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‘Will My New Relationship Survive the Pandemic?’


The last time I went out with Nick*, it was clear that things were not right. I don’t mean between us—although yes, there too, if I’m being honest. I mean in the world.

It was Tuesday, March 10, and the only reason I was even free to see him that night was because a gathering I’d planned had been postponed due to fears of the coronavirus. (At the time, the decision to delay had still felt a touch hysterical.) Earlier that day I’d told my boss that I was no longer totally comfortable taking the subway at rush hour and so would prefer to work from home “for the next little while.” But as a longtime freelancer, I’ve always preferred to work from home. It didn’t exactly feel like a sacrifice.

I had a vague idea that we weren’t really supposed to go out to eat. But because my daughter would soon be returning to our apartment with her sitter, and Nick lives in a relatively distant part of Brooklyn, we couldn’t really think of a good alternative. We squabbled, briefly, over whether it would be safer to visit a small restaurant (fewer people) or a big one (better ventilation) before settling on sitting in the backyard of a medium-size place in my neighborhood.

Nick is the first person I’ve dated since I decided to end my marriage, a little over a year ago. I waited six months before signing up for Bumble and then proceeded to go out with, on average, one man a month. Nick was the only one that I wanted to see a second time.

We are very different people—he is a Latino social worker from the Bronx with longstanding interests in Eastern religions and martial arts, while I am a Jewish writer from the Virginia suburbs with longstanding interests in literary fiction and popular culture—but I was drawn to him right away. He’s easy to talk to, and kind, and very, very handsome. He’s also extremely emotionally astute, which I suppose makes sense given his profession.

He told me early on that he’s looking for something “long-term,” and in theory, so am I. But I guess maybe I’m in less of a hurry to find it. I’m still healing from the dissolution of my decade-long marriage (a dissolution that is still ongoing, and leaving me with new psychic injuries at irregular intervals), and I’m the primary caretaker of a five-year-old, whom I feel comfortable leaving with a sitter two nights a week, max. The basic conditions of my life are suboptimal for falling in love, and that was before people started getting sick.

So I was fine with ignoring the things about Nick that I didn’t enjoy as much. Many of them were superficial, like the dad-ish leather jacket that he wore on several of our early dates. Some of them were not, like when he started texting me too often for my taste and with too much familiarity, before we’d been seeing each other for even two months. In that case, I pushed back: I felt as though he was trying to force, or perhaps fast-forward to, a level of intimacy that simply hadn’t been earned. Maybe I’m a little gun-shy because of my situation. But I also wanted to enjoy our limited time together for what it was. I didn’t want to feel I’d suddenly been plunged into a long-distance relationship. Mostly, though, the question I asked myself with regard to Nick was, “Do I want to see him again?” And the answer was always yes.

Now, though, that’s not an option. Even if we thought it was worth the risk—and it’s not clear to me whether either of us do, given that we are both carrying not only our own germs but those of our kids and, via them, our exes—I’m with my daughter nearly 24/7. Like lots of couples who hadn’t yet reached the move-in stage (and can’t, or won’t, jump ahead to it now), the only relationship that’s going to be available to us for the foreseeable future is one that’s socially distanced. And I’m not sure that’s going to work for us.

Our physical connection was immediate and, frankly, kind of intense—it’s been one of my most consistent sources of happiness over the last few months. And I think we’ve really relied on it to smooth over our conflicts; the last time we saw each other, on March 15, we stayed a responsible six feet apart while we ran the stairs in Fort Greene Park and, perhaps not coincidentally, were slightly less than thrilled with each other when we said goodbye. I was irritated that he’d disbelieved me about the cost and necessity of a decent pair of haircutting scissors, an utterly insignificant fact of which he has no personal knowledge, and he was hurt that I’d ended a discussion about something his ex-wife was doing by noting that it really didn’t sound like his problem, and it definitely didn’t sound like mine.



