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Chris Harrison on What Went Wrong on 'Bachelor in Paradise' This Summer


After the season that almost wasn’t, Bachelor in Paradise attempted to wrap things up with a bow at tonight’s finale by reuniting Corinne Olympios and DeMario Jackson for the first time since production was shut down over allegations of misconduct earlier this summer.

While the much-anticipated joint interview didn’t reveal anything new about what did or didn’t happen in late June, Corinne and DeMario did open up about the benefits of therapy to get them through a very trying time. “Therapy has been really good for me and helped me make sense of things,” Corinne said. “I’m trying to get back to my old self.” DeMario wished Corinne happiness before adding, “I hope someday we can not be connected in this cloud.” Corinne’s response: “I think the cloud has cleared.”

But has it? After the show, host Chris Harrison admitted to us that while he’s content with how things turned out in the end, he still doesn’t love how everything was handled. “I get that you’re not satisfied with everything fully, nor am I,” he told us backstage. “I don’t love how this has gone. But you have to realize, I was put on a certain field and within a box that I had to play.”

Viewers may never know the whole story, but Chris sat down with Glamour to explain why he’s choosing not to watch the tape that reveals what happened between Corinne and DeMario and where things went off course.

In recent interviews that Corinne and DeMario have given, they’ve both blamed the media, but plenty of respected outlets only reported on the official statements that were released by both parties. What’s your take?

Chris Harrison: My take on this is, I agree, because I come from the journalism background. There were some things I saw…let’s back up. The “third party” [producer] started this ball rolling. If you’re going to blame somebody, you can start there. Then it goes to the producers, myself included, that were a part of this. Then we made the decision to shut [Paradise] down—while I somewhat agreed with it, I wasn’t fully on board with the whole shutdown, but we had to do what was right by Corinne and DeMario. I can go to bed tonight knowing that I treated DeMario and Corinne equally with respect and dignity and class and handled that as well as we possibly could.

But once we shut down, and once we made the decision to go back, you can’t un-ring that bell. You can’t do that quietly. There’s no way to quietly say, “Oh, production was shut down. Why? Allegations of assault?” So, while there was some misreporting and some wild accusations, I will defend the media—what are you going to do, not report it? You had to report that story. But with that said, when I came home, I turned on the network morning news and there were three or four facts wrong in the story that I was watching. I was astounded. How is this happening 12 hours after I get home, that there’s [already] three or four facts wrong on this network morning show?

Can you tell us what they were? Or what irritated you the most about it?

Chris: I’d have to go back and see the package that was run, but there were things said that I was like, “What?!” I called PR and said, “How does this happen? How are facts already wrong? Why are people reporting things that aren’t true?” So it started there. Those were small potatoes compared to things on the Internet, things that are “alleged,” but the problem is this “alleged” bullshit that goes out there and things can just be said now. Then outlets can go back and debunk them the next day. I call it the TMZ effect because that’s where it started. They’re masters at it. They’ve made a billion dollars on it.

You mentioned tonight that you’d love for an interview with the third party [producer] to happen. Will we ever hear from that person?

Chris: I don’t know. Look, if I had to grade myself on how all this was handled, I’d give myself about a B minus. I get that you’re not satisfied with everything fully, nor am I. I don’t love how this has gone. But you have to realize, I was put on a certain field and within a box that I had to play.

There are things I legally can and can’t say to DeMario and Corinne, and there are things I legally can and can’t say about this third party. I would love to sit down with all of them. And, by the way, you can’t just lay the blame at this third party’s feet. There are producers that messed up and dropped the ball. There are executives, there are lawyers, there are a litany of people—myself included—that should be involved in the blame game. It’s not just the media. But I get why, back to your original point, Corinne and DeMario are saying the media because when they got home, the media blew their lives up. Even DeMario said—and I saw that same report and wasn’t going to say anything about it, but when there’s a report about you dragging a lifeless body out of a hot tub and making sexual advances on that lifeless body…

That’s rape.

Chris: Right, that’s rape. When you start throwing that word out there, that’s not OK. That’s where I draw the line. There are reputable sources and reputable media outlets, like yourself…I talked to people, I was doing interviews, and I was telling people exactly what happened because I was witness to it. I was telling them things I witnessed, and they said, “Thank you but we’re not going to go with that yet, we need to confirm with another source or two before.” And I said, “Good for you.” They could have easily gone with what I said, and they would have been right, but they didn’t. There are some good people out there. I hope some things will be taken from this and a little learning.

Did you see the tape?

Chris: I have not. I have not seen the tape.

Do you want to?

Chris: No, I purposely did not see the tape. I was asked to see the tape, I could have seen the tape, I could probably still see the tape. I don’t want to. There’s no reason to. I know what’s on it. I was there that day. I didn’t see it happen live either because I wasn’t in the control room at the time it was happening, but I know what’s on it. And in no way would that change my opinion; in no way do I need to see or hear it.

