in Utah, we can grab dinner or something.”

Annaliese right away is like, “We should DEFINITELY do the fantasy suite!” Kamil, who seconds earlier was on the verge of breaking up with her, backtracks and says he’s in. Chris and Krystal, and Jenna and Jordan, also decide they’re ready for their individual fantasy suites.

The big surprise comes when Kevin and Astrid talk. He’s freaking out because the last two times he’s done the fantasy suite have been a disaster. (Kevin, why are you still signing up for this franchise? You know you can say no, right?) “There’s something missing with me,” he says through tears. “It’s like I’m at 80%.” It’s clear this is all about him and nothing to do with her—but it’s still hard on Astrid. She feels blindsided because, to her, she gave him so many opportunities to be open about how he was feeling. It’s a hard breakup to watch—probably because it’s one of the most realistic ones to happen on this show. Ultimately, they both leave alone.

As for the fantasy suites, they’re pretty uneventful unless you’ve been dying to watch Krystal rub a feather over Chris’ bare chest. (And if so, may I suggest therapy?) So with that, I’ll see you tomorrow for the season finale. Almost there!





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Bachelor in Paradise Season 5, Episode 9 Recap: We Need to Talk About the 'Russian Witch Hunt'


Let’s be real: The thing everyone will be talking about from this episode of Bachelor in Paradise is the long-awaited “Russian witch hunt.” So, I’ll try to keep this recap to just the highlights in order to get straight to it. Spoilers ahead, of course.

Tonight’s episode starts the morning after the rose ceremony, so who knows if Chelsea and Christen made it out OK after their health scares. No update, no conversations about them, nothing. Instead, we get the arrival of Successful BIP Couples Carly and Evan and Jade and Tanner to give out a date card. They interview all of the couples, but some make a better impression than others. Carly and Evan clock the fear in Annaliese’s eyes as Kamil confesses he wants to take a step back. Eric spends five hours talking about cheese. (“Wow, that was f-cking weird,” Tanner says after.) Carly and Evan and Jade and Tanner end up picking Kendall and Joe—but it turns out the “date” is to babysit their kids for a few hours.

Kendall and Joe’s babysitting skills are comically bad. There’s a lot to laugh at. Like, how as soon as Joe picks up Jade and Tanner’s daughter, Emmy, she starts screaming. Or how Jade and Tanner react to this by practically running out of the room instead of helping. Or when Kendall thinks playing her ukulele will calm the baby. When Jade and Tanner finally return and ask how it went, Joe shrugs. “Well, she hates my guts, but other than that all went well.” Luckily, Kendall and Joe get a legit date card as a reward.

The arrival of these Successful BIP Couples causes the others to think about their own relationships. Jenna and Jordan talk baby names, for example, while Eric and Cassandra reevaluate their feelings, or lack thereof. He decides to leave, but Cassandra stays. Meanwhile, Chris and Krystal go on their own romantic date. Well, it’s kind of romantic: Just as Chris is about to tell Krystal he loves her, a raccoon saunters past their table. Eventually, though, he shares his feelings and she says she loves him too. The date ends with a random singer-songwriter (Ben Rector, according to Google) plays soft acoustic music while Krystal and Chris dance in the middle of the pool and the raccoon wanders around. ROMANCE!

Back at the villa, the cast plays truth or dare and this is when the seeds of the “Is Shushanna a witch?” controversy begin. Shushanna picks truth during her turn, so Annaliese asks, “Do you believe in love at first sight?” Shushanna says yes, so Jordan asks a follow-up question: Is there anyone here you want to kiss? Shushanna stares at Kamil, which he tells the camera he finds creepy. (Shushanna, for the record, thinks they have a connection still because every time she looks at Kamil he’s looking back.) Then somebody asks for a good truth question and Shushanna says, stone faced, “Did you ever want to kill someone? HAHAHAHA!”

Later, Jordan asks Shushanna why she’s still hung up on Kamil when he’s there and willing to pursue something. She’s like, “But Kamil, though.”

