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Kim Kardashian Says She Leaned on a ‘Surrogate Therapist’ Ahead of Chicago's Arrival


Kim Kardashian West’s journey to becoming a mother of four kids—North, Saint, Chicago, and Psalm—hasn’t been without its difficulties. During her first two pregnancies, Kardashian West experienced placenta accreta, a condition in which the placenta is stuck during birth. She then chose to use surrogates for her third and fourth children. Now, Kardashian West reveals that welcoming her third child, her daughter Chicago, came with the help of an unexpected resource just for surrogacies.

In an interview with divorce lawyer Laura Wasser for her podcast, All’s Fair, Kim Kardashian West shared she used a “surrogate therapist” to assist with Chicago’s birth, E! News reports.

The surrogate therapist, as Kardashian West explained it, acted as a mediator between herself and the surrogate who carried her daughter, Chicago. It was one of several professionals who came on board to ensure the surrogacy went smoothly: “You get your surrogate attorney, you get your surrogate broker and then the broker recommended that we use a therapist that would communicate with me first and then communicate with her and kind of be our liaison,” Kardashian West said.

With the surrogate therapist on her team, Kardashian West was able to ensure she and her surrogate were comfortable at every point during the pregnancy, from the early months to the delivery. She says they discussed “[t]hings like going through the birthing plan, so if anything was uncomfortable she would be that buffer to say, ‘This is who I want in the room. What are you comfortable with? How does this work?'”

As the surrogate’s pregnancy progressed, Kardashian West noted that she and her surrogate were able to communicate without the therapist’s assistance. “Towards the end we got close enough where we could communicate really without that,” Kim recalled. “[The therapist] would suggest, ‘Hey, I think you guys should communicate once a week through text, maybe on Mother’s Day. She’s a mother as well. Maybe get her a massage or something that’s appropriate for her to pamper.'”

Kardashian West previously has been open about the difficulties she faced during the decision to use surrogates. “Anyone that says or thinks it is just the easy way out is just completely wrong,” she told Entertainment Tonight before Chicago was born. “I think it is so much harder to go through it this way, because you are not really in control. And, you know, obviously you pick someone that you completely trust and that you have a good bond and relationship with, but it is still…knowing that I was able to carry my first two babies and not, you know, my baby now, it’s hard for me. So it’s definitely a harder experience than I anticipated just in the control area.”

Giving birth, Kardashian West said, was one of the most painful experiences of her life. So giving up control over the experience, however difficult, was a choice she stood by. “I am blessed that I am able to do this, and technology is the way that it is that we can do this,” she said.

Before Kardashian West revealed she was expecting her fourth child, Psalm, via surrogate, she told Elle that four kids would likely be her limit. “I don’t think I could handle more than that,” she said. “My time is spread really thin. And I think it’s important that in all couples, the mom gives the husband as much attention as the kids.”



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How to Break Up With Your Therapist


If you’ve been going to therapy for several months but don’t feel like you’re making any progress towards your goals—which could be anything from developing better coping skills to cutting out toxic relationships—it’s probably time to consider that your relationship with this particular therapist isn’t working.

You feel like you have accomplished the goals you set with your therapist.__

You’re not meant to be in therapy forever. That kind of defeats the point, right? The goal of therapy should be to get you to a place where you no longer feel like you need regular sessions.

If you’re starting to realize your therapist has done their job, and that you’ve also done the work, bring it up to your therapist so you can start planning your transition out of therapy.

You don’t feel comfortable with your therapist.

Of course, there are instances where unethical behavior could be at play, too. Unethical behavior from a therapeutic standpoint could be anything from sexual advances from your therapist, to fostering a dual relationship (such as following you on Instagram or trying to become friends outside of your sessions), to different displays of bias.

If you feel uncomfortable or anything feels off, know that you are well within your rights to address it immediately—even if that means walking out mid-session.

How to Break Up With Your Therapist

You don’t have to feel bad about cutting ties—not everyone clicks. “It can feel very awkward but remember (as with any relationship) it’s not necessarily about you as people so much as how you fit together that’s the issue,” says Brubaker. “You do not need to justify your decision any further than that.”

During your session say something like, “I really appreciate the time we’ve had together but I do not feel that this therapeutic relationship is working for me.” Brubaker recommends ending therapy either prior to your next session or during your next session and having a conversation about how to proceed.

Ghosting isn’t cool—unless you feel unsafe. “Unless there is serious harm or unethical behavior taking place, I would not recommend ghosting,” says Brubaker. Remember that your therapist is a human being, too; they’ve cleared an hour of their day or more to commit to you.

When there’s a specific issue—say, you want to check in on goals more regularly—bring it up before pulling the plug. “To me the first step is to communicate that you think there is an issue,” explains Brubaker. “When someone is direct and brings an issue to our attention, many therapists will be grateful for that information. I have found myself wondering about people who left my practice with no notice and what I could do to improve after that happens. If you feel comfortable sharing it, giving your therapist feedback is one of the best ways for us to grow professionally.”

Ending things with a therapist can be awkward, but it’s great practice for handling conflict. “Therapy can actually be a great realm to practice that type of communication because very often one of people’s goals in therapy is to work on issues in their other interpersonal relationships,” says Brubaker.