So you’re happy with how things…

Chris: I’m content. I’m as content as I can be. I’m happy for Corinne and DeMario. I wanted to see that ending [that viewers saw tonight]. I felt like after those two interviews I did on earlier episodes of Bachelor in Paradise this season they needed to come together. There needed to be that cathartic ending and exchange. I don’t know if anyone cares or anyone wanted to see that, but my decision trumped that. I wanted it to happen.

The public may never know what’s on that tape exactly, or everything that went down. If anything “good” could come of this whole thing, it’s that much like the race discussions that happened on Rachel’s season, we’re having conversations about consent and sexual assault. That needs to happen more. So, as the father of a 13-year-old daughter, what do you tell her and teach her as a dad?

Chris: That’s a big question. At the end of the day, there’s not a lesson you tell your daughter. You raise your daughter. For 13 years, I have been teaching her and talking to her to have faith in her God, to have faith in her family, to trust herself, to be in control and in charge of her body. Same thing for my son. Hopefully, you keep that in mind as you make decisions in life, whether it’s consent, whether it’s drinking, whether it’s running naked across the quad in college, whatever it is! In terms of getting consent and understanding that it is consensual, it’s a big conversation but it’s a conversation I’m glad we’re having [on the show].



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'Bachelor in Paradise' Season 4 Episode 4B Recap: The Twins Are Here to Shake Things Up


It’s the second to last Bachelor in Paradise episode, you say? It’s the final countdown!

As you might remember from last night, Kristina left, and everyone who is still on the beach is happily (and heterosexually) coupled up. Jaimi, the chill bisexual with a septum piercing from Nick’s season, arrives to stir things up. Using the bi chick to break people up and add last-minute drama is kind of cheap, ABC. Bi people deserve to find love, too, not just cause drama. Still glad she’s here, though. I’m also going to use her presence as an excuse to post one of the better musical achievements of our era:

[embedded content]

Everyone is like, “What if Jaimi asks a girl on her date?” But Jaimi makes an even more dramatic decision: Diggy. On their date, Diggy tries to guess Jaimi’s ethnicity. (She’s black and Italian, BTW.) They also talk about her fluid sexuality and Diggy’s open-mindedness. They get along and kiss and that’s pretty much the date!

PHOTO: Paul Hebert

“The Twins” (Emily and Haley) from Ben’s season arrive. They’re honestly more terrifying than the little girls from The Shining, and not even as well dressed. But they have a date card to use !!!TONIGHT!!!!! so it’s game on. The twins are, of course, friends with Amanda and very popular among the boys because they’re blonde and have boobs and there are two of them. In her pinched, nasal way, Amanda explains who is who and what is what, from Scallop Fingers to Murder Face. I cannot for the life of me tell these women apart and will be referring to them as Blue Dress and White Dress from here on out.

“Our vaginas are different.” – Blue Dress

The twins are planning to move to LA (of course) and occasionally speak in unison (of course). Blue Dress asks out Jack Stone and White Dress asks Dean, but Dean says no because he has learned his lesson! But then he notices that White Dress is hot and kinda pushy and mostly hot and has blonde hair, so what could he possibly do? A man can only take so much. He’s only human!!!!!!!! Undeterred, White Dress asks D-Lo’s permission to ask Dean on a guilt-free date, and D-Lo’s like, well, that’s pretty much up to Dean because she knows that Dean’s a fuckboy and a fuckboy’s gotta do who a fuckboy’s gotta do.

Dean turns White Dress down, again, so she finds Tickle Monster Jonathan napping, wakes him, and asks him out even though she hates him. These poor twins. All the good guys are taken, plus they forgot their Brandy Melville tops at home, so things are just not going well. THEY FORGOT THEIR CUTE BRANDY MELVILLE TOPS AT HOME, I TELL YOU!!!!!

“Turns out they’re dating shallow, ugly whores.” – White Dress on the
guys she and Blue Dress originally liked. Wow, these girls are like, really, really mean.

As Christen walks on the beach, Wells pretends to dry a glass and does his best David Attenborough impression because I’m pretty sure they’re trying to sell us on Wells as the next franchise lead. Moving on, let’s check in with Taylor and Derek! They are still in love, busily acknowledging each other, and kissing. Look, I’m happy for them, but Taylor needs to not say she’s “finally” getting her happy ending at the age of 23.

The twins changed into date night outfits, so now they are Striped Shirt and Other Shirt. After consulting with his better angels, Jack Stone decides he doesn’t wanna go on the date and lets both down at the same time even though only one asked him out. Honestly? I don’t think he can tell them apart either and doesn’t remember which one is his. The twins start insulting him and yelling at him; Striped Shirt decides she’s “over it.” They both run away, and Jack starts kissing Christen, and then the twins start throwing scallops onto the trail because they want attention. This is so fake! Much like the twins’ hair color!

