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Trigger warning: The following contains language describing eating-disorder behaviors.
The other day I was driving in the car with my eight-year-old son, Braeden, when out of nowhere he asked me, “Mommy, how did you get so fat?” At first, I was really caught off guard by his comment. Despite the fact that I openly talk about my weight on the Internet to my 20,000 followers, and I’m literally a public speaker on the topic—it’s different when it’s with your own kid. I had to take a deep breath and remind myself: I always knew this moment would come. I’m a visibly fat person—there’s no denying that—so while it stung, I was glad he was asking. It meant it was time to have “the conversation.”
I told Braeden that all bodies are good bodies. That mommy is short and fat, but look how much mommy loves going to the park with you. Or how we enjoy picking out nourishing foods at the grocery store that make our bellies feel good. I told him that being fat isn’t a bad thing. It’s just how mommy looks.
This was the first time Braeden and I had spoken about my body directly, but it certainly wasn’t the first time my weight has come up around him. A few years ago we were at the park together, sitting with a group of moms and their children, when this little kid said, “She’s so fat!” It didn’t make me upset. I just looked at the kid (whose mother was horrified) and said, “Yeah, I’m fat and that’s okay.” Part of my advocacy is promoting being open and honest with kids about fatness, to normalize that bodies come in all kinds of forms instead of making them think it’s something they should be ashamed by. So when it happened again at a birthday party, I just said, “Yes, I exist in a bigger body, and that’s okay because all bodies look different.” But it wasn’t until the other day, in the car, that my son was ready to talk about it.
In some ways, I’ve been preparing for the conversation his whole life. From the time Braeden was born I really tried not to talk about my own body in a negative context, because I never wanted him to start thinking about his body that way. I put my scale away so he would never see how gaining just one ounce had the ability to ruin my day. I turn off shows full of fat jokes and make sure we talk about those kinds of comments on TV. And I’ve always taught him that no matter what someone looks like, they shouldn’t be judged for it or treated any differently.
Lately my focus has been on making Braeden feel good in his body. He’s recently gotten a little heavier, and he’s started getting bullied at school. My husband and I enrolled him in swim lessons, and we’ve all started taking more walks together—but we make sure to never say we’re doing it because of his belly that’s starting to form. Instead, we’re very careful to talk about being more active as a family. Before his next visit to the pediatrician, I’ll be writing a letter so the nurses and doctor know that talking about his BMI is off limits. That she will not be recommending this new WW app for kids, or any diet.