The next morning, Jordan gets a date card and offers to take Shushanna out. She declines because she’s still thinking about Kamil, so he takes Cassandra instead. This makes everyone in the villa question whether Shushanna’s persistence for Kamil is bordering on, as Kevin puts it, a bit “cray cray.” It reaches a breaking point when Shushanna pulls Kamil aside to tell him that she turned Jordan down because she still has feelings for him. Kamil says there’s no spark between them and can’t see it working. Shushanna just looks at him, smiles, and says, “Things change.” So, he says again that he’s not feeling it, to which she replies, “I don’t believe you.” OK then!

Shushanna isn’t completely daft, though. She admits to Olivia that she likes a challenge, and she knows that’s why she’s so intense about him. Meanwhile, Kamil tells Annaliese that he thinks Shushanna is using “her Russian witchery” on him because she keeps giving him “evil” eye contact. Oh yes, that spooky eye contact all witches are so famous for. “I don’t want her to put a spell on us or something,” he says. Annaliese decides the best thing to do is to tell Shushanna to back off “her man.” Spoiler: This is not the best thing to do. Kamil, however, simply says, “Thank you.”

When Annaliese asks to talk, Shushanna says, “Do you have to?” Which, LOL, so savage. They go back and forth for a bit, until this exchange takes place:

“So let me ask you this: You’re doing, like, witchcraft and stuff and trying to, like, put spells on us to break us up.”

“Oh my gosh, are you serious?”

“I’m not joking. the thing is that Kamil right now, he just does not want to be around you at all.”

“That’s the most ridiculous thing. Like, do I look like a f-cking witch?”

“Who looks like a witch? I don’t know.”

“You know what, you need to calm down.”

Naturally, Shushanna is not pleased that a rumor that she’s a witch is floating around. Here’s the thing: This sucks. Shushanna is, yes, a little delusional, but the cast members are using this perceived weakness to make fun of her. Olivia’s the only one who seems to be talking to Shu and trying to see her point of view, while everyone else is using words like “crazy” and putting her on trial for it. And don’t forget: The only reason “witch” came up was because Kamil said it. As Wes puts it, “Shushanna’s not a witch. Just because she’s Russian doesn’t mean she’s a witch. This is a Russian witch hunt, you know?” Or as Yuki puts it, “Sad!”

That said, this gives us some great soundbites from Shushanna, like “First, I’m european trash and now I’m a witch? Like, seriously?” And also, “Call me a bitch, but not a witch.”

At this moment, Diggy arrives in paradise and asks Shushanna for a chat. She tells him she’s still working out the Kamil stuff, so he should invite someone else on his date. Diggy’s like, woah, that’s a lot of baggage. He asks Olivia instead, and she agrees. Sorry, John: I’m already shipping them.

Before she goes on the date, though, Olivia sits down for a chat with Shushanna. Shu wonders if she should leave, and then Olivia does some witchcraft of her own: She basically convinces Shushanna that she’s just upset because deep down she really likes Jordan and is annoyed he’s on a date without her. This actually works, and now Shushanna’s running around the house saying, “F-ck Kamil!” as if she wasn’t just bawling over him two hours ago. Cut to: her burning a photo of Kamil in a bonfire that night.

When Jordan gets back from his date with Cassandra, Kevin and Astrid fill him in on the witch rumors and how Shushanna has decided she’s now into Jordan. He barely has time to process this before she shows up asking to talk. She tells him she was jealous that he was on a date, and he’s like, “Um, what about Kamil?” She’s all, “Kamil, who?” But Jordan doesn’t buy it and says he’s going to pursue things with Cassandra instead. Shushanna runs off to cry into a pillow, wailing, “It’s so unfair!” Jordan tries to give her a pep talk, but it…well, see below:

“You’ve got so much to offer!”

“I know, but I’m a f-cking witch!”

“That’s a stumble.”

With that, the episode ends. We’ll see how it plays out during next week’s finale. See you then!





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Bachelor in Paradise Season 5, Episode 8 Recap: Three Hours of Nonstop Drama


Tonight’s Bachelor in Paradise was a full—and I mean FULL—three hours of nonstop ups and downs. So let’s get right into it, shall we? Spoilers ahead.

