There’s so much that happens this episode of The Bachelor—the much-anticipated fence jump, a surprise cameo from Cassie’s dad, Colton’s first overnight date, to name a few—so let’s just jump right in, shall we? Spoilers ahead, obviously.
Things kick off with Colton and Chris Harrison catching up. For a hot second, it seems like they’re going to have “the talk.”
“I have an idea of what happens in a fantasy suite,” Colton says, not at all convincingly.
“Thank God,” Chris answers, maybe a little too quickly.
Colton then assures Chris (and us viewers) that if the situation is right and everyone’s in love, he’s gonna do it this week. Or, as he puts it, “make love.”
“Enjoy your week,” Chris says as they part ways. “Congratulations!”
With that, they’re all off to Portugal. Cheers.
Once everyone lands in Europe, the women reveal their priorities for the week. Tayshia’s ready to “explore” being physical with Colton. Cassie wants to use this time to figure out her feelings. And the first thing on Hannah’s to-do list is the fantasy suite. As for Colton, he seems really, really excited about maybe-possibly losing his virginity.
That’s good news, I guess, for Tayshia, who has the first date of the week. “I hope today has in store a lot of new firsts for us,” she insinuates. Before they can get to that, though, they must get through the rest of the date which starts with a helicopter ride. During it, they talk about the super sexy topic of Portugal’s main exports. Colton jokes that it’s extra virgin olive oil, to which Tayshia quips, “That’s how I like ’em!”
The virgin innuendos don’t end there. After the helicopter takes them to a castle—or fort, maybe?—the two sip on champagne and talk about all the things they’ve done together. “What’s something you haven’t done yet?” Tayshia asks. Colton yells back, “Fantasy suites, baby!!!” To my amazement, she continues with the date. In all seriousness, though, Colton says he’s just excited to have intimate conversations with all the women this week, whether or not that involves losing his virginity. Sure.
Before the commercial break, Tayshia assures us viewers that she’s totally ready to “take that next step” with Colton. Then, when we return from the break, she reiterates that she’s only intimate with someone she loves, and she’s in love with Colton. I appreciate and yet am horrified by the amount of times the producers have asked this women to confirm that, yes, a sexual encounter with Colton would be consensual. At this point, I’m half expecting her to show up with a notarized statement stating, “I want to have sex with Colton.”
We finally get to the dinner portion of their date, to which Tayshia wears a dress that requires all the boob tape available in Portugal. It looks fantastic. Colton can’t keep his eyes off her chest, though that’s partially because she keeps fussing with her dress. She asks him to keep an eye out in case a boob pops out, and Colton is like, “YUP.”
They talk, yet again, about Colton’s virginity and the night ahead. Tayshia tells him that she waited to have sex—she lost her virginity to her ex-husband—so she understands the importance of the situation. Then she reveals that a year into her marriage her husband cheated, which she says taught her the value of intimacy even more. Colton promises that if they are endgame, he’ll never cheat. (I mean, dude, that should be a given—but a sweet sentiment.)
Colton presents Tayshia with a key to the fantasy suite, and she says yes. Cue some corny music as Colton talks about his sexual prowess. “As men, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to perform well,” Colton says. “….how hard can it be?” Don’t worry, Colton assures us, he’s experienced in other ways. He’s done basically everything but, lest we question his ability.