The next day, everyone is still happily coupled. My favorite is Adam and Raven. Chris Harrison rolls up to drop a bomb: This is their last day in paradise a.k.a. the show got too boring, and they need a finale!

Parting Thoughts: Tonight’s episode was only an hour, so please spend some of your extra time watching this…



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Wells Adams Tells Us What's Happened Between Him and Danielle M. Since 'Bachelor in Paradise'


Just like a DVR that cuts off the last two minutes of your favorite show or when you miss a UPS delivery by a minute, Wells kissing Danielle M. right before she left on Bachelor in Paradise was maddening enough to give up the show altogether. Think about it: The most authentic and passionate kiss on this show happened right before our eyes, and then she just…left! How do you walk away from that?! (OK, yes, I know she was leaving for a good cause: to do pediatric work in Africa.)

But maybe the movie—er, the love story—isn’t over yet. Bachelor in Paradise finished filming less than two months ago, and Danielle is already back in Nashville (where, conveniently, Wells resides too). And as of August 22, the two were pictured together celebrating newlyweds Carly Waddell and Evan Bass’s baby news.

Now, Wells and Danielle have been close for years; just because rumors are swirling and the Internet is freaking out about a potential romance doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be able to hang out anymore as friends. But, really, who has this kind of a kiss and doesn’t give a relationship a try?

So, I went straight to the source—that would be Wells—to get to the bottom of that kiss and find out if there’s truly hope for these two.

Glamour: That kiss between you and Danielle was hotter than the weather in Mexico. When did you know you were going to kiss her?

Wells Adams: Probably long before the show started, to be fair. Danielle and I have been friends for years. I went on The Bachelorette, and she went on The Bachelor, and I remember thinking, “Oh, this is weird. We’re both doing the same thing. If there was ever a world in which we were on the same show, I think I’d want to make that happen.” I think she probably felt the same way. We went on a date years ago and nothing ever materialized from it, so it was one of those things where we gotta see what it is like. When she was leaving, it was like, “I might as well do it now.”

Glamour: She gave us her reaction on camera immediately after, but we never heard from you.

Wells: I don’t really talk about it on the show. [And until the rest of the cast saw it on TV] no one knows that I did it!

Glamour: Why didn’t you tell anyone else?

Wells: Well, because the first thing I said when I got there was, “I’m not here to date anyone. I’m not here to go on dates. I’m not here to steal anyone’s girl.” I didn’t want to tell everyone that and then have them be like, “Oh my God, he’s totally full of crap. He’s going to try and hook up with who I’m dating.” Also, there’s a little bit of fun of knowing what everyone’s reaction will be when they see it air—not only the people on the show, but also back home in Nashville [where Danielle and I live]. [I knew] our little group of friends were going to freak out when they saw that.

Glamour: So here’s the big question: Is there hope for you two?

Wells: Yes, there’s definitely hope for us. Everyone needs to put everything into perspective, though. Everyone was dating on the show and being romantic. Our little story [between me and Danielle] started at the end of it [when she was about to leave]. And then she went to Africa for a couple weeks, so we were way behind. I realize America is really shipping this thing, but we are so far away from that, mainly because we haven’t been around one another. It’s a weird thing coming home and watching the show back and feeling so much pressure from everyone else to make something you’re not sure is there to begin with. And I think the magnetism needs to happen naturally and not forced from outside forces. I understand everyone wants us to be a thing and that’s wonderful and beautiful, but if it’s going to happen, it needs to happen because we come together, not because everyone else is shipping us so hard on Twitter.

Glamour: When did you first talk to her after she got back from Africa?

Wells: I never had to give up my phone in Paradise, so once she left and got her phone back, we talked like hours afterwards.

Glamour: And I assume you talked about the kiss, so what did you say?

Wells: I think she said, “I always wondered what that would be like.” I said, “I always wondered what that was going to be like!” And then I think I said, “How was it for you?” I think she said, “It was a lot better than I thought it was going to be!” [Laughs]

Glamour: Was there talk about when is this going to happen again?

Wells: It was like, “Alright, what is your itinerary?” So I said, “When you get back to Nashville, we’ll figure it out.”

Glamour: So have you figured it out?

Wells: No. I mean, literally she just got back a couple weeks ago.

Glamour: OK, but that’s a couple weeks ago already!

Wells: But we’re now out in Los Angeles…let’s just see where this is going to go. We’re right now in the middle of this storm [of media attention], and it’s a little awkward and weird. Before this, we used to go out all the time and we were just friends. We’d go to show’s together. Now when you go out, it’s a little weird because people recognize us and assume something. That just makes things awkward. So there are a lot of questions that need to be answered internally between us before we figure out what’s going on.

Glamour: Let’s talk about the puppets for a second, which you clearly are skilled in. Were you at all worried how the rest of the cast would react?