We pick up where we left off last week: Everyone is shook that Eric agreed to go on a date with…um, I want to say Cassandra? [Pauses to Google.] Yes, Cassandra! It’s especially throwing the women in paradise off because he seemed so into Angela—to them, this is proof things in their own relationships can change. Tia, however, is the only one not worried. She and Colton are 100-percent on the same page. Well, in her mind that is…because Colton tells Kevin he’s just going through the motions with Tia: “I can’t sit around on a beach anymore and look at her everyday and know that there’s not a future.”

Colton then breaks up with Tia, claiming, “I gave it my all.” (Did you, though?) They cry in each other’s arms and both decide to leave paradise. I’d say more—but, honestly, we’ve spent enough time on Tia and Colton’s relationship, or lack thereof, this season. We’re all ready to move on.

Of course, this split does not help the vibe in the house. People are feeling even more uncertain, especially Jenna who buries herself under a comically large beach pillow to cry. Jordan comes over to comfort her and, shock, does a decent job! He doesn’t minimize her feelings; instead, he says “it’s OK to be emotional.” Good job, Jordan.

One person not stressed about Colton and Tia? John, who was taking a long nap when all of this went down. “Really? You can do that?” he asks Jordan, who broke the news to him. “What the hell.”

But back to the drama that started this all: Eric’s date with Cassandra. When they return, Cassandra describes the date simply as, “We were in a parade. It was cool.” It’s a testament to how much and yet how little happens in paradise that nobody had any follow-up questions to this. In fact, they change the subject. Imagine if your roommate came home and said her date involved leading a full parade. Would you not need a lot more details?

Maybe nobody had follow-up questions because they’re upset that Eric waited—in their opinion—too long to speak to Angela upon his return. He does eventually pull her aside, though, and she tells him her feelings were hurt because he said he was “all in” but then went on a date. Eric’s defense is that he woke up that morning with “a lot of question marks” about their relationship. “I don’t see how eight hours of sleep makes a difference,” Angela replies. But Eric turns it on her, claiming he felt like she was never as “all in” as he was. (Being “all in” is going on a date with someone else? OK.) He wants to pursue things with Cassandra now.

[Drink every time someone says “all in” this episode. Except don’t, because you’d be extremely drunk.]

This conversation doesn’t go over so well with Angela, and she responds by pulling Cassandra aside to share her side of the story. She repeats “all in” 100 times until Cassandra agrees this is “a red flag” from Eric. She doesn’t really want to side with Angela or Eric, so she tells him she’s over all of this and would like to remove herself from the narrative.

Meanwhile, Astrid also felt rocked by Tia and Colton’s breakup. She shares her concerns with Kevin, but he says there’s nothing to worry about because he’s falling in love with her. (“You’re so out of my league that I knew I was going to fall in love with you from the first second we talked.”) “I hope you know that I’m falling for you too,” she says.

The next morning, two new arrivals come to paradise: Christen a.k.a. Scallop Fingers a.k.a. Scallops and Shushanna, who right away says she’s “not here to make friends with the girls.” It’s fitting, then, that she’s greeted by Cassandra who tells her, “Oh, we don’t want you here! Haha!”

Christen and Shushanna have a double date card; Christen invites John, who agrees, and Shushanna asks Kamil to go. When Kamil tells Annaliese he’s going to go on the date, she handles it really well…until he leaves. She spends the rest of the afternoon crying and pacing around the beach.

She’s not the only one having a hard day: Poor Kevin has to watch as his ex, Ashley, arrives in paradise with her new boyfriend, Jared, to gush about their love. His face throughout this is akin to:

That alone would suck, but it gets worse: Jared proposes to Ashley on the beach while Kevin (and the rest of the cast) watches from afar.

That said, the engagement is very cute. (“I’ve been a fool … I want to make it up to you for the rest of my life,” he says. “Holy shit, it’s perfect,” she says of the ring.) Kevin even graciously gives Ashley a hug and tells her congratulations. Later, though, he admits to Astrid that he’s annoyed. He wishes he would have left the relationship earlier than he did because now he wonders if she was using him to make Jared jealous. I mean, probably? He does get a date card to make up for it, though, and he and Astrid are in love so he’s fine.

