Tag: Growing

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Why Sophie Turner Says She 'Hated' the Jonas Brothers Growing Up


Sophie Turner and Joe Jonas are one of Hollywood’s favorite couples, married and (rumor has it) expecting their first child. But it all could have played out so differently.

In a new interview with Elle, Turner reveals she was not exactly a lover of the Jonas Brothers growing up. “My friends and I were not Jonas Brothers fans,” she said. “There was this band in the U.K. called Busted. They had a hit called ‘Year 3000.’ It was amazing, and we were huge Busted fans. Then the Jonas Brothers covered the song and made it massive. And Busted broke up. We thought it was all the Jonas Brothers’ fault. So we hated them.”

Well, okay then. But obviously at some point…things changed.

Back in 2016, a producer on the movie she was working on suggested she might like Jonas. Then, at another business meeting, the singer’s agent remarked that she reminded him of one of his clients. Finally, Jonas DM’d her while touring in the U.K—but Turner still wasn’t completely sold, so she brought back-up to their first hang.

“I was living with my friends in Camden, in a really rough flat— people were always climbing in and out of the windows. When I told my friends, they were like, ‘That’s hilarious. You have to do it! And you have to text us everything he says,’” she said. “I expected him to show up with security and everything. I thought, ‘He’s gonna be such a dick.’ I brought all my guy friends to come with me to meet him, because in the back of my mind I still worried that he could be a catfish—or I don’t know what. I just wanted my guy friends with me. I had my rugby boys. I was safe.”

Joe Jonas was not quite what Sophie Turner expected, however, and soon they were together non-stop. “It was just this local shitty bar, dirty, with great music and people throwing up everywhere. It was that kind of place. Kind of like the worst, but also kind of the best,” she continued. “He didn’t bring security. He brought a friend, and they drank just as hard as the rest of us. I remember the two of us spending only a couple of minutes on the dance floor, and then we just found a space far in the corner and we just talked. We talked for hours, and hours, and hours. And I was, like, not bored. It wasn’t contrived. It wasn’t small talk—it was just so easy. And soon we were, like, inseparable. I went on tour with him.”

The rest, as they say, is history.



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Amy Schumer’s Growing Review: Her New Netflix Special Is the Realest Take on Pregnancy Yet


By all accounts, Amy Schumer has not had an easy pregnancy. The comedian has a condition called hyperemesis gravidarum, often referred to as “extreme morning sickness,” that caused her to cancel much of her tour. She gets brutally real about this—and other aspects of her pregnancy—in her new Netflix special, Growing, out now. At one point in the special, Schumer compares hyperemesis to “having food poisoning every day for the last five months.” “I throw up an Exorcist amount every day,” she jokes, before revealing she was once hospitalized after vomiting for five hours straight. This is all to say that if anyone deserves a little special treatment during their pregnancy, it’s Schumer.

But one of the strongest parts of Growing is the way Schumer takes on society’s impulse to treat pregnant people in a precious way—like they’re angelic, wholesome, cutesy parodies of women. As if we’re all having a magical time gestating a human. “I didn’t know that being pregnant could be really hard,” she says. “You bitches all lie about it.”

She attacks the pregnant-woman trope seen in romantic comedies: a lady throws up—once!—in her office, realizes she’s expecting, and is suddenly wearing overalls, painting, and cupping her bump in the next scene. The implication here: Even if you’re not an overall-wearing, crafty, lovey-dovey person, pregnancy will turn you into one. But “you’re still you,” Schumer says, pointedly.

Netflix

This resonated loudly with me as a new mom. I didn’t spontaneously turn into a cartoon mother once I got knocked up. Once I revealed I was pregnant, it felt like the baby was all anyone wanted to talk about—even if I didn’t want to talk about it. Yes, to a degree this was a preview of what motherhood is like, but Schumer’s material is a reminder that our own existences shouldn’t take a backseat. Women are still important, relevant, and interesting outside of their pregnancies.

Schumer skewers this by revealing that she greets the myriad of “What are you having?” questions she fields every day with a despondent “hemorrhoids.” She screams “cock!” when asked, “What are you craving?” “Just me and my angel,” she says in a saccharine voice after telling this anecdote, caressing her bump, almost daring the audience to admit they were expecting her to be somehow softer or sweeter as a pregnant woman. Nope. She’s still her.

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When I was pregnant, I often joked I had something called “pregnancy rage.” Instead of, say, weeping at car insurance commercials (another pregnancy trope), I felt mad a lot, particularly about the way pregnant women are infantilized by the exact stereotypes Schumer brings up. I can’t definitively say Schumer has pregnancy rage too, but she certainly felt like my kindred spirit as I watched Growing. She hates the way pregnant women always cup their bumps in photos—“it’s so obnoxious”—and doesn’t understand why people think she’s a hero for just showing up to work. “I’m contractually obligated to be out here, guys,” she says. “I’m not like, ‘The show must go on.’ I’m like, ‘I will be sued.'” She hates women who say they enjoyed their pregnancies. She hates when people ask to see her bump, so much that she hikes her dress up at the beginning of the special and flashes it to the audience. A bump middle finger, if you will.

