At long last, the world is beginning to embrace the female orgasm. Women are singing about masturbation, scientists are studying what happens to women’s brains when they orgasm, and the internet is full of advice on having better orgasms. Which is great—but all this talk can make you feel left out if you’ve never even had an orgasm yet.

You’re not alone, though. Around 5 to 10% of women say they have yet to experience the series of pelvic contractions known as orgasm. But don’t fear; simply consider yourself preorgasmic. Laurie Mintz, Ph.D., a psychotherapist, sex therapist, and author of Becoming Cliterate, says she has never worked with a preorgasmic woman who didn’t eventually learn to orgasm (except one whose libido was affected by antidepressants—even then, there’s help). The odds are in your favor.

“So many women feel broken when it comes to orgasm,” says sex therapist Vanessa Marin, who teaches women how to orgasm through her course Finishing School and her video series The Female Orgasm Revolution. “I always say that orgasm is a skill, and like any other skill, it takes time, patience, and practice to learn. Just because you haven’t yet learned that skill doesn’t mean that you won’t be able to. It would be like beating yourself up for not being fluent in Spanish, despite never having taking a Spanish class!”

The point is, if you put in the effort to learn to orgasm, you will. “Every woman is capable of orgasm,” says Marin. You just need to figure out what makes you tick. “If someone has not had an orgasm, either alone or with a partner, the most likely culprits are either that they are not getting the type of stimulation they need to orgasm or they have some kind of psychological blockage holding them back,” says Mintz. Both those things can be changed.

Here are some tips for having your first orgasm if you’ve never had one before.

1. Masturbate.

You can definitely learn to orgasm with a partner, but experts say the easiest way to start off is through masturbation. “It’s so important for us to get in touch with our own bodies and discover what we like,” says Marin.

“When alone, you can focus on just yourself and not be worried about anyone else,” Mintz agrees. To make the experience as pleasurable as possible, she recommends using a good lubricant when you masturbate.

2. Try out different hand techniques.

Every woman’s anatomy is different. No one stroke or motion will be the golden ticket for everyone, says Mintz. However, there are lots of techniques that many women find pleasurable—if you experiment with them, you’re bound to find something you like.

Try rubbing circles on your clitoral hood with one or more fingers, tapping on your clitoral hood, rubbing or caressing your labia, rubbing a figure-eight around your clitoris and vaginal opening, squeezing your outer labia together to stimulate your clitoris, and sandwiching your clitoris between two fingers and rubbing it up and down.

Once you find something you like, Marin suggests sticking with that motion for a while. “You’ve probably heard all kinds of myths about how complicated female orgasm is, so you’ll probably feel tempted to mix it up and go crazy with different types of stimulation,” she says. “But the truth is that the body needs consistency; if you keep switching it up, it will feel like starting over. Once you’ve found a specific stroke that feels decent, give that a shot for a good stretch of time.”

3. Consider a vibrator.

If your hands don’t seem to be doing the trick, a vibrator can be a very handy tool. “Many people with vulvas don’t have their first orgasm until they try a vibrator,” says Mintz. Don’t worry that using a vibrator will make it hard to orgasm with a partner down the road. It could actually get you familiar with what you need to orgasm, which will help you no matter what method you’re using.

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