Also, know that feelings of rejection and diminished self-worth could trigger unhealthy responses like over or undereating or substance abuse, which could lead to a depressive spiral, says Porter. “Exercise, nutrition, and proper sleep will raise the floor on how bad you feel,” he adds.
8. Don’t judge the length of your healing process.
“Don’t equate the time of healing with the time of your relationship,” says Hendrix. Even ‘almost relationships’ can cause enormous heartbreak, says Huerta.
“A lot of times people are like, Well, I was only with them for six months. Why am I devastated?” says Hendrix. “Because you fell for them in six months and you’ve gotten super attached and you started spending every day and night together for a while. Your six months is like somebody else’s two years. So whatever you feel, honor that.” In truth, how long it takes to get over an ex depends on a variety of factors, including the narrative you tell yourself.
9. Don’t internalize the breakup.
In the aftermath of a difficult split, avoid thinking, I’m not good enough, there’s something wrong with me, says Porter. Instead, situate the problem in the relationship (if not in your partner), he says.
10. Identify and eliminate unhealthy behaviors.
Try to understand any impulses you may be having, like texting your ex, checking their Instagram every hour, or replaying every damn detail of your last weekend together. These urges are part of the natural withdrawal process that happens after heartbreak, but don’t let yourself overindulge in obsessive behaviors (like analyzing every aspect of your relationship until 4 a.m.), says Hendrix. If you find yourself spending significant time in this frame of mind, it might be wise to reach out to a coach or therapist for support.
11. Create new routines.
Realize that the breakup is likely going to cause voids in your life. Say you and your ex always went to the movies every Friday, says Hendrix. Now your Friday nights are wide open, but instead of wallowing alone, proactively call your friends and make plans.
12. Explore old—and new—interests.
Say you really enjoy the outdoors, but your ex didn’t, so while you were together, you cut back on your weekend hiking habit. Now that you’re single, give yourself permission to reconnect with that interest and also explore new hobbies. “The universe meets us at the point of action, and if we’re trying to heal, we have to take steps to heal,” says Hendrix.