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Coming to Netflix in December: These Movies and TV Shows Will Help You Survive the Holidays


Netflix has already started adding original Christmas content to its platform, and even more is coming in December. If you’ve already seen Let It Snow and Holiday in the Wild, there is a lot more on the way, including A Cinderella Story: Christmas Wish, A Christmas Prince: The Royal Baby, and A Family Reunion Christmas. There will be so much to watch while you unwrap presents this year.

If you’re starting to get a little tired of holiday flicks, don’t fret. There’s about 80-plus other titles you can browse, including the highly-anticipated Noah Baumbach film Marriage Story. A ton of comedy specials are going to be added, too, including Tiffany Haddish: Black Mitzvah , Michelle Wolf: Joke Show, and John Mulaney & The Sack Lunch Bunch. The full list is below so you can start browsing and deciding what you want to watch.

Available December 1

Dead Kids (Netflix Film)

A Cinderella Story: Christmas Wish

The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl

Austin Powers in Goldmember

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me

Cut Bank

Eastsiders, season 4

Malcolm X

Searching for Sugar Man

Sweet Virginia

The Tribes of Palos Verdes

Available December 2

Nightflyers, season 1

Team Kaylie: Part 2 (Netflix Family)

Available December 3

Especial de Natal Porta dos Fundos: A Primeira Tenação de Cristo (Netflix Film)

Tiffany Haddish: Black Mitzvah (Netflix Original)

War on Everyone

Available December 4

The Last O.G., season 2

Let’s Dance (Netflix Film)

Los Briceño (Netflix Original)

Magic for Humans, season 2 (Netflix Original)

Available December 5

A Christmas Prince: The Royal Baby (Netflix Film)

Apache: La vida de Carlos Tevez (Netflix Original)

Greenleaf, season 4

Home for Christmas (Netflix Original)

V-Wars, season 1 (Netflix Original)

Available December 6

Astronomy Club: The Sketch Show (Netflix Original)

The Chosen One, season 2 *(Netflix Original)

The Confession Killer (Netflix Original)

Fuller House, season 5 (Netflix Original)

Glow Up (Netflix Original)

Marriage Story (Netflix Original)

Spirit Riding Free: The Spirit of Christmas (Netflix Original)

Teasing Master Takagi-san, season 2 (Netflix Original)

Three Days of Christmas, season 1 (Netflix Original)

Triad Princess, season 1 (Netflix Original)

Virgin River (Netflix Original)

Available December 8

From Paris with Love

Available December 9

A Family Reunion Christmas (Netflix Original)

It Comes at Night

Available December 10

Michelle Wolf: Joke Show (Netflix Original)

Outlander, season 3

Available December 11

The Sky Is Pink

Available December 12

Especial de Natal Porta dos Fundos (Netflix Original)

Jack Whitehall: Christmas with My Father (Netflix Original)

Available December 13

6 Underground (Netflix Original)

Available December 15

A Family Man

Dil Dhadakne Do

Karthik Calling Karthik

Available December 16

Burlesque

The Danish Girl

The Magicians, season 4

Available December 17

Ronny Chieng: Asian Comedian Destroys America! (Netflix Original)

Available December 18

Don’t F**k with Cats: Hunting an Internet Killer (Netflix Original)

Soundtrack, season 1 (Netflix Original)

Available December 19

After the Raid (Netflix Original)

Ultraviolet, season 2 (Netflix Original)

Twice Upon a Time (Netflix Original)

Available December 20

The Two Popes (Netflix Original)

The Witcher, season 1 (Netflix Original)

Available December 22

Private Practice, seasons 1-6

Available December 23

Transformers Rescue Bots Academy, season 1

Available December 24

Carole & Tuesday: Part 2 (Netflix Original)

Como caído del cielo (Netflix Original)

Crash Landing on You (Netflix Original)

John Mulaney & The Sack Lunch Bunch (Netflix Original)

Lost in Space, season 2 (Netflix Original)

Terrace House: Tokyo 2019-2020: Part 2 (Netflix Original)

Available December 25

Sweetheart

Available December 26

The App (Netflix Original)

La Bazar de la Charité (Netflix Original)

Fast & Furious Spy Racers (Netflix Original)

