Then came a real test: a season soaked with social stress and opportunities to take the edge off with a mug of mulled wine. “I felt like something was missing without drinking and I had a lot of despair, thinking it would always be that way,” McKowen says.

As hard as it was, the experience of having a sober holiday season was still hugely empowering for McKowen—as it was for me. When I woke up the next morning having survived my first sober Christmas Day for more than 20 years, I felt an overwhelming sense of pride, as well as an even stronger belief in my choice. “I realized how much I’d been missing and how alcohol made an already tricky season even more so,” McKowen says. “By the time my second sober holiday season came around, it was a totally different experience. I love the holidays now. They are a lot simpler and focused on the things we want the holidays to be about: gratitude, reflection, community.”

If you’re sober this season, or simply looking to be more mindful of your drinking, here’s some advice from those of us who have been there.

1. Remind yourself why you’re choosing not to drink.

Warrington recommends having a really clear idea of the reasons you’re choosing not to drink. You might be fed up with hangovers, want to save money, or have a fitness goal you’re striving for. “Focus on what you’re creating space for in your life by cutting out booze,” she says. “I always say, the only thing you’re missing out on by not drinking is getting drunk”

2. Keep an open mind.

If, like Warrington, your first sober holiday season is motivated by curiosity—What would happen if I didn’t end up doing a drunken rendition of “Santa Baby” this year?— her advice is to keep an open mind. “Assume you’re going to have fun,” she says. “For me, sober parties were more strange than anything, as I was so used to having a drink in my hand it felt odd not to, but I soon got used to it and enjoyed the freedom of being able to leave whenever I wanted.”

3. Know when to sit out.

If the whole idea of being sober at a party is just one step too far, that’s absolutely fine. “You don’t have to go to the party. Really. You don’t,” McKowen says. “So many of the parties, dinners, and obligations we commit to are optional. It doesn’t occur to us that we can simply back out and take the pressure off.”

4. Plan ahead.

When it comes to the social events you do want to go to it really helps to plan ahead. McKowen recommends having someone to check in with before, during and after the event, both to keep you accountable to sobriety and help emotionally.

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