Later, as soon as Kamil returns to the villa from his date, he tells Annaliese that he has a better connection with her than Shushanna and they spend the night together. The next night, ahead of the rose ceremony, Shushanna asks Kamil why he chose “the blonde girl” over her. He admits he didn’t think they had much in common, and she tears up. Kamil, correctly, says, “You shouldn’t be crying over me!”

She’s about to go home voluntarily when Chris Harrison shows up with a twist: Jordan from New Zealand Bachelor / Bachelor Winter Games is arriving with a rose, giving one more woman a chance to stay in paradise. Naturally, all of the women are immediately attracted to his accent. Christen even tries to imitate it, to which he says, “Honestly, you sound like a drunk Mary Poppins.”

But instead of focusing her attention on New Jordan’s arrival, Chelsea decides to make a last-ditch effort to win over Kamil. Of course, this does not go over well with Annaliese. Kamil even plays along with Chelsea’s gamble for a bit, but in the end gives Annaliese his rose. The other couples at the end of the ceremony are: Astrid and Kevin, Chris and Krystal, Old Jordan and Jenna, Kendall and Joe, Eric and Cassandra, New Jordan and Shushanna, and Olivia and John.

This means Angela, Chelsea, and Christen must leave. Angela chooses the traditional “cry in the back of a SUV” exit. Things are different for Christen and Chelsea, though. After the roses are handed out, Christen says she feels nauseous and her “ears are ringing.” Meanwhile, Chelsea has a full-blown panic attack during her post-rose ceremony interview. I hope they’re both OK—but we’ll have to find out what happens when the show returns tomorrow night. See you then.





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Jared and Ashley Reveal the Story Behind Their Bachelor in Paradise Engagement


Ever since Bachelor nation couple Ashley Iaconetti and Jared Haibon announced their surprise engagement, which finally aired on tonight’s Bachelor in Paradise, fans have wondered if this friendship-to-romance fairytale was the real deal. Yes, there’s a 2.4 karat Neil Lane ring involved, but did the guy who friend-zoned Ashley on multiple seasons of BiP really do a complete 180? And wasn’t she kind of serious with Kevin on Bachelor Winter Games earlier this year?

The short answer to both: Yes. The couple stopped by Glamour‘s west coast offices recently to talk about their relationship, which you can see in the video below, and their banter and PDA didn’t stop—even when the cameras weren’t rolling. Or, as Ashley put it during our interview, “Look at this man. He’s so perfect. How did my soulmate come in such a beautiful package?”

Now, the wedding countdown begins (“We’re thinking about next August, but definitely within the next 14 months,” Ashley says). Until then, we had plenty of pressing questions to ask. Like, who won’t be at the wedding? And how did that Bachelor in Paradise engagement go down? Read on for more.

Glamour: Who are you inviting?

Ashley Iaconetti: Well, all our friends. A lot of [Bachelor] production.

Jared Haibon: When it comes to the guest list, I can guarantee you there’ll be times we feel really awkward saying, “Yeah, you’re just not invited.”

Ashley: There are a lot of people who are like, “I better be invited to the wedding,” and I’ll be like, “Hmmm. Not.”

Jared: A lot of people have already been like, “We better be invited to the wedding!” And it’s like, “I know you’re not joking.”

Glamour: Who are these people?

Jared: People from Bachelor family who we’re kind of friends with, but we’re certainly not close enough to invite to the wedding. But seeing how it’s a very public wedding, I’m sure they’re like, “Of course I’m going to get invited!” I mean, I haven’t even started thinking of a guest list, but I’m already fearful.

Glamour: Do you feel pressure to invite the Bachelor or Bachelorette whose season you were on originally?

Jared: No.

Ashley: Oh, hell naw! Hells to the naw!

Jared: Well, I would want Kaitlin (Bristowe) and Shawn (Booth) there.

Ashley: I think Kaitlin and Shawn would make the invite because I would naturally invite Kaitlin; she was a big part of my experience on this franchise. That is funny, that he would have a girl he’s made out with at the wedding.

