It’s fantasy suite time, Bachelorette fans, and you know what that means: deep talks, crying, and implied sex! Your regular recapper, Anna Moeslein, is still living her best life on vacation, so you have me for one more week!
Here’s what happened on tonight’s episode:
We’re in Thailand! Becca’s looking gorgeous, as always. She says Thailand’s one of the most “romantic” places she’s been to, which seems accurate—especially when you compare it to Richmond, Virginia, where they went a few weeks ago. Thailand > Richmond, Virginia any day of the week.
Becca says she’s “in love” with two men and “falling in love” with a third. Those first two are clearly Blake and Garrett. The third is Jason, which probably means shit’s about to go down with him tonight. Becca keeps talking about how obsessed she is with Garrett, so here’s a quick, little reminder about those bigoted Instagram posts he “liked” a few months back. Remember those? Because I sure do!
Blake, my favorite of the three, has the first date of the episode. He’s looking like a damn snack in that V-neck shirt, which Becca obviously realizes because she jumps on him like a spider monkey.
Blake and Becca go hiking on their date, which is 10 times worse than that tractor-tomato excursion from last week. Also, they can’t kiss and touch on this hike—a funny caveat seeing as how Blake says, “I can’t wait to kiss and touch” Becca before meeting her. My roommate and I clocked four times where they nudged bodies, ergo breaking the rules.
They then hang out with some monks. Blake doesn’t close his eyes when he’s suppose to close his eyes. He says he’s really taking in the “wisdom” from “this monk,” but something tells me he’s just thinking about making out with Becca. Justice for “this monk!” Becca and Blake nudge/break the rules again.
At dinner that night, Becca tells Blake it just keeps getting “better and better” with him and that she’s scared a bomb’s going to drop. (Apparently, Garrett’s Instagram “likes” aren’t bombs? There’s your second friendly reminder!) Blake says he’s falling in love with Becca and he can no longer ignore the fact she may have stronger connections with the other guys. Um…is he just now realizing this? Has he ever watched The Bachelorette? Becca doesn’t really do anything to ease his anxieties, either. She just talks about Arie. Stop talking about Arie!
This is the longest conversation on the planet. Blake says he’s not afraid to commit to Becca. “I’m the type of man who’s looking for a reason to stay, not a reason to go,” he says, literally, like he’s in some bad Matthew McConaughey rom-com. The line does the trick, though: Blake and Becca go to the fantasy suite. Sidebar: It looks so friggin’ humid where they are. I’m getting aggressive sweat stains on my shirt just looking at this weather.
Becca and Blake wake up in bed together and kiss. “I had so much fun last night,” Blake says, which for some reason makes me audibly cackle. Like…what a thing to say after the fantasy suite. They whisper some inaudible shit, and Becca says Blake is “in his head” today. He says he doesn’t want this to be the last time he wakes up with Becca. I…don’t think Blake knows how The Bachelorette works. Becca asks if there’s anything she can do to ease his nervousness, but the answer to that is clear: Pick Blake. My God, please pick Blake. He’s the only one left who 1) has good hair, and 2) isn’t a bigoted Instagram post liker. (And there, my friends, is your third friendly reminder.)
Date number two is Jason and his slicked-back hair. He’s wearing mint-green shorts: a plus, because that’s my favorite color. They go to the Sunday Market and explore, which actually sounds like a fun date. There’s no hiking or tractors involved! Jason’s consistently had the best dates.
And he’s so interesting, too. He’s actually taking in the Thailand sights and has genuine opinions. He’s so funny and breezy and charming—I hate that Becca would rather hang out with Garrett. Becca makes some comment about “the future”; she then immediately wants to take it back, though, because she says she can’t picture a future with Jason. She has a little meltdown about it—like, they film Becca putting her hair up in a ponytail (!!!) and talking to a producer (!!!). A Bachelorette with her hair up and a producer shown on camera?! The scandal of it all! Jason’s sweating, which is relatable.
Jason’s all in with Becca, and it’s beyond clear she’s not. You can see it in her eyes, and she barely says anything as Jason gushes on and on about her. Oof. This is actually devastating. Becca starts relaying the story to Jason about making a comment about the “future,” but she has to excuse herself. She realizes she sees a future with Garrett and Blake, but not Jason. Heartbreaking, but not surprising.
