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On 'The Bachelor,' A Woman Over 27 Is Considered a 'Cougar'


Last night on The Bachelor, the contestants were asked to write a short story about a “first time” in their life. After a few tales about college high jinks and first-impression roses, one woman, Elyse, stood up and revealed that Colton Underwood, at 26, is the first younger guy she’s dated. Her competitor Demi called this act “so brave.” Later, as Colton and Elyse discussed their age difference, she told him the contestants over 27 had bunked together and dubbed their room the “cougar den.” Colton gave Elyse the group date rose, praising her for opening up and being so “vulnerable.”

Elyse is 31.

Thirty-one! As I pointed out in my recap last night, that is still much younger than last year’s then 36-year-old Bachelor Arie Luyendyk Jr. It’s younger than both times Brad Womack was the lead, first at 35 then at 38. And definitely younger than the oldest Bachelor in the show’s history: season six’s Byron Velvick, who was 40 at the time. The average age of the Bachelor is 31. The same age as Elyse.

Wanna know the age of the oldest Bachelorette? I mean, no, but I’ll tell you anyway: 32. (That honor goes to Rachel Lindsay.) The median age for the Bachelorette is 27.

Her delivery was off, but maybe Demi was right after all when she snipes, “There’s no advantage to being an older woman here.”

Women (and even some men) on social media agree: The Bachelor has an ageism problem. “The fact that being in your upper twenties qualifies you in the cougar den in Colton’s season is very concerning,” one woman wrote. “Like I haven’t even accepted the fact that I’m an adult and now I have to accept that I’m a cougar?”

Another joked, “Colton is giving Elyse the rose because she was ‘brave’ and ‘vulnerable.’ She admitted she was over 30.”

Some took the “cougar den” in stride, like this user who tweeted, “Apparently on #thebachelor they designated a room for 27+ women called the “cougar den”…WELCOME TO THE DEN BITCHES. WELCOME TO BEING AWESOME AND KNOWING WHAT WE WANT.”

While others directed their jokes (and probably a little anger) at Demi, who was the main instigator of the older-versus-younger women debate. “I will show up to every birthday every year for the rest of Demi’s life to remind her she just got a year older,” one person wrote. “Don’t doubt me, I’ve got time.”

The Demi jokes are good and fun, but let’s not skim over the fact that she’s part of a wider problem. The Bachelor and The Bachelorette has a storied history of casting mostly early-twenties women for their 30-something Bachelor, and vice versa. (One notable exception: Rachel Lindsay’s guys were younger than her on average! Leave it to the first woman of color Bachelorette to break multiple barriers.)

I don’t expect the show to suddenly change this practice for every season to come—it’s all about the baby steps when it comes to The Bachelor—but it would be nice to have a world where a woman’s age isn’t a big reveal or a plot device. This goes both ways: Remember all the so-called controversy about 22-year-old Bekah Martinez being too young for Arie last season? The numbers might be different, but the argument is the same: restrictions are being placed around whether or not a woman’s age is “correct” for the guy she’s dating.

If we could stop focusing on that so much, there’d be more time to discuss the really important things. Like my new hero, the woman who told Colton she’s not ready for kids, “just a bunch of dogs right now.”

Anna Moeslein is a senior editor at Glamour. Read her Bachelor recaps here.





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Gisele Bündchen Says She Once Considered Suicide After Severe Panic Attacks


Trigger warning: This post contains information that may be triggering to people who’ve experienced suicidal thoughts.

In a new interview with People, supermodel Gisele Bündchen opens up about the mental health scare that changed the course of her life.

“Things can be looking perfect on the outside, but you have no idea what’s really going on,” Bündchen said, explaining why she decided to share her mental health issues in her upcoming book, Lessons: My Path to a Meaningful Life. “I felt like maybe it was time to share some of my vulnerabilities, and it made me realize, everything I’ve lived through, I would never change, because I think I am who I am because of those experiences.”

Bündchen said she experienced her first panic attack in 2003, during a bumpy flight, and subsequently developed a fear of enclosed spaces, like tunnels and elevators. “I had a wonderful position in my career, I was very close to my family, and I always considered myself a positive person, so I was really beating myself up. Like, ‘Why should I be feeling this?’ I felt like I wasn’t allowed to feel bad,” she said. “But I felt powerless. Your world becomes smaller and smaller, and you can’t breathe, which is the worst feeling I’ve ever had.”

Bündchen told People she started looking for any way to make her panic attacks stop. “I actually had the feeling of, ‘If I just jump off my balcony, this is going to end, and I never have to worry about this feeling of my world closing in,'” she said. She sought the help of a specialist, and was prescribed Xanax, which didn’t sit well with her. “The thought of being dependent on something felt, in my mind, even worse, because I was like, ‘What if I lose that [pill]? Then what? Am I going to die?’ The only thing I knew was, I needed help,” Bündchen said.

She continued to meet with doctors, and eventually decided to completely overhaul her lifestyle. She changed her diet and added yoga and meditation to her routine. “I had been smoking cigarettes, drinking a bottle of wine and three mocha Frappuccinos every day, and I gave up everything in one day,” the mom of two said. “I thought, if this stuff is in any way the cause of this pain in my life, it’s gotta go.” She also broke up with then boyfriend Leonardo DiCaprio, explaining that she felt somewhat “alone” in her determination to change her life so dramatically—but there are no hard feelings between the former couple. “Everyone who crosses our path is a teacher, they come into our lives to show us something about ourselves,” she said. “And I think that’s what he was. What is good versus bad? I honor him for what he was.”