Glamour: But not Caila Quinn [who Jared dated the last time he was on Paradise]?

Ashley: Oh, hell to the naw! [Laughs]

Jared: We’re just not friends with Caila. I wish Caila all the best.

Glamour: Well said. Ashley, you’ve gone through so much heartbreak on the show. If you could go back and tell yourself one thing, what would you say?

Ashley: Hold on. Just keep holding out hope! You’re really good holding on hope, just keep doing it. [Laughs]

Glamour: For anyone who has ever been told it’s never going to happen with the person they are interested in, what kind of message does your relationship send? Or is this an exception to the rule?

Ashley: We say we’re an exception to the rule. When I read the hater boards and stuff, a lot of people are like, “They shouldn’t be thinking they’re role models for a relationship.” We don’t! In He’s Just Not That Into You, I’m the Ginnifer Goodwin character. I am the exception to the rule. Most people who are so in love with somebody and they just don’t feel the same way back for like, two plus years, it’s probably not going to happen. You should probably move on. In a way, I moved on. For a solid year before Jared actually admitted his feelings, I was like, I guess it’ll never happen.

Glamour: And you truly believed that?

Ashley: I honestly thought that our marriage pact was the only way Jared and I would be getting married. If we were both not married by 35. I was like, I bet you there’s a solid chance we’ll both be single by 35 if we’re not together and we’ll probably end up together and live a happy life. I didn’t think he was going to come out with those [feelings]. We get the greatest comments about hope and how we give people hope and they believe in love again. It’s the nicest thing we could ever hear from people. But when there is a friend-zone situation, I want to be like, here’s the best advice: Jared said if I were to have cut him off cold-turkey a couple years ago, he would have come back. All this would have happened way sooner. So, I think that’s the test for people who are stuck in the friend zone. Cut him [or her] off, and if they don’t come back…

Jared: Then it’s over.

Ashley: Then it’s not going to happen.

Jared: I completely agree.

Glamour: Jared, there was always a spark with Ashley though, right?

Jared: There was never nothing. We got along really well, but for me, there wasn’t that romantic, boom, fireworks. A lot of it had to do with timing. It was literally a month after I finished The Bachelorette, which I was very invested in, when Ashley crossed my path [on Paradise]. Even if it was really good, I was like, “No, no, no, no, it’s not going to work out.” I never really gave that an opportunity. What’s funny, though, is that I always knew I was going to have some sort of romantic-comedy spin on my love life. I just didn’t know it would end up like this.

Ashley: You sure got it!

Glamour: Let’s talk about going to Bachelor in Paradise this year. Why were you even going in the first place?

Ashley: I thought we were going to [give out] a date card. We had been down there during Paradise season three and Jade and Tanner came down there for a date card.

Glamour: Who arranged for this to even happen? Jared?

Ashley: He handled most of the arrangements for the first time. I’m usually our travel coordinator. But, I was like, in the case that this is what I hope it is, I’m just going to let him deal….

Glamour: What do you mean “in the case that this is what I hope it is?”

Ashley: I mean, I definitely hoped we were going there to get engaged. I think any girl in my shoes would definitely think that, too.

Jared: I agree. She was definitely dropping hints that she was going to say yes. She was saying, “Hey, if you ask me tomorrow to get engaged I’d say yes.” She’d even say that we’re not going to live together until we get engaged. So, she was definitely dropping a lot of hints. I was trying to keep it from her, but I knew as soon as I started talking to ABC [about] going to Paradise, and I was telling Ashley we were going to make a cameo…

Glamour: Did you suggest going to Paradise to get engaged?

Ashley: I may have done the initial planting.

Jared: No, you didn’t.

Ashley: I kind of told [one of the producers] back in the day, “We’ll see where this is going. If this is going as well as it is right now, maybe we’ll talk to you about things we can do in Paradise.” They would have talked to [Jared] regardless.

Jared: I give you a lot of credit for a lot of things, but I give you zero credit for that.

Ashley: [Laughs]

Glamour: So, you went down with the impression you were giving out a date card, which makes sense.