Your therapist will usually have recommendations for resources for you during your breakup conversation. “Typically, I will explore what the person is looking for and give them options for therapists who have something I do not, for example, being in a more convenient location or working with different modalities,” says Brubaker.

I finally ended my sessions with my therapist about a month and a half into treatment. I said I was too busy with school and couldn’t commit. Now, I wish I had been honest and explained my problem was with her and her approach. My experience there made me reluctant to try therapy again. However, when I did find the right fit years later, I realized how important having a therapist you trust and click with is. Sometimes, it just takes a few tries.

Molly Burford is a writer in Denver covering mental health and wellness. Follow her at @mburf92.



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Ariana Grande Says Seeing a Therapist 'Saved My Life'


Ariana Grande has been through some tough times recently—a terrorist attack, the shocking death of her ex Mac Miller, and the very public engagement to and breakup from SNL’s Pete Davidson. To get through it all, she’s turned to therapy, according to a recent tweet.

Earlier this week the “God Is a Woman Singer” teased her new album and single titled “Thank You, Next”. After a fan joked about her latest breakup-themed hit, which highlights the lessons she learned from her past relationships, by writing on Twitter “who is ariana’s therapist and are they accepting new clients,” Grande took the opportunity to issue an important PSA about mental health.

“lmaoaoo this is funny as fuck but in all honesty therapy has saved my life so many times,” she wrote. “If you’re afraid to ask for help, don’t be. u don’t have to be in constant pain & u can process trauma. i’ve got a lot of work to do but it’s a start to even be aware that it’s possible.”

This isn’t the first time Grande has spoken up about mental health issues. Following the bombing after one of her concerts in Manchester, England, in 2017, Grande has been open about her struggles with post-traumatic stress disorder and anxiety. “Sry i’m really really anxious and really exhausted and jus trying to get thru the trip,” she tweeted on her first trip back to England after the attack.

She even dedicated one of the tracks on Sweetener to those affected by the bombing. “It’s just about just being there for each other and helping each other through scary times and anxiety,” she said of her song “Get Well Soon” in an interview earlier this year.

Her fans loved her honesty about getting professional help. In the words of one fan: “This simple tweet is going to save a lot of people.”

Related Stories:

Pete Davidson Opened Up About His Breakup With Ariana Grande on SNL

Ariana Grande Hinted How Her New Album Will Address Her Relationship With Pete Davidson





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There's a Type of Therapy Where You Walk with Your Therapist, and It Works


When Megan Treby, 41, an art teacher who lives near Washington, D.C., first started seeing her therapist, Jen Udler of Positive Strides Therapy for her anxiety, Udler suggested that the two of them might conduct their sessions while taking walks to help release excess energy. Udler specializes in a type of therapy called “movement therapy” (in other words, walking while talking) that she thought might be helpful for Treby. The pair began meeting for sessions on a walking trail in Fallsgrove Park in Rockville, Maryland. During their sessions, Udler didn’t take notes. It wasn’t even completely private—they were in a public space, after all. But the benefits of walking side-by-side instead of sitting face-to-face are pretty profound: it really seems to make talking about difficult issues easier for people.

There’s actually research to back this type of therapy up—one study found that people with anxious tendencies felt more pleasantly about another person they were interacting with if they weren’t making eye contact. Treby noticed this effect, and also that moving through her surroundings on her walks with Udler gave them fodder for their sessions. The two walked on a path with dashed white lines, which Udler used as a metaphor for breaking up tasks little by little on the road to transformation. Over time, Treby started to her Udler’s voice in her head. Megan: think of something else. Megan: identify what you’re afraid of. Megan: is that reality or is that the anxiety talking?

Physical movement has traditionally been seen as something done outside of and in addition to talk therapy. But combining them is proving to work way better for some people. “When I have clients that prefer to sit in an office, they take a longer time to make progress,” says Clay Cockrell, a movement therapy practitioner and founder of Walk and Talk Therapy in New York City. Progress, according to Cockrell, means developing problem-solving tools and learning to make different choices outside the patterns that a patient is trying to break. “[With therapy,] there’s this very stereotypical image of Freud and a couch in people’s minds, which many find intimidating and not at all appealing,” says Amanda Stemen, a clinical social worker based in Los Angeles. “We need to broaden the understanding of what therapy actually is and all the methods in which healing and growth can occur.”

Angela*, 55, used the walk-and-talk method to get through her sadness and feelings of depression after her sons left for college. Her walking sessions were often four miles long. “It’s good to not lock in because you’re missing someone,” she says.

The addition of movement also allows therapists to observe breath, pace, gait, and posture and incorporate that information as part of their therapeutic process. For example, Stemen might notice a client walking heavily and ask them about it. “There’s usually a parallel between what they’re doing physically between how they operate their emotional life,” says Stemen.

It’s not that walking alone has some magic power to evaporate anxiety or remove sadness. Walking and talking with a counselor is just a new way of approaching mental health goals, and it can be especially for people who have had trouble finding therapy styles that work for them in the past. Through movement therapy, “I was able to see that my thoughts were just automatic negative thoughts and a product of my anxiety —not truths,” says Treby. “The simple act of walking forward literally made my mind move forward.”

*name has been changed



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