You, season 2 (Netflix Original)

Available December 27

The Gift (Netflix Original)

Kevin Hart: Don’t F**k This Up (Netflix Original)

The Secret Life of Pets 2

Available December 28

Hot Gimmick: Girl Meets Boy (Netflix Original)

Available December 29

Lawless

Available December 30

Alexa & Katie, season 3 (Netflix Original)

The Disastrous Life of Saiki K.: Reawakened, season 1 (Netflix Original)

Available December 31

The Degenerates, season 2 (Netflix Original)

Die Another Day

Golden Eye

Heartbreakers

The Neighbor (Netflix Original)

Red Dawn

Tomorrow Never Dies

The World is Not Enough

Yanxi Palace: Princess Adventures (Netflix Original)



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12 New TV Shows and Movies That'll Help You Survive Valentine's Day


Valentine’s Day is hardly ever as fun or romantic as TV shows and movies depict it to be. Everyone loves a good Galentine’s Day party and drug store candy, sure, but let’s call a spade a spade: February 14 is one of the worst holidays. Unless, that is, you like eating in a too-crowded restaurant and spending money on a card that’s about to wind up in the trash?

Whatever your plans on Valentine’s Day are, I bet you’ll agree that you’d rather be watching TV. Good thing there are so many fun shows—and movies!—debuting this week. Some are romantic, some are not, but all are better than a dinner date at that loud, expensive restaurant. Who cares about getting flowers when there’s a new season of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills in your queue?

Below, 12 TV shows and movies that will gladly be your Valentine this year.

Margaret: The Rebel Princess: An in-depth look at the life of Princess Margaret, Countess of Snowdon, the younger sister of Queen Elizabeth II. 10 P.M. ET on PBS

The Grammys: Alicia Keys hosts this year’s ceremony, which will include performances from Lady Gaga, Janelle Monáe, and Miley Cyrus, among others. 8 P.M. ET on CBS

Flavorful Origins: The first season of this new series explores the delicious world of Chaoshan cuisine, originating from the eastern part of China’s Guangdong Province. Streaming on Netflix

Miracle Workers: Daniel Radcliffe and Steve Buscemi star is this comedy miniseries about an angel who tries to save Earth after God vows to destroy it. 10:30 P.M. ET on TBS

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Denise Richards joins the cast, and the women wear a bunch of iconic wigs on Halloween. So, in other words, I’m sold. 9 P.M. ET on Bravo

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Weird City: Jordan Peele is the brains behind this sci-fi anthology series, which blasts us to a futuristic city literally named “Weird.” Celebrities slated to appear include Mark Hamill, Sara Gilbert, LeVar Burton, Michael Cera, Steven Yeun, Rosario Dawson, Ed O’Neill, Laverne Cox, Awkwafina, and Yvette Nicole Brown. Streaming on YouTube Premium

Isn’t it Romantic: Rebel Wilson stars in this movie, centering on woman who bumps her head and wakes up to realize she’s trapped in a romantic comedy. Chris Hemsworth and Priyanka Chopra co-star. In theaters

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Dating Around: This new reality series follows singles as they go on several different blind dates. It doesn’t sound like much, but just watch it. You won’t be able to stop. Streaming on Netflix

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Zac & Mia, season 2: This second series of this Awesomeness series about two teenagers undergoing cancer treatment is now available on Hulu for your streaming pleasure. Streaming on Hulu

The Umbrella Academy: This comic book series, about a superhero family who comes together to solve the mystery of their father’s death, is coming to life on Netflix. Streaming on Netflix

The Breaker Upperers: Two women start an agency that helps break up couples in this new comedy starring
Jackie van Beek and Madeleine Sami. Streaming on Netflix

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Love, Romance & Chocolate: Read Hallmark’s official synopsis, below: 8 P.M. ET on Hallmark

“New York accountant Emma Colvin is heartbroken when her boyfriend leaves her before their planned romantic getaway to Belgium for Valentine’s Day. Convinced by a friend to go alone on the trip, Emma has the adventure of a lifetime when her Belgian innkeeper introduces her to renowned chocolatier, Luc Simon. Luc and his fellow chocolatiers are in the midst of a competition to create the most romantic chocolate in Belgium for the upcoming Belgian royal wedding. He discovers her kitchen skills and soon she’s immersed in the competition and a budding romance develops.”