Amy Schumer in her 2019 Netflix comedy special Growing.
Netflix

To be fair, pregnancy is giving Schumer a lot to hate. But even as someone who had a relatively easy and uncomplicated pregnancy, I felt so seen by her derision. Pregnancy is more present in comedy than ever before—just see Ali Wong’s two specials—but what’s particularly satisfying about watching Amy Schumer is right there in the title: She’s growing, but she’s still her. And it’s cathartic to watch.



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Meghan Markle’s Outfit Included a Subtle Callout to Her Growing Family


Prince Harry might have missed Meghan Markle’s celebrity-filled baby shower in New York City yesterday (he was back in the U.K. attending military exercises with the Royal Marines), but he wasn’t totally absent from the trip. The Duchess of Sussex found a sweet way to reference her husband on her way back home to London.

Markle was photographed leaving the hotel where the Serena Williams–hosted festivities took place late Wednesday. Under one of her signature camel coats, she wore the sort of athleisure outfit we’d all like to be wearing when we travel: black jacket, black leggings, black baseball cap, and black sneakers. She completed her look with a chic leather carry-on bag, identified as the Le Sud Weekender by Cuyana.

Adrian Edwards/Getty Images

According to a press release from Cuyana, Markle’s carry-on featured a subtle, personalized detail that made it feel much more special, given the occasion. Her Le Sud bag was monogrammed with an “H” on its side, presumably as a nod to Prince Harry. (Customization is an option when you buy Cuyana accessories online.) The Duchess’s luggage of choice is available for $395 on the brand’s website.

A black Cuyana weekender bag

Cuyana Le Sud Leather Weekender, $395, Cuyana

Cuyana

The Duchess of Sussex is a fan of the California-based brand, which is founded on the idea of creating timeless essentials for conscious shoppers. She carried its Mini Saddle Bag at the closing ceremony of the Invictus Games in Sydney back in October. Her makeup artist Daniel Martin has also designed a capsule collection for the label.

But back to Markle’s latest travel outfit. Her carry-on wasn’t the only sweet callout to her growing family: Fashion blog Meghan’s Mirror pointed out that she was also wearing Jennifer Meyer’s “Mommy” nameplate necklace as she left her New York hotel. (Probably a shower gift.)

Meghan Markle leaving the Mark Hotel in New York City
Gotham

The sweet necklace is still available at select retailers for a cool $850.

Jennifer Meyer gold mommy nameplate necklace

Jennifer Meyer Mommy Necklace, $850, YLANG23

YLANG23

As for the rest of her airport style, Markle stuck to her usual high-low mix. Her jacket was by Ingrid & Isabel ($88), her leggings were Lululemon’s Align yoga pants ($98), and her sneakers were Adidas ($157).





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Growing Up in the Church, I Know the Ariana Grande Groping Moment Well


The moment was the antithesis of one of Aretha Franklin’s most popular hits. As the world stopped to celebrate the homegoing of The Queen of Soul on Friday—the traditional black church gathering to celebrate Franklin’s transition from earthside to the Lord—the dark cloud of patriarchy and misogyny threatened to overshadow the service when a bishop failed to R-E-S-P-E-C-T pop star Ariana Grande, inappropriately touching her breast area for the world to see.

As part of the celebration, Grande sang Franklin’s hit, “(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman.” At the conclusion of her performance, Bishop Charles H. Ellis III called Grande to the pulpit, wrapped his arms around her (his fingers touching her breast) and made the racist remark that he’d thought “Ariana Grande” was a meal at Taco Bell. Some laughed and many cringed. But it was Bishop Ellis’ inappropriate touch that triggered most women, especially those who grew up in the church. It was a moment that, even a decade after Tarana Burke created #MeToo and its meteoric digital rise last year following the Harvey Weinstein accusations, proves that it is past time to publicly reckon with the mistreatment of girls and women in holy spaces.

Many church girls like me knew that moment. We’ve experienced it from pastors, deacons and older men who, under the guise of complimenting, have inappropriately commented on how nice we looked on Sundays. Later, how well we were growing into womanhood. Our girlhood, in church and on the street, cut short under the surveilling eyes of men. We made the same face as Grande (the embarrassed drop of the head, that uncomfortable chuckle) as we tried to maneuver out of unwelcomed embraces that lasted too long and lingering touches we never requested. And the shame was on us to carry. This behavior—almost always accepted or dismissed, even enabled—that made us coil our changing bodies inward, feeling the stinging humiliation of being fondled, the betrayal that our bodies were budding breasts and curves for the consumption of men.

Following Bishop Ellis’ apology and in response to those who came to his defense, many remembered when their complaints were dismissed with “that’s just how he is” and “he is just being friendly.” Others remembered why they never told anyone.