Wells: I think the reason why I was a really good bartender was because no one took me seriously. That’s just my personality. Any of these people would agree that Wells is the class clown guy. I never told anyone about the puppets either, so I was really excited to see what they’d say about that [when it aired].

Glamour: And?

Wells: Everyone loves it! It’s hilarious! It’s the stupidest thing in the world, and it’s so funny! And it gives nice context to a very…such a crazy situation that I can give context to in like 10 seconds of puppetry, which is nice.

Glamour: So if there was a puppet version of Danielle and Wells, would they get their happy ending? Do you want to see this happen? [Laughs]

Wells: I would like all puppets to be happy and find happiness. We’ll see! Who knows? I’ve got no answers for you, even though I know you want them.

Glamour: Then how about this: Is this the end of your Bachelor journey, or do you see yourself participating in more of the franchise spin-offs? More Paradise, or Winter Games, or even as The Bachelor one day?

Wells: They haven’t asked me, but I will never ever quit the bartending job [on Paradise]. That was my favorite thing I’ve ever gotten to do. I used to bartend in college, and that was the most fun experience of my life.

The Bachelor in Paradise finale airs next Monday night at 8 P.M. ET on ABC.



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'Bachelor in Paradise' Season 4 Episode 4A Recap: Finally, the Dean-Kristina-Danielle Love Triangle Is Dunzo


Only three episodes of Bachelor in Paradise are left, and the question on everyone’s mind is: How does Amanda’s makeup stay on in the pool? Amanda, tell us your secret!

As for the rest of the Paradisers, most of them are coupled up—but Dean is still figuring out his feelings for Kristina and D-Lo. It’s too bad these nice young people can’t figure it out. They’re all so tan and have fake teeth; you’d think they’d be happy! Kristina feels disrespected by Dean’s relationship with D-Lo and isn’t gonna put up with it anymore. Or maybe she is? She’s mostly just frowning. Dean is kicking himself for throwing a good thing away. Did he learn nothing from Rachel and Peter?

Look, I get that Kristina is kind of a fun suck, but the whole “emotional girl versus hot girl” question just makes no sense to me in this case because…Kristina is very beautiful. Am I wrong? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills here.

“Don’t ask me to be patient while you’re locking legs, lips, arms,
whatever else.” – Kristina

Meanwhile, Jasmine got a rose last week from Matt, who then left, so now she’s on the prowl for someone to give her rose to and has basically set her sights on stealing Jonathan (Tickle Monster) from Christen, which seems massively unfair. Like, Jasmine literally just jumps on him in the pool and kisses him.

Into this mix they toss Blake from Rachel’s season, the guy who hated Lucas (Whaboom) and also…actually, that’s it, that was his whole thing. He’s sweating a bunch and has a date card no one seems interested in. Blake likes both D-Lo and Kristina, which is kinda perfect—if he can take one of those girls from Dean, hey, two birds one stone. Or they could become a polyamorous foursome! Blake asks for advice from Raven, who is basically like, “Just be nice and normal and don’t talk about Whaboom.” So, naturally, that’s the only thing he talks about with Jasmine. And Christen. And Kristina.

“You should hope Blake takes your girl because then she’ll appreciate
you more.” – Diggy to Dean

Blake decides Kristina is The One, and she again compares her experience on Bachelor in Paradise to her experience in an orphanage (“When I was in an orphanage all I wanted was to get picked … but I don’t want to get picked for this date.”) I understand that probably was the producers’ idea, but it still bothers me. Kristina, that was an orphanage in Russia; this is a beach resort in Mexico. You’re fine. Anyway, she turns Blake down.

“I had very low expectations for Blake, and he lived up to them.” –
Kristina

Another new addition: Fred from Rachel’s season, the super intense guy who went to elementary school with Rachel. It feels awfully late in the game for these guys to find love, but Fred has the distinct advantage of being, well, hella fine. He and Dominique hit it off.

Jasmine narrates the situation while playing with Raven’s hair, like a couple of preening cats or mermaids or something. Blake asks Christen for a conversation and though he puts his whole foot in his mouth, he doesn’t actually choke on it, so she says yes. Five points to Christen for storing her lip gloss in her bikini top.

PHOTO: Paul Hebert

Jack Stone is sad about potentially losing Christen, even though I completely forgot that they ever had a thing. He punches Robby in the crotch because men and their feelings.

Jack Stone angrily listens to his headphones and works out with a resistance band, while a rumor spreads around the beach that he’s a bad kisser. Jasmine, martyr that she is, volunteers to run a kiss clinic with Raven. Jack is not into it…until they do shots. He kisses Jasmine with tongue (“Jack Stone doesn’t kiss with no tongue”) and soon the word spreads: Jack’s a good kisser. So then he gets D-Lo and Raven and D-Lo again and Jasmine again. Good for you, Murder Face!