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Christopher Rosa is the entertainment writer at Glamour. Follow him on Twitter at @chrisrosa92.





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As Government Shutdown Continues, Domestic Violence Shelters Struggle to Survive


Estes Valley Crisis Advocates hasn’t taken a direct hit from the government shutdown—yet. But it’s just a matter of time.

“We’re very aware of where we’re at and when that’ll run out,” says Diana David Brown. Brown is the executive director at the domestic violence shelter, which also provides emergency response services in Estes Park, Colorado. “There is a point where we would have to start looking at cutbacks in hours and layoffs. That’s probably the end of this month.”

The organization is the only crisis domestic violence shelter in the area, run by four full-time employees, two part-time employees, and volunteers. “It’s full all the time,” Brown says. Estes Park is a tourist town, at the base of Rocky Mountain National Park, so the center comes to the aid of the thousands of visitors who flock to the area every year, for everything from responding to tourist fights that involve domestic violence to counseling services for unexpected deaths. But its budget relies heavily on federal grants; just a small share of its funding comes from private donations, given the small year-round community in which it exists.

The shelter is already feeling some effects of the shutdown. It recently got approval to use grant money to get new equipment to Skype with legal experts in the closest cities (which are about 40 miles away). And its heating system is outdated and old, at risk of breaking down and forcing the organization to relocate shelter residents to hotels, but the application it put in for grant money to update it is from a fund that’s frozen while the government remains shuttered. They’ve put all these plans on hold until the shutdown comes to an end.

“I just don’t know how long programs can hold on at this point.”

Nationwide, programs like the ones that Estes Valley Crisis Advocates operates are desperately waiting for reimbursements to come through—money that was set aside for them last year but hasn’t arrived yet, explains Cindy Southworth, executive vice president of the National Network to End Domestic Violence. “This is money that shouldn’t be locked up,” she says. But because the employees who work at the Department of Justice who release the funds were furloughed, the checks couldn’t go out. The DOJ was able to bring some employees back to work to process the payments on January 7, but that is a bandaid at best. The department has told providers that it only has enough money carried over from prior years to flow funds through January 17. It’s also not clear whether enough DOJ employees are back on the job to process all of the frantic requests for reimbursements.

“We’re literally days away from them running out of federal funds,” Southworth says. Unlike federal employees who can be made to work without pay if they’re deemed to be essential, many states have laws that won’t allow shelter staff to work or even volunteer their services without pay. “It may mean shelters closing down, hotlines going dark,” she says. “Local organizations are terrified. They’re crunching the numbers, they’re watching. They’re seeing exactly how long can we hang in there and at what point do we have to start shutting down.”

Such an outcome is almost sure to have devastating consequences. When Southworth was new in her career and staffing a hotline, she picked up a call one day from a little boy whose mother had sent him to a neighbor’s house to supposedly get some flowers. He told Southworth that his stepfather was holding his mother hostage and had said that if police showed up at the house, “He’ll kill the police and kill himself and the whole family,” she recalls. Southworth was able to contact the mother and come up with a plan: because the mother had a medical condition, she was able to convince her partner to take her to the hospital. Southworth reached out to the police, who went to the hospital disguised as doctors. They were able to get her and her children away from the abuser, and that evening they booked the family into their shelter.

“It was an incredible, incredible day,” she says. But it was only possible because the organization was fully staffed with paid employees, all of whom pitched in to help get the family to safety. “There’s no way that could have been done with a volunteer on the hotline,” she notes. “Volunteers are fantastic, but they have to be backed up by paid staff…who know the ins and outs, know the legal system.”