Ashley: Oh, yeah, it makes total sense. There were so many other couples down there. So many people made cameo appearances.

Jared: It wasn’t really out of the ordinary for us to go there.

Ashley: The more couples and people I knew were going down there, the less likely it seemed like we were going to get engaged. It actually made me feel like, Oh, everybody’s doing it.

Glamour: Let’s say it wasn’t an option to get engaged on Bachelor in Paradise. Would you have still proposed now, Jared?

Jared: Probably right around there. I remember talking to a lot of my friends and family about whether it was too soon to get engaged in Paradise. They were like, “Well, when do you see yourself proposing?” and I was like, “I don’t know, maybe six months from now.” So they said, “You’re going to wait six more months when this opportunity is presented to you? What are you, out of your mind?”

Ashley: Remember that conversation we had four days before we went to Paradise? I was like, “We’d have to be married by 31, so we can have a year married by the time we start trying to have kids.” And you were like, “What? 31? That’s like, next year!” He was like, “That’s so soon!”

Glamour: So you had started talking about having a family?

Jared: Of course. We started planning a family the day we became boyfriend and girlfriend. It’s not scary for us. I think that’s a big part of the relationship. It’s not scary for us to talk about the future because we want the future to be with both of us.

Glamour: How many kids do you want?

Jared and Ashley simultaneously: Two to three. [Laughs]

Glamour: What was the funniest reaction you heard from your friends in Bachelor Nation when they found out?

Ashley: I think they weren’t that surprised. They were like, “This is how we do things around here.”

Glamour: After your engagement is shown on Paradise, when will viewers see you two on TV again? Would you ever have your own show?

Jared: We’d be open to it.

Ashley: We’d definitely want to be producers on it because we wouldn’t want to be in one of those Jessica Simpson/Nick Lachey situations. So many couples who’ve had reality shows, it just breaks them. We’d need to be heavily involved.



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Bachelor in Paradise Season 5, Episode 6 Recap: Goodbye, Kenny


I asked for Bachelor in Paradise to tone down the Colton and Tia drama, and the show delivered. So, I’m going to push my luck and make another request: More of Astrid, please! She was on fire tonight with the commentary—and, oh man, there’s a lot to comment on. Let’s get right to it, shall we? Spoilers ahead!

The episode starts with David giving a rundown of all the couples: Tia and Colton, Krystal and The Goose, Kevin and Astrid, and Kenny and Annaliese are all a thing; the love triangles are between Kendall, Joe, and Leo and Jenna, Jordan, and Benoit. As for the latter, Benoit, my sexy poutine, is completely smitten with Jenna, and Jordan’s not going to stop him from pursuing it. Surprisingly, Jordan isn’t sweating this one, though. He’s being so mature…oh, wait, he just saw Jenna and Benoit making out on the beach and is LIVID. He can’t even handle watching Benoit throw a frisbee at Jenna without swearing and pouting.

Krystal and Chris, meanwhile, are lying around on a dirty beach pillow talking about Krystal’s butt. In other words, they’re thisclose to falling in love. Astrid describes their chemistry as “two aliens from a different planet, but they’re from the same planet.” It’s an observation so spot-on, I’m wondering why we haven’t seen more of her commentary this season? Bachelor producers, get on it!

She also gives the best line of the episode—”Let’s find out whose life is getting ruined today!”—as Connor enters paradise. He’s got his eye on Krystal and lucky for him, he’s capital-T her Type. She gives him the look I usually only reserve for pizza and Benoit:

But when Connor takes Krystal aside for a chat, she says she’s really into Chris so he should use his date card on somebody more open. Connor thanks her for the heads up, and Krystal runs off to tell Chris what happened. He’s so happy, he can’t help telling everyone that Krystal shut Connor down for him. But twist! Connor tells Krystal he’s still interested in taking her on the date regardless, and she says yes. When she breaks the news to Chris, he reacts the better than expected: by saying absolutely nothing.