If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255.

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The Recall of Judge Aaron Persky Was Considered a Victory—but Not Everyone Agrees


Last week’s primary elections in eight states were closely watched, in part to see whether the so-called Blue Wave would materialize for November’s midterms. But in California eyes were also on a special inclusion to the ballot, one nearly two years in the making.

It was the recall effort to remove Judge Aaron Persky from the bench, an effort spearheaded by Stanford law school professor Michele Dauber following his sentencing of former swimmer Brock Turner for the sexual assault of “Emily Doe.” Turner was found guilty on three felony charges, and though the maximum sentence in the case was 14 years, Judge Persky (also a Stanford alum) sentenced him to six months.

Turner ended up serving just three months of that sentence.

Dauber’s mission to unseat Judge Persky had many critics. Many of her Stanford colleagues did not support the campaign; she received an envelope containing white powder (which turned out to be harmless) and a letter that threatened to treat her like “Emily Doe” for leading the recall.

When we spoke on the day of the vote and I asked if any of this had taken a toll on her, she responded with zero hesitation: “Not at all,” Dauber said. “Not even one bit. You can’t do something like this and not expect that there will be pushback. That’s not realistic. No part of that has had any impact on me in any serious way.”

She still receives threats on a regular basis, but she said that’s to be expected. “There’s no way that you can do something like this that is so directly challenging so many powerful institutions and so threatening to the status quo without engendering some backlash,” she said. “It hasn’t slowed us down not even one bit.”

In the end 60 percent of California voters said Persky should be out. Prosecutor Cindy Hendrickson was voted in to replace him, with nearly 70 percent of the vote.

Dauber, who has been described as a den mother to Emily Doe, declined to describe Doe’s reaction to the verdict. But she sees the removal of Persky as a victory for all women. “The voters of Santa Clara County are the winners of this election,” she said in an emailed statement. “We voted today against impunity for high-status perpetrators of sexual assault and domestic violence. We voted that sexual violence is serious and it must be taken seriously by elected officials. Our message is: Violence against women is a voting issue—alongside reproductive freedom, gun control, and the other issues that progressive Democratic women care about. If candidates want the votes of progressive Democratic women, they will have to take this issue seriously. If they do not, they will hear from women at the polls.”

“The right result here is not to change the law to tie the hands of 1,000 good judges who didn’t abuse their discretion. The right result is simply to unelect the bad judge who did abuse his discretion.”

The decision isn’t that clear-cut for Persky’s supporters, though, who argue that the recall will set a dangerous precedent. LaDoris Cordell, a spokesperson for Persky and a retired judge, told The New York Times that the recall was an attack on judicial independence that “encouraged people to think of judges as no more than politicians.” (Cordell did not respond to Glamour’s requests for comment.)

Santa Clara University law professor Margaret Russell told Glamour that the recall sends the message to state judges that they should “consider public opinion in their sentencing decisions.”

“This runs counter to the judicial oath or affirmation to protect and defend the United States and state constitutions,” Russell said.

Other Persky supporters also argue that he wasn’t handing down lenient sentences for certain defendants, especially privileged, white athletes, pointing to his record in criminal court, where he followed California sentencing guidelines, as reported by the Associated Press.

But Dauber argues that such reasoning is flawed. “What we have here is a judge who has repeatedly abused his discretion in order to help out privileged offenders, often athletes, college athletes, who have committed serious violence against women,” she told Glamour. “I don’t believe that judges are going to start imposing sentences that they think are wrong just in order to save their own political skins. I just don’t think that that’s how judges operate.”

She thinks the impact will be limited to this judge, for his behavior in this case. “Judge Persky made an exception for Turner and gave him probation even though the law provided a two-year minimum that was presumed not eligible for probation,” she said. “That’s the law of our state. As a result of that abuse of discretion, Jeff Rosen, our district attorney, went to the legislature and had them pass a new mandatory minimum.”

In 2016 California Governor Jerry Brown signed two bills to expand the definition of rape and impose mandatory minimum sentencing for crimes similar to the one Turner committed. (Persky’s supporters point out that the judge followed the sentencing recommendation from the county probation department.) At the time Brown voiced his opposition to adding mandatory minimum sentences, but said that the bill would bring “a measure of parity to sentencing for criminal acts that are substantially similar,” The Atlantic reported.

“The right result here is not to change the law to tie the hands of 1,000 good judges who didn’t abuse their discretion. The right result is simply to unelect the bad judge who did abuse his discretion,” Dauber said. “This victory is not for Emily Doe; this victory is for girls and women everywhere.”

When asked what the recall means for women and movements like #MeToo, Russell had a different view: “The chilling effect on the independence of the judiciary is palpable,” she said. But she did find one thing everyone can agree on: “Both the anti-recall and recall campaigns were led by self-identified feminists,” Russell said. “It is abundantly clear that the #MeToo movement is intersectional, complex, and not subject to simple classifications.”



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