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I Don't Care if It's Real, Astrology Makes Me Feel Better About the World


PHOTO: Historical Picture Archive/Getty Images

I have a very specific morning ritual. I wake up, sit on my couch with my cats, and let my coffee kick in before I begin my workday. Then, mug in hand, I open my computer and read my daily horoscope. Sometimes this also means going into a vortex in which I also read the horoscope of whoever I’m sleeping with, too (and when you’re single like I am, this can sometimes mean several other horoscopes). The real treat comes the first of each month, when I get to indulge in extra coffee and cat-time while I devour the monthlies and adjust my Google calendar accordingly. For instance, as a Scorpio, I have been advised to take it easy on Sunday, the 24th. I plan on listening to this, so if you need me that day you can find me in bed smoking a joint.

Once I went on a date with a meanie who used very original vocabulary and said that astrology was “dumb.” I see a lot of these guys on Tinder—they’ll take the time to type out, “Swipe left if you believe in astrology.” My friend Stephanie, a Taurus, says that a dude once told her that he stops seeing people if they even so much as mention their zodiac sign—which is kind of a favor because he sounds like no fun at all.

Like many Earthlings, I spend a lot of time concerned about the state of the world. Lately, my most pressing worry is about friends and family who have been badly affected by the recent series of natural disasters. Additionally, many people in the U.S. are now wondering whether they may be kicked out of the only country they’ve ever called home should DACA get repealed. On top of that, many transgender military members have to wait around to see if they’ll be kicked out of the service on the basis of who they are. Hospitals have to ask patients awakening from consciousness, “Do you know who the president is?” and then those patients have to remember that it’s Donald Trump. So is astrology real? I can’t say. All I know is that life is hard enough, and people should be allowed to believe in magic if they want to.

People should be allowed to believe in magic if they want to.

If you’re skeptical about it, the only requirement when dating someone who does enjoy astrology is don’t be mean. And shouldn’t that be Dating Etiquette 101 anyway? For example, I’ve gone out with several people who believe, like billionaire Elon Musk does, that we are actually living in a computer simulation run by artificially intelligent beings. Do I personally believe that? Um, no. But I can understand why the idea that we’re all just cogs in The Matrix could be comforting to someone when their actual reality starts to seem random and cruel.

Similarly, it’s OK to believe in both science and magic. Not only is life more fun that way, but astrology can provide comfort when the world appears to be falling apart. Astrology is an artifact of human history and something with which we’ve engaged since people first looked at the sky, according to Annabel Gat, a professional astrologer for VICE. “It’s a natural part of the human experience to look for connections between events and occurrences,” she says. “We can’t help it.” And even if you take astrological signs and the zodiac with a heaping grain of salt, they can act as a means of reflection anyway. “Some people might not require storytelling to process the emotional side of what they’re going through during a time of crisis,” says Gat. “Other people need that to emotionally process, which is when astrology and ritual come in handy.”

“When we can look at things from the perspective of time, astrology gives us a sense of perspective.”

For example, in my September horoscope, Glamour’s resident astrologer Jessica Lanyadoo writes that I’ll need to reach out and connect with others in order to process the intense things that I’m experiencing. As I read her words, the Virgin Islands—where I grew up—were being badly battered by Hurricane Irma, and that advice acted as encouragement to reach out to family and friends I haven’t spoken to in years. Doing so definitely made me feel better than just sitting at my computer, clicking refresh on Facebook to see who was safe and sheltered and who was still displaced.

Lanyadoo explains that since Western astrology uses a wheel, it can act as a reminder that life is cyclical. In other words, even in the worst of times, this too shall pass. “When we look at the crushing news cycle, what Trump did or didn’t do, what Betsy DeVos did or didn’t do, which earthquake and hurricane are coming—it’s devastating,” she tells me. “But when we can pull back and look at it from a perspective of time in the course of hundreds of years, astrology gives us a sense of perspective.”

Combine that roller coaster news cycle with how accessible social media makes everything, and it’s no wonder that astrology seems more popular than usual. “People weren’t able to consume astrology in such a bite size way before Tumblr, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter,” says Gat. “Astrology has always gone in and out of style, but now we can digest it easier.”

Horoscopes can act as a helpful reinforcement of what you already know about yourself. Starting my day with the planetary knowledge that I should expect obstacles in the near future won’t change the fact that Trump is tweeting us into a nuclear war, or that the UPS package full of supplies I sent to the Virgin Islands won’t arrive when it’s supposed to, or that some days it rains and other days people aren’t very nice. But it reminds me that these things happen, and then tells me that I am an emotional but resourceful sign. It is not only natural but in my nature to feel panic over such roadblocks, then take a deep breath and remember that I’m a fucking Scorpio and I can handle this.

So please, Aggressively Anti-Horoscope Person on Tinder: Just let me be into astrology.



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Kim Kardashian and Kanye West Reportedly Could Not Care Less About Taylor Swift's Diss Track


PHOTO: Larry Busacca/Getty Images

Last week, in the clap-back track heard round the world, Taylor Swift (allegedly) exacted year-in-the-making lyrical revenge on Kim Kardashian and Kanye West with her new single, “Look What You Made Me Do.”

The song and video are packed with subtle—and not-so-subtle—references to the couple. But in true Kim and Kanye fashion, they reacted by…not caring at all. Remember the time Amy Schumer did a slip-and-fall in front of them on the red carpet, and they completely ignored the entire thing? It’s basically that, but even icier.

According to TMZ, West is more focused on his feud with ex-BFF JAY-Z than his beef with person-he-hadn’t-heard-of-until-2009, T.Swift. Meanwhile, in Kardashian’s mind, “the whole feud ended over a year ago.” Do the math: That’s when she released the recordings that disproved Swift’s claims that she never approved the lyric’s for West’s “Famous” song—and the Internet pretty much took Kim’s side.

Kardashian celebrated the release of “Look What You Made Me Do” by tweeting a completely unrelated photo of her son the morning the song came out. Then, she blocked the snake emoji from her social media feed to avoid being spammed by Swift fans who were attempting to give Kardashian a taste of her own medicine. Still, it’s pretty clear that the Kardashian-Wests want nothing to do with the eight-year-long drama.

While Swift hasn’t officially confirmed that the song is about the rap–reality duo, the Internet is all but convinced. Everything from the album typography, which looks eerily similar to West’s Life of Pablo fonts, to the lyrics of the song that seemingly reference the “tilted stage” West used during his last tour (“I don’t like your little games / I don’t like your tilted stage / The role you made me play of the fool / No, I don’t like you.”) to the video, which makes note of the “receipts” Kardashian used to put the infamous Swift call on blast.

Even so, Kim and Kanye’s names may be underlined in red on a Taylor Swift hit-list filled with pop stars and ex-boyfriends, but it seems like they really couldn’t care less.



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