Krystal puts on her fanciest bikini for the date, which has been billed as a “mystical adventure.” Turns out, that means a custom prayer that involves burying them in sand while they channel their inner spirit animal. After, they make out in the ocean. Not sure that was the end goal of the prayer, but OK!

Back at the villa, Jordan and Jenna have a heart-to-heart talk. He admits he doesn’t handle emotions well, but he wants to improve because he’s scared he’ll lose her. This is enough for Jenna to be like, “Benoit, who?” She ostensibly then heads off to break up with Benoit…but kisses him instead. Jordan sees this, so he confronts Benoit. It, surprise, goes nowhere; Jordan yells and slaps his hands on the ground, Benoit throws a couple curse words around. Neither come out of it looking great, but who does in a love triangle?

In other news, Kenny reveals he’s leaving paradise because he doesn’t want to miss his daughter’s dance recital. THIS IS WHY KENNY IS THE BEST. He tells Annaliese first, and makes it clear he’s not leaving because of her. He really liked their connection, but he needs to be at home with his daughter. Ugh, so sweet. So pure. Annaliese sheds an appropriate amount of tears and wonders if there’s anyone left for her here.

That feeling doesn’t last long: Kamil enters the next morning with a date card for Annaliese. She doesn’t know how to pronounce his name, but that doesn’t stop her from being excited about the date. They drive an ATV across a tiny ramshackle bridge and somehow survive. Annaliese declares they’re already one of the “stronger” couples in paradise.

That may sound like a stretch, but Kevin and Astrid—arguably the strongest couple in paradise—are on the rocks. It starts when he casually says he wants her to go on a date with another guy because their relationship has been too easy so far. She, naturally, is like, Huh?

After some tears and back-and-forth, Kevin admits he said that because he’s insecure she’ll leave him. She’s his dream girl, so he’s always concerned a storm is coming. Plus, Kevin says, he’s normally in therapy twice a week to work this stuff out, so being in paradise isn’t helping. Astrid says she didn’t expect to feel so much so soon, either. They make up, and Kevin says he’s falling in love.

Speaking of couples making up, Jordan gives Jenna an ultimatum. If she doesn’t give him her rose this week, he’ll walk away from the show. She thinks on it a bit, then decides to cut poor Benoit loose. “I don’t really understand why she’s into him,” he tells the camera. Mmhm. He reacts by dramatically throwing a football into the sea repeatedly, which is way more poetic than Jordan’s giant stuffed animal tantrum.

Now that one triangle has concluded, let’s check in with Leo, Kendall, and Joe. Kendall says Joe makes her laugh, but her heart is drawn to Leo. However, everyone knows he kissed Chelsea…except for Kendall. Even Joe knows, but he decides it’s better to let Leo dig his own grave. Smart! His plan works: Kevin is the one who lets it slip to Kendall about the kiss. At least, I think that’s what happens during their talk. Hard to say because I was so stressed about their feet:

Later, Kendall confronts Leo. She doesn’t care that he kissed Chelsea; it’s that he told Kendall she was the only girl for him, then kept this a secret. Instead of, I don’t know, reflecting on his actions and deciding to become a better man, Leo throws a tantrum in the pool about tattletales. Kevin casually lounges while staring at Leo like:

Kevin lets Leo rant around for a bit before finally telling him he’s the one who told Kendall. It quickly turns into a yelling match, but Kevin isn’t phased. He even quotes fellow Canadian and Hot Man Justin Trudeau: “We are polite, we are reasonable, but we will not be pushed around.”

Wells tries to calm Leo down by telling him he’s being irrational. That doesn’t work, because Leo turns around and yells at Kendall. In his mind, she is in the wrong for calling him out. Excuse me, what? Leo then accuses Kendall of faking her feelings for him. When this doesn’t go over well, he tries a different tactic and showers Kendall with compliments. Kendall is handling it well on her own, but Joe decides to step in and…. TO BE CONTINUED.

I’ll see you tomorrow night, when everyone cries!





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Bachelor in Paradise Season 5, Episode 5 Recap: So Many Love Triangles


Caution: Spoilers for Bachelor in Paradise ahead.

