Tonight’s episode of The Bachelor was emotional, important, and potentially triggering for anyone who’s experienced sexual assault. Please keep that in mind as you read our recap. If you’d like to speak to someone about sexual assault, don’t hesitate to reach out to RAINN’s hotline at 800-656-HOPE (4673).
Hi, everyone! Anna Moeslein, your normal, hilarious Bachelor recapper, is currently getting her life at the Sundance Film Festival, so I’m filling in. I can’t promise the same wit, but I can promise I’m just as annoyed with Demi as you are.
Now, on to tonight’s happenings…
Caelynn and Hannah B. are acutely aware everyone knows they hate each other, but there’s bigger things to think about because Chris Harrison swoops in and announces that the women are going to Singapore. Hannah G. doesn’t know where Singapore is, and all I want to do is send her a digital copy of Crazy Rich Asians so she can get caught up.
But even the excitement of an international trip won’t distract The Bachelor from this Caelynn and Hannah B. situation, I guess. We pan to Colton walking solo in Singapore, drinking a gross-looking green juice and thinking about the women’s feud. Shortly after, the contestants arrive and Nicole muses about how she wants to go on a solo date with Colton. Girl, so does everyone else.
Instead, the solo date goes to Tayshia, easily one of the most iconic girls in the group. Hannah B. says, “You’re gonna have so much fun” to Tayshia, but she’s really thinking, “You’re now number-two on my list, next to Caelynn.” The passive aggression is really jumping out this episode.
Colton’s documenting his Singapore trip on a web cam, which I’m sure is supposed to be “authentic” and “cool” but I’d categorize it more as “creepy.” “I’m hoping today we don’t die,” he says about his date with Tayshia. Way to set the bar low, dude. Tayshia’s too good for you!
They’re going bungee jumping, which is my worst nightmare. Falling from an extreme height just for fun? Hard pass. Keep it. Tayshia and Colton are stoked about it, though, and they do make a cute couple.
All this dramatic music is making me think they’re going to back out of the bungee jumping. The fact producers have to turn this random activity into a drama plot point is a sign of how boring this season is. Colton jumps first. Then Tayshia. They both make it out OK because of course they do.
Colton takes off his shirt, because this is The Bachelor after all. Tayshia changes into a bathing suit, and they hang out on the beach. They make out in the water. I’m so bored. They went bungee jumping, and I’m still so, so bored.
The Singapore B-roll footage is shaping up to be the best part of this episode. At Tayshia and Colton’s dinner, she opens up about how she married her first boyfriend and they divorced last year. Colton talks about his divorced parents. They bond over divorce. Now seems like a good time to plug the divorce week content we published on Glamour a few weeks back. Read it! Tayshia gets a rose, and she and Colton cuddle on a ferris wheel. All this is making me think is, “Wow, I really want to go to Singapore.”
Group date card time: Hannah G, Elyse, Kirpa, Sydney, Heather, Onyeka, Tracy, Nicole, Demi, Courtney, Katie, Cassie, and Hannah B. This means Caelynn gets the second one-on-one, which drives Hannah B. to down a glass of red wine.
Demi jumps in and says she’s pissed more time is being devoted to this feud, and Caelynn is basically like, “Thank U, Next.” Caelynn seems truly unbothered by the entire situation which makes her a legend in my eyes.