For many women, this is why they have turned away from the church. It’s the deeply embedded culture that allows for the violation of girls and women, that refusal to hear us when we say what we don’t want, and, in Grande’s case, the way we boomerang the blame back to the victim. (This was evident in the scrutiny of Grande’s black dress, which eventually evoked the rape culture rhetoric that it was what she wore to the funeral that resulted in her assault). This isn’t unique to the church—this violent culture of toxic masculinity that wrongly holds women accountable—but there’s something deeply troubling about the sexual violation of girls and women in sacred spaces. Especially when that environment is intended to be a balm to society’s ills.

The work of the #MeToo movement and other women’s movements has brought attention to the ways men abuse power in every sphere of society—and the church’s refusal to take seriously the issue of sexual misconduct is rooted in society’s investment in the power of men. For as beautiful as Franklin’s homegoing was, it represented every aspect of that reality. Heavily dominated by the presence of men, we were reminded that women are often only given room to sing and lift our spirits but rarely the space to preach and save our souls. As a preacher’s kid, teen mom, and one who pursued a secular career as opposed to gospel, Aretha Franklin often felt the sting of the church. And in the final celebration of her life, she felt it again.

Franklin, along with Grande and the women who have lived that moment before, deserved so much more from an institution many of us love and still believe in. And it has become clear that these conversations about the experiences of girls and women can no longer just be held in the privacy of our homes. It’s time to address this misconduct on a global scale.

We have no choice: If sexism and patriarchy could not take the day off to honor Aretha Franklin in the house of God, it will never stop its assault against us.

Candice Benbow is a writer and the creator of The Lemonade Syllabus, whose work focuses on faith, feminism and pop culture.

MORE: The Bishop Who Groped Ariana Grande at Aretha Franklin’s Funeral Has Apologized





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Love Advice We Wish We Had Growing Up


I’ve always known if anything killed me, it would be boys. From the time I was a teenager into my thirties, I loved only the ones who were bad news. There was the abusive drunk I escaped by climbing out of a ­second-floor window in my underwear and hiding in the trash can below. The insanely cute drug addict who lived in a U-Haul and had another girlfriend on the side. By age 19 I was married to a high-profile, much older musician and was mother to a baby girl. Since then I’ve been divorced, been a cheater, been cheated on, gotten happily remarried, and raised a couple of great kids. Along the way, love and obsession have beaten my ass to a bloody pulp many times. Here’s what I’ve learned from my adventures—hopefully, my hard-earned insights will be helpful in some way. Let’s start with the basics…

Learn to love your own body. Long before we have sex with anyone, we need to be comfortable having sex with ourselves—yet so few of us are. One of the earliest messages women get is to never talk about their genitals or sexuality, especially when it comes to masturbation. But boys have a million words for the act and talk about it endlessly. There are far fewer words for female masturbation, and they’re pretty unappealing. Paddling the pink canoe? Flicking the bean? That’s not something I want to do to my vagina. So get intimate with yourself. If you don’t know you, you can’t expect anyone else to.

Know this: A one-night stand is not a bad thing. Although my story isn’t that unusual, the first time I had sex, there was no orgasm for me—just an agitated vagina, damp underwear, and the overwhelming question of why I’d ever want to do that again. Sex got more exciting in my twenties, when I discovered the joy of the one-night stand. Some of my favorite sexual experiences have been with people I never wanted to see again but whom I’m very pleased I spent the night with. We’re raised to believe love and sex are connected, but most people don’t have sex because they’re in love; they do it because it feels really good. Sex is the most personal choice we make, and it should be ours to make freely; just make sure you’re safe and don’t leave with more than you arrived with. I’ll also say, having been married to the same dude for 11 years, I think the benefits of sex in a long-term relationship far outweigh the one-night deal. But I had to find that out the fun way.

Pay attention to the warning signs. If a guy says, “I don’t want a girlfriend,” or “I’ve never been faithful,” he means it. Sure, you can seduce him, but don’t expect to change him. Please believe him when he tells you who he is.

Maintain boundaries. I don’t understand the outdated notion of “two becoming one.” If you think you’re only half a person, please figure your shit out before getting in a relationship. Likewise, if you’re in love with a half-formed person, get out fast. When you’ve worked as hard as I have to form your identity, the last thing you want is to blur where you end and someone else begins. Remember who you are, and stay true to that. Another thing on boundaries: Stay away from other people’s partners. There are enough people in the world; you deserve one of your own.

And take it one day at a time. My husband, Nick, recently said to me, “I can’t believe I’ve been touching your boobs for 15 years.” I laughed. I knew what he meant—that’s a long time. Is forever realistic? Who knows. In marriage you sacrifice the adrenaline rush of seeing someone new for the comfort of being with someone who knows everything about you and loves you anyway. Today I wouldn’t trade that for anything, but tomorrow might be a different story. And that’s OK—life is messy, and I’m down for the ride.

Amanda de Cadenet is the host of The Conversation and CEO and founder of Girlgaze. This is adapted from It’s Messy: On Boys, Boobs, and Badass Women.

PHOTO: Courtesy of publisher



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