Michelle Obama‘s memoir, Becoming, debuted just two weeks ago—and on Friday, Penguin Random House announced that it had already surpassed other titles to break a record: It’s the best-selling book to be released so far in the U.S., with more than 2 million copies sold in the U.S. and Canada. Safe to say, it’s a smash hit, and she’s currently on a speaking tour to promote the book. During her stop in Brooklyn last night, the busy former First Lady spoke out about how she manages it all—and she didn’t give the advice you might think.
Obama spoke frankly about the aspirational—and, to be honest, exhausting—expectation that it’s possible to “have it all.” And while she might not have been able to offer solid advice about how to achieve that bliss, she had some far more useful wisdom to dish out instead.
“Marriage still ain’t equal, y’all. It ain’t equal. I tell women that whole ‘you can have it all’—mmm, nope, not at the same time, that’s a lie,” she said. “It’s not always enough to lean in because that shit doesn’t work.”
The “lean in” phrase refers to a philosophy set forth by Sheryl Sandberg in 2013 that uses the metaphor to argue that women should assert themselves more in the workplace. Back then, it drew controversy for implying that women were holding themselves back from their careers; more recently, it’s drawn backlash for not being as effective as Sandberg originally hoped. In 2017, she spoke frankly about how women weren’t necessarily much better off for it.
Back to Obama, though. In a wonderfully genuine moment, apparently the crowd of New Yorkers went wild at the light cursing utilized by Obama, before she apologized to the kids in the audience: “I thought we were at home, y’all,” she said. “I was getting real comfortable up in here. All right, I’m back now. Sometimes that stuff doesn’t work.”
She also talked about the section in the book that addresses how she and Obama went to marriage counseling.
“People are like, ‘Oh, why’d she talk about marriage counseling?'” she said. “I’m like, ‘Duh.’ Marriage is hard, you know. It is hard . . . I love my husband, and we have a great marriage, and we’ve had a great marriage, but marriage is hard work.”
Obama also cautioned against rushing into marriage: “Marriage is a lot of work, and it should be. It’s too independent individuals who are trying to come together to build a life forever.”
We’ll always love it when Obama keeps it real with us, swears included. Unfortunately, two stops on her tour have been postponed: She announced on Sunday that she’d be pushing back her Paris and Berlin stops to fly to the U.S. and attend former President George H. W. Bush’s funeral.
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