CHRISTEN WHITNEY

PHOTO: Paul Hebert

On the double date, Dominique, Fred, Blake, and Christen ride a tricked-out speedboat that makes Christen seasick. Dominique, on the other hand, is dancing up a mountain and zip-lining down. While Dominique and Fred play on the inflatable blob (I don’t know that the name of the thing is, but in Heavyweights they call it The Blob, so, it’s a blob), Blake and Christen deal with Christen’s eye contact.

Back at the beach, Chris Harrison appears with good news (for the guys, at least): no more new arrivals! Except, of course, for the Messiah, who may arrive at any time. Oh, and there are more date cards coming and a rose ceremony that night.

ROBBY HAYES, AMANDA STANTON

PHOTO: Paul Hebert

The date card goes to…Robby and Amanda! They go to a fair with games and rides, it’s cute, and Robby says he’s a “sucker” for family, which is good because Amanda has kids. Robby’s all, “I’m falling for you” and Amanda’s all “mahna mahna”, and they kiss under fireworks.

Later, at the cocktail party, Daniel and Lacey are both so weird and pale and awkward and kind of terrible that it really, really works. Ben lost Raven to Adam and feels like it’s pointless to stay, so he leaves to return to his one true love: his dog Zeus. Soulmates should be together! Diggy has to find a way to get back with Dominique before she potentially gives Fred her rose, so he pulls her aside to play a get-to-know-you-better game, Digging Deep with Diggy. On the question “hug or kiss?” Dominique chooses hug, so that does not bode well for Diggy. She asks him his questions back, he chooses kiss, they kiss, and he may have saved it?

At the bar, Wells tells Christen the story of why her nickname is “Scallop Fingers” (a story too stupid to even repeat here), and she takes it about as well as could be expected. Which is to say, she’s not entertained but she doesn’t have a breakdown about it. Then she legitimately has a full conversation with Daniel about seafood, but mostly about scallops. Let’s remember that Christen is, somehow, currently the most sought-after girl in Paradise.

To win her favor, Blake procures…scallops. Greasy scallops for her to eat with her hands. She dutifully eat the scallops and nods at the things Blake says and then he kisses her and my brain is kinda melting. Is this real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a scallop-slide, no escape from reality. I miss Alexis.

Jonathan pulls Christen aside to be like, “pick me” and then kiss her far too tenderly. Then Jack Stone pulls Christen aside and like, fuck! What! What? What.

What is going on. Why is Christen the hottest shit?

“How did this happen?” – Christen and the rest of America

Here’s my question about Tickle Monster: What kind of “doctor” can up and leave for six weeks to go fuck on a beach?

Wearing a questionable beaded bra over a white top, D-Lo confronts Dean about his indecision. Add in the tan capri slacks and you have a Teen Choice Awards red carpet outfit from 2002. I actually missed what she and Dean talked about because I was coming up with that #sick #fashion #burn.

After, Dean grabs a patiently waiting (and very chic) Kristina. Kristina, who is 25, calls D-Lo, who is 27, “not even a woman. A girl.” A reality TV relationship should not be this difficult, Kristina. Know when to take the L…

Kristina goes to Raven to shit talk (and slut shame) D-Lo, but Raven is very reasonable in this discussion and tries to de-escalate the tension and call out Kristina’s misplaced anger. So Kristina decides to be mad at Raven, too.

“Why are you fighting for someone who’s not fighting for you?” – Wells
to Kristina

At the rose ceremony, Lacey gives her rose to Daniel, Taylor gives her rose to Derek, Amanda gives her rose to Robby, Raven gives her rose to Adam, Dominique give her rose to…Diggy! (“No way!” – my friend Adrienne next to me on the couch), Jasmine gives her rose to Tickle Monster, Christen gives her rose to Jack Stone, Kristina gives her rose to…no one! She leaves. But not before Dean chivalrously walks her out, gives her a hug, says he hates himself (yeesh), and apologizes. D-Lo gives her rose to Dean.

So the two guys who just showed up are going home. They flew all the way to Mexico and got sent right back. On a totally unrelated note, call your senator and tell them not to let Trump repeal DACA.

Parting Thoughts: THANK GOODNESS FOR NO CLIFFHANGER!



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'Bachelor in Paradise' Season 4 Episode 3B Recap: Corinne Speaks


It’s another split episode of Bachelor in Paradise: an hour of fun on the beach, followed by an interview with Corinne Olympios about the scandal that caused the production shutdown earlier this season. Corinne addressed the controversy this morning on Good Morning America, explaining that, due to a combination of prescription medication and alcohol, she didn’t remember the events that caused a producer to lodge a complaint and shut down the show; however, after viewing the footage, she doesn’t have negative feelings toward DeMario Jackson, the man involved. Her claim that she was “a victim” was about the media.

