If there’s one thing much of society is still not okay with, it’s women having a purpose in life other than motherhood.
As someone who just turned 42, I have been fielding questions for years about the status of my perpetually empty uterus and listening to insistence from other moms that I’ll surely change my mind like they did. I’m exhausted. I absolutely understand we need women to keep humankind going, but so few people are okay with my decision not to be one of them. Truthfully, I’m perfectly happy not having children. It’s not something I’ve ever fantasized about—my Barbies were driving Tonka Trucks, not rearing Skipper.
Maybe I will change my mind, but I refuse to even consider kids unless I’m committed to a good, feminist man who’s willing to do at least 60% of the parenting, wants kids more than I do, and who would never ask me to quit my job to have them. Even still, there would have to be a lot of convincing on his part, as there are many reasons why I could make the case that having kids isn’t a great deal for women. For starters, we do endless unpaid emotional labor; some fathers do less and get away with more; men are already our dependents; and many women are actually happier without kids or a spouse. To be honest, the bonkers bedtime routine I’ve been through as a nanny and an aunt is enough to scare me off motherhood entirely.
Because it gets harder every year to deal with invasive questions about my fertility, this year I’m going to be ready. When nosey relatives and friends ask you for the millionth time when you’re going to have kids, be ready with one of these 21 comebacks.