The episode begins with Krystal giving the villa a much-need sage cleansing. And you know what? I think it actually worked because this episode had everything I want from BiP: very little Chris screen time, and the arrival of my favorite French-Canadian snack Benoit. (Remember him from Bachelor: Winter Games?)

But I’m getting ahead of myself: Let’s back up to the morning after last episode’s rose ceremony. Brownie the dog has been saved from the ocean, and the women all feel sympathy for Jenna, who must put up with Jordan for another week. Jenna agrees, apparently: “I would rather date anyone else on this beach [than Jordan].”

Even though she’s clearly over him, Jordan thinks they’ll get over this speed bump which involved, never forget, him throwing a giant stuffed dog into the ocean like a child.

This seems like a good moment for Leo to enter and stir shit up. Kendall and Jenna are attracted to him, but Chelsea literally has an intense physical reaction. She’s actually sweating she’s so nervous to be around him. However, Leo asks Kendall on the date and she says yes.

Joe, who confessed earlier he “might” be falling in love with Kendall, is bummed. He tries to give her a Grocery Goodbye, but it gets awkward:

Everyone feels bad for Joe.

As for Leo and Kendall, their date involves a photography session with former BiP bartender Jorge. He says he’s written a romance novel and wants them to pose for the cover. Sound good…until Jorge gives a rundown of the plot. Arie Luyendyk Jr., Lauren Burnham, Ben Higgins, and Amanda Stanton are all brought in to play characters in Jorge’s book, and it is a hot, hot mess.

Thankfully, we don’t spend too much time with Arie and move on to Leo and Kendall making out in the pool instead. Meanwhile, back in Paradise, Joe’s all like, “Whaddaya gonna do?!” to Wells about his situation with Kendall.

When she returns from her date, she talks to Joe one-on-one, and it derails quickly. He straight-up asks if she kissed Leo, but when she answers honestly and says yes, he accuses her of “kissing all the guys.” She calls him out on that, and Joe admits he’s upset because there’s nobody else for him here. She tells Joe she still likes him…but she likes Leo too. Oh, and now she’s questioning whether her relationship with Joe could really last.

But maybe Kendall should pause on Leo, because even though he’s “in like” with her, that doesn’t stop him from making out with Chelsea hours after their date.

The next day, a date card comes for…Colton. UGH. We really need another date with Tia and Colton? Really? They’ve been together-ish for like a day, but Tia’s already sure Colton will ask her to be his girlfriend on the date.

Once Tia and Colton are on their date, it becomes clear why they were picked: Raven and Adam, who met on Bachelor in Paradise and are still dating, are here to give some advice. Raven and Tia are close friends, as evidenced by the fact that Raven wastes no time telling Tia she doesn’t trust Colton. To this, Tia says, “But I’m really good at reading people.” Raven, however, isn’t buying it. Tia, of course, seems unswayed.

“If this ends badly, I’ll cut his penis off so he can’t ever lose that virginity.” – Raven

After Raven and Adam leave, Tia tells Colton about her friend’s concerns. They talk for a bit, Tia cries, and eventually they decide they’re boyfriend and girlfriend. Tia’s already saying, “I could see us getting engaged at the end of this.” Tia, girl, just enjoy the moment!

Speaking of enjoying a moment, my love Benoit has entered Paradise. Jenna gets it:

He asks Jenna out on a date, and she shows up in a très chic red lip and black jumpsuit for the occasion. The night goes well—for them, not Jordan—and the two spend most of the date making out. So much so that Benoit gets that red lipstick all over his face.

When they return, Jordan asks Jenna for a moment alone. He takes her to the beach, where he wrote “I’m sorry” in the sand. “What’s a guy gotta do, you know?” he asks. Um, more than this? Jenna tells Jordan that she has a good connection with Benoit, so she’s not sure what will happen. In an unprecedented display of maturity, Jordan tells Jenna he thinks she’s special, so he’s OK losing the battle if he can win the war. It’s kind of sweet, for Jordan.

See you next week for the following: “He’s about to get a foot up his ass if he doesn’t watch out.” “Leo’s on a warpath.” “The drama!” “Good luck with Grocery Store Bitch.”





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