It’s a messy situation that I wish the show had addressed in full before the season started, allowing the rest of the season to just be about fun in the sun—but instead it’s been sort of dragged out over the weeks, presumably for ratings. Hopefully tonight will be the last time Bachelor in Paradise uses the shutdown to create drama. (DeMario addressed the issue in an interview with Chris Harrison last week.)

But before we get to all that, let’s go back to the beach, where, as you may remember from last night’s episode, the guys have the roses, Matt left, and someone named Daniel just arrived.

Lacey immediately jumps onto Daniel who, we quickly learn, has ripped abs and is Canadian. He cracks a joke about Trump’s border wall, and now I’m just thinking about how, if I were on that show, I would be going after Daniel to get that Canadian citizenship-by-marriage. Lacey comes on to him pretty strong (“I’ve been waiting for you”), and Daniel refers to the remaining single women as “leftover scraps” so, pretty gross, eh? He rejected her like a cold Tim Horton’s or a glaze that wasn’t maple or a hockey that wasn’t…a moose…? I’ve never been to Canada.

Because he showed up “fashionably late,” Daniel compares himself to Beyoncé, which is heretical, in my book…

…and then mentions that an upside of dating virginal Christen would be that she is STD-free which, two things:

  1. Do we know exactly what Christen means by virgin? You can get an STD even if you never go P-in-V.

  2. Are you allergic to condoms?

OK so I don’t like Daniel, despite his access to a country that isn’t run by Donald Trump. He gives Lacey his rose. Jack Stone gives his rose to Christen.

THEN MATT COMES BACK to give his rose to “someone who deserves it” and help a girl stay on the show even though he’s leaving. He gives it to Jasmine, who rolls her eyes and accepts it with a salty “sure.” Derek gives his rose to Taylor, Robby to Amanda, Diggy to Dominique, Adam to Raven (not Sarah!), Dean to Kristina (over D. Lo), and Ben presents the final rose to D. Lo, meaning that Sarah and Alexis are going home.

WHAT JUSTICE IS THERE IF ALEXIS GOES HOME? SHE’S THE BEST ONE? ARE ALL THESE MEN DUMB?

Later in a bungalow, Kristina dares Dean to get a boner using only his mind. It’s profoundly weird.

The next morning, men in Luchador masks come running in and drag everyone out of bed, which feels both unnecessary and racially insensitive, especially since Christen repeatedly refers to them as “sumo wrestlers.” They give Daniel a date card that Lacey decides is for her. Then Daniel says some things. Things like:

“I’m here to date a girl. I’m here to maybe sleep with a girl? I mean,
I’m a guy, I like sex. I’m not here to be friends with these girls, I
can be friends with girls back home.” – Daniel

And:

“The last time I had a date was when Caitlyn Jenner was a man.” –
Daniel

And:

“I don’t wanna pour all my chickens into one egg and let it hatch into
a dinosaur or something.” – Daniel

So, those are things Daniel said.

At one point Kristina says, “You’re walking around with your date card, I see,” but due to her accent I heard “date card” as “dick hard” and was so confused. The date card does, indeed, go to Lacey. On their date, Lacey and Daniel go full GLOW and wrestle for a dozen or so assembled Mexicans who were, I hope, compensated for their time. They have the Best Time Ever.

Jonathan, the affable but un-self-aware “Tickle Monster” from Rachel’s season, arrives at Paradise with a date card in (tickle-ready) hand. All the guys from Rachel’s season literally refer to him as “Tickle” like it’s his name, but they seem happy to see him. We also learn that his real profession is “doctor” and he has met Ellen DeGeneres, so, point Tickle Dude. He and Christen make out. Well, they don’t make out. They exchange exactly one kiss. Then he gives her a date card and tickles her. On their date, T.M. impresses Christen with tales from the trade: He delivers babies and then takes care of them and he also surfs. Christen turns into the heart-eyes emoji. Eating this up by the spoonful. Well, by the handful. She’s still eating everything with her hands, and then with the tiny plastic hands the show gave her. Tickle Monster is an Innocent Boy. Not a monster. A Tickle Puppy. They’re good together because they’re both kinda 16 on the inside. When they return, Jack Stone pulls Christen aside and they make out and now Jonathan is a Tickle Madster

Dean is torn between Kristina (smart, sensitive, kind, invested, emotional) and D. Lo (hot, fun, attractive, hot, good-looking, feisty, also she’s hot). Poor Dean. Robby refers to the two women in question as “cars” that Dean is “test driving,” so now Robby’s on my shit list. Kristina finds it very “disrespectful” that, well, Dean and D. Lo probably banged. Where do we all fall on Deantina versus Dean Lo, the couple names I just made up?

“Right now, I think the orphanage was better than Paradise” – Kristina
being really friggin’ dramatic.

Lacey is literally sitting on Daniel’s lap while they make out when Jasmine decides to steal him for a second. If Lacey were smart. she would go to bed and make it clear that if you leave her, you don’t get her back—but instead she glowers at them from her perch above the beach, like the Count of Monte Cristo or something.

