My daughter is the best thing to happen to me. Six years later, I’m convinced she’s the reason I went through all the rest: because I was always meant to be her mother. But our once-very open adoption has dwindled over the years, mostly because her other mama has pulled away from us. I think it’s been hard for her, watching another woman raise her child. Even though this is what she chose—even though this baby was never stolen from her like they are in Gilead—I think the pain of being separated from the child she grew and loved has slowly made seeing us something she’d rather avoid. That pain she feels juxtaposed against the joy I experience with motherhood is a dichotomy I have trouble facing.

This most recent season of The Handmaid’s Tale has brought up these gut-check moments even more. That’s not just because of Serena: We’ve also been given insight into Mrs. Mackenzie (Amy Landecker), the woman raising June’s other daughter, Hannah. We don’t know much about Mrs. Mackenzie, just that she’s also a Commander’s wife who was given Hannah after June became a Handmaid. The interaction in the season three premiere between Mrs. Mackenzie and June, who both clearly love Hannah, gutted me. Mrs. Mackenzie said things I could picture myself saying (or at least thinking).

“This has to stop,” she says to June, speaking of her continued efforts to see Hannah. “You brought our child into the world. The Commander and I bless you for that. God knows.”

“I’m her mother,” Mrs. Mackenzie continues. When June flinches at that, Mrs. Mackenzie takes a breath and says, “You’re being cruel, confusing her like this.” “I’m confusing her?” June challenges.

It’s a poignant moment: both women standing their ground. Both clearly believing they are the ones doing right by this child. And while as the audience, we can see that June is the one who’s right, I could still see myself in Mrs. Mackenzie.

It made me wonder: When it comes to my daughter’s adoption, am I the one who knows what’s best?

I think so. I believe so. And watching that interaction on The Handmaid’s Tale, I also believe Mrs. Mackenzie thinks the same. There’s this moment, after the two women find common ground in sharing what they know about Hannah, where June concedes. “I appreciate the home you’ve made for her,” she tells Mrs. Mackenzie. Because it is a good home. Because her little girl is clearly loved. Because it could be so much worse. My daughter’s other mother has said the same to me more than once.

Source link