There’s a lot of heavy, nervous breathing and whispering. Becca then tells Jason how she’s feeling: that she sees more of a future with Blake and Garrett and she can’t put him through an overnight. Jason’s understanding, but of course sad. Jason says he came into this rooting for her happiness and that he’ll always root for her happiness, so he’s an actual angel. I can’t believe she’s kicking him out and keeping Garrett Bigoted Instagram Posts Yrigoyen!!!!!! Where the hell is the justice? In an odd twist, though, Jason’s never looked hotter to me than he does after getting dumped.
Becca’s now sobbing and saying, “What did I just do?” “What am I doing?” Uh, you’re dumping a dude on national television, that’s what! You’re on The Bachelorette! You are The Bachelorette. This is your job! Becca says Jason is one of the best guys she’s ever known and thinks she’s doing to him what Arie did to her. No comment on that.
Becca spends her morning crying and staring wistfully in her hotel room over Jason, but she can’t stay sad for long because Garett’s date is next. Whoopee! She jumps on Garrett, again, like a spider monkey when she sees him. That move is becoming her signature more than, “Let’s do the damn thing.” Their peaceful rafting date turns into a bit of a rager because there’s a Thai national holiday happening on the river. I’m so bored with them. They drink beers. Garrett’s shirt is annoying the crap out of me. He babbles on and on about his hometown date, and I only half listen. Becca wants to know if Garrett’s falling in love with him, which he obviously is. Blah blah blah, remember Garrett’s Instagrams, blah blah blah.
LOL, Becca makes some heavy-handed metaphor about how navigating the river today is like navigating a relationship. I’m so over them as a couple, which sucks because Garrett’s clearly a front-runner. Garrett says he’s worried about getting engaged and having it not work out—remember he was married once—and Becca stares at him blankly in response. Oh, and she says “yeah.” Becca eventually says she only wants Garrett to say things if he means them, and that they both know the gravity of this situation. Their chat ends with Garrett saying she’s in love with Becca, but whether or not this was a forced/manipulated confession is up in the air. His admission came after a super pointed conversation about love. But who cares about that? They go to the fantasy suite! (An aside from my roommate about this date: “I can’t wait for this shit to be over so we can watch Love Island.)
Garrett and Becca wake up to the sound of the rain. They kiss and say some lovey-dovey nonsense. I can’t with the fact their fantasy suite was in a literal tree house. Blake got a dope-ass suite! Becca blows Garrett a kiss goodbye. Garrett attempts to do the same and fails. He did, like, some bizarre drunk chef’s kiss instead. Garrett can’t blow kisses, apparently.
But plot twist: Jason comes back to Becca to talk about what happened. He starts opening up to Becca about the situation and holds back tears. He says his love for Becca is genuine. She straight-up admits to blindsiding Jason and compares herself to Arie. Even still, she doesn’t, like, take back what happened the before and says Jason deserves to find love. Insult to injury: Jason made Becca a damn scrapbook of all their good times together and gives it to her. All Becca says is some empty quote about how Jason’s an amazing man and that she’ll “look at [the scrapbook] later.” Ice cold! She sends him on his merry way, and starts looking at the scrapbook. Again, it changes nothing.
There’s a final rose ceremony (???) even though Jason’s gone, so this is just performative because Blake and Garrett are each getting roses. So, so, so dumb.
Becca explains the Jason situation to Blake and Garrett, and they just make doofy faces in response. I’m so annoyed. Garrett accepts his rose. Blake accepts his rose. I miss Jason. Heck, I miss Joe the Grocery Store Owner. Garrett makes some weird chest-puffing speech about how he’s excited to meet Becca’s parents right in front of Blake. Blake squints his eyes and says to himself over and over that Garrett and Becca don’t have what they have. I just want to give him a glass of wine. Anyway, they’re now going to the Maldives, and the dudes are going to meet Becca’s fam.
Next week: Men Tell All! Fingers crossed Chris Harrison asks Garrett about his bigoted Instagram posts! And then the finale! Becca cries and calls herself a “monster!”
Stream this season of The Bachelorette here.
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