The next part of the recap is about the “studio edition” conversations between Chris Harrison, a handful of contestants, and Corinne Olympios, who will speak about the sexual assault allegations that briefly shut down the show. If you are upset or made uncomfortable by the discussion of these topics, please consider skipping the rest of the recap. And if you or someone you know is a dealing with trauma as the result of a sexual assault, call RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673.

Here to hang are Wells, Alexis, Amanda and Raven. Wells is like, “Yeah, who knows if I will date Danielle” and Amanda is like, “Meep moop meep meep,” and Raven is like, “If Sarah tries to take Adam away from me, I will cut a bitch, ha ha,” and makes some jokes about spoons and ALEXIS DOESN’T GET AN ANECDOTE EVEN THOUGH SHE IS THE BEST ONE?

(I love you, Alexis.)

Jasmine returns to confront Matt. They have zero new information.

Finally, Corinne appears. For those who didn’t watch Nick’s season, Corinne is a blunt, highly amusing, and probably harmless rich girl from Florida. She should have been the star of this season of Bachelor in Paradise, but instead, here we are. She smiles in a spunky white dress, considerably less confident than when she gave a similar studio audience bowls of cheesy pasta, but she is, in her words, “better.” Corinne explains that because she was drinking on a medication that (she realized later) shouldn’t be combined with alcohol, she doesn’t actually remember the events of that first day on Paradise. Looking back, she doesn’t feel that DeMario did anything wrong, and understands that he did not understand she was “mentally checked-out,” and it’s “no one’s fault.” It was an “unfortunate situation” that “really sucks.” She teared during a few points of the interview.

After talking a little more about how hard this situation was for DeMario, Corinne thanks the audience and her supporters. Then there’s a preview of the rest of the season. Good Lord, I hope it’s fun.

“Parting Thoughts: We’ll never know the full story of what happened, and we don’t have the right to. All that matters is that Olympios is satisfied with the outcome of the investigation.”



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'Bachelor in Paradise' Season 4 Episode 3A Recap: Love Triangles, Fights, and a Shocking Departure


Well friends, it’s a Monday night, and you know what that means: I’m on my couch with a Diet Coke and a Taylor Swift song stuck in my head (and NOT the Taylor Swift song you’re thinking of!) ready to recap the nonsense that is Bachelor in Paradise. But first, a query: What if the theme song to this program were Green Day’s “Welcome To Paradise?” Would that change the viewing experience? Please discuss in your reading groups; this will be an essay question on the final at end of term.

As you may remember from last week, Danielle M. left the beach to de-worm orphans in Somalia provide healthcare to children in Africa, even though she shared a steamy kiss with bartender Wells. New blood on the beach threw all the couples into a tailspin, but mostly Lacey. Everyone loves Matt. Ben is obsessed with his dog. No one is allowed to wear sunglasses on camera.

This week, the guys have the roses to give, so uncoupled women are scrambling to find men. Much like the beginning of Pride and Prejudice! Alexis and Raven invent a game that’s basically a blind-folded taste test with a sexy twist, confirming my suspicion that Alexis is actually funny. The blindfolded guy in question is Jack Stone, who is really endearing during the game and it’s literally because he’s blindfolded. When he can’t look at the camera/women in a creepy way, he’s maybe charming? He’s…a pair of stylish eyewear away from likability?

Jasmine asks Matt for a massage and when he declines to give her one, she mounts him.

Christen, who is 26 and from Nick’s season, shows up. She’s an adult virgin, following in the footsteps of Queen Elizabeth.

Matt is attracted to Christen but Jasmine, Queen Bee of Paradise, already marked her territory, so that’s…her man! Would love to hear Christen and Jasmine break into a drunken rendition of Brandy and Monica’s “The Boy Is Mine” over Matt, if ABC can get the rights. Jasmine warns Matt “thou shalt not date Christen” and makes some sexual comment that gets bleeped out because this show about drunken adults having sex on the beach is, what, family programming?

Sidebar: Where the hell is Christen from? She has an accent that veers from Valley Girl to Tennessee-Southern to Boston over the course of a sentence, and her name is spelled like that name should not be spelled.

BUT THEN as Christen is applying makeup, Jasmine barges in to confront her and Christen savvily is like, “well HE came on to ME, so that’s why I liked him the most of all the boys” and then Jasmine is like, “Do you, go on your date, but like, I am clocking your moves” and the moral here is that Jasmine is pretty drunk. So then Raven tells Christen, you know, this is more about Matt, and Christen cries, and Jasmine monologues to Alexis on the beach and Jasmine calls Christen “slimy and sneaky” and a “slimy-ass bitch.”

