Carrie Underwood is currently expecting her second child with her husband, hockey player Mike Fisher. However, in an candid interview with CBS Sunday Morning, the country music star opened up about the complications she faced before her most recent pregnancy, revealing that she suffered three miscarriages over the last two years.
In the emotional interview with Tracy Smith, Underwood tearfully explained why 2017 “just wasn’t how I imagined it.”
“I’d kind of planned that 2017 was going to be the year that I work on new music, and I have a baby. We got pregnant in early 2017, and [it] didn’t work out,” she said in the interview, tearing up.
She continued later, “In the beginning it was like, ‘Okay, God, we know this is, just wasn’t Your timing. And that is all right. We will bounce back and figure our way through it.’ And got pregnant again in the spring, and it didn’t work out. Got pregnant again, early 2018. Didn’t work out. So, at that point, it was just kind of like, ‘OK, like, what’s the deal? What is all of this?'”
Underwood went into detail about how hard it was to have to be in the spotlight and smile for cameras despite what she was going through, but added that it was “therapeutic” to put some of the feelings into writing on her new album, Cry Pretty.
The singer also explained that one of the biggest difficulties was grappling with the anger that came with her miscarriages. “I had always been afraid to be angry because we are so blessed,” she said. “And my son, Isaiah, is the sweetest thing. And he’s the best thing in the world. And I’m like, ‘If we can never have any other kids, that’s OK, because he’s amazing.’ And I have this amazing life. Like, really, what can I complain about? I can’t. I have an incredible husband, incredible friends, an incredible job, an incredible kid. Can I be mad? No. And I got mad.”
Underwood said that when she thought she was having her fourth miscarriage, she prayed intently and found comfort through her relationship to God. “I was like, ‘Why on Earth do I keep getting pregnant if I can’t have a kid? Like, what is this? Shut the door. Like, do something. Either shut the door, or let me have a kid.’ And for the first time, I feel like I actually I told God how I felt. And I feel, like, we’re supposed to do that. That was like a Saturday—and the Monday I went to the doctor to, like, confirm, another miscarriage. And they told me everything was great!”
It’s not the first time Underwood had talked about her struggles with pregnancy and fertility: She’d shared that she thought she had missed her window to have more kids at age 35 in an interview with Redbook, which drew some criticism from the parenting community.
Despite her fears of missing her window, she’s now getting awaiting for the arrival of the new baby—and she’s not the only one who’s excited. She said of her oldest son Isaiah, “He’ll be really sweet and talk to my belly and kiss my belly. He’s the sweetest little boy. But no kid can really know that their life is going to change… He’ll have to share Mommy.”