Once programs can’t cover their expenses, victims will start to feel the effects immediately, sources say. “I just don’t know how long programs can hold on at this point with all of their staff,” says Joyce Grover, executive director of the Kansas Coalition Against Sexual and Domestic Violence. “There may be a reduction in staffing for outreach offices, people may have to get an appointment in order to see someone.” Victims may face delays in assistance for getting protection orders, talking to law enforcement, getting examined at a hospital, or even going into shelter. “Somebody who needs help with a protection order will either have to wait by the phone or be delayed in getting one,” she says, “and we know that’s just not safe.”

Without the staff available to pull such heroics off, “lives are on the line,” Southworth says. “If the life-saving domestic violence frontline advocates are laid off and our hotlines go dark, lives are on the line.”

In the event that the shutdown continues past the end of the month and federal money dries up, Brown and her program director Cato Kraft at Estes Valley Crisis Advocates have discussed deferring their own pay and cutting other people’s hours, knowing full well what the ramifications could be. “We just can’t have people work and not get paid,” Brown says. “Nobody’s in this work for the money, but they have to have the money to do this work.” Having fewer staff on hand couldn’t come at a worse time. As the shutdown creates stress in people’s lives, particularly for the federal employees who work for Rocky Mountain National Park and low-income residents who rely on government services, the need for help will rise.

“We’re all hoping that this freeze doesn’t last,” Brown says. “Everyday we’re hoping that something’s going to change. But it’s all a little scary.”

Larger, urban and suburban providers and shelters may be able to weather the lack of federal money longer since they are more likely to have a base of donors and local funding in their budgets that they can fall back on. But smaller, rural programs are less likely to have that kind of unrestricted money to plug the holes. “Programs that are already operating on a shoestring budget with a federal grant or a couple of federal grants—those programs are most at risk,” Southworth says. The same is likely true for more specific programs such as tribal ones that serve Native Americans or those that serve the elderly.

All providers that Glamour spoke to stress they will do whatever they can to keep their core services running. But options may be limited. Providers may choose not to pay rent or other utilities to at least make sure their staff gets paid. But there’s no doubt, as Southworth points out, that “the biggest part of their budget is payroll.” Even if an organization forgoes other bills, it won’t be long before it can’t issue paychecks.

“We’re getting people calling and saying, ‘How much longer are you going to be open?’ People think they’re not going to get services.”

The uncertainty and confusion has almost certainly trickled down to those who are dealing with and trying to escape violence. Many may see the news of the shutdown and assume that providers and shelters have had to close, even though none have taken that step.

“We’re getting people calling and saying, ‘How much longer are you going to be open?’” says Beth Hassett, executive director of WEAVE, a services provider for domestic violence and sexual assault in Sacramento, California. “People think they’re not going to get services.” The confusion may make people who are considering leaving an abusive relationship or getting counseling hesitate. “It certainly has a chilling effect on people who are debating what their future holds,” Hassett says. If the government is shutting down, she adds, people may wonder if services will be there to help them move forward. That could mean some stay in dangerous situations because they assume there will be no one to help them if they reach out.

Staff feel the impact, too. It’s already a difficult job. Employees are underpaid, overworked, Southworth says: “We know that the toll this work takes on these heroic advocates is challenging.” Now they are also grappling with not knowing if they’re going to get a paycheck to cover their rent and bills, or whether they will soon have no job at all. If people get furloughed or let go, once the government reopens, Grover says, you have to convince staff to come back. “If this talk of uncertainty continues on federally and you’ve been able to find another position, you’re probably not going to want to come back.”

The irony, of course, is that Trump has repeatedly stressed that he has to keep the government shutdown to extract funding for his border wall in the name of safety and security. But the shutdown, if it continues, will threaten women’s safety and security as services and shelters go dark.

“About 1,300 to 1,500 women are killed every single year by their intimate partner,” Southworth says. “That is domestic terrorism. If we have the audacity to shut down those life saving services in the alleged name of security and safety, that’s appalling. It’s unconscionable.”


Bryce Covert is an independent journalist writing about the economy. She is a contributing op-ed writer at the New York Times and a contributing writer at The Nation.



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