Consider Cindy Gallop the godmother of sex tech: The renowned activist, educator, and founder of the world’s first self-proclaimed “social sex sharing site,” Make Love Not Porn, has helped define what we consider feminist porn. She’s also helped draw the line between ethical adult entertainment and the stuff that borders on exploitation—for example, porn in which consent seems murky, the performers aren’t getting paid fairly, or the action of the scene plays into harmful stereotypes.
“I regularly get called up by journalists who want to talk about porn,” she tells Glamour. “They come over and say something like, ‘So, Cindy, do you feel that porn objectifies women?’ And I respond, ‘I think that any industry that is dominated by men at the top inevitably produces output that is objectifying, objectionable, and offensive to women.’”
That offensiveness, says Gallop, can take many forms. “[Women] are the primary purchasers of everything in every product sector, and yet we are played back to ourselves in advertising all the time through the male gaze,” she continues. “And that is where aspirational body types [and] unrealistic perceptions of female attractiveness and beauty come from. The issue isn’t porn: It’s the fact that at the top of the porn industry—like at the top of every other industry—sits a closed loop of white guys talking to white guys about other white guys.”
While plenty has been made about the uptick in available feminist porn, what would it take to remake the entire industry in a more ethical, pro-woman image? According to Gallop, it starts with just talking about it. “The world makes it extraordinarily difficult to innovate and disrupt social narratives around sex,” she says. “Many people have tried and given up. We need many more people like me who will not give up, no matter what…which is why we need to recruit as many women as possible to join us in socializing and normalizing all of this.”
I ask her if the key to making porn more feminist is to watch and interact with more feminist porn. I was surprised to hear her say it wasn’t quite so straightforward. Instead, she suggests engaging in a series of what she calls “micro-actions,” which are the key to changing the entire, $15 billion porn industry for the better.
PHOTO: Getty Images
Cindy Gallop giving a talk at SXSW
Here are the four micro-actions that you—yes, you!—can adopt in order to help turn the tides and make porn a little more welcoming for everyone:
Talk about sex like you’d talk about anything else
“Start talking about sex just completely naturally, as part of how you self-identify,” says Gallop. “I encourage every woman to be open about the fact that she enjoys watching porn. I encourage every woman to talk about the fact that she watches porn and she is free to talk about it in any way she wants.” This can even take the form of talking about porn we saw and hated, just as long as we talk about it in a frank and honest way.
This does two things, she says: First, it breaks down the societal standard that women “do not enjoy sex and are not watching porn.” Second, it establishes that women actually form a large part of the porn-viewing market. “There is a huge amount of money to be made out of taking women seriously, and oh my god is that ever true in the porn industry,” she says. “Talk about the fact that you enjoy watching porn.”
Recommend the porn you’re watching without pause
“Actively ask other women for porn recommendations and actively give other women your porn recommendations,” says Gallop. “This is how you find out what porn you might really enjoy watching, through other women’s personal recommendations, in the absence of the Yelp of porn.” Then she adds, “I also want to encourage some woman to start the Yelp of porn. It’s a billion-dollar business idea.”
The concept of recommending builds into the idea of establishing that there’s a market for women’s porn consumption: “The wonderful thing is that when women spread porn recommendations, not only are you helping other women but you are also helping all [of] those female porn-makers. They actually benefit and get the traffic and revenue and numbers they deserve.”
Share your porn with your partner(s)
“Make a point of sharing that porn with male partners,” Gallop advises women. “The context demands that. Honestly, the quickest way to break this down is for women to be actively demonstrating to their male partners that they enjoy watching porn, to tell their male partners what kind of porn they like, and to make their male partners watch it with them to move their tastes to a different place.”
Women need to break down assumptions that men make about the porn we’re interested in. “Bollocks to that,” says Gallop. “Look at the amazing porn being made across a total spectrum by female and queer pornographers. You have to break through that. The only way to break through that is [the idea of] ‘communication through demonstration’…There may be men who are so sensitized to their own particular taste in porn that they may find it difficult to get off, but all men will welcome having their female partner go, ‘I want you to watch my kind of porn. Check it out.’”
Create the kind of porn you want to see in the world
If you’re a filmmaker, Gallop encourages you to consider entering the erotica business. “Seriously, women, become porn producers. Become a porn-maker,” she says. She suggests applying to feminist porn-maker Erika Lust’s fund for emerging female pornographers (read more at her site). “[There’s no such thing as] too many different lenses and perspectives bringing fresh, new, innovative approaches into the porn world,” says Gallop.
This article is part of Summer of Sex, our 12-week long exploration of how women are having sex in 2017.
More Summer of Sex:
—Does Mainstream Porn Have a Race Problem?
—Everything You’ve Ever Wanted to Know About Sex in Space
—Meet 6 Sex-Positive Instagrammers Changing the Internet
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