Hi Emily,

This has always been a huge insecurity of mine: moaning and noises during sex. The only sound I make is if my breathing picks up naturally.

I never moan during sex and try my hardest to let out a noise when I orgasm, but it just feels so forced and fake to me. I’m so focused the whole time that if I think about it, I just end up feeling insecure. My long-term boyfriend has always told me he doesn’t care that I don’t, but do guys really mind pretty much silent sex?

What are your thoughts?

Hailey, 24
New York

Hi Hailey,

While it might not feel natural to you, making noise during sex can actually be super beneficial to your overall sexual experience. Think about it this way: No sound during sex is almost like watching a silent film. It can be exciting to watch, but are you really getting everything out of it?

Sounds not only make you feel more pleasure, but it lets your partner know that you’re feeling great and that he’s doing something right. So, here are a few reasons to get you thinking loud.

Get a Sense for It:
Using all of your senses during sex makes it a fuller experience—it’s all about losing control (in a way that you feel safe, of course). Making noise allows you to be more present in your body and less distracted so you can enjoy the moment. It’s actually more work to hold back than it is to really release that deep breath or that small moan.

A Different Communication:
Couples that match communication styles in the bedroom, like breathing and sounds syncing up, have higher levels of intimacy than couples who are silent. It’s a way of letting you both know how much you’re enjoying yourself, which keeps your arousal up.

In fact, studies on female chimpanzees (our closest evolutionary relatives) show that making these sounds while mating incites male competition. The male primates, in turn, are more likely to ejaculate when a female makes noise. Science is cool, isn’t it?

Expressing Yourself:
Screaming and shouting like a porn star when you aren’t used to making noise is never going to feel genuine. When it comes to moans, it’s all about finding your own sex voice and sexual expression. So play around with different sounds and types of breath, and eventually you’ll find something that feels more like you.

I can’t tell you whether or not a guy is going to prefer a screamer over a silent sex partner, but what I can tell you that you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how much more satisfying sex can be when you make a little noise.

XX,
Emily

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–I Stopped Moaning During Sex for Two Weeks and My Sex Life Is So Much Better
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