Tag: Abuse

This week, more than 150 women—including Olympians Aly Raisman and McKayla Maroney— testified in the Larry Nassar trial that Nassar, a former USA Gymnastics and Michigan State University doctor, sexually abused them. Nassar was sentenced to 40 to 175 years in prison on Wednesday, bringing the trial to an end, but the testimony from that courtroom will have a lasting impact on women worldwide—both the survivors and those who heard their words.

One of the most common refrains in many of the women’s testimonials, was how they had always been told no one could touch them “down there”—except a doctor. But Nassar was a doctor—one who preyed on that exact mentality and trust to take advantage of his patients. Surely many parents heard these words and wondered if they should rethink how they talk to their daughters about sexual abuse and safety.

While different ages require different approaches, you want to teach your kids about their bodies, someone else’s body, and the concept of boundaries and personal space, says Susan Abbott, M.D., a child and adolescent psychiatrist and a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York City. “By doing that, you’re giving them the language to communicate so that if something should occur, they have the tools to not keep it to themselves or be swallowed up by shame and fear,” she says.

You can start having these discussions as early as you feel comfortable, says Dyan Hes, M.D., the medical director of Gramercy Pediatrics in New York City. “I recommend that when parents give their [young] child baths, they tell them: Mommy and Daddy, your grandparents, maybe a babysitter, we’re the only people allowed to clean you. And if anybody ever comes and asks to touch you or pull down your pants or if you think that they shouldn’t be seeing your private areas—even a doctor—you have to tell us,’” says Dr. Hes.

Another red flag that kids should definitely be aware of: “What nearly all sexual abusers say is, ‘Don’t tell anyone.’ Nobody should be asking a child to keep secrets,” says Dr. Hes. You want your kids to know that if someone tells them “This is between us,” or “What we have is special,” your child should tell their parents immediately. You can also work with your child on learning to identify their feelings. “You’d be surprised how many kids don’t have the education to understand anger, disappointment, or other emotions,” says Dr. Abbot. “I tell kids that feelings are their sixth sense—and the feelings that occur with abuse are typically confusion and shame. So it’s important to teach kids that if they ever feel confused or ashamed in a ‘secret’ situation with an adult, they need to tell Mommy and Daddy.”

Empowering children to speak up, even against adults in authority positions, may truly be the only way to stop this kind of abuse. In many cases—like Nassar’s—even the adults that were initially told were part of a larger system that avoided confronting that abuse. But children should know they don’t have to stop at one adult. “You have to stress to kids, if anybody is ever harming them and one adult doesn’t help them, they have to find the next adult,” says Dr. Hes. “I know it sounds crazy, but tell them to go to the police, a fireman, a nurse—those jobs are all mandated to report abuse.”

“The one thing you want to teach your kids is not to be silent,” agrees Dr. Abbott. “And as a parent, you’re the one who has the give them the language to tell someone what happened.”

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