Recently, on the Today show, Megyn Kelly mentioned that she’d asked her stepfather to “fat-shame” her when she felt she was gaining weight during law school. “I said to my stepfather, ‘If you see me go to that kitchen one more time, you say, ‘Where are you going, fatass?’ And it worked!” she told her guest “Fit Mom” Maria Kang. Kelly also said she thinks sometimes other women want to be shamed, referencing the business that Real Housewives star Teddi Mellencamp has built as an accountability coach. But Mellencamp would like to clear something up: Her business and the request Kelly made of her stepfather are not the same thing. Mellencamp’s coaching business acts as a one-stop shop for women to have, essentially, an on-call personal trainer, nutritionist, and even therapist to help them set goals and check in frequently to make sure those goals are being met, exploring any road blocks they might hit along the way together. “Never in a million years would I—or anybody who works for me—put somebody down or shame them,” Mellencamp tells Glamour. “Everything comes from a positive, loving place.” So what is working with an accountability coach actually like? Glamour spoke with Mellencamp and one of her clients, On-Air With Ryan Seacrest cohost Tanya Rad, to find out.
Glamour: OK, first off, Teddi—how did you become an accountability coach?
Teddi Mellencamp: I’ve always been a weight fluctuater, even as a kid. My mentality was, I work hard and my reward is to eat hard. But it was making me upset. I realized I should be living a balanced life [and I put that in practice]. Then I realized: I’m not the only one out there who needs this. So I started just working with my friends. It was very much a heart project.
Glamour: And what does it mean once someone signs on as a client?
Teddi: Before I accept anyone, I let them know the ground rules. I start with a two-week jump start, and during that time I say: if you aren’t able to submit a text with proof of the following things (and sorry, I can’t tell you exactly what they are!), you’ll be removed from the program and not be refunded. Nobody wants to throw money away, especially over something they wanted to do in the first place. That’s really motivating. And then the difference between me and a personal trainer is, a trainer doesn’t know what you’re doing the other 23 hours of a day. But with my clients, they’re sending me proof, they’re talking me through their schedule. We do a picture day one, at two weeks, at six weeks. They’re seeing the progress. That’s what the program is.
Glamour: Tanya, what made you want to work with Teddi?
Tanya Rad: I got introduced to Teddi because my makeup artist was going through the program. I noticed not only that she’d lost weight but that her mind-set changed—she’d never seemed better. She knows me really well, and she said, “I think you would really benefit from this.” I work in radio, and I do a lot on camera, and I’ve never really felt comfortable. I thought it was my weight. I was one of those bandwagoners who jumps on a fad diet, tries for three days, and stops. So I reached out to Teddi and said, “I really wanna do this,” but I wasn’t really ready to commit. A month or two went by, and then I realized I needed to do this.
Teddi: Tanya, I hope you don’t mind me sharing this, but the reason she originally didn’t want to do it is I require you to be active for an hour a day. Every day. It can be whatever—walking, yoga, hiking, Spinning, anything. But she said, “I can’t do that.” And I didn’t push her. I will never push someone that’s not ready. And I didn’t hear from her for a while! But what I say to women who tell me that is: You don’t have to give it a 10 out of 10 every single day. I film a TV show, I have kids, I have a husband, I have a business, and I’m able to carve out an hour a day for me. I’ll say: Explain to me how you can’t do that as well. And 99 percent of women don’t have an answer.
Glamour: Tanya, what’s it like to work with someone who holds you accountable?
Tanya: I remember there was one day when they were coming to do my makeup at 6:30 A.M. I told Teddi, “I don’t have the time to do something active [that day].” And she said, “What are you doing at 5 A.M.?” I said, “I guess I’m running!” In my mind I thought my day was completely booked. All it takes is that one change in perspective. It sounds crazy but it is doable.
Glamour: How does the feedback work?
Teddi: What I try to tell all the women—and what I tell myself—is if you have plans to go to a birthday party and you just want to go and drink and eat a ton of food, that’s not really not that good of a friend. If you want to go to celebrate your friend and drink a glass of wine, indulge in the things you love! But if you’re going basically just to go off the rails, it isn’t about the party; it’s about your surroundings. It’s mental. If you’re leaving your dinner and then getting a bad phone call from somebody you’re dating and then going to a drive-through and having a second dinner—which people do!—that’s not gonna make you feel better. But I’m somebody who listens. I understand. I have been there. I’ll say things like, “Well, are you full right now? Then you don’t need to do that! These are the things I like to do instead: I like to go on a walk, take a bath, pick a show to binge-watch.” It’s really just about diverting your attention.
Tanya: The program isn’t so crazy where I can’t live my life. Teddi really just gives it to me straight: “You can do this, I believe you can do this.” And then I do it!
Glamour: Teddi, are there certain personality types your coaching works better for? It seems like some women want harsher feedback, some women want support, some women want to be left alone….
Teddi: I’m pretty good at reading people. Some women do need you to be more aggressive, and some women need you to be more soft, but either I or someone on my team can make that happen. Personally, I tend to work best with straight shooters, which is why I love my working relationship with Tanya! We’re both straightforward.
Tanya: I could never be a Teddi to somebody else, but I like it for me. Especially in the beginning, when you’re shaping new habits, if someone was like, “Oh, it’s OK that you ate that burger, it’s fine, whatever,” maybe I wouldn’t have taken the program as seriously. Back then, I felt like I really needed help. I think I’m better at it now. Honestly, I never used the word accountable before, but I’m so accountable these days, about everything. If I say I’m gonna be somewhere at 12:30? Now I’ll be there at 12:30.