PHOTO: Paul Hebert

On their date, Matt and Christen share chocolate-covered bananas so, Insert Arrested Development Banana Stand Joke Here. Alexis tells a story about how one time, on the way to a club, Christen ate scallops in a car. Wells then re-tells that story, mockingly, and then Jasmine and Amanda also re-tell that story; basically, Christen is Scallop Girl now; her reputation has been sullied forever. Honestly, if the worst people can say about you is that you eat dumb snacks in a car, you’re probably OK, Christen.

Commercial sidebar: Jessica Chastain is so GD compelling I might have to buy whatever perfume she’s selling because I wanna smell like her.

That night, Jasmine continues to complain about Christen and Matt, which hurts her in two respects: 1) She’s giving Matt the upper hand in their relationship because she’s clearly more invested than he is, and 2) She’s pretty much guaranteeing that if she and Matt do split, none of the other guys currently on the beach will have anything to do with her after seeing this clingy side of her. True to form, the moment Matt appears, she climbs onto him and smothers him with un-sexy kisses.

Christen eats shrimp with her fingers for dinner, and this is hysterical to Amanda and Sarah because it reminds them of the earlier scallop anecdote. These girls have the dumbest sense of humor on the plane; like, I get it: not everyone is a comedian, but y’all need to come up with better jokes. I swear to gahh.

DANIELLE LOMBARD

PHOTO: Paul Hebert

It’s Game Night in Paradise, so they are playing Scattergories—well, everyone except for Robby, who is setting up a romantic night with Amanda by putting glow sticks in a hot tub. Amanda tactfully swerves his advances.

Sarah pulls Adam aside to be like, “Um, so hey, no pressure, but, like, do you like me? Like ugh, I know I’m not like, some other kind of way, but like, can you please like me?” And Adam’s like, “I’m figuring it out.”

Dean is still weighing D. Lo vs. Kristina, much to Kristina’s accented chagrin.

The only two people not having a terrible night? Derek and Taylor, the show’s most stable and longest-lasting couple of the season. Then out of nowhere they decide to stop kissing and start talking about their issues and get super mad at each other. Derek says “f-ck you,” possibly sarcastically, and Taylor literally says that she’s triggered and goes and cries on the beach.

They go to the hot tub to talk about Derek’s language and how it hurt Taylor. Even though it seems like he could easily fix this by saying, “I’m sorry, baby, I was an asshole and didn’t mean it,” he instead says nothing and Taylor talks about her emotions. She says she needs time. I feel like there’s definitely more to this story than we are seeing.

In the morning, Taylor lets it be known that her emotional piggy bank is empty. Empty! Her emotional piggy bank!

AMANDA STANTON, ROBBY HAYES

PHOTO: Paul Hebert

Before the rose ceremony, Chris Harrison is like “A spooky surprise is coming your way!” I’m not sure why one of the rose-less girls doesn’t just bite the bullet and kiss Robby because Amanda won’t. Adam is somehow the grand prize in this catfight, sought after by both Raven and Sarah. Diggy, too, is caught between beautiful ladies: Lacey and Dominique. Lacey is “very disappointed” in Diggy, who is happy to use Dominique to get the hell away from Lacey. LACEY! GO MAKE OUT WITH ROBBY! HE IS WIDE OPEN!

KRISTINA SCHULMAN, DEAN UNGLERT

PHOTO: Paul Hebert

I don’t know why Kristina is so obsessed with Dean? I mean, I do know, he’s Dean, but they don’t seem on the same page. She’s all in and he’s…all in with her and with D. Lo.

Amanda and Robby continue their quasi-romantic friendship until Robby KISSES AMANDA. Good for them. I don’t personally care, but far be it from me to tell you not to.

For some reason, the powers that be decided Wells’ humor would be improved with the addition of a cheerleader hand puppet he can use to have pretend conversations with the women on the show. To his credit, he does not even attempt ventriloquism. To his non-credit, it’s not very funny.

Taylor sits Derek down to talk about The F-ck You Incident and how he was emotionally reactive. The two main issues here are Taylor’s tendency to become her own couples counselor and being triggered due to her past emotional abuse. Which is all, sadly, very real! They have a real relationship. They actually care about each other!

Matt and Christen have a heart-to-heart, and Matt basically tells her that his rose is going to Jasmine. And then Jasmine and Matt have a heart-to-heart and Matt tells her that he wants to go home. And then he leaves! Boy bye?

TAYLOR NOLAN, CHRISTEN WHITNEY

PHOTO: Paul Hebert

While Christen is crying, Jasmine wastes no time in locking down her backup plan: Jack Stone. I mean, Jasmine cries too, but she flirts her way through it. But then “Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman” Christen wises up and, uh, strongly hints to Jack Stone that he could potentially be the man to, uh, do the deed. They make out!

Then, Chris Harrison comes back and introduces their “new arrival,” Daniel. I don’t know this person.

Parting Thoughts: Corinne-terview tomorrow. Also: Why is Bachelor in Paradise two nights a week?



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